Oh, Saint Nick

Four

I paced around Mason and Dylan’s living room while Evelyn got comfortable on the floor with Jonah, playing with his large amounts of dinosaur toys. They were traipsing her Elephant stuff toy amongst them all, knocking the toys over.

“Relax, it’s going to be okay.” Mason said, from his relaxed position on the couch. I shot him scathing look before glancing at my watch. Harry would probably be at mine in five minutes.

“I should go.” I gestured to the door but stayed where I was. Mason scoffed and stood up, pushing me towards the door.

“Seriously if you really think Harry is going to judge you or think anything different of you because of what you are about to tell you then you don’t know the guy at all.” Mason commented to me. I rolled my eyes at him.

“I have known the guy like nineteen days.” I pointed out. Mason seemed surprised for a moment before shrugging.

“And yet he loves you.” He slammed the door in my shocked face leaving me nothing to do but to turn and head towards my own apartment so I could process his words in peace, until Harry cleared his throat from the hallway next to my door. I froze in my spot and we both awkwardly watched each other. Harry’s eyes hovered to Mason’s door and it was obvious he had heard what Mason had admitted to me.

“Do you want to come in?” I gestured to my door and Harry nodded slowly, hesitant, which was not how I wanted to start off today’s conversation. “Are you hungry? I made food.” I lead Harry into the kitchen and watched as his eyes widened and his mouth fell open. I smiled sheepishly at everything that I had cooked and spread across the counter.

“You cooked all this for me?” Harry questioned confused. I shrugged.

“I was nervous.” I admitted to him, grabbing a cookie and biting into it.

“You know you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I don’t want to force you.” Harry shifted uncomfortably and I quickly shook my head at him, wanting to rectify what I meant.

“I do want to tell you. A lot. Just still nervous.” Harry smiled then and made his way over to me, pressing a brief kiss to my lips before pulling back and licking his own.

“Oh god that cookie is good. What is it?” Harry asked reaching over towards the plate I had grabbed from. I laughed and watched him eat it, fondly. I knew then that no matter what I said today Harry would stay.

“I just want to start by saying that even before the article came out and Gemma and your Mum mentioned to me about knowing about the crash I wanted to tell you everything and I’m really happy that you want to know the story from me too.” Harry sat down on the seat next to me and held my hand supportively. I shot him a smile and realised how similar this was to my talk with Evelyn except I could tell Harry more but I also wouldn’t be able to keep much from him.

“You should probably know first that Erin, my sister, was a real bitch.” I tried not to laugh at Harry’s shocked face. “And Ethan, her husband, was the biggest pushover I’ve ever known. He practically gave into everything that Erin wanted which was definitely not a good thing. But despite both of those massive flaws I still loved being with them and being a part of their family with Evelyn. My sister and I fought a lot but when we got along we were practically inseparable. I felt bad for Ethan sometimes but Evelyn was always Daddy’s little girl in the end.” I smiled remembering the amount of times Erin got angry when Evelyn ran to Ethan instead of her when she was hurt or upset.

“I only moved her because of Erin. She wanted me to come here and figure out my life like she did and I had no other plans so I went with it. Her and Ethan paid for everything and I stayed with them. I had no responsible and I had Evelyn to play with whenever I grew bored. I didn’t care about a lot and I had a few friends.” I admitted to Harry, surprised at how much my life had changed in just a short five months. “I spent a lot of time at the coffee shop with Dee but otherwise the few people I had known before the accident either stopped talking to me or I pushed them away.” I looked at Harry properly now; arriving at the part I mostly wanted to tell him about.

“On the night of the crash I was supposed to be looking after Evelyn while Erin and Ethan went to this party. But at the last minute I was invited to this part in London and I told them like an hour before I left that I was going. I got into this massive fight with Erin where she told me that I was irresponsible and childish and every other horrible thing she could think of. I fought back and called her a bitch and selfish and I swear I hated her. The last thing I told my sister was that I hated her.” Harry pulled his chair closer to mine and ran his hand up to rest on the back of my neck, his eyes worried.

“I left the house and get on the first train that would take me to London. I was fuming the whole way, angry at what she said and angry with myself for seemed to always bail when I was needed. I had a few texts and calls fro Erin on the train but I had ignored them all and kept going. It wasn’t until the train pulled up at the station and I saw Dee was calling.” I paused and looked away from Harry, staring down at the table thinking back to that night.

“It’s okay.” Harry murmured softly, his hand massaging my neck.

“She told me that they had been in a car accident and that the police hadn’t been able to find a number. The first thing I had thought of was that Evelyn was in that car. That’s all I cared about for those first few minutes that I had hurt Evelyn. Dee said she wasn’t told anything about Evelyn or Erin and Ethan. She wasn’t family so they couldn’t tell her. So I jumped back on the first train and headed all the way back. It was literally the worse train ride I’ve ever had. I don’t know how many times I ended sick in the toilet.

