Southern Love

Kellin's P.O.V.

I didn't cath any sleep that night. Vic was sleeping like a sweet innocent baby though. I love watching him sleep; seeing his facial expression change through the hours, from dreams to dreams. He looked so peaceful, so cute. I was thanking God to have him by my side. I don't know which crazy things I could have done if I didn't have him with me at that moment. He was my only strenght, my only reason to hold on. I thought a lot during that night, about my unfortunate situation, about my future that wouldn't be as long as I intended it to be. We always think those kind of things will never happen to us, that we're sort of protected from them. We think we are invincible, that we're stronger than everything. We think that nothing can happen to us when we're young, that life is not that horribe. But we're wrong, I was wrong. It is always a huge choc, the biggest you can ever get. You never know how to react when the doctor announces you that you only have 6 months left to live. 6 months left to say goodbye, 6 months left to be happy and make sure you had the life you always dreamed of. During that night, I realized I never really had lived my life. I simply existed. I've never done crazy things like other kids did. I never really had friends. I have always been the black sheep, the little guy to mess with.

It hurts to realize that for the past years, I didn't live. All I did was get through the days, waiting for the other one to come. I never had a real family, even when my sister was still among us. My father and mother always had prefered my sister. I thought they would have took care of me a little more after her death, but they didn't. Things only got worst. I've never been good at school. I could have been better, but I never received any encouragements, from anyone. My teachers thought I was stupid, my parents would only laugh and praise the Lord that they at least got one bright kid in the family, my sister. I was close to my sister. We argued a lot like most brothers and sisters did. But we were a team. She was my best friend. I was devasted after she died, and I still am. I've attempted suicide a couple of times, just wishing to escape from this bullshit they call life. I missed, all my attempts missed. Do you know how much of a loser you can feel when you can't succeed at anything, not even at killing yourself? A zero, I always felt like a big fat zero. I never did anything good. I wasn't popular, neither a nerd. I just didn't fit. No, I never really lived my life. And with 6 months left to live it, all I could feel was regrets. I was so mad at myself to have let the bad things dominate my life. My life was a serie of regrets, failures. Except for one thing: the angel that was laying next to me. It took only a couple of days to make me fall in love with him. I usually don't get attached to people that fast. Well, I never get attached to people, because I know they will always leave. It was different with Vic. For the first time in my short existence, I was feeling truly alive. Vic gave me back that hope and faith in life that I thought I had lost forever. His love and caring for me filled my heart since then. I wished I had met him before, but it's never too late. It is never too late to meet your soulmate, your angel, your star. And Vic was mine.

What hurt the most was to know that I would lose him. I just got him in my life, and soon enough we would need to say farewell. I was finally happy, feeling good...but it seemed like life thought I didn't deserve it. She always took back the good things she gave me, it wasn't new. I only had 6 months left, and I wanted to spend the most of them with Vic and nobody else. We all want to die happy and peaceful; then I needed to die with him by my side, being loved like nobody has ever been loved before. I intended my last 6 months on this crazy planet to be the best. For me, for Vic, for us. I wanted all my dreams to come true. I always dreamed to be a musician or something like that, but I have always been too shy to share my talent to the world. I also had that crazy dream to swim with dolphins. Girly you would say, but a dream is a dream... and it is mine. Yeah, 6 months to forget about my terrible past and try to focus on the present; enjoy every moment, every minute, every second. What else could have I done?

My entire body hurt a lot during the night. I tried to remain calm so I wouldn't wake my boyfriend who is the biggest snore I have ever met. The nurse came a few times in my room to give me some pills and change my bloody bandages. She always had that cute and lovely expression when she looked at Vic and me. I remember her saying something like ''this is really love, I wish someone will ever love me that way.'' And she was right, it was love. Pure love. 200% love. You know you love someone when you're ready to do anything for that special someone. I would do anything for Vic...well maybe not eating sushis. I really hate sushis. But I would do everything for him, to make him happy. You know you love someone when he is always on your mind 24/7. In my case, it was more like 25/8. You know you love someone when every single hugs or kisses you get from him gives you butterflies in your stomach and a giant smile on your face. You know you love someone when you miss him just after saying goodbye. I could go on and on, but no sentences are strong enough to qualify what I feel for Vic. I was no longer anxious that he would dumped me. A few weeks ago, I would have been certain that he would have broken up with me because...well you wants to date someone that is about to die? But Vic changed me. He gave me some confidence, some self-esteem. I only wished my loss would not affect him too much. I didn't want to cause him pain, everything but pain. But I tried not to think about it, I didn't want to ruin our happiness.

When the sun showed his face in my window, the light illuminated Vic's face. How beautiful he was... and how ugly and tired I was. It must have been around 8:00 AM because the nurses began serving breakfast in the different rooms. I wasn't allowded to eat yet, which was a good thing. I was not hungry. Just the thought of food made me want to throw up. Plus, the food in here has never been good. I tasted it the previous summer; disgusting. I got pretty bored in that all painted in white room. I was only waiting for my soulmate to wake up.

''Good morning Sleeping Beauty.'' I said as I saw Vic opening his eyes.

''Good morning baby.'' He replied with a hoarse voice. ''How are you?''

''Didn't catch any sleep.'' i answered. ''I look like a mess. And you, had a good night?''

''You are beautiful Kells, so beautiful..'' He said as he caressed my cheeks. ''The nights spent with you always are the best to me. So yeah, I had a very good night. Slept like a baby.''

Our lips then met leading to a tender kiss, a kiss full of emotions like I enjoy them. None of us tried to deepen the kiss. It was not a moment for that. We were both smiling while kissing, enjoying the moment that was ours. That is what I call a good way to start your day, and this how I wanted all of them to be: with Vic, with hugs, with kisses, with love.