Sanctuary

Alex found himself regaining consciousness several hours later, a dull throb ringing through his body as everything slid into focus. The world around him was blurry, foreign, and dark save for the faint blue glow of daybreak that illuminated a window on the opposite wall of whatever room he was in. He felt like an absolute train wreck; his head ached, his body ached, and he was still half asleep.

From what his senses could decipher, he was on his back side on a plush surface, the comforter of a bed, perhaps. As for whose bedroom he was in, he was clueless. That scared the shit out of him. He could be anywhere in the world right now. As he struggled to recall the previous night, the last thing he could remember was stumbling through a crowd of kids in search of Jack. Everything was black from there.

'Where the hell am I?'

Alex attempted to sit up too quickly, causing the blood to rush to his head and a sharp pain to run through his skull like a crack of thunder. He fell onto his back once again with a small moan of pain, leaving him to do nothing but stare up at the ceiling in self-pity.

There was no telling what time it was, or how long he'd been unconscious. For all he knew, he could have just been in a coma for three days straight and there was a search team scouring the city for him at this very moment. He would never see the light of day again once his parents found out what had happened. There was no way that they didn't already know. A part of him just wanted to stay lost if it meant not having to clean up the mess he'd made.

'That's what you get for stepping out of line for once.'

The Brit's fingers numbly probed the area around him, tracing patterns on the soft duvet beneath him. Then his callused digits ran across his own thighs, to his pockets where he thankfully felt the hard lump that was his cell phone. Once he managed to work it out of his pocket, however, he came to the realization that it was dead.

"Shit," he groaned, letting his eyes fall shut and lifting his arms to rest over his eyes. Now he was honestly beginning to consider the chances of never making it out of here. He had been left alone to die, for sure.

"Alex? Are you awake?" a voice whispered.

The now startled Alex sat up like a rocket, once again causing pain to shoot through his eye sockets. "God dammit!" he groaned, falling back onto the bed. "You're so lucky I can't sit up right now. Who are you? What did you do to me?" He was snarling now, opening his eyes and turning his head to see a familiar set of deep brown eyes peering up at him from the edge of the bed.

"Jack? The hell, man?" he asked, rolling onto his side so he could look at the boy without giving himself a stroke.

So he was in Jack's bedroom. That was logical considering he had fainted into Jack's arms at the party. The poor lad must have panicked and taken him to his car and then back to his own house. How considerate of him. Although, something about the whole situation did seem a bit suspicious. First, Jack handed him a drugged drink, then he took him back to his place…

'Oh, God, no. No no no no.'

Alex was mortified. This couldn't be happening; Alex had to be misinterpreting the information. It made absolutely no sense why Jack would have done something so terrible to cause harm to Alex. He was far from that type of person, Alex was sure of it. But all of the signs pointed toward the older boy. There was no way it could have been anyone else.

'I should have known better than to trust someone in this bloody town.'

"Thank God you're okay," Jack gasped, suddenly hysterical, "I thought you were dead. I mean one second I was talking to my friend and the next thing I know you're staggering over to me like some kind of alcoholic and fainting in my arms. I was scared to death! I got someone who actually had muscles to carry you to my car, then I took you back here and put you on the bed thinking you'd just sleep it off and now here you are, alive! Tada!"

Alex stared at him through squinted eyes, still skeptical of his story. It sounded very convincing, but it still didn't answer the question of who put the drug in his drink.

"Really, Jack?" he asked snidely.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "What? What are you on about?"

"It's pretty obvious what happened, Jack. You're the only person that handled my drink. I woke up at your house. It's clear what your intentions for the night were. I want to go home. Now."

Jack's face dropped like a puppy that had just been kicked. He had brought the passed out boy into his home and taken care of him like his own child, and he had the audacity to assume that /he/ was the one who poisoned him?

"I didn't do it, Alex. Why would I do that to you? I'd never hurt you, and you know that. It was a big bowl of punch. Someone probably drugged the entire thing. I'm sorry, I didn't know." He was scowling now, obviously offended by Alex's frank assumptions.

'Great. So I just jumped down his throat for no good reason.'

"Oh. I'm sorry, dude. It's just… I figured it was you since you were the only person handling it. I'm so sorry."

Jack's pouted lips curled upward into a grin as he got to his knees so he could reach over and stroke Alex's warm cheek. Man, this kid was on and off like a light switch.

