Words Cannot Express

Amara wiped her brow from locks of red hair and sweat with the back of her forearm.She had taken the day off from the gallery to clean the basement. Since Amara and Die moved into their home nearly two years ago, they decided to make more room to set up their work space. Amara need more room in her studio while Die needed more room to hold his guitars and and the new desk he needed. Die was home for a break and he agreed to take care of their daughter. Amara was glad that Dir en grey were on a break so she could be with Die more and he could spend time with their daughter.

Amara grabbed another box and began to look through it. She found old sketchbooks from high school she completely forgot about. Of course, Amara was in her mid thirties and could care less about what happened back in high school. She shuddered at the thought. She skimmed through the pages then looked up when Die came down the stairs with Ame in his arms.

She smiled and got up, "There's my two favorite people."

"How's the cleaning going, ai?" Die asked as he adjusted Ame on his hip.

"It's getting there slowly," Amara said looking around at the various boxes.

"Are you sure you don't want any help?" Die asked, "I can bring Ame-chan's playpen down here while I help."

"No, no, honey. I want to get this done myself," Amara said, "Besides, you need a break and hime-chan missed you."

"Hime won't let me put her down," Die chuckled as he looked at the eleven month old.

Ame looked up at Die as she continued to suck on her pacifier. Die chuckled and kissed her forehead making her giggle. Amara chuckled and kissed Ame's head too. Ame looked up at her mother and smiled behind her pacifier. Amara smiled the lifted her hand to stroke her chubby cheek.

"I love you, baby girl," Amara cooed.

Die smiled at how affectionate his wife was with their daughter. Die then leaned towards Amara to place a kiss on her lips. Amara gladly kissed him back. Ame soon fussed a little then began to cry. Die looked down at her then had a weird look on his face.

"Someone needs a diaper change," Die replied as he scrunched his nose.

Amara giggled then kissed his cheek, "I'll be on cleaning duty while you be on diaper duty."

"Oh, joy," Die chuckled. He kissed Amara softly, "Let me know if you need anything."

"I will, sweety," Amara said with a smile, "I love you."

"I love you too, ai," Die said.

Die went back upstairs to change Ame, leaving Amara with boxes everywhere. Amara began to move more boxes around and sorting through them. After a few hours, Amara had cleaned up a lot and had everything organized, even throwing a lot of stuff away. She was looking through some of her old artwork that were in a few old boxes. The last time she even looked at the boxes was when her and Die went back to Russia to visit. That was over three years ago. Amara was on the ground and pulled out the sketchbook that she found earlier. She couldn't remember this one.

"Amara-chan," Die said softly.

"Hai, Die-sama?" Amara asked looking at him.

"It's almost five. What did you have planned for dinner?" Die asked.

Amara looked at her watch and sighed, "Shit. I had no idea it was that late. I'm sorry, honey."

"It's all right, ai," Die said walking over to her, "How about I go ahead and make dinner? I'll take Ame-chan with me to the store and we'll find something good for dinner."

"I can't do that to you, Die," Amara said.

"I want to," Die replied kneeling down to her, "You've been working hard. I don't mind."

"You're amazing," Amara said placing a hand on his cheek and kissing him, "Thank you."

"I'll make something special for you, "Die said smiling.

Amara smiled back, "I love you so much."

"I love you very much," Die said pecking her forehead, "I'll be back soon."

Amara smiled as she watched Die go upstairs. She then looked back at her sketchbook. She began to look at some of the images and realized this was the sketchbook she shared with Klaus. As she looked through some of the sketches, memories began to flood back into her head. Klaus. Before Victor, Amara was deeply in love with Klaus. She then saw some notes Klaus wrote her. Things like "You are the love of my life" and "you are my rose." Amara remembered how stupid and gullible she was. She admitted that she was a very stupid teenager. There were so many things she regretted.

She didn't want to continue digging up bad memories but she felt like she had to continue. She noticed some new drawings that Klaus did. Then it hit her. Klaus was the last one to have this book. Why did she possess it now? She slipped through more pages to see Klaus used it as a journal. Amara almost cried when she read the inscriptions about his drug abuse.

