Impavid

I stand in the oasis. It’s open, the only place that’s open in the arena. I’m covered in dirt, other grime and blood. I don’t even care. I just patiently wait, feeling that I should cry, but I can’t. The hovercraft comes in and I stand there, waiting as the thrusters blow hot air in my face and land. The cockpit opens and armed guards beckon me in. I do so, sluggishly getting into a seat and sitting down. I half expected to be congratulated, but I’m not.

Without my trident in my hand, I feel naked. I had to just it at the door, no weapons allowed. A woman comes up to me and gestures to my arm. I hold it out to her and she firmly grasps it, inserting a large, hollow needle. She hits a button and it hisses, pulling the tracker from my arm. I squirm, the feeling uncomfortable more than it is painful.

My stomach lurches as we take off. I rest my head against the headrest and close my eyes. But despite my safety, I cannot just fall asleep. I’m on edge, out of sorts in a way. Within minutes, we land and I’m escorted out of the hovercraft. My nerves are on end now, because I don’t know what to expect. I was always told about the before, never the after.

The building is cold, air condition instantly giving me relief. I look around and my eyes land on Mags and Finnick who are rushing towards me. Despite the two guards on the sides of me, I run to them. I’m running faster than ever, and I crash into the both of them at the same time, my arm being tossed around the eighteen year old and the elderly woman who has waited for me.

I didn’t know it at first, but I’m crying. I can taste the salt as I hold on to them. I pull away and I separately hug Mags. My arms are tight around her and I can smell the salt in her hair and some sort of unfamiliar soap. She whispers that she was happy I survived and she tells me that she loves me. In a week of mentoring and a few days in the arena, she means more to me than any friend back home.

When I let go, I hug Finnick. There is no question about it, I just do it. He squeezes me harder than Mags does. He holds me tight to him, breathing hard with his face buried in my hair. I tremble in his arms- or maybe it’s him that’s trembling. I can’t really tell, but I’m overwhelmed to be near her.

“Thank you,” he mutters in my hair, brushing it back. “Thank you.”

“For what?” I ask as I pull away. He holds my face in his hands, both palms on my cheeks, holding me there. His blue eyes are like the ocean, and right then and there I want nothing more than to be home.

“For living.”

White light blinded me as I opened my eyes. There was something different about it. It was not daylight, but man made. Blinking a few times, I became aware that I was in a lot of pain. Groaning, I rolled my head to the side as wherever I was lurched. I could hear the hum of engines. Katniss was out cold next to me, a breathing mask covering her face. She looked horrible, burn marks on her face and soot covering her head to toe.

Down farther, Beetee lay still. He didn’t look any better. There was no oxygen mask on my face, so I could only assume it was safe for me to stand. Bandage was wrapped around my ankle, leg and forearm, red splotches just showing through the expertly wrapped material. With effort, I managed to stand up.

It was obvious I was in a hover craft. It was the same kind they used to take us to the arenas, rows of empty seats on either side of me. I had been situated on the floor. I stepped over Katniss and Beetee, walking to the door. There was a table with syringes, but I ignored it, placing my hand on the button to open the door. It hissed open, the airlock clicking. I walked down the hall, following the sound of voices.

“I’ll be back, I’m going to check on Lana.”

I hit the button on the door, opening the second one. It shot open, revealing Finnick who was turning to face me. He was dressed in a loose jacket falling open at the chest. His forearm was bandaged and he had small lacerations near his brow that I had not seen before.

Within seconds he was pulling me into his chest. I hide my face in his jacket, loping my arms around his middle and holding him tight. I felt him breathing in my scent, and sighing. I pulled away from him, taking his face in my hands.

“We lived,” I breathed. I felt tears in my eyes but I breathed heavily, calming myself. “We escaped.”

He nodded, smiling at me. “We’re going to district thirteen. We got Katniss out.”

I paused. I dropped my hands from his face, looking around him. Haymitch and Plutarch Heavnsbee were behind him, standing around a table and looking at us with a comfortable silence. “Where is Peeta?” I looked at Finnick, shaking my head in question. “Johanna? Mags?”

Plutarch spoke up. “Johanna and Peeta still had their trackers in their arms. We didn’t get to them in time. You were right next to Katniss when we came in. She was the target, you know that.”

Guilt flood through me. Peeta, sweet Peeta who could barely hurt anyone and who thought the best of everyone. Peeta who would do anything to save those that he loved and expect nothing in return was in the clutches of the capital, and was at the mercy of President Snow. The thought made me sicker than I could have ever imagined.

That’s why it should have been Peeta. I didn’t even realize how awful the idea of him being there was until it had already happened. The entire time, I had been on focused on getting them out because Katniss was the symbol of the revolution and not because Peeta was a good person.

Not a single one of us deserved what we had in that moment. Not a single, fucking one of us.

