A Winters Breeze

Taru sat alone on a bench covered in snow. His dark eyes clouded over in a veil of emptiness. His hair unkempt and messy surrounded his child like face. Cheeks and lips a bright pink. His eyes towards the sky now glistening, he silently cursed his God’s name. He’d never felt so alone in his whole life. A hole was where his heart used to be.
The young man sat in a park that was across from an area of dense trees. His gaze locked on naked branches. His feet led him to the familiar path he, walked into the cover of the trees. He felt the hole only grow bigger with each step. The smiling face of his daughter flashed inside his head. Why was this happening? When was he going to wake up? He longed that he would wake he, hoped he could wake. As he lost himself to his thoughts, he was transported to a happier time.
It was warmer outside and the birds were singing. The air carried only love and saccharine sweet dreams. In his hand was the smaller hand of his daughter, Mia. She was smiling at him in excitement. They always took a walk in this part of the park. Her twee laughter filled his ears and heart with a joy only a parent could know. She ran ahead of him calling out for him to hurry.
He stopped near the edge of a wide pond the trees hid. He stared blankly into its depths. The water was dark and frozen over or at least the top of it was. He took a step forwards the ice. He was once again surrounded by the barren world. His entire being was shaking form the inside. His breath caught in his throat. He could hardly be considered a father.
Her voice was there with him. He carried the guilt of not saving her. If he could only turn back the hands of time, he would do anything to have her back.
“Help me!”
Why did he fail to save her? Why hadn’t he run faster? Why did she have to die? Why had it been Mia and not him?
“Help me daddy!”
Why was he doomed to suffer? He moved with only a single thought that consumed him, like a virus.
“Father why?”
He stopped in his tracks and turned around. On the other side of the pond was his daughter. Her tears streamed down her cheeks. She looked how she did on the day of her death. His eyes widened in shock.
He asked her, “Mia is that you?”
“Please don’t hurt yourself. Where is mother?”
The Mia that stood before him was older than the one in his memories. Her eyes were glassy and her skin paler than the snow. He wasn’t sure if she was really there or only in his imagination. His hand stretched out as if he could reach across and touch her.
“I don’t know,” he stammered
She lifted her hand but quickly dropped it. Her long hair covered her face momentarily. The man fell to his knees.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered “I’m so sorry.”
The tears of pain her carried overwhelmed him. He hunched over and gripped his pant legs. His long black hair fell around him.
“I am sorry I did not save you... I am sorry I did not get to see you grow old. I failed as a parent and as a husband. I’m sure your mother blames me for not being there for you. I am so ashamed that I abandoned you in life and could not save you from death…” he trailed off for a moment, “I am sorry I betrayed you!”
The scent of lilacs carried in the breeze. He lifted his head only to realize he was alone. He wept and fell completely into the snow.
“I never got to say goodbye. Why couldn’t I save you?”
A cool wind caressed his head. He sat looked up through his hair. His daughter was kneeling down next to him.
“Please father get up,” she said
He did as he she said and sat. He raised his hands to touch her but let them fall to his side.
“You never left me,” she said “You never stopped thinking about me, even after everyone else did. I know you would save me if you could. I wish that perhaps we could return to that same day, today. I wish we could rewrite our fate. I want you to return to mother and make her happy. You’re not the only one who is lonely. She misses you and prays everyday that you’ll come back to her. She is worried about your health physically and mentally. Especially today the day that I was died.”
He lowered his head in shame. The tears flowing like they knew no limit.
He murmured, “I can’t do anything right. I let you die and now I am watching your mother die from loneliness. I could help her except I’m too selfish. I only can see my pain.”
Mia’s cold hands grasped his shoulder. She helped him stand up. The coldness in her eyes began to melt into a beautiful warm chocolate brown. Her smile made her look so pretty. The man’s hand finally stroked her hair.
“You’re so old,” he managed “and I never watched you go on your first date, or cry over your first love. Never will I get too either. I just want…”
His hand shook and his chest ached with the dull throb. Mia stepped back and pointed to the pond.
“I died here but not because of you,” she replied
The man looked back to the pond. He saw Mia walking out from the path. She was nine again and so young, she was still crying. She had gotten in a fight with him. He couldn’t think about what the fight was over. He did not care anymore either. He did remember she said she would rather die than be with him. She ran from the house in tears. He chased after her to the park. They would always go to this very pond in the summer. He figured she’d go there.
When he was getting close to the pond. He heard her crying out for help. Here in this lonely conceals place she died in the cold. She fell through the ice. He was able to get her out of the frozen pond. She was hardly breathing and barely conscious. He held her tightly and tried vainly to warm her. She was already ashen and beyond reach.
“Daddy’s here,” he crooned choking on tears
Her tiny hands brushed at the tears. She tried to speak but nothing came out. He stood with her in his arms. He ran and ran desperate to spare her life. However she died in his arms despite his efforts. He was crushed and fell into a deep depression. He felt his uselessness and ugliness crush him. He was burdened by his helplessness. He could not fight anymore.
He slowly lost his will to live. Only a parent knows the pain of losing a child. He came to that pond to join his dead daughter. He left a note for his wife. Thanking her for loving Mia and him. He would always love her no matter what. He hoped that she would forgive him and move on to another. Mia held his hand smiling faintly.
“We were not meant to walk the same path,” she stated
He asked, “Why?”
“Everything has a purpose.”
He stared helpless at her. She let go of his hand as she walked to the center of the pond. A light engulfed her form and started to morph. She stopped and turned around to face her father.
“You are always going to be my father. You can’t do anything wrong. You were there first when I needed someone. Nobody blames you for my death. I do not and you shouldn’t blame yourself. Let the past remain the past. You have to move on for me. You need to become strong for mother. She needs you more than I do. I want to see you smile, again. I miss seeing you smile. Can you smile if it is for me? And when you feel you cannot smile anymore, smile anyways.”
The man wiped his eyes. He forced a smile on his face. Mia’s eyes became very expressive. She mirrored his smile but with a little more exuberance.
“I am the dead person. I’m the one who should be crying. I love you and I’ll wait to greet you when your time comes. For now this is where we part. I wish we could stay together.” She smiled more beautiful than any of the other angels, “I love you. Tell mother I lover her, as well. So long and God speed.”
She vanished as quickly as the winter’s breeze. She left him yet again on his own. He fell again crying and screaming in despair. The smell of the lilacs disappeared with her.
“Taru!”
Taru turned to his wife’s voice. She sounded so scared and alone. He felt the weight of Mia’s words. He needed to be strong from now on. He had to live his life in contentment not only for himself but also for both his daughter and his wife. He would from this moment forwards fight.
She was relieved to see him. She hurried over to him. She fell to her knees and tugged him by the collar. She slapped his face in anger. He hugged her close to him suddenly.
“I’m sorry,” he said “Let’s move somewhere the sun is always shining and happiness radiates from everything. Let’s leave this dark place. Mia would want us to be happy. She’ll be there waiting for us.”
Taru smiled as he thought of the future. Everything was going to be all right he could sense it. The warmth was being returned after years and years of only coldness.