Collide, Ignite

Reilly's head was heavy when she woke up. The first thing she did was reach for her phone to check the time, but couldn't find it on the night table next to her bed. The water cup was empty, meaning she must have woken up at some point and drank it, though it didn't seem to have helped much. She reached out and turned the alarm clock so she could see it. Seven forty three.

It wasn't until she sat up slowly that she realized she was not alone in her bed. Harry was curled up on top of the blankets. The beanie he'd been wearing the night before was falling off his head, curls unruly and everywhere. He was wearing his jeans, which couldn't be comfortable, and sweater still, but had had the sense to kick off his shoes. He didn't so much as stir when Reilly carefully swung her legs over the side of the bed, head pounding as she moved her body, to refill her water cup and retrieve a blanket for him.

She sat back on the bed and sipped the water. Her mouth was dry and her brain felt like it had doubled in size. She closed her eyes. Memories from the night before came flooding back to her. She remembered feeling much better about being out after just one beer, and then trying to refuse any more because she had driven them there. Then after a second beer, she remembered laughing with Lexie and Cara. She finished half of Lexie's Jack and Coke after the ice melted and Lexie refused to drink anymore. Then she had another beer. More laughing. Cara's Vodka Cranberry. She started to get quiet again as drank her fourth beer.

Another beer she didn't remember ordering appeared in front of her. She wasn't paying attention to her friends anymore. Her mind had gone elsewhere, but she couldn't remember where. Was she still drinking the same beer, or was it a different one? Suddenly, she was crying. Leaning on Cara and just letting it all out. But why? Why was she crying? The specifics after a certain point were escaping her, and trying to force the memory to return was no use. She opened her eyes. The pounding in her head returned and she took a large gulp of water.

***

A knock on the bedroom door followed by a small, sleepy voice calling out his name brought Niall out of the sleep he'd been in. He groaned as he stretched and then looked over at the clock on his bedside table. Seven fifty three. There was another knock on the door, and his name being said a little bit louder this time.

"I'll be right there, Little One," he called out as he flung the blankets off and sat up, reaching for the t shirt he'd worn the day before. He pulled it over his head and ran his hand through his dark hair on his way to the door. "G'mornin', Darlin'!" he exclaimed as he pulled the door open. Maisie looked up at him with her bright blue eyes and a huge grin stretched across her sleepy face. He leaned down to pick her up. "Did ya sleep well?" he asked, and she nodded. "Hungry?" he asked. She nodded again, emphatically this time.

He walked back into his room and took his phone from the charging dock, and handed it to Maisie to hold on the way down the stairs. He put her on the kitchen counter. "What d'ya like better," he asked, "pancakes or waffles?"

"Pancakes!" she said excitedly.

"Girl after my own heart!" he exclaimed. "Pancakes it is." He turned and started pulling ingredients and measuring utensils from the cupboards, and set everything near Maisie. "You gotta help me, though, okay?" he asked. She grinned at him and nodded as she set the phone down on the counter next to her.

Niall measured out ingredients and then handed them to Maisie to pour into the bowl. He helped her stir it all together and made sure everything was completely mixed before dropping some butter into a pan. The little girl's eyes lit up at the sizzling sound it made. Once it melted, he dropped a spoonful of batter into the pan.

While Maisie stared at the cooking pancake, Niall took the opportunity to stick his finger in the bowl and smeared a little bit of batter on her nose. Her eyes widened and she giggled as she reached up to wipe it off and then motioned for him to come closer. He leaned down so he was eye level with her and she swiped her hand across his cheek, leaving a streak of pancake batter in its wake. He laughed and dipped his finger in the bowl and rubbed it on her nose again. She giggled harder and grabbed his face, bringing it closer to hers and rubbed their noses together.

Niall grabbed both of Maisie's hands and removed them from his cheeks, scrunching his face playfully when he moved back enough that she would be able to see. She was still giggling. He glanced over at the pancake in the pan and grabbed a spatula to flip it. When he turned back to Maisie she had stopped giggling and a look of sheer innocence had covered her face. He was suspicious, and leaned over to try to see what she might have done. As soon as he was close enough, she reached out for him again. Her hands, covered in pancake batter, smashed against his cheeks.

A roar of laughter came from deep inside Niall's stomach as he removed her hands from his face and placed them on her own. He then swiftly picked the little girl up off the counter and carried her to the kitchen sink. "Alright," he said. "I think that's enough, don't you?" he asked. She nodded, giggling uncontrollably, as he turned on the water to clean them both up.

