Sanctuary

There are very words in the English vocabulary to describe the feelings associated with Monday mornings. For some it was just another mundane obstacle to conquer on the journey toward the end of the week. For Alex, who had the wonderful privilege of having a first period PE class, Monday mornings had a tendency of feeling like nothing less than a roundhouse to the gut.

It was bad enough that this requirement for graduation was already far too much physical exertion Alex was willing to do on his own. Having to endure the utter word-diarrhea that left the other boys' mouths was just the icing on the miserable cake. If one boy was upset because his parents had bought him the wrong color Mustang, another boy was considering dumping his "prudish" girlfriend of two months. If given some sort of MRI, Alex had a suspicion that the boys in this class would have nothing more than Styrofoam packaging peanuts in their craniums.

He was hesitant to dismiss all of the boys as ignorant swines, however, because not all of them were as bad as the others. There was a particular handful of boys that Alex found himself clinging to on occasion during down-time between rounds of badminton. Being as shy as he was, the Brit never really contributed to the conversation, but it was a breath of fresh air to hear stories that weren't centered around hot sex and being wasted.

"So, how was your weekend?"

Alex was enveloped in his own little world, so unaccustomed to being spoken to in this class that he didn't even look up at the sound of someone's voice and continued changing into his PE clothes.

"Alex?"

The half-nude Brit was startled out of his daydream, his shirt barely covering his torso. A few feet away stood Caleb, his thick arms crossed over his broad chest, and a fiery eyebrow cocked in completion of his stupid smug grin. Alex had to suppress the urge to spit on his new Nike's.

In his three and a half months at this school so far, Alex's negative feelings for the basketball star had yet to change. He still thought of him as untrustworthy and a total airhead; All he ever thought of was himself and basketball.

"My weekend was fine…," Alex said lamely, pulling on his shirt. "Why?"

The redhead's perfect teeth showed as his lips curled upward into a smug grin.

'What is it with people and their mischievous grins these days?' he thought to himself, raising an eyebrow at Caleb as if he were stupid. Of course, in Alex's mind, Caleb's IQ number was probably around the same as his shoe size.

"Really? I think I actually saw you this weekend. Where did you go?"

'Oh, God, he's on to me.' Alex got that sinking feeling in his gut, a feeling not unlike the one he felt when someone asked about his scars. But he shoved down his worries and put on his best poker face, as he usually did.

"I went to visit my grandparents. They live up north. New Jersey," he lied through his teeth. Caleb had to be mistaking him for someone else. Surely he had not seen him at the house show. Did he even like the same kind of music as Alex?

"I see. What about Saturday, then?"

"Yeah, that's when I was with them."

By this time, almost ten minutes had passed since class had begun, so the room was practically empty aside from a few guys just wasting time on the other end of the room.

"You're lying," Caleb said, his voice lower than before as he moved in closer. He was either trying to keep the other boys from overhearing or attempting to intimidate Alex. He succeeded at both, Alex was on the verge of pissing himself.

"I don't know what you're talking about, dude. You don't even know me," Alex said, attempting to look annoyed while pulling on his white PE sweatshirt.

"I'll spell it out for you, then. You were at the house party in Barclay. I saw you there with some other kid that goes to school here, I think. Y'know, Gaskarth. I would have never imagined you as a queer."

'Fuck.'

"Me? A queer? Like I said, you don't even know me."

"Then why did you two kiss?"

The trick to lying is to truly convince yourself that the lie is true (even if it's as far from the truth as possible.) If he wanted to walk out of here with his reputation, he had to really believe that he and Jack weren't together. He also had to control his temper; if he was too defensive, it'd be obvious what was really going on.

"You have me mistaken for someone else," he explained calmly, "I am as straight as they come. I don't even go to house shows. What is a house show?"

'That's it Gaskarth, play it dumb as a doorknob.'

Caleb shrugged his shoulders as he slammed shut his locker door.

