Collide, Ignite

At some point apologies had become easy. Reilly had said the words "I'm sorry" so many times in her young life that it was almost a routine at one point. Made a little too much noise in the early morning before dance class, apologize. Came home too late after a soccer match instead of staying at Lexie's, apologize. Missed cleaning up pieces of broken glass after her one of her father's tantrums, apologize. Looked at her sister the wrong way, apologize. Spoke too quietly to her step mother, apologize.

Most of the times she'd apologized were just empty words with less weight than the air she spoke them into. She'd learned that the simple phrase, whether you really meant them or not, seemed to appease most people if you could say them convincingly enough. Those two words had gone a long way in her lifetime, and were a good fall back when she didn't have the energy for a fight.

Tonight was different, though. She could have argued her case for days, but she'd also learned that sometimes you have to pick your battles. While she was in no way happy with the way Owen had spoken to and about her friends, having a rational, adult conversation was the best way to go about explaining the exception she took to it.

Owen looked at her for a long moment before the words she'd spoken seemed to actually reach his ears and an expression of surprise took over his face. They didn't fight often, but he knew she had a fiery temper and stubborn nature when something really upset her. So for her to come to him apparently waving a white flag so quickly was certainly shocking and a bit suspicious to him. But still, he took a step back to allow her to come inside.

She moved past him without so much as a brush of her hand against his. She didn't stop to lean up and kiss his lips or even his cheek, but instead just walked right into the house and headed straight for his living room where she took a seat on the couch and looked up at him standing across the room. He gave no indication that he was going to sit with her, which actually may have been a smart move on his part.

"I'm waiting for what's coming next," he said, his eyes zeroing in on hers in almost a challenging manner. But she didn't want to fight with him.

She stayed quiet for a moment, keeping her eyes locked on his to let him know she was up for the challenge if he really wanted it. But then, she blinked, and his face softened. "Did I ever tell you how I met the boys?" she asked him finally.

His eyes rolled upward, not in a manner of annoyance, but like he was trying to remember if she had. "Don't think so," he shrugged. She may have made mention of it, but hadn't made a point of telling the story.

Reilly nodded and caught his eyes again before looking down at the empty seats on the couch. She didn't necessarily want him to sit right next to her, but she wanted him near enough to know he was paying attention. He obliged after a long moment and sat on the opposite end of the sofa.

"I still don't remember everything that happened that night," she began. "I was eighteen. I'd been in London for I guess about two months at that time. I didn't have any friends here, mostly kept to myself at school and didn't really go out exploring the city very much. Anyway, I got into a fight with my sister over Skype. It was about our step brother, and it was really bad. I guess I couldn't stand being in my tiny apartment with all that anger inside me because I ended up at a bar where I proceeded to drink away my troubles. I don't know how much I drank, but my best guess is that I must have consumed near my weight in alcohol that night. And then, I don't know, maybe I tried to leave? I was outside when the boys found me, stumbling, probably trying to figure out where I was and how to get back to my apartment," she said, pausing to try to remember what happened next.

"Louis told me that it was Zayn who spotted me first, and was greatly concerned about the state I was in, so he came over to try to talk to me. Liam followed shortly after, and then the other three. He said they asked me my name several times and where I lived but I couldn't, or maybe wouldn't, tell them. And then, I guess I just lost my balance and Louis caught me and as I was hunched over in his arms, I vomitted. A lot. All over Niall's shoes. And it was at that point that they realized that I was in no condition to be on my own, so they called a taxi and took me home with them," she explained.

"Apparently I passed out the second we got into the car. The next thing I remember is waking up on Niall's couch with the worst hangover of my life. He brought me some toast and tea and the boys all sat and talked with me for, I don't know, a couple hours, maybe, before I told them I needed to get home. I told them I could take a cab, but they insisted on making sure I got home safely, so Louis and Niall took me home. I found out later that Louis had programmed all of their numbers into my phone, just in case I needed anything." She caught Owen's eye again to see if he was understanding the words she wasn't saying.

It took a minute for him to respond, like he was trying to process everything she'd just told him. "So," he said finally, "they took care of you, basically?" he asked.

