Collide, Ignite

Reilly twisted her hands nervously in her lap while she told Zayn about her summer spent in Italy. He listened intently, but his eyes kept flickering to the jittery movements she was making. Finally she came to a long pause in her story and silence fell between them. She'd come to a part of her summer where she couldn't go on without telling him about the thing she'd been avoiding talking about. Or person, as it happened to be.

Zayn took the break in her speech to take the opportunity to address her obvious apprehension. "What's wrong, Reilly?" he prompted. She looked up from her hands where her gaze had dropped. Her eyes large and uncertain. "There's something you don't want to tell me? Did something bad happen?" he inquired.

She let out a soft sigh as her hands continued to alternate between twisting and wringing together. She kept quiet for a moment and then exhaled another sigh. "No, it's just," she paused. Never before had she been afraid of telling Zayn anything. He was loyal to a fault, much like herself, and had never given any indication that he would turn his back on her, even after she'd pushed one of his best friends out of her life indefinitely. "I think I'm dating someone?" she said but it came out more as a question than a statement.

The tiniest of smirks pulled at the corner of his mouth. "How is that something you aren't sure of?" he asked. "I mean, it's usually clear when you've crossed that line with someone, isn't it?" She gave a shrug and explained that the times they'd been out together hadn't ever been classified as dates. They tended to start off discussing the topics of the brain and human behavior, but would often end up on topics that were more on a personal level. Their outings had always been during daylight hours until they'd returned to London, when he asked her out for dinner. Dinner, in which, nothing physical happened, but he'd recently invited her to dinner again, and she had accepted.

"Sounds like it to me," he said. "Is that," he paused, "Do you want to be dating him?" he asked.

She shrugged again. It seemed to be the only action she could convince her muscles to make. "I'm not opposed to it, I guess," she said. Zayn raised an eyebrow at her. "No, I just mean, time is always an issue. Finding time for coffee or lunch when we were in Italy was easy because I was only taking a couple courses and I wasn't buried under school work. But I'm going to be taking more than a full course load again next term and I'm going to be so busy all the time," she said.

"What's the worst that happens, Reilly? You give it a go and it doesn't work? Big deal. You enjoy his company, yeah?" he asked, and she nodded at him. "Then just see what happens. Don't push it either way. You don't always have to put a label on what you have with another person."

Another sigh escaped her and looked at him with uncertainty. "I'm actually a little surprised at how you're responding to all this. I would have thought, considering," she let her thought drop off and Zayn picked it right up.

"Considering Niall?" he asked. Reilly looked down at her hands and nodded. "This doesn't really have anything to do with him. I think you made yourself quite clear to him at the beginning of the year and from what I can see, you both seem to be doing alright." She felt a tiny pang in her chest at Zayn's words, but kept her eyes down and didn't contradict what he said. "What matters the most to me, and what should matter most to the rest of the boys is that you're happy. And besides, I don't really see it as my place to comment on the matters of your heart. I know I don't like it when people think they have a say in my relationships," he finished.

A smile had pulled across her face when she finally looked up at him. "I really appreciate you, you know?" she said. Zayn grinned widely back at her. "I don't know if I've ever told you that, but I do."

"Reilly," a little girl's voice sing-songed in the hallway, bringing Reilly out of the memory she'd been sucked into. The pitter-patter of child sized feet sounded as she got closer to the living room and finally appeared. Reilly smiled at her younger sister and waved her into the room. Her hair was wild from being slept on, and her eyes still had a bit of that far away look in them, similar to how Reilly herself tended to look when she'd just woke up.

Maisie climbed up on the couch and settled next to her big sister. Reilly put down the book she hadn't been reading anyway and reached over to try to tame the girl's mane with her fingers. "When are we going to see Niall again?" she asked.

It was a few days into the new year, making it the third day since Maisie had seen Niall for the brief amount of time she'd been awake on New Year's Eve. She'd barely mentioned him since, and the question caught Reilly a bit off guard. She raised her eyebrows at the little girl. "I don't know, Little One. You have your sleepover at Uncle Zayn's house tonight. Do you want to call Niall and see when he's free?" she asked.

Maisie nodded and Reilly reached for her phone. She scrolled through her contacts until she came to Niall's name, hit the call button, and then handed the phone over to Maisie. She pressed it to her face and waited. After several rings, she looked up at Reilly as though to let her know he wasn't answering. Then, the ringing cut out halfway through.

"Hey Reilly," he answered, sounding a bit hesitant.

Maisie giggled. "No, Silly, it's Maisie," she said into the phone.

"Well, hello there, Miss Maisie. I was just thinkin' about you, actually," he told her. His tone had quickly become significantly more upbeat. "How're ya doin', Little One?' he asked.

