Seeing Is Believing

***Zak's POV***

The past week had been one from hell. I had the house cleansed and everything, I had told the guys-but not my family, and I had wanted nothing more than to just shut down like Macy had. She refused to do anything. She barely spoke and she refused to eat. She blamed herself and that was completely wrong. It was mine. All mine.

"Ms. Holland, I have your release forms, you may leave today," a young nurse said walking into the room. I looked over at Macy's unmoving body.

"I don't wanna leave," she murmured. She had curled into the fetal position and it all broke my heart.

"Sweetie, you have to," I told her, touching her back softly.

"No..." She pulled away from my touch and I took my hand away.

It took a lot of talking and convincing to get her to sign the forms and get her to leave. She needed a wheel chair to get to the car because she hadn't moved from that bed.

"Mr. Bagans, remember to keep her hydrated and try to get her out of that rut. She needs an appointment with a regular doctor for a check up in about a week, but if she keeps this up, you may need to take her sooner. She could become very depressed and it won't be good, I won't lie," the doctor explained to me as I signed the papers saying that I would take care of her.

"Understood," I replied.

***Macy's POV***

I felt...dead. That was the best way to say put it. I had the miracle of life growing inside of me one moment and now it was just...gone. I never even got to feel my baby kick...

"Come on Sweetie, we're home..." Zak said, he reached over and rubbed his hand against my shoulder. I knew it was wrong to be mad at him for any of this...but I couldn't even look at him without thinking of the life that could've been.

Zak was standing on my right, he had walked over and opened my door for me. "How are you not upset about this?" I asked. It had been bothering me. At first, he was sad, but he had just not gotten sad in a while...

"Macy," he said, looking at me with a hurt expression. "How can you even ask me that? I fucking wanted this baby too! But, I can't break down, I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because if both of us break down, do you know what will happen?" I shook my head.

"There'll be no hope of either of us ever getting back to normal. Fuck, this is my fault and I can't stand to see you like this...I just want my Macy back."

I wasn't sure what to say. I should've expected that much. I knew that Zak wasn't a cold hearted individual. He was very loving and I had stepped out of line...He was trying to be strong for me and I should've known that.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "That's the best I can give you...I'm sorry."

"Come on, let's get you into the house..." He held out his hand to me for assistance up. I accepted it, knowing that if I tried to be stubborn about it, it would only make things worse.

Mason was already here, Aaron had brought him back here yesterday. It was only around ten, so I assumed that he was still asleep, not that I blamed him. Zak unlocked his door and walked us into the house. He had an arm around me for support, I was still wobbly when it came to walking.

"Do you want to go upstairs or stay on the couch?" he asked.

"I don't think that I could make it upstairs," I admitted.

"I can carry you, Sweetie," he offered.

"You don't have to do that..."

"It's more comfortable up there," he put one hand under my legs and one behind my back and lifted me rather easily, he carried me up the steps and to the room we shared. He set me in the comfortable bed and kissed my forehead. "Sweetie, I'm sorry for all of this...I..." he murmured with his lips still lingering on my forehead. I reached my hand up and laced my finders in his black hair.

"It's not your fault..."

"Macy..."

"Don' do that...okay? I was supposed to be the mother...I was supposed to protect my baby...and I couldn't even do dat..." I felt the tears begin to drip from my tear ducts.

"Honey..." he pulled me close to him and we cried together, to see such a strong man break down so quickly made my heart break. "You've gotta stop blaming yourself..."

"I don' know what else to do. I-I..." I sobbed. He laid down on the bed with me and held me close, whispering that it wasn't my fault.

***

I was going to go crazy. It had been a week since I came home. I needed to distract myself somehow. So, it was nearly seven o'clock when I got up one morning. I walked into the bathroom and searched for hair scissors; I needed to change...I needed to do something. I began chopping away at my hair. I cut it all of the way up to my shoulders-before it was nearly at the middle of my back. It became a little bit shorter than that when I tried to even it up. After, I cleaned up the nearly nine inches of extra hair and threw it away. I had always been against having short hair, I liked my hair long, but too late now...

