Me, You

“It is too hot in here,” Liam hastily yanked his covers off, “Lou, could you please turn down the temperature, it feels like I’m in a sauna.”

Walking over to the thermostat, I asked, “Dad, are you sure? It’s already 60 degrees-”

“Now,” He snapped.

I didn’t flinch at his raised voice or think too much of it. He went through another late night round of chemo the day before and I couldn’t blame him. The poor guy also complained about a sore throat and stuffy nose, obviously worse when going through treatment. I could deal with a too loud voice every once in a while if that meant Liam could feel less pain.

“Liam...” Sophia said quietly.

He sighed heavily, “Sorry, Lou. It’s been a rough morning.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I straightened out the piles of books on his bedside table, “But, I do think you should get your temperature taken.”

“I’ll go get a nurse,” Sophia walked out of the room.

Taking a seat next to him, he ran his fingers through my wavy hair that reminded him of my mother’s. It was a newfound habit of his that I didn’t mind. She had done the same thing when I was younger. The corners of his eyes crinkled, “Did you have a nice time with John yesterday?”

I nodded. John was currently out buying fast food for Sophia because the food from the hospital cafeteria was starting to get queasy to look at.

“Yeah, I’m not sure how I can repay you...”

“None of that,” Liam furrowed his eyebrows, “Can’t I do something nice for my daughter and her...?”

“Best friend,” I finished for him. Not exactly sure how else to call John. Nothing was really defined after the kiss and there was no way I was going to mention to my own dad that we kissed in the first place.

“Best friend,” He repeated, unsure.

My step mother returned with a nurse with a too wide smile and smiling sun print scrubs, “Okay, Mr. Watkins,” She handed him the thermometer, “Put that under your tongue and take it out when it beeps.”

He did as told and we stared at him. The Happy Sun Scrubs Nurse began to explain that if Liam ever felt these symptoms again, he’d have to notify a doctor sooner. Liam handed back the thermometer. A breath of relief came out of the nurse’s mouth.

“You don’t have a fever, thank the lord,”

“What would happen if he did?”

“It could be life threatening,” She straightened the bedsheets, “It’s very common when chemotherapy reduces white blood cells that normally fight off infections. A fever is taken seriously because it could mean he has an infection. But, luckily Mr. Watkins has been doing so well lately. It could just be the summer heat that’s getting to him.”

I looked at Liam and he gave both the nurse and I a bright smile.

“Just drink plenty of water, Mr. Watkins and call us back if things do not improve,” The nurse walked out of the room.

The nurse was right. It was probably just the weather. Albany was going to reach a high of 93 today. But, the overwhelming fear that I was going to lose my dad one day surfaced in the back of my brain. Not today, but one day. The situation was too real. How easily I could lose him now, even to the simple fever. It was just like what his letter said, “No matter how much I improve, I will never know how long I really have.”

“Lou...?” A hand rested on my shoulder and I jumped, finding John with a bag of McDonalds, “You’re looking kind of pale.”

“Do you wanna go for a walk? Just around the hospital building,” My voice wavered, not out of misery but worry.

He nodded and handed the fast food to a gracious Sophia.

“What’s wrong?” John asked, closing the door behind him.

I didn’t know how to quite answer that so I quickened my pace.

“Remember that one really hot day when we found a dog hiding under your porch when we were ten,” I asked when John caught up with me.

“Yeah, it’s owner showed up three days later.”

“Those three days were some of the best days we had that summer. We grew so close to that dog, taking turns walking and feeding it. I even remember trying to dye it’s fur with kool-aid.”

“That poor dog,” He chuckled, resting his hands on my hips and pulling me in.

“But, three days later... it was all over and he was gone.”

“Is this what you’re scared about? Losing your dad?” John looked into my eyes innocently, brushing some hair out of my hair. I nodded and embraced him tightly. If there was anyone that understood, it’d be John.

But suddenly, it occurred to me that maybe it wasn’t Liam who I could lose so easily. I met Liam merely just a few months before, losing him would cost me just a few memories. But, there were others that’d leave a devastating whole in my life if I lost them. My mom and my friends back in Arizona...

If there was anyone I could lose easily, it’d be John and maybe there was just a gut feeling that it could happen at any moment.