The Brink of Destruction

"What IS it with him, Wynn?" The bag of Hershey's Kisses lay between us on the comforter, and we took turns untwisting the shiny silver wrappers. "I've never seen anybody so pissed off in my life! He seems mad at everything and everybody." The tears had dried, but I was still sniffling. I hated the after-crying feeling--it made me feel pathetic.

"Yeah, it kind of surprised me, too. I mean, he struck me as a bit of a hothead, but this was over the top, even for him." She was absently tying the paper inserts into little knots.

"I had no idea he'd take what I said seriously. Mike and Tre didn't get mad about it, so I just figured he'd know I was joking too." As upset as I was with him, I still felt bad for being the cause of his outburst. I hate sticking my foot in my mouth.

"He knew, Gen, but he's really touchy about the band. Mike told me he quit school back in February to work on it full time, and I think he gets a little insecure when he comes on campus. It's like he feels he has to prove something to us just because he's not working on a degree. He hates to feel stupid."

I could relate to that. "The thing is, he's a really good musician--it chokes me to say it, but he truly is talented." Now I felt even worse. He'd been an asshole, but I'd hit him where it hurt him the most--his pride.

Men...sheesh.

"Don't worry, he's tough. He'll get over it. Besides, I think he was still pissed off about his car, and just blew up at you because of it. When Kiko called them about playing for the party,he insisted on having a place to park it away from the street. It's an old piece of crap, if you ask me, but he says it's a 'classic.' Shows you what I know," she said, shrugging innocently.

"Sounds like someone's compensating for something. Do you think that's really all it was?"

"Well, I know there's some stuff about his home life that Mike didn't really go into detail about. He's probably one of those troubled artist types who's always brooding about something."

She was lying on her back now, tossing a Nerf ball into the air and catching it.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Or maybe it's just his time of the month."

The ball bounced right off my head.

*****************

You know, I could really learn to hate that damn alarm clock!

It was the first day of classes, and Wynn had turned on the hotpot to make coffee. She's an angel, have I mentioned that? We sat on our beds and sipped the double chocolate mocha, looking over our schedules and trying to memorize them so we wouldn't look like geeks. Finally, I set my cup on the desk to wash when I got back, and heaved my backpack on.

"Well, I'm off to see the wizard!" I announced, as cheerfully as I could.

"Me, too," Wynn chirped. I think she was as excited as I was, even if this wasn't brand new to her. "Are you coming back here after your French class?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'd like to go over to the student store and get some Post-Its. I can't live without them!"

"Okay," she laughed. "Well, if I see you on the quad, maybe we'll catch lunch."

"Sure, I'd love it! Good luck in Art!"

She closed the door behind her, and moments later I followed, locking up. The campus looked so different with classes in swing, and as I waited at the bus stop, I could hear bits and pieces of conversation that intrigued me.

"--the spring semester in Italy. Venice is where I'd really like--"

"--played with the Ciompi Quartet at a senior honors luncheon last year--"

"--roommate doesn't even stay in our room! She's got a boyfriend that moved here to be near her, and her parents don't know about him, so when I answer the phone, I have to--"

It was fascinating for a people-watcher like me.

My French class was a total immersion tutorial, and le professeur was a softly handsome, sensitive type, so I could tell it would be one of my more enjoyable classes. I was glad it was a short Monday-Wednesday-Friday session, though. The wooden row seats were incredibly hard, and Tuesday-Thursday classes lasted an hour and fifteen minutes--long enough for me to lose touch with my ass!

I had enough time afterward to get a salad and stop by the student store before English Lit. Calculus was right after that, and then it was time to call it a day. As if on cue, the carillon bells in the chapel began to play "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring," and I stopped to sit on the steps of the dorm to listen. The sun was just setting over the Gothic spires, and bathed them in a rosy, golden glow. How amazing to be a part of this beautiful place, to know this was where I'd be for the next four years.

Not many people were in Canterbury; they'd all gone to dinner, I figured. But someone had been by our room--there was a pantyliner stuck to our door, that read "Stopped by to see you @ 3:30. You're not here. ~Mike" Gotta love the stationery. Next time I saw him, I'd have to front him some of my Post-Its!

So I was right--the boy is crushing' on my roomie. I took the "note" inside, and stuck in on the bathroom mirror. Then, on impulse, I took my lip liner and wrote underneath it, "You should call him!" and doodled a little heart over the "i."

When the phone rang, I was in the middle of brushing my teeth and hair, and my toothbrush almost went down my throat. I rinsed quickly and grabbed the receiver, thinking it was Mike trying again.

"Gen?" Dustin's voice sounded so faraway. For the first time, I felt a wave of homesickness, mostly for him, and I wanted to hold him so much. "Hey, I thought I'd try to catch you before you got busy with homework. How was your first day?"

"It went really well--I wasn't late for any of them, so I guess that's a good sign." My eyes were stinging, and I blinked hard to get control. "How about you, are you making a lot of friends?"

There was silence for a moment. "I've got a couple of buddies in the dorm. But it's not the same as being with you. Gen, I knew I'd miss you, but it's really hard." His voice quivered, and I could take anything but that.

"I miss you, too, Dustin. I keep talking to you and then realizing you're not here. I'm glad to be here, but I can't wait to see you."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Really? Well, that's kind of what I was calling about. I was wondering if you'd mind some company in a couple of weeks."

My jaw dropped--was he serious?

"Are you serious?" Okay, I was stunned momentarily. "You mean you're coming here?"

"I have a regional game coming up in Raleigh, and it's just a few minutes away from you. I was just sort of thinking, maybe you could put up with me for a day or so afterwards. I can get a ride back from one of the guys who has family there."

I was so excited my heart was doing flips. In fact, it was pounding so loudly I almost didn't hear the knock at the door.