"Macy?" Zak called from the other side of the door. I opened it and looked at him nervously. "You cut your hair?" he asked. He looked...tired.

"I needed a change, y'know?"

"Why don't we go somewhere? Fuck, let's go anywhere...jut out of here. This house isn't helping anything..."

"Where?" I asked.

"I don't know...somewhere sunny."

"How about Georgia?" I offered.

"What've you got in mind?"

"Well...I have a house jus' outside Savannah...It was my grandparents' an' when they died, they left it to me and my brother...But, Mason has school..."

"We'll figure something out," he said, pulling me close to him and kissing my head. We had agreed that trying to place the blame on ourselves was only hurting us worse...We were trying to work through this.

"Alright, as long as yer sure we'll figure it out, I'll call an' get the utilities turned back on..."

"Okay, Sweetie. I'll book us the next flight, it'll be fun," he said. I could see his face brighten a bit.

"Why don' we drive it?" I asked. "It'd be a good way to get our mind off things," I suggested.

"Whatever you want. We can stay at different hotels an' what not."

"That'd be great, sweetie."

***Mason's POV***

The loss of my cousin wasn't just hard on Zak and Aunt Macy. I was happy for them. I knew that my aunt had always wanted to have a baby, but she just hadn't met the right guy. I also knew that she and Zak loved each other...It was really obvious. I hated the state that my aunt was in, she wasn't ever like this, this was like when she was upset about Zak not calling her times ten...I couldn't blame her for that though. I let out a sigh and left my bedroom in Zak's house at just past eight o'clock, I hadn't been sleeping late anymore either, which sucked, especially because it was Sunday today and tomorrow I had school. I still had eight days left before Christmas Break.

"Quit it!" I heard my aunt giggle from the kitchen. A small smile crept onto my face. This was a pleasant change...I hadn't expected to wake up to my aunt being in a good mood and...was that bacon I smelled? Was she making breakfast? I walked down the steps and into the kitchen. "You're gonna get popped on by the bacon," she warned Zak, who was hugging her from behind...I was glad they loved each other, but that didn't mean I wanted to see it...

"Kid in the room!" I called.

"Good mornin'," Macy said.

"Mornin'," I said in reply.

"Coffee?" Zak offered. I nodded and he handed me a mug.

"Zak, can ya flip the pancakes?"

"Yeah, Sweetie."

"So Mason, me an' Zak were talkin' this mornin'," my aunt begun.

"Yeah?"

"Mm hmm, do ya remember great grandma and grandpa's house?" she asked.

"In Savannah? I thought you guys sold it when I was little?"

"No. Me an' yer parents renovated it to sell it...but we couldn't do it. So, 's jus' been sittin' there..."

"Why didn't we move in there?"

"That's way too much house for the two of us...Well anyway, me an' Zak were talkin' and we think it'd be a good idea to get 'way from Vegas for a while..."

"I've got school."

"I kno' 's why 'm bringin' this up. Either ya can just go for missin' or..."

"I'm not missing eight days of school. Why don't you two go ahead and I'll just fly out there when Christmas break starts..."

"What'll ya do without either of us here?"

"I can go hang out with Aaron," I shrugged.

"You don' have a car. How're ya gonna get back an' forth to school."

"I've got a friend that lives on Aaron's street that drives," I replied. Macy looked at me skeptically, then to Zak, and back to me.

"Ya better see what Aaron says 'bout this...An' I'll think 'bout it."

***Macy's POV***

As Mason went off to call Aaron, Zak was giving me this look...a look I don't know that I'd see from him before. "What?" I asked.

"I'm just really, really glad to see you happy," he replied sweetly. I smiled a little bit.

"It's going to take a lot of time...but I wanna be who I was...I don' wanna be upset anymore..."

"Me neither, and I don't want you to be either," he pulled me into him and kissed my head. "I love you so much."

"I love ya too," I replied.

Mason came back in, told us that Aaron had said yes, and then we all ate breakfast together. I could help but think about how it would be just the three of us for a long, long time probably. It made my me nauseous to even think about it...I missed the baby that would never be.