Reilly nodded. "Yes, that's exactly what they did. From the very moment I met them, those five boys have been watching out for me and taking care of me. They've been there for me and with me through everything that has happened in the last five years. Harry let me stay at his place for Christmas one year when my father, step mother, and sister were in town for the holiday. He wasn't even here. He was home in Cheshire. But he left a key with me, just in case. Liam took me back to the States for the first time and never once left my side when I was interacting with my family, no matter how uncomfortable it got. Louis has made me smile on the worst days more times than I can count. And Zayn has always been the one I can go to when I need the quiet, or when I'm not sure what I need. They're my best friends, my family that I got to choose."

"And what about Niall?" Owen interrupted. Reilly shot a questioning look at him. "What about Niall?" he repeated. "Where does he fit in?" he asked.

"Niall," she began, but paused, unsure how to continue. There was a lot she hadn't told Owen about the exact nature of her and Niall's prior relationship. She shrugged. "I don't know. We didn't talk for most of the last five years, but when we did, we could always just pick right back up like no time had passed. We have a lot of shared interests, I guess, and talking to him has always been really easy." She shrugged again. "I don't know, he's always been really important to me, even when we weren't talking," she said, letting her eyes fall to her hands in her lap. She twisted her engagement ring in an attempt to lighten the load it was suddenly weighing on her finger, or at least shift it for the time being.

"They did what they did for me out of the goodness of their hearts," she explained. "They didn't have to do any of it, you know? But they did, and they continue to do so, even now. They mean the world to me, each of them individually, but also as a group, and I am always going to be fiercely protective of them, the way they have been protective of me," she said.

Owen nodded, but the gesture that implied understanding did not translate to the look on his face, nor to his tone when he said, "I understand."

"They work really hard," she went on. "They used to go weeks without more than a couple hours sleep at a time. They don't see their families for months on end and sometimes are forced to go days without two free seconds to call their loved ones. They're involved in a hundred different things at any given time. They've given up so much to do all of it, and they're only now just starting to slow down. It may not seem like much to you, and I can understand that, but they are doing more than just singing and jumping around a stage. It's always been more than just being a musical act. They work with charities, and they're involved in the community both here in London and in their hometowns. And you said they're not changing people's lives, but you're wrong," she told him. She drew in a long breath before continuing. "They changed mine."

"I don't believe that," Owen said, shaking his head. "You're in charge of your life, not anyone else, Reilly. You changed your life."

Reilly looked up at him with a wistful smile. There were certain things Owen believed or didn't believe in that brought her great sadness, like his inability to accept that other people can have a great impact on the life you live.

"You didn't know me before I met them," she said softly, her head shaking slowly. "I was dejected, lonely, withdrawn. I didn't know anyone here, and my entire focus was on school because it was all I had. But then they came along, and they showed me that there are really kind hearted, loving people in the world, and that maybe I'm not as terrible as my father and sister had been making me feel for my whole life." She paused, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he just looked at her like there was something else he was waiting to hear.

"And if you want to know why exactly Niall is so important to me even given all the time we spent apart," she went on, "it's because he's the one who really pushed to be a part of my life. He called me to check in on me. He showed up at my school with lunch. He came to my apartment when he barely knew me just because I sounded sad on the phone. He invited me out to a concert, showed me around London, took me to a soccer game. He even took me to Ireland for the first time. They were all there for me, but it was Niall who was the most present from the beginning and played the biggest part in getting to come out of the shell I'd crawled into."

He stayed quiet for a long moment. Long enough to get Reilly's brain searching for something else to say, but she was coming up empty. "Is that," he started, but the paused to clear his throat. "Is that something I need to worry about?" he asked.

"Have I given you a reason to think you have something to worry about?" she asked. She knew he hated having his questions answered with another question, but it was important that she knew what he was thinking.

He only shrugged. "It seems like there's something you're leaving out," he said, not exactly answering her question.

A quiet sigh escaped her before she had a chance to even attempt to stop it. There were a few things she was leaving out, things she either didn't plan on telling him, or hadn't quite figured out how to tell him, but now it was too late to make up an excuse. "There is something that I've been meaning to tell you," she said, looking down at her hands for a second before raising her eyes to his face.

"What's that?" he asked, his face resembling a blank canvas. She had never understood how he could remove all emotion from his expression, and from his entire demeanor.

