Sequel: Take a Hit
Status: done. just "take a hit" and move on to the sequel.

Me, You

Nine

I grew up as ‘my mom’s younger sister.’ Caroline 2.0. Same smile, facial structure, habits, idiosyncrasies.

But, it were my eyes that took away from that.

Most Collins inherited deep blue eyes. Blue as the oceans they swam and the skies they laid under in California. That how Collins were identified. Mine were hazel. Not like John’s, whose eyes were bright green with brown specks scattered throughout. But, brown.

My eyes were as brown as the muddy puddles or the trunk of trees we passed on our road trip to this moment, where those same pair of hazel eyes stared straight back at me. In my father.

In the back of my mind, I had created an image of Liam Watkins with not much to validate it, since Mom never showed me any pictures and I never dared ask to see. The Liam Watkins in the back of my mind was skinny and bald. This Liam Watkins was extremely skinny, almost to the bone. And bald from chemotherapy. All just as I expected.

But, I never expected him to look so much like... a dad. Like my dad.

John clear his throat, reminding me that everyone was waiting for me to say something.

“You must be Mr. Watkins,” I choked out.

The man lying in the hospital bed, who hadn’t stopped smiling since I walked in, nodded, “How about we go for a walk?”

--- --- ---

Liam walked slowly, but I eventually fell into pace with him.

I focused in on the path, defined by the street lights and tall trees that lined up on both sides. I focused in on the sun slowly going down, with the temperature going down with it. Focusing on anywhere except the man next to me.

“The start of summer in Albany is always quiet. It’s not until the middle of June when this place gets packed with music festivals and vendors,” Liam said, “Which was weird compared to Arizona, where you couldn’t take a step out onto your front porch without being sunburnt.”

I nodded, pulling my hoodie-John’s hoodie- closer to my body.

His mouth moved slightly, trying to figure out what to say next, “I see that you’ve met Sophia.”

He turned to gesture towards the lady next to John, Liam’s wife, who brought us to Liam’s hospital room. They trailed behind, a few yards away.

“Yeah,” I said quietly.

He didn’t turn back around to see where he was going, but instead, began observing John. His eyes were narrowed but I couldn’t understand why. John was only talking to Sophia, “I hope I’m not going crazy... but is that an O’Callaghan boy?”

“How’d you know?” I raised my eyebrows.

Liam turned back to me, the corners of his eyes crinkled as he chuckled, “I’d know that face anywhere. The boy has Jay’s face, but with eyes like Jenny.”

“Kinda like me,” I forced out, attempting to be nonchalant at the same time, “I look a lot like you.”

“You could say that,” He examined my face, “Other than your eyes, all I see is Caroline. I’m assuming you got her brains too.”

“I’d like to think I’m doing alright,” I shrugged it off.

“Where will you be attending this fall?”

“Boston University.”

Liam whistled, “Impressive.”

I didn’t respond and he didn’t attempt to make conversation again.

Instead, I got a good look of him. The blatantly obvious facts- like his lack of hair and gray cardigan Sophia dressed him in hung slightly baggy - took away a lot of things from him.

For one, he looked a lot older than he really was. Assuming he was my mother’s age, Liam had to be no more than 46 years old. Years before cancer and me, he probably had a young and handsome face that caught my mom’s eye. But, knowing my mother and how she would never get brainwashed by just a pretty face, Liam was probably bright, extraordinary in comparison to most his age.

The thought of Liam and my mother created a small pang in my stomach.

It was a lot harder than I expected it to be. Overwhelmed with all of the unanswered questions hanging in the air, there was no place to start. Or at least, I had no idea where to start. There was no How-To on meeting your biological father. No step by step youtube video. I was on my own this time and no one, not even John, could help me connect with Liam. That was up to me.

We came across a tulip garden. An assortment of pinks, reds and oranges streaked across the green grass. More tulips I’d seen in my life.

“I’ve grown a fondness for tulips to be honest,” Liam ran his fingers over the petals and grinned at me, “After receiving so many, I couldn’t help but notice how nice they actually were...”

A silence hung over us again.

I whispered, “I’m kind of freaked out right now.”

“What a relief,” He chuckled, “I thought you were mad at me for something.”

“No,” I cracked a smile, “This is weird for you too isn’t it.”

“Just a little,” He ran his fingers through the patch of flowers again, “Overall, I think I’m just surprised you’re actually here... I- I didn’t think your mom would let you come...”

“Well, she doesn’t exactly know I’m here,” I fiddled with my thumbs.

“Really?” asked Liam, not exactly surprised, “Well, I’m glad that you found a way here.”

“Me too,” I said. Not exactly sure if I was telling the truth or not.

He gave me a small smile and continued walking. I refused to let our conversation end again silence so I caught up with him. Staring straight ahead, he said, “If we’re being honest, I had no idea what I was expecting.”

I shoved my hands into my pockets, “I’m really sorry about- showing up here... and everything... this just wasn’t...”

