Carry You Home.
thirteen
McKinley laughed as Josh plastered her face with quick, repetitive kisses. She'd been feeling better, more like her old self. But now Josh had to go to Atlanta to film a part for the third movie of The Hunger Games trilogy. Josh didn't want to leave, but he had to.
"I love you," Josh smiled, pulling back to look at McKinley.
"You're alright, I guess," McKinley teased then kissed his lips one more time. "If you miss your flight, Andre will kill you."
"They don't really need me," Josh protested.
"You're getting rescued, of course they need you. The sooner you get down there and film your scenes, the faster you can get your ass back here to me."
Josh grinned. McKinley was no longer fighting him with staying. She needed him during this time, and he needed her. "Okay, I'm leaving. I'll text you when I get to the airport and when I'm about to take off and when I land and when I get to the hotel we'll Skype."
"Promise?"
"Promise," he confirms with a nod and seals it with a kiss.
*
Andre met Josh at the Atlanta airport and drove him to the hotel he'd be staying in before the two of them went out to meet up with the rest of the cast. Normally Josh loved going to work and interacting with all of his coworkers, but his mind was somewhere else.
"What are you thinking about?" Jen asked, tilting her wine glass to her lips. She was his closet friend on set and normally they go off into their own little world, but right now Josh was lost somewhere back in Pennsylvania.
Josh took a heavy breath, he hadn't talked to Jennifer much over his vacation, she didn't know about his summer or meeting McKinley or McKinley having cancer. So he filled her in, not leaving much to the imagination.
"Wow, so she's going to die?" Josh answered Jen's question with a nod. "Soon?"
"McKinley was getting better when I left. The doctors aren't really sure, and McKinley doesn't care to know the day that she'll die."
"That sucks. How are you holding up?"
"Honestly, I'm a wreck. I won't have to dig too deep to play Peeta. I'm just as crazy as he is at the moment."
Jen laughed lightly, pulling her friend in a tight hug. The conversation was over but Josh knew that if he needed to talk to anybody, Jen would be the one to talk to. Despite her manic personality, she was good in these types of situations, always strong. Josh needed to learn to be strong.
He meant what he said that he wouldn't have to dig deep in order to play Peeta. Peeta was hijacked and his life has been turned on its head. Josh's life has too, he doesn't know what is real anymore. Doesn't know which way is up. And that made his job easy. The scenes that they were filming were wrapped within a matter of days and Josh was able to change his flight to an earlier one.
He laid on his bed in his hotel room when he got the call. A smile spread across his face when he looked at McKinley's name and photo on the screen. They talked after Josh finished wrapping and McKinley was excited to see him the next day. "Hey, I figured you'd be asleep. It's late," Josh said into the speaker.
"Josh," it wasn't McKinley.
"Mr. Joseph, is everything okay?" Josh sits straight up out of bed.
Mr. Joseph let out a strangled sob before speaking, "She was doing so well, Josh. We thought, even the doctors thought that she would have more time."
"Please tell me that she's just sick again."
"McKinley died, Josh. My baby girl is gone." There was a pregnant pause before Mr. Joseph said anything else. "We found a letter that is address to you."
"My flight is tomorrow morning."
"I'll be there to pick you up, okay?"
"You don't have to, I can call a cab."
"My daughter would have wanted me to," Mr. Joseph whispered before bidding Josh a goodbye and hanging up the phone.
Josh was beside himself, not knowing exactly what to do. His body was numb, his heart stopped working, and the world ceased to spin. As far as Josh was concerned, he was no longer alive either.
*
Mr. Joseph greeted Josh at the baggage claim. They hadn't spoken much, they made friendly conversation while being in the same room with each other but other than that, they were complete strangers. Now Mr. Joseph was pulling Josh into a tight hug, urging the tears to stay at bay.
They didn't go to the hospital, there was nothing there. McKinley's body was already at the funeral home being prepped for her funeral that would be held in a few days. Instead they went back to Mr. and Mrs. Joseph's home; McKinley's home. It was odd for Josh to be there without her, especially with her presence still there. Everywhere Josh turned, he could see McKinley, he expected her to come skipping down the stairs and into his waiting arms where he'd hug and tell her how much truly loved her.
But she didn't because McKinley was gone.
*
Her funeral was modest, if that's what you would call it. Her body laid in a rented casket so all of her family could say good bye to her one final time before she was off to be cremated. McKinley didn't want a funeral in the first place, but her parents wanted to, and she'd be dead anyways.
Josh was glad that McKinley's parents won this battle until he made his way into the funeral home and saw the casket for the first time.
"I can't go up there," Josh said turning to his younger brother for comfort.
His brother and parents, as well as Avan and Andre came to pay their respects to the family and keep Josh stable.
"No one is making you go up there," Josh's mom said before Connor could say anything.