“When I finally made it back here it was late, so late but I still rushed to the police station and they, they told that…” I paused and took a deep breath, hand clinging tightly to the table while the stinging in my eyes started. “They policewoman told me that they had been hit by another car which had made them hit a pothole and flip and that neither of them had made it. It was weird because the only part that I could even concentrate on was her saying that they both died. Only two. So I begged her about Evelyn and she had told me that she was in custody and I had to wait until guardianship was sorted out. I felt so much relief in those few seconds that I laughed. I laughed so hard and fast that I’m pretty sure the policewoman thought I was crazy.” I smiled weakly at Harry. “If Evelyn was in that car Harry I have no idea how I could live with that. I almost killed her.”

“You didn’t.” Harry shook his head but I held up my hand. I wasn’t trying to place blame on anyone nor trying to get attention I was just stating the facts. That if Erin and Ethan had decided to take Evelyn that night because I bailed on babysitting then that was my fault. She would have died because of me.

“I did and I’m going to spend the rest of my life apologizing to that little girl for it.” I told Harry firmly, nothing he could say could change that. He sighed and nodded like he would accept it for now.

“Did you ever find out who hit them?” He asked softly. I nodded and frowned.

“Yeah, I asked for weeks wanting someone to blame. See the lady in the other car hadn’t made it either. And I was so annoyed because I wanted her to live so I could hate her, so I could yell at her and hurt her but she died too and I was jealous that she got to die and I had to live and be something for Evelyn. But then her family came to me, to apologise and they told me. They told me that she had just miscarriage two weeks before she was due. She was drunk and broken and they just kept apologizing and I couldn’t hate her. I couldn’t hate her, I knew what it was like to have your whole world end around you and turning to the drink had been so tempting for me that I couldn’t blame her for what she did.”

Harry sighed and pressed his body against mine. I sagged against him as the words continued to poor from my mouth like a weight lifting from me. I told him about going to the morgue and identifying the body because no one else would or could. They had told me how they died. How Ethan would have died instantly because the car collided with his side but Erin didn’t. Erin took longer. It took fifteen minutes for the ambulance to get to them and when they did she had only been dead for three. I hadn’t wanted to know more. I didn’t want them to tell me that my sister was in pain and bleeding to death on the side of the road while her dead husband hung in the seat next to her. That image haunted my dreams every night without their further description.

I told him about Jacquie and Lewis and how they refused to help me. They never opened the door, they didn’t look at Evelyn at the funeral so we had never gone to the wake because Evelyn couldn’t understand why her grandparents wouldn’t hold her, comfort her. I had to figure out how to look after her by myself after my parents left to go back home. One night they had left us out front of their house and refused to open their door despite Evelyn screaming for them. I could never forgive them for that. I had watched her scream and cry herself to sleep for them and it had broken me only more.

By the time I was finished, I was exhausted and my head was resting against Harry’s shoulder. We were quiet for a long time while I breathed strongly and deeply, the feeling of pressure closing around me had disappeared and despite Harry’s grip around my body I felt lighter. The pain was still there and the tears were only kept at bay but I was doing better. I was able to talk about it all without crawling into my bed and hiding under the cover for days. It had been five months and I was getting better.

Harry held me for a lot longer; soothingly whisper anything that came to his head. Some of his own childhood stories, stories from his tours. Anything to get me to laugh and smile. Eventually it got late and I wanted to get Evelyn, Harry walked me over, his hand tightly wrapped around mine.

I was elated that nothing had changed with Harry and me. Instead I felt closer more willing to be in a relationship with him. To be apart of each other’s lives now that he knew the biggest event that had happened in mine.

Evelyn was excited when she seen Harry. Already scrambling for her bag and heading out the door with him while I thanked Mason.

“Can Harry sleepover tonight Aunty?” I looked down at Evelyn surprised at her question. Harry shifted but didn’t seem against the idea.

“Well I don’t know does Harry want to stay?” I asked trying to kill some time until I decided whether it was appropriate or not.

“I could just stay on the couch?” Harry offered, ruffling his hair up and looking sheepish. I debated for a moment where I was treated with Evelyn’s puppy dog eyes before I nodded, conceding that I like the idea of having Harry hear tonight and in the morning.

Harry smiled and pressed a quick kiss to my lips setting Evelyn off into peels of laughter before smiling mischievously up at me while Harry excused himself to get more cookies from the kitchen.

“What?” I questioned her. She beckoned me forward. “My wish came true.” I stared at her in surprise or confusion. “I wished to Santa that you wouldn’t be lonely anymore.” She gestured to Harry wildly and grinned like she deserved an early Christmas present of her choice. I almost laughed off her unusual statement before I remembered the secret wish she had told Stalker Santa that first day of December when not long later that day we had met Harry. Harry who was impossibly kind and sweet and wanted us. Who appeared in our lives and wanted to stay as if by magic.

I eyed Harry who walked back out of the kitchen, crumbs all over his mouth while Evelyn tried to steal his cookie.

He was almost definitely too good to be true, I thought with a sinking feeling.
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Okay so both chapters were so full of angst I'm exhausted! But now I will assure you that most of the angst is done and dusted! Just one more mystery to solve guys! Then Christmas ;D


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