Me, You

“If I fell in, would you jump in after me?” John asked, peering over the edge of Niagara Falls.

51. Visit a cheesy tourist attraction.

“I don’t know, depends on how much you’d pay me afterwards,” I looked over the steep 165 feet drop with him.

We had left Columbus bright and early after the night of the concert, taking shifts to trudge to New York. And although there was only nine hours between the Ohio city and Albany, John took a detour to Buffalo.

He was very much aware of how unprepared I was to meet ‘Dad.’ These past three days had gone by sooner than I liked, suddenly being four hours away from him. Now, it felt like in any minute I could double over and throw up. He meant well when he took me to hike through the state park and visit the falls. But, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it only made me even more nauseous.

“Isn’t my presence a gift enough?” He made a face.

“Mmm,” I tapped my chin, “I don’t know...”

“I’d give you the truck,” He huffed.

“We have a deal,” We shook on it. Leaning back on the railing, I asked, “What about you?”

“What?”

“Would you jump in after me if I fell?”

“In a heartbeat.”

“Okay, now you’re trying to make me feel like an asshole,” I scoffed.

“Not really. You’re already an asshole.” He laughed as I punched his arm, “But, I really would- even if I was the one who pushed you in.”

“Wow, for a minute there I thought you were going to be heartfelt and I almost felt bad.”

“I guess we’re both assholes then.” John shook his head, “So, what are our plans for today?”

A paralyzing fear shot through my body. What John really meant was, ‘Are we meeting your dad today?’

“I don’t know,” I choked out, “I guess we could head to Albany soon and check into a hotel- catch up on some sleep and-”

“You’re not ready to see him today, are you?”

“Not really,” I stared down at my shoes.

In just three days, John and I had travelled across the United States to see my biological father. Two days before that, I didn’t even know he was alive. I couldn’t quite comprehend what we had done. I don’t know if I ever could.

But, when John put his arm around me and pulled me in closer, I knew I could take my time. I rested my head on his shoulder and he leaned his on top mine. We stood there like that, watching the water drop down below. His fingers mindlessly ran up and down my arm, sending chills up my spine. I couldn’t breathe.

And just like that, my thoughts from the wedding returned.

It was probably from exhaustion or the overwhelming thought of seeing my dad. We were both tired. This wouldn’t have happened if we stayed in Arizona or if he was dating Mia. Me and John. We were a team. Best friends. Any signs of affection was purely platonic. At least, that’s what it was supposed to be-

He reached down and held my hand. And I let him.

“I think we should hit the road,” I could barely choke the words out.

John just nodded and pulled me out of the crowd. We walked back to the car with our fingers still intertwined. His skinny frame weaved through the mass of people easily. I, on the other hand, stumbled through the crowd slightly dazed and confused.

He was still holding my hand.

I couldn’t quite understand how our fingers fit perfectly together or how neither of our hands were clammy. Halvo’s hands were always clammy and I couldn’t stand holding hands with him when we dated.

But, this wasn’t Halvo or any other boy I dated in high school. This was John.

He let go of my hand before I could think any harder about it. We got into his truck like a million times before and he turned on his lame Death Cab for Cutie like a million times before.

For the rest of the car ride, he didn’t try to hold my hand or a conversation. Did he notice how confused I was? He couldn’t have. I didn’t flinch or pull away. Did I upset him? That was the last thing I wanted to do.

But, an hour into the drive, John turned to me and grinned like a million times before.

I was simply overthinking it.


Welcome to New York’s Capital Region.

The sign whipped past us as we soon immersed ourselves into the city. That’s when I found myself neck deep in anxiety. I was in the same city as my dad. No longer hundreds of miles away, but here. On the same side of the country. In the same city.

It looked like the cities we went through. Oklahoma City, St. Louis, Columbus. But, this one was different. It was our destination.

John leaned over and turned the radio off, “Just a few more blocks until the nearest hotel.”

I turned to smile at him. And that’s when I saw it.

Through the driver’s window was a tall brick building with ivory pillars as supports for a sign that said, ‘Albany Medical Center.’

“John, stop the car.”

“What? Lou, we’re in the middle of the street. The hotel’s not too far.”

“John, stop the fucking car.” My voice wavered as I raised it

“Why-” He followed my gaze to the brick building and his green eyes widened, “Oh my god.”

I jumped out of the car, weaving through the traffic and towards the medical center. My body responded quicker than my mind, which was still thinking about how close we were to my dad. Just as I reached for the hospital doors, John gripped my arm and I lunged backwards.

“Oof,” He groaned as he hit the pavement and I- on top of him.

“What the hell are you doing?! Trying to rip my arm off?” I snapped, pulling away from his grip.

“And what the hell are you doing? Trying to get us kicked out the minute you run in?” He hissed back, “Have you fucking lost it!?”

“I’m sorry,” I lowered my voice.

He paused for a moment, “... it’s okay. Just don’t do that to me again, you scared the shit out of me.”

“I don’t know what came over me...” I looked up at the sign again, trying to catch my breath.

“I thought you weren’t ready to see him,” He said, breathing hard.

I didn’t respond, only getting up and brushing the dirt off my jeans. John stood up with me, straightening out his t-shirt. My heart was pounding against my ears and my arms ached with anxiety. Terrified was on top of the list of words that could describe me at that moment. Determined was a close second.

Pushing past John, I walked through the hospital doors.

“Hi, how may I help you?” An older lady at the front desk smiled at me

“I- uh...”

“She’s here to see her father,” John briskly caught up to me and rested a hand on my waist.

The secretary jiggled the mouse to wake the computer up, “And what is-”

“Jesus H. Christ, my husband’s been moaning and groaning about being nauseous for the past thirty minutes and no doctors have been around to help him,” Another woman walked up to front desk. She was younger than the secretary but maybe around the age of my mother and Jenny.

“One moment, ma’am. Someone will be sent down to the room soon,” To me, the secretary asked, “And what’s your father’s name, sweetie?”

The woman’s grey blue eyes flickered over to John and me, thoughtlessly. But, she did a double take.

“Oh my...” She gasped, walking closer to us.

John’s grip on me tightened and I almost let a whimper out.

“Ma’am, Dr. Singh should be in the room shortly,” The secretary repeated.

The woman had her eyes on me. Not the front desk lady or John. Just me.

“Are you Louise?”