Amara recalled the day she broke up with him. Klaus was being treated at the hospital for an overdose. Once he was awake and more aware, Amara told Klaus she couldn't stand his mental and physical abuse towards her along with his drug addiction. After she told him this, she immediately left his room. She didn't want to deal with him anymore.

Looking back on it now, Amara slightly regretted doing that to Klaus. Although he put her through absolute hell. Amara then flipped to the second to last page to see a drawing of herself. She thought it was beautiful. She saw that it was dated. She noticed it was dated three months before her and Die went to Russia and announced their engagement. She traced the lines with her fingers. He put so much heart into this drawing. She then flipped to the last page to see a long letter to her.

Dearest Amara,
Words cannot express of how sorry I am for all of the pain I have caused you. As I look through old book, I am reminded of our happier times together. I screwed up though. My drug abuse has caused me to lose friends and caused me to lose you. There is not a day where I don't think about you. Before drugs. You were the only good thing in my life. I kept living because of you. I am sorry for everything I put you through and the things I said.

I wanted to write you and tell you that I am sorry for everything and to tell you that I still love you more than anything. I know it's been over ten years but I love you dearly and I wanted to make things right but I heard you moved to Japan and opened a gallery. I am thrilled for you. I know that's been your dream. I've always wanted to visit you but I was afraid of you being in the arms of another man. Whoever wins your heart is lucky. I hope he treats you well and makes you happy than I ever could. Please have a happy life and I hope I get to see your beautiful face one last time. I will always love you, my dearest Amara.
Love always and forever,
Klaus

Amara had tears streaming down her face when she finished the letter. She had no idea that Klaus felt this way. She wiped her eyes and looked at the previous page. Klaus was still in love with her. It was too late. Amara loved Die and would never think of leaving him and they had their daughter. The damage from Klaus was done. Even though she hated him for what he did, she felt like she could forgive him. She did remember some good times with Klaus. He would take her to fun places on the weekends, writer her poems, spend time with her in the art room and he was considerate and gentle when they first had sex.

Amara sighed and closed the sketchbook. She wiped her eyes from more tears. She got up and headed upstairs towards her and Die's bedroom. She grabbed her phone that was on the nightstand and caught a quick glimpse of her wedding photo that rest on her nightstand. Amara smiled at it then sat on the bed, dialing a number she never though she would call again. It rang a few times then a woman picked up.

"Hello?" the woman replied sounding a little confused.

Amara guessed she didn't recognize the Japanese number. She then spoke up, "Hello, Mrs. Slavin. This is Amara."

"Amara? My goodness! It's been a very long time! How are you dear?" she asked happily.

"I'm doing very well, thank you. How about yourself? How is Mr. Slavin?" Amara asked smiling to herself.

"I am well and so is my husband. Klaus told me that you own your own art gallery. How is that?" she asked.

"It's wonderful. I'm meeting new and interesting people," Amara replied, "How is Klaus?"

Klaus's mother was silent for a bit, "Dear, didn't you hear that he passed away?"

"W-what?" Amara asked breathless.

"Yes, he passed nearly three years ago," she replied, "He was very sick and died at the hospital."

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Slavin..." Amara replied sadly.

"I understand, dear. I know what my son has done to you. He told me," she said.

"Yes... Mrs. Slavin... the reason I called was to talk with Klaus and... and tell him I forgive him," Amara said, "I found a sketchbook we shared when we were still together. I read a letter he had written to me."

"He had mentioned about giving it to you," she said, "Klaus gave it to your mother."

"Mother wasn't a fan of Klaus. After we broke up, Klaus would come to my place but mother would tell him to leave," Amara mentioned.

"Klaus did love you, Amara," she said, "But I know that you are happy with your life now."

"I am very happy. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful baby girl," Amara said, "I did love your son, Mrs. Slavin."

"I know, dear," she said, "I liked you better than the other girls he dated. You made him happy and brought out the good in him."

"I tried to at least," Amara said with a small sigh.

"You still were a positive influence," she said, "Though I am happy you married well and have a family."

"Thank you," Amara said softly, "Next time I come back to Russia, I will come visit you."