"I didn't really know how to bring it up. And honestly, it's not a big deal, it's just something that you should probably know. I, um," she paused. Her hands were shaky, thoughts frazzled, nerves suddenly shot. She drew in a deep breath. "We, Niall and I, got into a fight, or, well, not a fight, really. It was more of a misunderstanding, I guess. Anyway, it was at Louis' birthday party. He got really upset. Niall did. And I went to Ireland to see if I could sort things out with him, clear up the misunderstanding," she managed.

The air in the room suddenly felt thick with tension, but Reilly didn't know if it was just her being tense, or if they were both tense from what she'd said. Owen just sat there, expressionless and emotionless, looking her straight in the eye. It was an uncomfortable kind of eye contact and it made Reilly blink and eventually avert her eyes.

"Interesting," he said after what felt like hours of silence, "that you were so nervous to tell about something that you claim isn't a big deal," he said.

Reilly's eyes immediately snapped back to his, her lips pursed together in a thin line. "Don't you dare," she warned. "You know I hate it when you do that," she said. "And it's not a big deal. We're friends, and I was upset that he was upset. I would have gone to any other friend in a situation like that and it would have been a non-issue. So please, don't make this into something it's not," she said.

"Did you sleep with him?" he asked.

Reilly's eyes widened and then quickly narrowed. "Excuse me?" she asked.

"The question was relatively straightforward, Reilly. Did you sleep with Niall when you went to Ireland? Is that how you sorted things out?" he asked.

Reilly closed her eyes and exhaled a long breath. "I can't believe you would even ask me that," she said, opening her eyes again. Owen raised his eyebrows at her, but waited for her to actually answer his question. "No," she told him. "I didn't sleep with Niall. I'm not interested in sleeping with Niall. Whatever relationship Niall and I have now, had in the past, or didn't have was never about sex, alright?"

"Alright," he said simply.

She let her eyes fall closed again and her eyes rolled upward as she counted backward from ten slowly to calm herself. When she reached zero, she let out her breath and opened her eyes. "I came here to be with you tonight," she said, looking him in the eye. "I don't want to fight with you about my friends, or anything else. If there's a real problem, we can talk about it just like we always have. I just," she moved closer to him, but didn't reach for his hands, "it's like there's this wall that went up between us suddenly, and I don't want it there."

***

Even through the darkness in his bedroom, Reilly could clearly see Niall's bright blue eyes, lids heavy and begging for sleep, gazing at her. Full of emotion, they were searching her own dark green eyes for answers, for clues, for anything and everything she might give away to him.

"Are you alright?" he asked. His voice was low and breathy, his accent thick on the three simple words.

She nodded. "That's the third time you've asked me that," she pointed out, her voice soft. She reached up to touch his face and then pushed her fingers into his blond hair. "I'm alright. You don't have to keep asking. If I wasn't, I would have told you to stop," she said.

"I do have to ask," he disagreed quietly as he reached up and gently pulled her hand away from his head, intertwining his fingers with hers as he brought them back down to the bed. "I just need to hear you say the words," he said softly.

She pulled her fingers from his and brought them back up to his face, resting them gently against his cheek. "You look so tired," she commented.

"You look so perfect," he replied.

Her body had only just begun to calm down after feeling like fireworks exploded inside of her. But with those words, her heart started to race again and the butterflies that had quieted for the first time since she, Louis, and Niall had landed in Ireland started to flutter again. She could feel the tint of pink burning her cheeks. No one had ever called her perfect before, and she never would have imagined that someone could make her believe they believed that. But in that moment, even knowing how easy it was to say things after what they'd just shared, she did believe him. She may not always believe it, but she did right then.

"Go to sleep," she whispered to him.

"Not with you so bein' far away," he said.

His hand closed on her bare hip and her pulled her toward him as he rolled onto his back. There was a small part of her that wanted to protest, but her hip was tingling where his hand was, spreading warmth through her body that she only seemed to feel when it was her skin was next to Niall's. So she obliged, feeling tired of the cold that had enveloped her for too long.

***

Owen's room was dark when she opened her eyes. His shoulder was hard under her head, skin cold against hers. She shifted, trying to find a more comfortable position without waking him, but he felt the bed move. Just as she was about to lay her head back down, he rolled onto his side away from her, leaving an empty space where they had just been. Reilly sighed let her head fall against the pillow, and tried not to let it bother her since she knew she slept better anyway in her own space than she did sharing Owen's. Still, she sighed quietly as she rolled onto her side with her back to him, shivering as she pulled the blanket over her bare shoulder.