A smile stretched across her face. "I'm good," she said, reaching up to rub her eye. "I just woke up from my nap and I'm going to Uncle Zayn's house soon for a sleepover. He said we're going to paint on my wall some more and eat sweets and stay up really late," she told him excitedly.

"Sounds like you're in for loads of fun with Zayn, huh?" he said.

"Yeah, and he said we can make lots of noise all night long," she went on. "We can be as loud as we want to and there won't be anyone to tell us we have to be quiet."

Niall chuckled loudly enough for Reilly to hear. "Is that so?" he asked and Maisie responded positively. "Well, you just make sure you're a real good girl while you're over there, okay?" he said.

"I will," she said simply and then changed the subject. "When are me and Reilly gonna see you again?" she asked.

"Well, I was just thinkin' about that as well, Little One," he said without missing a beat. "Was goin' to see if you two were free tomorrow but it sounds like you'll be sleepin' all day if you're goin' to be up all night. How 'bout day after tomorrow?"

"Okay," Maisie said. "Can we get ice cream?" she asked.

Niall laughed. "A girl after my own heart. I love sweets, too," he said."But, I don't know. I'll have to speak with Reilly about that," he told her.

The little girl shrugged. "Okay," she said again, and held the phone out to Reilly. "He says he has to talk to you," she said.

Once Reilly took the phone from her, she climbed down off the couch and scampered out of the room. "Hello?" Reilly said, as she put the phone to her ear.

Niall laughed softly in her ear. "I didn't mean I needed to speak with you right this moment," he said. "I just didn't know if ice cream was something I could promise her."

"Oh," Reilly said, a slight giggle escaping. "Um, yeah, ice cream is probably okay. I know Zayn promised her all kinds of sweets and stuff tonight, but she probably won't eat that much of it. I know Zayn likes to keep her busy and Jasmin has good instincts about when enough is enough," she said.

Niall's stomach dropped. There was a lot he'd missed in the last few years by giving Reilly the space she'd said she needed. In that time a sweet little girl had come into the lives of his friends that he hadn't gotten the opportunity to meet until recently. Someone else had gotten to experience all the firsts he thought he would have with a girl he cared very much for. It was as though everyone else knew things he didn't, and he was suddenly feeling a little worse for the wear.

"So, is Friday alright for you? Maisie said yeah, but I figure you know better than she does if you have things goin' on," he said.

Reilly quickly went over her calendar in her head. She and Maisie had dance class in the morning, but other than that, Friday looked free and clear. "As long as it's not first thing in the morning," she said, and then chuckled quietly to herself. "Wait a second, who am I talking to? Of course it won't be."

He laughed also. "No, it won't be first thing. But maybe late mornin'. 'Round eleven?" he said.

"Sure," Reilly agreed. That would give them plenty of time after the class for Maisie to sleep for a little while before a long afternoon out. "That sounds good," she said.

They chatted briefly and then ended the phone call. Reilly got up to see where Maisie had wandered off to. She found the little girl in her room, pulling clothes from her dresser and stacking them neatly on the floor.

Before Reilly could ask what she was doing, Maise looked over and smiled widely at her sister. "I'm getting my stuff ready to go to Uncle Zayn's house," she said. Reilly couldn't help the grin that spread across her face and she moved into the room to grab a backpack from the closet. Together the girls got clothes, pajamas, and everything elses needed for a sleepover packed up and were ready to be on their way.

Maisie was quite talkative, as usual, on the drive to Zayn's house. She covered a wide range of topics, including how much she liked the first dance class they'd gone to that morning, the new shoes Owen had given her, her desire to get a puppy, and her excitement over seeing Niall again soon. It struck Reilly as odd that Maisie had been in London for nearly a full week and hadn't mentioned her parents or anything about home. It also hadn't escaped her attention that no one had called to check on the young girl.

By the time they got to Zayn's house, Maisie's excitement had gotten the better of her and she practically bolted from the car the moment she was freed from her car seat. Reilly quickly grabbed the backpack with Maisie's things and hurried up to the house. The front door was open when she got to it and she could hear Maisie inside yelling for Zayn. He came down the hallway just as Reilly was closing the door behind her.

"Hi, sorry," she said, and Zayn gave her a curious look before leaning over to place a kiss on her cheek. "She's really quick and I'm a little more sore than I thought I'd be from our dance class this morning," she explained.

A smile broke out across Zayn's face. "It's alright. You're family. Both of you. Just barge right in. You're always welcome here," he said. Just then, Maisie came running back up the hallway and launched herself at Zayn. He caught her easily and planted kisses all over her face until she was giggling uncontrollably. "I've been waiting all day for you, Miss Maisie," he said to her. "What took you so long?"