"I would love that, Amara. And I would very much like to meet your husband and child," she replied.

"Absolutely," Amara said smiling more, "It was wonderful talking to you."

"You too, dear," she said, "Take care of yourself."

"Take care, Mrs. Slavin," Amara said.

Amara turned off her phone then sat there silently. She couldn't believe it. Klaus was gone. He was really gone. She closed her eyes, letting a few tears spill from her hazel eyes.

After an hour, Die walked into the house with groceries in one hand while carrying Ame in his other arm. He placed the groceries on the counter then went down to the basement to see Amara seated on the floor, looking through papers.

"Hey, Amara. We're back," Die said to her.

Amara looked up from a box to see her family, "Welcome back, you two."

Die carefully sat next to Amara and kissed her cheek. Amara smiled at him," How was Ame-chan?"

"Good, as always," Die chuckled while bouncing Ame on his knee.

Ame giggled as she was being bounced on her father's knee. Amara smiled then laughed when Ame began to blow raspberries and crawl out of Die's arms. Die laughed and began to tickle her sides. Ame screamed with laughter as she was being tickled. die couldn't help but laugh as well as he continued to tickle his little girl. Amara smiled at them both. She really was lucky for the life she has now. Die looked at Amara to see the small smile on her face.

"You look tired, ai," Die said.

"Just a little bit," Amara replied, "Do you want me to help you with dinner?"

"It's all right, ai," Die said, "Plus, Ame-chan wants to spend time with you."

Amara smiled more as she took Ame from Die's arms. Ame blew raspberries at Amara playfully. Amara blew raspberries back at Ame. The little baby giggled and clutched onto Amara's shirt. The family then walked upstairs to get ready for dinner. Die began to cook dinner while Amara changed and spent time with Ame. Amara tickled Ame while blowing on her stomach, making the infant laugh. She couldn't help but smile at seeing her daughter be so happy. Die came into the living room as he let dinner simmer for a bit to see Amara playing with Ame. He chuckled at both his girls. He then brought Amara close by her waist while Amara held Ame close.

"You two look so cute," Die said smiling.

Amara smiled at him then looked at Ame, "She's definitely the cutest."

Die chuckled then kissed the side of her head. He went back to making dinner while Amara continued to play with Ame. Once dinner was ready, Amara placed Ame into her highchair then helped Die bring things to the table. They all had a nice meal together which made Amara happy. She was grateful to have a wonderful, caring and sweet man as her husband as well as giving her the gift of their daughter. She was grateful to move to Japan to start her life over. In the process she gained her dream job, her soulmate and a happy life.

After dinner, they gave Ame a bath and tucked her into her crib. Amara and Die began to get ready for bed themselves. Die walked out of the bathroom while rubbing the back of his head with a yawn. He noticed that Amara was standing outside on the balcony. He then made his way over to her. Die placed his hands on her hips and placed a kiss on her shoulder.

"Are you all right, ai?" Die asked.

Amara turned to him to give him a soft smile, "Yeah, just thinking."

"About?" Die asked holding her close by her waist.

"About how lucky I am to to have you and our little girl," Amara replied then set her head on his chest, "I'm lucky to have you at all."

Die wasn't sure why she was bringing this up but he didn't want to ask her and upset her. He nuzzled her head gently while wrapping his arms around her more.

"I'm happy that I have you and Ame-chan as well," Die said softly, "I love you both very much."

Amara smiled and looked up at him, "Will you hold me and look at the stars with me?"

"Of course," he replied nuzzling his nose against hers.

Die held Amara from behind and held her close to him. Amara relaxed against him with a smile. She then looked down to see his wedding ring along with hers. She could remember their wedding day perfectly. Amara distinctly remembered the kiss she shared with Die when they became husband and wife. She rubbed her thumb over his ring as she smiled more. Die smiled as he felt her do this. He placed soft kisses along her shoulder. Amara nearly shivered then turned to him.

She placed a hand on his cheek while smiling gently, "I love you, Andou Daisuke."

Die smiled more and leaned into her face, "I love you, Andou Amara."

Die kissed her softly but deep as he held her against him lovingly.