“And Mags?”

“There was a hovercraft to pick up our allies in the capitol when Katniss blew up the arena. She should be in District Thirteen by the time that we get there.” Plutarch nodded, placing both hands and leaning on the table, obviously tired. “You and Finnick contributed to something bigger than yourselves. Good job.”

I twined my fingers with Finnick as he helped me walk over to a seat near the table. I was still limping, the leg injuries not yet completely fixed. I was also still completely filthy from the arena. They had bandaged me, but otherwise left me mostly a mess. “It wasn’t a job, Plutarch,” I murmured when I got down. “It was a choice.”

“The right choice.”

I breathed heavily. I tried to believe that. I really did.

*

Somewhere between sitting at the table and flying the rest of the way to District Thirteen, I fell asleep. Haymitch gave me another round of pain medication for my leg and arm, though I was pretty sure he was the last person who should be giving me medication. Finnick sat with me, appropriating half of my chair with his legs.

When I woke up, we were preparing to land. Finnick gave me a look that caused me to turn around and follow his gaze. Katniss was sitting on the floor, propped against the wall and dead-asleep, head lolled to the side. I sent him a questioning look but he shook his head, signaling that we could talk later.

The air craft landed roughly. Anxiety filled my veins but I tried to push it to the back of my mind. District Thirteen was supposed to be safe. They were taking the influx of runaways, and they were supposed to be prepared to take in families. At least that’s what Plutarch said.

As the doors opened, we were instantly ushered onto the landing pad by armed guards dressed in all black. I moved quickly, extremely surprised by the ferocity at which they had us moving. We were like animals, corralled together and rushed down a set of stairs behind a steel door.

When we reached the bottom, we were guided through different corridors before we finally came to a heavily guarded room. The guards on both sides stepped aside as our leading guard swiped a card at the door. It opened, an air locked door and we were ushered in.

The room was like nothing I had ever seen before. There was a big table, made of glass with holographic screens all over it. The whole room was a giant rectangle, all of the walls used for holo-screens and different maps and flashing images. At the head of the table was a woman I had never seen before, looking up at us with tight eyes.

With graying hair and sharp eyes, I knew she was the leader. She was dressed in black and stood up, looking up at us. Her eyes were grey like the moon, a washed out color that chilled me to the bone. I had never heard of her or seen her in my life, but I stared at her.

“I am President Coin. I control District Thirteen. I know you all must be tired,” she said, voice calm and collected. I looked next to me. Finnick, Haymitch and Heavensbee were the only ones in the room. Katniss and Beetee were absent. “I will keep this as short as possible. I wanted to personally thank you for getting the Mockingjay out of the arena. Your efforts are duly noted. You’re safe now. Any-"

“Where is my family?” I asked her, interrupting rudely. Her eyes cute to me, very unhappy. Other men in the room looked at me with some level of discomfort. It was obvious not many people interrupted her. “I do not mean to interrupt you, but I need to see them.”

“Your family is safe in a room assigned to them. They have been here for two weeks.” She paused to see if I was going to interrupt again, but I didn’t. She nodded and continued. “You all will be assigned rooms-"

“I want one with Lana.” It was Finnick’s turn to interrupt her. Coin looked displeased with the both of us. I felt my fingers twitch at my side. I was still armed and very dangerous. “It isn’t an option.”

“That is out of the question,” Coin said without hesitation. “You will not be sharing rooms together. Married couples-"

“I’ll marry her if I have to,” Finnick interrupted again. “You will let us live together.”

“Finnick Oddair,” she said, shaking her head. “You think that you have some sort of authority here because of who you are and where you come from, but you better learn quickly that there are rules here, and you will not and cannot make demands.”

Heavensbee leaned over to Finnick, muttering something. Finnick shook his head and said something back before turning to Coin, who was glaring at the both of us. I remained quiet, still stricken by Finnick’s rebuttal. He had just said that he would marry me as long as it meant a room with one another. I was stuck.

“President Coin,” Finnick insisted in a calmer voice. “You must understand that for our mental health, we need to be together.”

Coin’s eyes flicked between the two of us. “We’ll let our doctors decide that.” She pointed at the both of us. “You two will speak when asked, next time, understood? There needs to be a form of order here, and I want you to learn it and become a part of that. Nothing further.”

Without another word, we were escorted out. I glanced at Finnick and he gave me a look that I knew all too well; he was not happy with our situation. It seemed as though we had just escaped somewhere to be brought somewhere that wasn’t better. And two weeks? My family living there for two weeks made no sense to me.

Everything seemed off. As we walked through the hall, I leaned over to Finnick. “Why did we even go there, do you think?”

“She wanted to see us in a disheveled state, probably.”

I nodded. “To see what we’re made of.”

“I don’t like it.”

I glanced at all of the armed people in wherever we were. “I don’t like it either.”