Finding My Way Home

I set the lid down on the bed and peer into the box. There are letters, pictures, trinkets, a scarf, and a necklace. I pick up the letter, my name is printed on the top in blue ink, Cassie's favorite. Her messy scrawl is comforting, it reminds me of the past, specifically her. The envelope isn't sealed and is coated in wrinkles. Gently, I open the envelope and pull out a letter. Its folded and the text isn't visible. I motion to open the letter, but my hand is stuck midway. Do I really want to open this? Its probably something Cassie wanted me to see, I push my apprehensions out of the way and flip the letter open. Its dated a few weeks before she vanished, I'm in for it now.

' Dear Sid,
If you're reading this, that probably means something happened to me. Cryptic, I know. I don't know how exactly to explain this... I have a feeling something is going to happen to me, I don't know how, I just do. Gut feeling. Lately I've been receiving phone calls with no caller, and there's a car that seems to be my new shadow. I just don't feel safe anymore, I can't explain. I wish I could... Anyway, if something does happen I think this box will help you get through it. Hopefully for the both of us, you'll find this sooner rather than latter. If you do find this latter, I hope this hasn't been too hard on you. If nothing happens to me, I have wasted an afternoon, haven't I? I cannot begin to explain how much I love you, or how much your friendship changed my life. I hadn't a friend in the world until you waltzed into my life. Our friendship has been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. You made life so much easier. I don't think I could have made it all these years without you. You were a once-in-a-lifetime love and friend. There will never be anybody who can remotely compare to you. I will never stop loving you.

This box is intended for you to grieve then let go. I know its not going to be easy, but I ask that you try, if not for yourself for me. There are some of my favorite pictures of us in here, you probably don't have any of these, as they come from my personal stash. They are from all over our friendship, beginning to end. My scarf is in here, it ma smell like me. It might help when you're lonely. Please don't smell my scarf in front of others though. You have to promise you won't take comfort in the scarf very often, only when the pain is really bad. There's a menu from the coffee shop we went to on the first day we met, I've always loved that place. The mini Eifflel Tower we bought when we made the promise to go there someday is in here too. I'm sure you remember the necklace. You gave it to me the day you taught me to ice skate. I wore it every day, if something is to happen to me, I want you to have it. These are just material objects to help you hold onto my memory.

This is the real reason for the box, and its contents. If something does happen to me, I need you to move on. You probably think that unreasonable, but I'm an unreasonable person. You must promise you'll move on. I couldn't bear the thought of you living in pain. It may be hard at first, but you have closure now. Whatever the case may be, I left you in love. Never doubt that. There isn't anything you could do to make me stop loving you. You have to do this fore me Sid. Move on, start a life with someone else. You are too great of a man to be alone all your life. Sometimes love isn't meant to be. You are going to make some girl so happy one day. Give her a chance please, and never compare her to me. That's unfair to her and me. One day when you find the right girl, marry her and settle down. Have a whole bunch of mini-Crosbys, not that the world could stand a mini version of you. If you have a picture of me, tell them my name. Tell them all about me, but never regret losing me. Tell them of the times when their dad was cool. Please Sid, never forget me but try to let me fade. Remember what it felt like when I was here. I would never change anything that happened. I love you Sid, always have always will.

You saved me when I needed saving. You turned me into the person I am today. Take a moment to promise me you'll never leave me. If fate steps in, and we are separated, tell your children who I am. I had the time of my life with you, a time I will never forget. I will always love you Sid. Never forget that.

-Cassie'

Reading her words kills me. Why wouldn't she tell me she was scared? I could have protected her. She wouldn't have been so alone. How can she expect me to move on from her? I can't even think about something like that. I can't forget her. Move on have a family, without her... I always wanted her to be there, every step of the way. Its not fair to ask that of me. I look down at the box again with blurry eyes and pull out the stack of pictures. Pictures of her and me on a ride at the carnival. Us slow dancing in the middle of the living room for no reason. Pictures of the two of us, memories that were captured. Memories I tried to remember exactly in my mind, are materialized. I pick up her scarf and bring it to my face. I breathe deeply, taking in the ever so familiar scent of her. I let the scarf fall, a tear sliding down my face. The necklace... I remember the day perfectly. We were ice skating, well she was trying, and I gave it to her in the middle of the ice. I told her I loved her and she said it back. I don't know why I didn't kiss her then. I only kissed her that once before she disappeared. Its all too much, I don't know what exactly I should do. Its too painful. I put the contents in the box, and set it on the nightstand. I turn off the light and let her fill my mind once again.