“... Wasn’t you expected either right?” He finished for me. I nodded and looked away, “What did you expect to happen?”

“I... I wanted to storm in, mad at you for not being there for me or my mom. I wanted to know why you moved to New York without asking my mom why she broke up with you. But, now that I’m here, I feel like such an asshole thinking I could ever say these things to-”

“A man who just survived cancer,” I flinched and he chuckled, “It’s okay, you can say it. I wouldn’t be offended. And besides, I feel slightly cheated too. I missed out on eighteen years of my daughter’s life. A daughter I didn’t even know about until just a few months before- Let’s sit down, I need to take a break.”

We sat down at a bench, “Why do you think she kept it from you?”

“I’ve been wondering the same thing,” Liam was just as frustrated with the situation as I was, “Back then, even in our late twenties, settling down was a weird concept. Jenny and Jay were already married, but your mom was independent and I respected that.”

“So, when you found about the job offering in New York, she refused to go with you?”

“Oh no, she was very excited to go with me in the beginning. We found an affordable apartment by my work where Central Park was just a few blocks down,” He smiled at the memory, “She broke up with me two weeks before we were supposed to move. Told me I was ‘better off without her.’ I didn’t even suspect that she was pregnant. She might’ve thought that if I knew, that’d hold me back from leaving Arizona.”

“Would it have?

“I don’t know,” He said, “It was a different time and I was only 28. It’s hard to think of what you would’ve done in the past when you were such a different person then. But, I think I would’ve turned down the job. My family was there and so was Caroline’s. I would’ve stayed behind to raise you.”

His voice was so full of remorse and regret that the pang in my stomach returned.

“Liam, I’m sorry...”

“It’s okay, Louise. It’s just never occurred to me how much I’ve missed out on until now.” He looked up at me, his hazel eyes glazed over with tears, “You were right before. I should’ve figured out why your mother broke up with me before I left.”

I took his cold hand into mine, the first physical interaction we’ve made since I arrived, “But, I turned out alright and I’m here now. That’s all that matters, right?”

“Of course,” Drying his eyes, he laughed, “I’m sorry, this is embarrassing.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I felt a few tears of my own forming, “We just have a lot of catching up to do, don’t we?”

“Yeah,” He held my hand tightly, “I’d like to get to know that O’Callaghan boy too. He is really something for travelling across the US with you.”

“We’ve known each other since we were born,” I looked at John, who by the tulip garden talking to Sophia.

“Not a surprise that Caroline and Jenny raised you two together. I’m pretty sure they talked about doing that since they were kids,” Liam shook his head with a faint smile on his face.

“He’s my best friend,” I said, “It was kind of his idea to meet you.”

I told him about my friendship with John, the bucket list. I told him about June and Mark of St. Louis and how kind they were to fix up John’s truck. The Weird Al concert in Columbus. He listened with a small smile on his face. I told him about our journey here. Just to meet him.

There may not have been a How-To guide on how to meeting your biological father. No step-by-step youtube video. But, I don’t think I needed one in the first place. I wanted to reconnect with Liam and he did too. That was what really mattered.

John and Sophia walked up to us with sad looks in their eyes. It was time for us to head back. Liam had another round of ‘adjuvant therapy’ the next morning.

Sophia began to explain Liam’s situation as we left the park. Just months before, his lung cancer returned for the second time. But, the cancer so unforgiving and aggressive this time around, he almost didn’t make it.

Liam had been cancer free for a month now. But the chemo was just for good measure, in hopes it wouldn’t return again.

I held on to Liam’s hand on the entire walk back to the hospital, where we had to go our separate ways. Liam and Sophia back inside and John and I back to the truck. I debated giving him a hug or just shaking his hand goodbye. Through all of this, Liam pulled me in for a hug.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” I whispered.

He nodded, “See you soon.”

“Maybe you should come tomorrow during treatment, Louise,” Sophia piped up. I looked at John, unsure. I didn’t know a thing about chemotherapy, “Just to keep him busy.”

Looking at Liam’s hopeful expression, I could only say, “Of course.”

When John and I returned to the truck, he took my hand and I didn’t mind.

“So, how was it?” He ran a thumb over my knuckle.

“It went fine,” John backed out onto the road, “He says he wants to get to know you.”

He glanced at me nervously, “Why?”

“I told him how you were the mastermind behind this trip.”

“I only wrote the goal down.”

89. Meet Lou’s real dad.

“Well, I’m glad you did,” I gripped his hand tighter.

“Me too.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry about not posting last week!
The ACT is super lame and time consuming.

I think I should take the time to thank everdeen, m-attie, Sammy_Wessen, lovelyhope, chelsea13, ediemarieee, maskofenvy, hiiamguesswho, dreamingyouhere, lullabies on sunday and xonyoursidex for commenting on my past chapters! (A big thanks to everdeen and m-attie for commenting on almost every chapter, your support means the world to me!)

So comment, recommend, subscribe and etc if you please...
And hopefully there will be another chapter next week!
(If time permits me to finish it ahh)
02.15.12