"I just want my last memory of her to be one where she's alive and breathing and smiling. I want to remember McKinley telling me that she loved me, not in some fancy box."
"That's okay too, dear."
Josh stuck his hands in the pockets of his slacks and felt the letter that McKinley had written him. Josh couldn't bring himself to read it, not yet anyways. Reading it would make all of this final. He wasn't ready to say goodbye.
*
Josh and his family sat with the Joseph's during the wake. Olivia had joined them with her new fiancé, Colton. Josh thought it was weird that he'd come to a strangers funeral but with the way Olivia clung to his side and her eyes were red and puffy, it seemed like a good idea that he was there.
"Josh," Olivia smiled. "Do you have a minute?"
"Uh, yeah," Josh said then got up to follow Olivia who was leading him outside of the Joseph's house and to what he assumed to be her car.
"Have you read the letter yet?" she asked while popping the trunk.
"No, I haven't brought myself to do that yet."
"Yeah, I read mine before she died, then I cried in her arms for hours."
"What was in your letter?"
"Things that made my heart smile. But McKinley knew that her time was coming, so she made a list of things I had to get for the two of us," Olivia pulled out a cardboard box with some familiar things in it.
On the top was Mr. Wiggles. Josh took it and held it in his hands and instantly remembered the first time seeing the stuffed animal and remembered the way she held it up to her chest. Josh did the same, and found it comforting, as if McKinley was pressed against his chest instead of the bear.
"Did she leave you with anything?" Josh said still examining the box.
"Yeah, I got her elephant necklace, and her ring," Josh watched as Olivia's hand went up to touch the necklace he was just now noticing. "I got it for her before she took off. It's supposed to be lucky. I guess it is, she met you."
"I was the lucky one," Josh murmured reaching into the box to pull out the green plaid shirt that McKinley took from his house the day she broke up with him. It still smelled like her.
"Anyways, she wanted me to give these to you. Don't wait too long to read the letter, it'll just be harder."
Josh nods before giving her a brief hug and returning to the house together, his box of things stored in Josh's parents rental car.
*
Josh stayed in Philadelphia until McKinley's parents left for the vacation they promised their daughter they would go on after she passed. To London then to Paris, Berlin, Milan, and Madrid, spreading a bit of their daughters ashes in each country. The countries that she'd never get to see but a piece of her would remain there forever. Josh would be able to visit her in a few months, while he was going to premieres for Catching Fire. Josh hated the way he still talked about McKinley like she was still there, but it was necessary, at least to him. He wasn't ready to say goodbye. The unread letter proved that.
"I love you," Josh smiled, pulling back to look at McKinley.
"You're alright, I guess," McKinley teased then kissed his lips one more time. "If you miss your flight, Andre will kill you."
"They don't really need me," Josh protested.
"You're getting rescued, of course they need you. The sooner you get down there and film your scenes, the faster you can get your ass back here to me."
Josh grinned. McKinley was no longer fighting him with staying. She needed him during this time, and he needed her. "Okay, I'm leaving. I'll text you when I get to the airport and when I'm about to take off and when I land and when I get to the hotel we'll Skype."
"Promise?"
"Promise," he confirms with a nod and seals it with a kiss.
*
Andre met Josh at the Atlanta airport and drove him to the hotel he'd be staying in before the two of them went out to meet up with the rest of the cast. Normally Josh loved going to work and interacting with all of his coworkers, but his mind was somewhere else.
"What are you thinking about?" Jen asked, tilting her wine glass to her lips. She was his closet friend on set and normally they go off into their own little world, but right now Josh was lost somewhere back in Pennsylvania.
Josh took a heavy breath, he hadn't talked to Jennifer much over his vacation, she didn't know about his summer or meeting McKinley or McKinley having cancer. So he filled her in, not leaving much to the imagination.
"Wow, so she's going to die?" Josh answered Jen's question with a nod. "Soon?"
"McKinley was getting better when I left. The doctors aren't really sure, and McKinley doesn't care to know the day that she'll die."
"That sucks. How are you holding up?"
"Honestly, I'm a wreck. I won't have to dig too deep to play Peeta. I'm just as crazy as he is at the moment."
Jen laughed lightly, pulling her friend in a tight hug. The conversation was over but Josh knew that if he needed to talk to anybody, Jen would be the one to talk to. Despite her manic personality, she was good in these types of situations, always strong. Josh needed to learn to be strong.
He meant what he said that he wouldn't have to dig deep in order to play Peeta. Peeta was hijacked and his life has been turned on its head. Josh's life has too, he doesn't know what is real anymore. Doesn't know which way is up. And that made his job easy. The scenes that they were filming were wrapped within a matter of days and Josh was able to change his flight to an earlier one.