"Reilly said she told you when we were gonna come!" she exclaimed in between giggles.

Zayn ruffled her hair and smiled widely at her. "Oh, you're right. She did tell me," he said as he put her down. "Auntie Jasmin is in my room. Go run and say hello to her. She's been waiting for you, too," he said. Maisie didn't waste any time flying down the hall, and he turned to look at Reilly again. "You've got big plans for tonight?" he asked her.

She only shrugged. "Liam and Aimee invited Owen and me over for dinner. I think we're just going back to Owen's house afterward. Spend some time together just the two of us. He was gone for awhile, you know?" she said.

Zayn nodded at her, but there was something else in the look he was giving her. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on. "You seem really happy recently," he commented.

She shrugged again. "It's been nice having Owen back home," she said, but the look on her face and the tone in her voice didn't quite match the sentiment of her statement.

His head shook slowly back and forth. "No, I mean, I noticed it before that. Since we all came back after the holidays. You seem a bit different. In a good way. In a way I haven't really seen you in a long time," he said.

Reilly's stomach jumped. She could hear clearly what he wasn't saying and his observation took her by surprise, mostly because Zayn didn't usually comment on things like that. "I just," she began, but didn't know how to finish because maybe he was right.

"It's alright, Reilly," he assured her. "Some things, some people just make our hearts happy. You shouldn't fight it. The heart wants what the heart wants," he said.

She swallowed hard and gave a nod, but it wasn't so much a nod in agreement as it was the only action she could figure out at the moment. "I'm going, I should," she stuttered, finding it difficult to form a complete thought while her brain was processing the simple statement Zayn had made. "I'm just going," she paused, taking in a breath, "to go say bye to Maisie and head out," she said finally and turned to walk down the hallway.

Her head was spinning from what Zayn had said. He only said things regarding her relationships when he felt strongly that it was something she needed to hear, but letting her feelings dictate her life scared her. She'd gone down that road before.

The first thing Reilly noticed when she opened her eyes was that the ceiling above her wasn't the one in her bedroom. The bed she was laying on and the blankets she was underneath didn't belong to her. The faint smell of stale alcohol tickled her nose as she sat up slowly. A shiver ran down spine when the chill of the air hit her bare skin and she realized she wasn't wearing any clothes. She also realized she didn't know where she was.

The absence of a hangover was next thing she noticed, though she knew she must have drank a lot to be in curious situation she'd just woken up to. The bed shifted and she slowly turned to look. The boy next to her wasn't even vaguely familiar. Her eyes swept around the room again and her stomach started to turn.

The last thing she remembered was pouring herself another drink in a crowded kitchen. She'd just been upstairs with a boy she knew from school, a boy who was only there because she'd called him. It had almost been too easy, but that was what she'd wanted. She hadn't wanted to think, only to do, and to forget.

She looked at the boy sleeping next to her again. Her stomach turned and twisted into a knot and she felt sick. It wasn't the boy she'd called and slept with. It was someone else. Someone who was naked, and she was naked, and it didn't take a genius to put two and two together.

Stomach still turning, Reilly carefully got out of the bed and gathered the pieces of her clothing she could easily fine. She dressed as quickly as she could and hurried out of the room. The hallway was only vaguely familiar as she followed it to the stairs and made her way down. Plastic cups and glass bottles littered the entire house. Tears stung her eyes, threatening to spill over as she moved toward the door.

The moment the damp morning air hit her face, the tears broke free from her eyes. She tried to remember what had brought her to that party. Was it her father? Had he been drinking either too much or not quite enough and told her, once again, how worthless she was? It could have been her sister reminding her that she was the reason everything was always such a mess. Maybe it was both. Or maybe it had been something else entirely. But nothing was coming to her.

Her memory of anything from before the party was blank. Bits of the night were coming back to her and she was slowly piecing them together. The more she remembered, the worse she felt. With the amount of alcohol she'd consumed, she was lucky she'd even woken up, and even luckier that she wasn't experiencing any lingering effects. But lucky didn't even come close to describing the way she felt.

Dirty was more like it. Dirty like she wanted to stand underneath a scalding hot shower for an entire day and burn away feeling underneath her skin. Tired, as well. Tired like she wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Also, alone. Alone like there wasn't a person in the world who could ever love her if they knew exactly the kind of person she'd become over the last several months. And sick. Mostly she felt sick for the things was doing, and the all reasons she was doing them.

She walked with her head down, not really knowing where she was going since she only had a vague sense of where she was. But it didn't really matter where she ended up at that point. There wasn't a place in the world that could rid her of the knowledge of what she'd done. There wasn't a person anywhere on earth who could understand and make her feel like she would be okay again.