"Then I guess I should go and tell everyone that what I said before isn't true. You're not gay."

Alex couldn't hold in the, "Wait, you told people?!"

Caleb now had him right where he wanted him.

"Boys, hurry up!" Coach suddenly shouted from the door, causing Alex to nearly jump out of his skin. They had been in the locker room for quite a while, making them the last ones in the musty room.

"Coming!" Caleb called.

The tawdry redhead tried to move past him, but he refused to let him by. He wasn't going to get out of this so easily. If Caleb wasn't just trying to manipulate him and he had actually told other people about what he had seen, Alex had to know just how many kids knew so far and hopefully put an end to his rumor mill.

"You tell not another soul about this, okay?" Alex growled beneath his breath. He was a few inches shorter than the other boy, but he tried his hardest to make himself look bigger.

Caleb began laughing, though Alex wasn't quite sure what was so funny.

"I haven't told anyone, Alex. But I'm glad I have something to hold over your head now. I'll tell you what. Since I'm so kind, I'll promise you right now that nobody else will find out about what happened on Saturday."

Alex felt the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders.

"Under one condition."

'Well, fuck me.'

"I'll keep your dirty little secret. But you have to give me something in return."

"Are you serious?" Alex groaned. What on earth could this asswipe possibly want? "You want me to pay you or something?"

Caleb only shrugged a shoulder and exited the locker room with his nose high in the air like the ginormous douche he was.