"Hey, Wynn, are you home?" a deep voice said.

"Hang on a sec, Dustin, okay?" Through the peephole, I could see a blue eye staring back at me. "Who is it?"

"Oh, sorry Gen--it's me, Mike. Is Wynn home?" I was already thumbing the lock.

"Hi Mike!" I covered the phone with my hand. "I'm on the phone right now--have a seat and I'll be right with you." He smiled and nodded amiably, and sank into the saucer chair, stretching his long legs.

I stepped out into the hall and pulled the door closed.

"I'm sorry--it's a friend of my roommate's. Yes, it would be wonderful to see you! I don't think Wynn would mind your coming. Maybe we could all go out to eat together!"

"Whatever we do, I'll be happy just to be with you. I'll bring the pictures I've taken around campus so you can see them."

"That's wonderful, sweetie. Let me know as soon as you find out what time you'll be here, and I'll meet you at the parking lot. I'm so glad you're coming!"

"Me too. Listen, go talk to your visitor. I gotta run to the library. I love you, Genny."

"I love you, Dustin. Very much."

I was almost walking on air when I opened the door, and Mike was grinning mischievously.

"Sorry I interrupted. You look pretty happy, though! Good news?" he said, looking hopeful.

"Couldn't be better! My boyfriend Dustin is coming to see me!" God forgive me, I was bouncing on my toes. He probably figured I was a complete moron, but at the moment I felt like one.

"Has it been a while?" he chuckled.

"Just a few days, but he can't come for two more weeks. By then, it'll seem like a while."

"I envy you." He was still smiling. "I think it would be great to have that kind of connection. I hope you two have a great time."

I punched him gently in the arm. The guy was growing on me--he had a really gentle way about him, and seemed to have a good heart. "Hopefully he'll get to meet you and the other guys. It would be great if he could hear you play!"

"We'll be around, don't worry. It's hard not to hear us when we get warmed up! Make sure you let us know when you come so we can stick around and meet him."

"You got it. I'm sorry Wynn's not here--I thought she'd be back by now, but maybe she went on to the Pit. I was headed that way--would you like to go, in case we catch up with her?"

Was that a blush on his face? Oh, that was too sweet! "Um, sure, I guess I was a little hungry. You don't mind?"

I linked my arm through his and picked up my keys and wallet. "Mr. Dirnt, it would be my pleasure. Shall we?"

He motioned me ahead of him, and we were on our way.

We did indeed find Wynn, and she had optimistically saved a seat across from her for me. Luckily there was one extra, and when Mike folded his lanky frame into the creaky chair, I swear I heard her squeak with delight.

When we got up to leave, she had barely touched her lasagna, but she looked quite unconcerned. She and Mike decided to walk back to the dorm through the Gardens, and I couldn't blame them. The moon was still nearly full, and the air was balmy with the scent of magnolias. I suddenly remembered that I had homework to do, and couldn't take time to wander through the paths by the pond and the gazebo, so I left them, walking happily hand in hand, walking slowly into the dimness.

I was happy for myself, and happy for Wynn. I loved my classes, and being here, and especially that Dustin would be here. Then it would be us walking together.

Just as I hit the landing at the top of the stairs, I saw a figure leaning, cross-armed, in the corner, the smoke from a cigarette curling lazily around his head. The blond dreadlocks and guitar pick necklace were all too familiar, and I braced for trouble.

"Hey," he mumbled. "Remember me?"

He had to be kidding.

"Oh, yeah, I remember. And if you've come to kick my ass some more, don't bother. I'm going in to work on homework, and I have nothing to say to you."

"I know, I was a jerk," he said, his eyes on the ground. "Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you. Mike says I'm on a hair trigger when it comes to the band, and I guess he's right. Anyway, you deserved better, and I wanted to apologize. Hope you'll forgive me." His voice was getting smaller and softer as he spoke.

I regarded him for a minute, trying to decided if he was full of crap, but he seemed sincere enough. He was five and half feet of attitude, that was certain. But maybe I owed him, too.

"Well, I'm sorry I was nasty to you, too. Your band really is great, but you scared the hell out of me! Are you always that much of a junkyard dog?"

He seemed to like the metaphor. "Not always. Just when some fucker takes a piss on my new whitewalls."

She was right. He was obsessed.

"Okay, I'll take that under advice. Was that all you--hey, wait a minute, how did you get in here, anyway? I know you don't have a card key!"

He laughed slyly. "Let's just say I have friends in high places. Anyway, what are you doing tonight?"

What could either of those things possibly have meant? "Like I said, I have homework to do. I gotta go inside."

"It's not due until Wednesday, is it?" he crooned, in an innocent voice.

"No, but I'll have more tomorrow, so I don't need to get behind first thing." I had no idea why I was explaining this to him, of all people.

"Smart girl like you, you won't need long to do it. What time's your first class tomorrow?" He was smooth, I had to give him credit.

"It's at 11:30. Why?"

"Well, I was just thinking, you could do something tonight and work on your homework tomorrow morning. Wouldn't you be fresher then?"

My mind was already toying with how much fun it would be to just put things off for a few short hours, I'd have plenty of time while I was at breakfast--but I stopped myself, shaking my head.

"No, I'm going to finish it tonight. I promised myself I'd wait until the weekend to socialize."

He snorted. "That's not exactly the word I would have used, but fine, whatever. You and your books have a good night. I'll see you around." And just like that, he turned and sauntered down the hall, his hands in his pockets. He pushed his way through the fire door, and let it slam shut behind him.

I unlocked my door, and flipped on the lamp. Grabbing my backpack, I spread my French notes out to study, and found the notebook pages we were supposed to complete.
I was starting on the third section when it hit me that the dorm exit was in the opposite direction from the way he had left.