The Brink of Destruction

The old bitch was positively beaming. The envelope lay in her taloned hand like a curse, bearing a weight all out of proportion to its size. For a moment, all the air seemed to have gone out of the room. This was it, I thought, the proverbial fork in the road for me.

Billie's hand found mine and grasped it tightly. I know he could feel my fingers trembling in spite of my effort to be calm.

"Phyllis, let's see that," my dad said, reaching for the letter. He was clearly pissed that she had opened it already. Sliding the folded paper out, he and my mom stood side by side, poring over the grade spreadsheet.

Finally he straightened, rubbing his stubbly chin, and his face was soft and kind. "Well, Peanut, it's not so bad for your first semester. Your average was 1.85, and that's better than I did my freshman year."

Grandma's eyes were locked with mine in ferocious intensity. They didn't brighten at all when her withered lips jerked back from her teeth in what looked more like a spasm than a smile.

"Yes, I've heard many students have difficulty during their first year, what with so many distractions." She looked directly at Billie as she said it. "But you seem to have been fortunate nonetheless, Genesis. You apparently are eligible to continue on to the spring semester despite your...shall we say, lackluster performance."

It felt as though I were on a skewer, turning slowly over a searing fire, my skin crisping and peeling away under her cold, appraising stare.

"Mother, I think this is a conversation that Scott and I should probably be having with Genny, don't you?" my mother said cautiously. "After all, we are her parents."

Why didn't she stand up for me, tell the old woman to butt out and mind her own business? She was being so...nice about it, and it shouldn't have burned me up the way it did, but I couldn't help it. Humiliation has a way of bringing out the worst in me.

"Yes, you make a good point," Grandma said. "Why don't you explain things to her so that she has a clearer understanding?" Lacing her fingers together over her flat, hard belly, she raised her head a little higher and seemed to be waiting for my mother to squirm.

"Scott--?" Mom looked toward my dad with a stricken expression.

Dad's cheeks were ruddy with anger. Even the tips of his ears seemed to burn red, and his eyes could have burned holes through my grandmother. "Phyllis, let's take a step back, shall we? The important thing is that Genny gets her education, and even if she got off to a bumpy start, she's still going back next semester."

"Oh, really?" Sickly sweet, like venomous honey. "My goodness, I was under the impression that her marks weren't sufficient to maintain her scholarships, and that was quite a large portion of her tuition. Am I mistaken about that?"

Why did I see that flash of guilt across his face when he turned away from her?

"No, that's unfortunately right. But there are other ways she can make up the difference. There's work study, and we might be able to arrange a loan..."

Grandma snorted. She was enjoying the hell out of all this. "Tell me, Scott, what do you plan to use as collateral? Your house is already second mortgaged, and you've got a lien on your equipment. Is there some new avenue you've discovered that you haven't told me about?"

Dad's shoulders sagged, and the sour smell of defeat seemed to hang over him. His throat worked as he tried to swallow the words he wanted to spit back at her. There was shame in his face as he glanced sidelong at Billie, who was squeezing my hand so tightly now that the bones hurt.

"Go on," she prodded, "tell your daughter and her hooligan friend who's actually been footing the bill for her education, while she's been throwing herself at this--this street vandal, like some common tramp."

I barely caught Billie's arm in time to stop him lurching toward her. "You miserable BITCH!" he snarled. It was all I could do to hold on to him, and my dad, frantic to defuse the situation, stepped in to help me.

"Don't worry, Bill, we'll handle this," he murmured, with the same voice he used when the horses spooked and reared. "No need for you to get upset."

Billie was having none of it, and jerked his arm free from me. His finger stabbed the air right in front of the old hag's nose.

"Don't you ever insult Genny like that again or you'll have to deal with me! What fucking kind of mother are you? What kind of grandmother? These people are your blood, for Christ's sake! And you're sitting there getting off on embarrassing the hell out of them! What are you, some kind of fucking freak?" The veins on his head and neck stood out like ropes, pulsing with fury.

Her eyes widened, but only a little, and where I expected to see a hint of fear, I found only triumph. She had actually wanted this! She leaned forward in her chair, emphasizing each word.