"I understand," he hushed.

Alex couldn't comprehend why or how someone could be so sweet to a kid like himself. He was an asshole, always jumping to conclusions and fucking things up. How did he forgive him just like that when he'd accused him of something as heinous as date-raping him? It was evident, Jack was something special. He was gentle, sweet, quick to forgive, and genuinely, well, perfect. Perfect to Alex, anyway.

"Thank you," Alex whispered. "So… why were you on the floor?"

The older male giggled that child-like giggle of his. "I figured you wouldn't want to wake up next to some random guy you barely know. And I wasn't about to put a supposed dead guy on the floor."

Alex couldn't help but laugh at Jack's stupidity.

"I wouldn't have minded waking up beside you, actually, and I'm not dead, but I do have a killer headache. Do you have any painkillers or something?"

Jack was on his feet immediately, smiling down on him as if he were the most precious thing on the planet.

"Sure thing! Be right back."

He disappeared out the doorway, leaving Alex alone in the quietness of his bedroom. The brunette managed to find enough strength to very slowly prop himself up on his elbows and peer around the room.

The walls were a deep shade of green and covered with things such as band posters, guitars on wall mounts, awards for jazz band, etc. Across the room, a closet door was left half opened, exposing a mountain of junk inside. Also, beneath the now-illuminated window was a desk that was cluttered with all kinds of gizmos and gadgets and computer parts. Scattered across the carpeted floor was all kinds of miscellaneous junk. Basically, it wasn't hard to tell that the room was occupied by a seventeen-year-old boy.

Jack appeared in the doorway once again, a glass of water in one hand and a few red pills in the other. He took a moment to shut the door with his foot before offering the drink and the medication to Alex.

"Thanks. Do you have an iPhone 4 charger?" Alex asked as he sat up to swallow the pills.

Once Jack had managed to dig up his old iPhone 4 charger from the drawer at his desk and Alex had begun to let his phone charge, the older male crawled onto the bed beside him, only an inch or so between their bodies.

Alex couldn't help but grow nervous about being so close to Jack. Despite the way his heart felt about him, his brain was constantly trying to convince him that this was absolutely sick and weird and stupid. Another male, or even Alex himself prior to meeting Jack, would have shoved the other boy away immediately. But neither of them moved a muscle, only sat in reverent silence, not wanting to spoil the moment.

Then Alex was scooting forward, slowly, cautiously, until Jack caught on to what he wanted and snaked his lanky arms around his sturdy torso. He was enveloped now in the warmth and comfort of Jack's thin body, and, honestly, it felt more like home than any place he'd ever been. Even London.

"Alex," Jack whispered so quietly that Alex barely even heard him.

"Yes?"

He heard the other boy swallow hard, then take a deep breath.

"Well, as I set you down on the bed last night, I couldn't help but notice these weird welts on your arm. I was just wondering what happened."

Alex froze, his heart in his stomach. 'Oh, fuck, no.' He'd had these scars for several months, so he'd been put in this type of situation before. Someone would see them and immediately the question was, "What happened to your arm?" Honestly, those were five of the most anxiety inducing words that he knew in the English language, because then he would have to panic to think up a believable lie. It didn't matter, though, because everyone knows what the scars of a self-harmer look like. And the saddest part was that, no matter how many days, weeks, months clean you were, it was always, "Once a cutter, always a cutter." There was always those dirty looks and those secret judgments, no matter what excuses you conjured.

"Oh, I, uh. When I was a baby, my cat scratched me and I'm very allergic and I've always been really afraid to go and get it fixed so… yeah."

Jack's face immediately contorted into a skeptical glare.

"Oh, really? Are you sure that was what happened?"

He knew. There was no use in creating untruths when it was so obvious where the scars came from. Alex's brain, however, wouldn't let him let his guard down.

"Yeah. It's what happened, Jack," he grunted.

"Alex, you know you can trust me, right? I know I've gone to big bad St. Raphael's for four years, but you said it yourself that I'm different."

"No, really. I'm fine, okay? I'm fine. I'm through with that and I'm just. I'm done."

"Alex, please promise me you'll stop."

"Yeah, yeah. Of course."

"Alex."

"What?"

"Please."

