Me, You

Regaining consciousness wasn’t like the books or the movies.

It wasn’t slowly drifting up from the bottom of the pool, feeling light. It wasn’t a gentle waking up after an afternoon nap. It was heavy. Like an anchor on my leg, keeping me at the bottom of an abyss. Everything was muffled, as if you stuck your head in water while someone was talking.

Slowly, the black hazy subconsciousness didn’t turn into the bright car lights that were coming towards me the last time I closed my eyes. There wasn’t shattering glass or screams coming from my own throat. The subconsciousness turned into a small white hospital room with a small TV hanging from a corner, playing reruns of old Friends episodes quietly in the background.

An IV tube ran from my left arm up to a bag of fluids. To my right, bandages ran up and down my arm. I could barely move it. Looking up from my arm was John in the bed next to me.

He was in worse condition than I was.

Casts and bandages covered any skin in sight and what wasn’t bandaged, was swollen. He was a bag of skin and bones and the electrocardiogram was the only sign of life from the body, the red line going up and down repetitively.

“John?” My voice cracked.

There wasn’t a response, but knowing that he was still alive was good enough for now.

I shakily picked up the remote and buzzed for a nurse. Closing my eyes, the bright lights and John’s face flashed across my mind.

“Is there something about me that makes me impossible to love?”

Then it all came back to me. Just before my own blood mixed with his, splattered again the window. Before the glass opened wounds against our skin. Before the physical pain. Behind my eyelids, the bright lights and John’s face flashed across my mind. The hurt in his eyes. My heart beat angrily against my chest, wanting to escape.

“Louise,” Liam and Sophia ran into the hospital room with tears in their eyes and a nurse following closely.

“Are you okay, Liam?”

“Of course, I am. It was just a false alarm Soph wanted checked out.”

“It’s strange to see it the other way around, huh?” I asked, my own tears threatening to fall.

“You’re telling me, kid,” He sat down next to me and I reached for his hand.

“How’s John?” My eyes flickered towards the bed next to us, “He’s just trying to get some rest, right?”

The room fell silent, until the nurse piped up, “Mr. O’Callaghan has yet to gain consciousness.”

“How long has it been since...?” I trailed off.

“Three days,” Sophia said quietly, “The truck was destroyed.”

My head fell back onto the pillow, “I thought I could be different from my mom. I thought I could handle having someone by my side.” The tears slipped out, “But, I’m no better than her.”

Sophia and the nurse looked at each other confused while Liam just looked sad, “Soph, if you don’t mind, I think I should talk to Louise alone.” Once the door closed behind the two women, he asked, “What happened that night?”

“John told me he loved me,” I whispered, “But, something about it was different- and I just couldn’t say it back.”

“Louise-”

“He got in that truck and I couldn’t let him leave like that,” Tears ran down my face, “I’d never seen him like that and he lost control... I shouldn’t have done that to him. I shouldn’t have...”

“Sweetheart, it’s okay. It’s okay,” He reached out to take my hand, “This is not your fault.”

“Then why does it feel like it is?” I asked.

No matter what came out of Liam’s mouth. I knew it was. My indecisiveness and fear of commitment got us here.

“You and I both know how much you are like your mother,” The corners of Liam’s eyes crinkled, “Beautiful, kind, brave and most of all, independent. And I knew that the first day I spent with you, a few words wasn’t going to change your habit of relying on yourself. But, over time, you let him in. Even if you didn’t say, ‘I love you’ back yet, you’re still bettering yourself. So, it doesn’t matter what’s happened. The past is in the past. It’s what you choose to do now.”

"I want to be with him," Never sure of anything else, John O'Callaghan had to be in my life- needed to be, "If I can't have anything else in the world, I want to be with him."

"Then be with him," Liam pulled me in for another hug. Whispering, he said, "If I can't have anything else in the world, I want you to be with him."

"I love you so much, Dad."

He tearfully broke away from our embrace realizing what came out of my mouth. Not Mr. Watkins. Not Liam. Not anything else that I substituted for what he really was... Dad.

“Liam?” Sophia whispered quietly, standing at the door, “I think Louise should get some rest.”

He quickly wiped his tears away and sighed in the defeat, gathering his belongings. With one final look, he said,

“Stay with him now, Louise. That’s what matters.”


I watched his chest rise and fall along with the line on the electrocardiogram. There was a faint reflection of myself on the window of his hospital room that we shared until I recovered... almost ten days ago.

Two weeks later, his eyes haven’t opened.

Worry hung over the entire hospital as news spread of the young man in room 83 that hasn’t woken up yet. Walking through the halls, small whispers came from behind the desks and filing cabinets with stares at my casts. Louise Mae Collins, the girl who woke up from the crash alone.

Despite Sophia's protests, I refused to go home with them because there was something about John waking up alone that made my stomach twist. I slept in the bed next to him, buzzed for the nurses when I swore I saw his eyes moving under his eyelids and allowed the final memories of him awake paralyze my body in the middle of the night.

“Louise?” A nurse lightly touched my arm, “You have a visitor.”

I looked at the nurse and the stranger behind her. But, upon closer inspection. This stranger was no stranger at all.

“Mom?” I ran towards the woman and hugged her stiff frame. I buried myself deep into her shoulder, overwhelmed by her familiar scent.

“Louise,” She said, shrugging away my embrace.

“How did you find me?"

"Well, getting a call from some hospital in middle of nowhere, New York sort of gave it away- hearing my daughter and her best friend got into a fatal car crash wasn't exactly a nice surprise at two am in the morning," Her eyes flickered down to my cast.

"I'm sorry-"

“You’ve caused a lot of trouble back home,” She looked through the window at an unconscious John, “But, I guess a lot more trouble than we expected. Let's take a walk,”

“I can explain-”

“Don’t,” She scoffed, “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Letting you travel without permission. And of all people to see...”

“Does Dad know you’re here?” I asked quietly as we walked the corridors.

Caroline ignored my question, “Louise, when are you going to learn that your troublemaking days are over? And this rebellious teen stage- leaving home on a roadtrip, smoking cannabis- was over the minute you turned 18?”

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen," The memories of that night flashed through my mind, "There was so much going on..."

"Louise, you are an adult. John is an adult. You two wanted to be treated like adults, so we did. We didn't check up on you two because that's not what adults do to other adults. Early on, I convinced Jenny and Jay that you two would be alright. But, after Jenny and Jay get a call from some random hospital telling them their son’s in a coma? Now I’m just a liar."

“Are the O’Callaghans here?”

“No, but they will be,” She stopped walking, “And when they’re here, I want you gone.”

“Louise,” A nurse ran towards us, “John’s awake and asking for you.”

“If you know what’s best for you, you’ll stay away from that boy,” Caroline raised an eyebrow, warning me, “And I think you could do that best by staying in New York.”

“What do you mean?”

“Louise... Mr. O’Callaghan is asking to see you...” The nurse piped up again.

To the nurse, she said, "Louise will be leaving right now and will never visit- you can tell the patient she said so herself."

Unsure, the nurse looked at me, "Is this true, Louise?"

"Mom..." Tears threatened to spill, but making a scene was the last thing I wanted.

Caroline warningly raised an eyebrow at me, “You’ve caused enough damage to the O’Callaghan family and if you care for John enough, you’ll stay away.”

"Louise..." The nurse trailed off.

"Tell John I left the night of my release and haven't visited him since."