Alex left, too, but only after delivering a harsh punch to a nearby locker. One of these days he was going to set this stupid place on fire.

~~~~~~

The overcrowded hallway bustled around Alex as he made his way to second period. It was the usual crowd of kids that looked like their parents owned half of the city, but with each pair of eyes that his own met, he lost his confidence little by little. What if they knew? What if everyone knew, and within a week he was bound to be the laughing stock of the place? It felt like one of those movie scenes where the main character was hiding some deep, dark secret, and he kept imagining things out of paranoia.

'Alex, you're being ridiculous. Caleb said he didn't tell anyone,' he thought to himself, trying to dismiss his anxiety. But he still wasn't sure if the redhead could be trusted. He would just have to be paranoid for the rest of the time he and Jack were together.

Speak of the devil, he could now barely see a head of thick, dark locks bobbing up and down further down the hall. Immediately, he went into panic mode. No one could see him with Jack, not with this "rumor" going about.

It was as he was ducking to hide his face within his nearby locker that he realized he was being a genuine jerk to the poor kid. If this relationship was going to work, he couldn't just avoid him for the rest of his life. It just wouldn't work out. After all, he supposedly "loved" him.

"Are you alright?" asked a sweet-as-sugar voice behind him.

"Hm? Oh, yeah. I'm fine," Alex admitted, turning on his heels to face his boyfriend, who was beaming down at him with such an innocent face that it was hard to not crack a smile.

"Okay then. How was the dreaded first hour?"

"Uh. Fine."

"You sure?"

Alex's eyes darted to the clock that hung from the ceiling. They had four minutes between classes, one minute had already passed, and Jack's second period English class was across campus while Alex's second period was only a few yards away from where they presently stood. He had to be quick.

"I don't have much time to explain. Someone saw us on Saturday," Alex whispered, glancing around to be sure that no one could hear this conversation. "He's in my PE class. He's a total… don't even get me started. Anyway, he wants something in return for keeping this a secret. I don't know what to do. We'll talk about this later tonight, go to class."

Jack hesitated, and for a moment, Alex thought he had somehow offended the kid from the way his lips curled downward. Or maybe it was some other emotion. He never was very good at reading people's expressions.

"Alright. Love you," the lanky boy mumbled, his eyes lingering on the ground, before he left for his next class.

'You're not very good at this relationship thing, Alex,' he thought to himself with a heavy sigh as he headed for biology.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

That night, the two boys lay in their own beds riding a phone line, as they did almost every night. Alex was curled up in bed, the soft hum of Jack's air conditioner on the other line soothing him into a sleepy-state, but it was when he was on the verge of sleep when Jack suddenly had an epiphany moment that Alex honestly wondered why he hadn't thought of himself.

"Alex, why don't you just give Caleb the stuff that Matt gave you? Surely he does that kind of crap, everyone on the basketball team does. Plus, it's a good way to get it off your hands."

It was a very, very stupid idea, yet it was ingenious at the same time.

So the next day he smuggled the small package to school inside a small pouch on the inside of his backpack. This made him more paranoid than ever that someone else would find out, but he was relieved to finally get it out of his bedroom. It would be a matter of time before his parents found out, anyway.

There was a very tense moment as Alex handed the drugs to the other boy that morning in the locker room. 'Please just take it,' he thought to himself. There was, of course, the fear that he would refuse it and tell the authorities, or perhaps someone in the packed locker room would happen to look over and see the exchange.

Caleb, however, only smirked as he took the bag and tucked it into his own backpack so briskly that no one caught on. That was the end of that. He no longer had to deal with Caleb, or the drugs, or Matt. There would be no more interference with his and Jack's relationship, and he was ecstatic about that. They were free now.

As he arrived home that afternoon, however, he realized that he had spoken too soon. There was that damned black Accord in his driveway again, purring like a tiger ready to pounce.

Alex was caught somewhere between anxiety and anger. He was very much afraid that Matt had found out about Jack telling him everything, and he was now here seeking revenge. He was also furious that he had the audacity to show his face here again.

"What. The hell. Are you doing here?" Alex said in a taut voice, his fists already clenching as the bus pulled away behind him as if it knew danger was approaching and it didn't want to be involved. It was fight or flight at this point.

"You should really be tested for anger issues," Matt responded in an obnoxiously plummy voice as he climbed from his car. This time, his scrawny body was clad in only a white tee and black jeans, which further revealed just how small his frame was. This left Alex to wonder for just a moment what other narcotics Matt was involved with that made him so small.

"I don't have anger issues," Alex said through his teeth.

Matt only cocked an eyebrow sarcastically.

"Look," Alex huffed, his fingers rubbing at his temple, "I'm angry because you're here when you know damn well I don't want you here. You're like… some kind of bug, or something."

"Must say, that's a new comparison. Anyway, I came to see if you did that little favor for me, mate." His deep brown eyes flickered back and forth, ensuring that no one happened to be out and about and would hear their conversation.

"Yes, okay? I did," he snorted, "and he told me all about your past. You ruined my brother's life, you almost ruined my boyfriend's life, hell, it looks like you've ruined your own life. I don't want you to ruin mine too."

Matt's bony jaw grew taut. Alex had struck a nerve in calling him out, but, by the looks of it, he would keep his facade. It was obvious that the older Brit was very good at hiding the way that he felt. Alex had another card up his sleeve, though.

"Now, either you can leave, or I can call the cops. I'm sure they'll be happy to hear from you again. How about it?"

Checkmate.

"Alright, alright," Matt said with his hands up in defeat, "I'll leave."

There was a certain look of guilt on his face as he returned to his vehicle. This small flicker of his eyes touched Alex's heart, even if it was only for a brief moment, and he felt the slightest feeling of sympathy. Obviously he hadn't woken up one morning and thought, "Wow, I think I want to become a drug head!" It could have been peer pressure, it could have been a broken family, it could have been anything, and Alex would never know just what it was that made Matt do what he did. But he wanted to know. He wanted to know what skeletons he had in his closet, or what his true being was behind this mask that he always seemed to wear.

For the second time in the past few months, he was genuinely intrigued by a stranger.

But Matt was backing out of his driveway now, soon to be out of his life for good.

For just a fraction of a second, the two boys made eye contact through the glass window of his car. Alex saw a very defeated boy whose life had been consumed by such an awful habit. He saw a boy who had the potential to break free of his demons, he just didn't know how. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing the reflection of his former self.