Alex was frustrated now. What more did he have to do to prove to Jack that he wouldn't go there again? Didn't he understand that he just wanted to drop the stupid subject?

"I said I won't! I'm fine, Jack. Stop worrying about me."

That was Alex's biggest flaw. He didn't have the ability to let people in, because all he had ever known was bottling himself up. Here was Jack, trying so desperately to break down his walls, and he just continued to pile on the bricks in an attempt to shut the world out. He was sick of it, though. For once he wanted someone to assure him that everything was alright and that he could just be himself.

The room fell silent once again. It was a blissful silence, sweet and sacred because in the quietness, he could hear the steady rhythm of Jack's heartbeat.

"Jack," he whispered, his face buried against his bony chest.

"Hm?" Jack hummed, his lips against Alex's forehead.

"What are we?"

Jack pulled his head back a bit so that he could make eye contact with the sophomore. "What do you mean?"

Alex's words were caught in his throat. He was afraid that he would say something that would get Jack offended once again, and all of this would be over. Yet here they were clinging to one another as if their lives depended on it. Something told him that this wasn't going to end so soon.

"I mean, it's kind of early, and I'm sure that you're just as afraid of what this will become as I am. But as of now, where do we stand?"

"Alex… are you asking if we're… like…a thing?"

Alex's cheeks turned deep red, and he returned his face to the gentle dip of Jack's sternum. "I dunno," he mumbled into the material of his tee shirt. He regretted saying anything about a relationship and wished that a hole would appear in the floor and swallow him down. Five seconds later, however, Jack's lips were pressed against his own without a warning. It was absolute bliss all over again.

"Do you want to be?" he whispered.

Alex's eyes flickered, astounded at the question. He hadn't even had a girlfriend since the beginning of freshman year, and now he was suddenly about to dive face first into a gay relationship. It felt so bizarre, Alex could only stare at him wide-eyed in a total loss for words.

"I… I-,"

The Brit was cut off by the vibrating of his phone near the edge of the bed. He practically threw himself across the bed to retrieve it. Much to his relief, there was no one calling him, the vibration was only his phone's way of alerting him that his it was now charged enough that it could be used.

On the screen, however, was a notification that he had a missed call from his mum.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The string of curse words that left Alex's mouth would have made his parents faint if they were around.

"What?! What's wrong?" Jack asked. He sat up quickly, moving to see what Alex was getting so worked up over. When he saw the words on the phone, his whole body, much like Alex's, tensed very obviously. They knew that they were in deep trouble now, and there was no excuses in the world that would cover up what they'd done.

"We're screwed. We're screwed. We are so screwed," Alex breathed, his hands tangled in his own hair. He could only imagine what his mother was going to do when she got ahold of him. "Should I call her back? I mean, it says the call came in half an hour ago. Obviously she would have called a ton more if she were really angry or worried or whatever."

"Are you trying to say she isn't really angry about you sneaking out, or even worried about you?"

"Well, no, but…" Alex was speechless. Perhaps it was best to just admit defeat, call his mom back, tell her the truth, and deal with the consequences that he'd have to face because of his idiotic actions. Maybe he'd get brownie points for turning himself in.

"I'm calling her back," said the younger boy quietly.

Jack snatched the phone from Alex's hands. "No! I'm scared. How long do you think she'll ground you?"

Alex shrugged his shoulders. "Have you met my mom? Knowing her, probably until I'm thirty. I knew this was stupid. Why did I ever agree to this?!" He rested his face in his hands as Jack rubbed his back gently. Despite his efforts to make Alex feel better, he was just as nervous as the Brit was, if not more.

"I'm just afraid she'll never lets us see each other again," Jack mumbled.

Alex looked up now, his eyebrows pushed together in absolute horror. Jack's fear was rational; despite the whole scheme being Alex's plan, there was a very high likelihood that his mother would ban them from seeing one another again since Jack was the one that had come to take him away. Hell, she'd probably get a restraining order against the kid. If that happened, Alex's life would be over. Just the thought of being without Jack made him feel uneasy.

"We'll find a way through that if it happens, Jackie," Alex whispered, burrowing his face into the other' s neck. Jack held him there for a while until he found the courage to pull away and retrieve his phone. "Whatever happens, just know that none of the blame falls on you. This was all my idea."