"And you, young man, have no business whatsoever interjecting yourself into this conversation. I don't see that you've done anything except interfere with Genesis' progress, and someone has to see to it that you aren't allowed to hold her back any longer. If it has to be me, then so be it. Genesis," she said, turning to me, "unless you return that dime store ring and walk away from your filthy little playmate, there will be no more checks written to the university. And I assure you," her tone growing oily, "you'll find the bill to be much larger than you can afford with any part-time job you manage to get. Without me, you might as well resign yourself to living in the same gutter as this sewer rat!"

If I thought my voice had abandoned me, then it chose that moment to return.

"You know what? fuck you, you heartless witch! I don't care what you do to me, but there's no way I'm going to stand here and listen to you hurt the people I love. You take some kind of--of twisted pleasure in making people feel less than you because you're miserable and alone, and if you weren't so fucking sadistic, I might find it in my heart to feel sorry for you. But as far as I'm concerned, you can take your money, and your self righteousness, and shove them so far up your ass you choke!"

My head was certainly going to explode. I'd never, ever spoken to her this way, and I half expected lightning to shoot out from her bony fingertips and fry me where I stood. Billie looked at me with undeniable admiration, still breathing hard and fists tightly balled up, the flag of his fury.

I turned to Mom and Dad, and their faces were slack with shock. "I--I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Please don't worry--I'll be fine. I'll call you as soon as I get back." I was babbling, trying to comfort them but desperate to get out as fast as I could. I grabbed them both in a quick hug, kissing their cheeks. "I love you guys so much!"

The tears were starting to come now, and my throat had tightened so much my breath was whistling. Billie tugged at my hand and we took the steps two at a time. Behind me, I could hear the aftermath of my explosion.

"How dare she speak to me that way! Do you see now how he's corrupted her?" Grandma screeched.

"Frankly, I agree with every word they said!" Mom's voice was shrill, on the edge of tears. "That was just...cruel, and there was no need for it."

Their conversation faded away as Billie slammed my bedroom door behind us. I couldn't speak; instead, I grabbed my duffel bag and began to stuff my clothes into it. He silently did the same, glancing at me occasionally but unable to catch my eyes.

The blood was still rushing in my ears as my feet flew down the stairs, Billie right behind me. I avoided even looking into the room where they stood, still arguing, but Billie stopped at the front door and turned back to my parents.

"I want you to know I really appreciate your letting me come visit you. And I'm sorry if I caused any trouble. But please know that I love Genny with my whole heart, and I'll do everything I can to make her happy."

My dad nodded approval, and between sobs, my mom called out to both of us, "I love you! Be careful and call us when you get home!" I knew if I looked at her I'd lose all composure, so I kept on running until we were in the car. Billie revved the big engine as we pulled onto the road, and I leaned my head against the cold window, too stunned to talk.

We'd gotten as far as Wilkesboro, winding our way down the snaking turns until we were out of the mountains, when Billie finally broke the silence.

"Your grandmother's a real bitch," he observed casually.

Somehow, it was just what I needed to crack the tension, and I burst out laughing. "You can say that again!" I said between giggles. "I'd have given a lot for a camera when you tore into her."

That sweet, crooked grin, like a familiar face in a crowd of strangers. "That's the first time I've ever gone off on an old lady. You must think I'm a real bastard, huh?"

"After the way she treated my parents? No way."

He shook his head in disbelief. "I can't imagine taking pleasure in that. It's just--"

"Yeah, I know." My heart was heavy with concern for Mom and Dad. I hadn't known their finances were as bleak as they really were, because they never wanted me to worry.

"Think about it this way," he said, "even though you're on your own now, it means you don't have to explain yourself to anybody. You're free to do whatever you want!" I knew that for him, that was the ultimate accomplishment, to be out from under all obligations and responsibilities to anyone but himself.

"Yeah, looks like it's just you and me from now on, Clyde."

He reached for my hand, pressed it against his heart.

"You and me against the world, Bonnie. And that's all we need."