He laid on his bed in his hotel room when he got the call. A smile spread across his face when he looked at McKinley's name and photo on the screen. They talked after Josh finished wrapping and McKinley was excited to see him the next day. "Hey, I figured you'd be asleep. It's late," Josh said into the speaker.
"Josh," it wasn't McKinley.
"Mr. Joseph, is everything okay?" Josh sits straight up out of bed.
Mr. Joseph let out a strangled sob before speaking, "She was doing so well, Josh. We thought, even the doctors thought that she would have more time."
"Please tell me that she's just sick again."
"McKinley died, Josh. My baby girl is gone." There was a pregnant pause before Mr. Joseph said anything else. "We found a letter that is address to you."
"My flight is tomorrow morning."
"I'll be there to pick you up, okay?"
"You don't have to, I can call a cab."
"My daughter would have wanted me to," Mr. Joseph whispered before bidding Josh a goodbye and hanging up the phone.
Josh was beside himself, not knowing exactly what to do. His body was numb, his heart stopped working, and the world ceased to spin. As far as Josh was concerned, he was no longer alive either.
*
Mr. Joseph greeted Josh at the baggage claim. They hadn't spoken much, they made friendly conversation while being in the same room with each other but other than that, they were complete strangers. Now Mr. Joseph was pulling Josh into a tight hug, urging the tears to stay at bay.
They didn't go to the hospital, there was nothing there. McKinley's body was already at the funeral home being prepped for her funeral that would be held in a few days. Instead they went back to Mr. and Mrs. Joseph's home; McKinley's home. It was odd for Josh to be there without her, especially with her presence still there. Everywhere Josh turned, he could see McKinley, he expected her to come skipping down the stairs and into his waiting arms where he'd hug and tell her how much truly loved her.
But she didn't because McKinley was gone.
*
Her funeral was modest, if that's what you would call it. Her body laid in a rented casket so all of her family could say good bye to her one final time before she was off to be cremated. McKinley didn't want a funeral in the first place, but her parents wanted to, and she'd be dead anyways.
Josh was glad that McKinley's parents won this battle until he made his way into the funeral home and saw the casket for the first time.
"I can't go up there," Josh said turning to his younger brother for comfort.
His brother and parents, as well as Avan and Andre came to pay their respects to the family and keep Josh stable.
"No one is making you go up there," Josh's mom said before Connor could say anything.
"I just want my last memory of her to be one where she's alive and breathing and smiling. I want to remember McKinley telling me that she loved me, not in some fancy box."
"That's okay too, dear."
Josh stuck his hands in the pockets of his slacks and felt the letter that McKinley had written him. Josh couldn't bring himself to read it, not yet anyways. Reading it would make all of this final. He wasn't ready to say goodbye.
*
Josh and his family sat with the Joseph's during the wake. Olivia had joined them with her new fiancé, Colton. Josh thought it was weird that he'd come to a strangers funeral but with the way Olivia clung to his side and her eyes were red and puffy, it seemed like a good idea that he was there.
"Josh," Olivia smiled. "Do you have a minute?"
"Uh, yeah," Josh said then got up to follow Olivia who was leading him outside of the Joseph's house and to what he assumed to be her car.
"Have you read the letter yet?" she asked while popping the trunk.
"No, I haven't brought myself to do that yet."
"Yeah, I read mine before she died, then I cried in her arms for hours."
"What was in your letter?"
"Things that made my heart smile. But McKinley knew that her time was coming, so she made a list of things I had to get for the two of us," Olivia pulled out a cardboard box with some familiar things in it.
On the top was Mr. Wiggles. Josh took it and held it in his hands and instantly remembered the first time seeing the stuffed animal and remembered the way she held it up to her chest. Josh did the same, and found it comforting, as if McKinley was pressed against his chest instead of the bear.
"Did she leave you with anything?" Josh said still examining the box.
"Yeah, I got her elephant necklace, and her ring," Josh watched as Olivia's hand went up to touch the necklace he was just now noticing. "I got it for her before she took off. It's supposed to be lucky. I guess it is, she met you."
"I was the lucky one," Josh murmured reaching into the box to pull out the green plaid shirt that McKinley took from his house the day she broke up with him. It still smelled like her.
"Anyways, she wanted me to give these to you. Don't wait too long to read the letter, it'll just be harder."
Josh nods before giving her a brief hug and returning to the house together, his box of things stored in Josh's parents rental car.
*
Josh stayed in Philadelphia until McKinley's parents left for the vacation they promised their daughter they would go on after she passed. To London then to Paris, Berlin, Milan, and Madrid, spreading a bit of their daughters ashes in each country. The countries that she'd never get to see but a piece of her would remain there forever. Josh would be able to visit her in a few months, while he was going to premieres for Catching Fire. Josh hated the way he still talked about McKinley like she was still there, but it was necessary, at least to him. He wasn't ready to say goodbye. The unread letter proved that.