He had to take several deep breaths to work up the nerve, but Alex finally tapped the 'return call' button. Jack had his arm around him the entire time, squeezing onto his shoulder with a death grip.

The first ring passed. Alex's heart was in his throat, and his stomach did backflips.

The second ring. His lungs were on the verge of collapsing and he began squeezing Jack's thigh.

The third ring. He almost decided to call it quits and hit 'end call,' but then he heard the shuffling of someone picking up the phone.

"Hey, sweetheart. Are you awake?" she asked in a sugary sweet tone.

Alex was extremely confused. This was definitely not something you'd ask your son that just snuck out to go to a party, and not in that tone of voice, either. He played along.

"Yeah. What's up?"

"A cousin of mine is going into labor for her baby, so we're going to the hospital. She lives about half an hour away. I tried to wake you this morning to tell you, but you were sound asleep. Are you alright?"

There was a loud exhale of relief from both of the boys since Jack had his ear pressed to Alex's in order to hear the conversation.

"I'm fine, mum. Is it alright if Jack comes to get me? I'd like to go over to his house today."

There was a moment of pause and he assumed that it was from his mother thinking whether or not she wanted him at this new kid's house. He was honestly a bit surprise that she didn't even bother asking his father. Then again, she was much more understanding and kindhearted than his father, and maybe she had come to realize that.

"Alright, fine. Are you spending the night there?"

Alex turned to Jack to ask for permission, but he was already violently nodding his head.

"Yeah."

"Alright. Please behave, Alex."

Oh, if only she knew.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Alex was becoming addicted to the way that Jack's lips felt against his own, and he spent the remainder of that day feeding his addiction. Between each round of video games, when they were sprawled out on his bed making music, as they were beginning to have trouble keeping their eyes open at an ungodly hour of the morning, Alex constantly had the urge come onto the boy. The more time he spent with him, the stronger these feelings grew. It was evident that Jack was becoming more than just a really strange bromance.

"How are you feeling right now?" he asked as they lay in bed that night, their bodies tangled up together beneath the sheets.

"About what, love?" Jack cooed, squeezing his arms tighter around Alex's thin frame. Despite how lanky his arms were, Alex felt safe here, like nothing in the world could hurt him.

"I dunno. This," Alex muttered bashfully.

Jack giggled, and the sound was music to his ears.

"I'm actually really enjoy this. I've never really done this with anyone, and it feels kind of nice. It's like our bodies are made for each other or something. I don't know. But, regardless, you're so cuuuute!" he cooed. Both of them were clearly in desperate need of sleep.

"Jack, stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Being excessively gay."

Jack's lower lip jutted out, and for just a moment Alex thought that he had actually offended the lad.

"You're mean, Alex Gaskarth."

"I try."

"Apologize. Now."

"Alright. Fine."

With a cocky grin, the younger boy craned his neck upward to plant his lips against Jack's in an apologetic peck. "I'm sorry," he breathed, their lips and noses brushing ever so gently. Jack froze, a gentle sigh leaving his lips.

"I love you," he mouthed.

They were only three words. Three syllables. Alex wasn't even entirely sure he'd read his lips correctly, yet his jaw dropped and his breath hitched in his throat instantly. Jack loved him. No one, not even his ex of six months, had ever said these words to him. Not seriously, anyway. This feeling that had grown inside them was bursting now into a raging inferno that only grew stronger from there.

"I love you too," Alex mumbled, the words rolling off of his tongue awkwardly. He did have very strong feelings for Jack, but was love really a proper thing to be saying at this point?

"Alex, this is definitely something different. We aren't meant to be just friends."

Alex was sick of running from what his heart was calling him towards. He was sick of putting pride before those that he loved. Now it was time for him to fall and trust that Jack would be there to catch him at the bottom. He could only hope that he wasn't falling too fast.

"Alright, then. I guess it's official," Alex whispered.

"Right… boyfriends."

Alex had spent the last fifteen years of his life searching for something to believe in. Up until this point, he was convinced that he was just unlovable and would have to spend his life alone. He had even become complacent with the idea of being lonely.

Falling asleep in Jack's arms, as it turns out, was what he needed all along. For once in his life, everything felt okay. There was no worrying, there was no stress, and there was no anxiety. He was safe here. Jack was his own personal sanctuary, a place where he went to find relief from what he kept bottled up inside.

But this was nothing more than the calm before the storm.