When they pancakes were finished, Niall started to pull down two plates from the cupboard but then thought better of it. He looked over at Maisie. "We should just share, yeah?" he asked. Maisie agreed enthusiastically, so he put one of the plates back and plopped a stack of pancakes on the on the one in his hand. "You like syrup, Little One?" he asked once the pancakes had been cut into small pieces. When she nodded, he turned back to the cupboard, but stopped himself and went to the refrigerator. He came back with a bottle of chocolate syrup.

Upon seeing it, Maisie's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. "Yeah," she said excitedly, dragging out the middle of the word. "That's my favorite," she told him.

"Mine too," he said, as he popped the cap open and drizzled it heavily over the pancakes. He grabbed two forks from the drawer and then hopped up onto the counter, pushing the plate between him and Maisie. "Dig in," he said to her. "Tell me how we did."

Maisie stuck her fork into a piece of pancake and brought it to her mouth. It had barely touched her tongue when a smile drew across her face. "This is the best pancake ever!" she exclaimed.

Niall let out a hearty laugh and stabbed a piece of pancake. "You know what?" he said after he finished chewing it. "You're absolutely right. Best pancake I've ever had." Maisie smiled up at him and they both stabbed another piece of pancake. "You know why, don't you?" he asked, and Maisie gave him a questioning look. "It tastes so good because you used all the love you have in that little heart of yours to make them," he told her.

Maisie's smile returned, accompanied by a slight tint on her cheeks. "You did, too," she informed him. "We both did. But your heart is big, 'cause you're big. My heart will be big like yours one day."

Niall raised his eyebrows. "You think so?" he asked and she nodded as she put another piece of pancake into her mouth. His heart swelled as the corners of her lips turned up into a smile. She was practically the spitting image of Reilly to the point that it was difficult to believe they were sisters who only had one common parent and not mother and daughter. After a moment, he shook the thought from his head and stuck his fork into another piece of pancake.

***

Harry was still asleep when Reilly got out of the shower. Still curled up on her bed on top of the blankets. The blanket she'd draped over him was wrapped tightly around him now. His beanie had finally come off completely.

Louis was sitting in front of her closed bedroom door, knees drawn up against his chest. He looked like he'd been waiting there for a little while, but didn't say anything to her right away. She tried to offer him a small smile, but the look he gave back to her made her stop. Something seemed to be bothering him. He let his gaze drop.

"What happened last night?" he asked finally, staring at his hands while he played with his fingernails. He spoke softly so he wouldn't wake Harry. Reilly shrugged, knowing he could see her even though he wasn't looking directly at her. He shifted only his eyes upward to look at her. "Something must've happened, Love. In the five years I've known you, you've only gone out and gotten smashed out of your mind once, and that was the night we met, and you were very upset that night," he said.

Reilly shrugged again and glanced over at Harry. He was a pretty sound sleeper, but she still didn't want to wake him. "Let's go downstairs," she said. Louis nodded and stood up.

She followed him out of her room and down the hallway, then down the stairs to the kitchen. He filled the kettle with water and put it on stove. She sat down at the table and watched him unwrap a loaf of bread and stick two slices in the toaster. The thought that she'd worried Louis as much as it seemed she had made her sick to her stomach.

She waited patiently until Louis brought the toast and tea to the table. He sat down across from her and lifted his cup to his lips but thought better of it and set it back down. "So, you just don't want to talk about it, or...?" he let his question trail off as he tried to meet her gaze, but she kept shifting it away from him.

She shrugged again. "I don't know what happened. I was in a weird mood and Lexie and Cara wanted to go out since Maisie wanted to stay at Niall's, and they didn't really give me a say in the matter. So we went out, and I swear, Louis, I was only going to have one Guinness. But after the first one, Lexie convinced me to have another. Probably because she could see I was starting to loosen up. And then I just kept drinking after that. I remember laughing. And then I was crying on Cara's shoulder," she said and Louis gave her a look that questioned why. "But that's the thing. I don't remember what I was crying about."

Louis raised his eyebrows at her but stayed quiet for a long moment. He sighed quietly and the finally said, "Cara said you were crying about Niall."

***

When they finished eating, Niall put the dishes in the sink to wash later and helped Maisie down from the counter. She raced up the stairs to get dressed. Niall followed behind her a little slower as he pressed the home button on his phone to light up the screen and saw the text message notification. He waited until he reached the top of the stairs to unlock his phone and go into his message.

His breath caught in his throat when he read the words Reilly had sent to him the night before. The color drained from his face. His heart all but stopped and then started again, pounding hard against his rib cage. He leaned against the wall, blinking several times before rereading the messages. He blinked again. It didn't seem real. He closed the messages and drew in a deep breath before pushing himself off the wall and going to his room. Once the door shut behind him, he opened the messages and read them again. And again. And then again one more time. Not once did they change.

I miss you. Even when you're next to me. Especially when you're next to me. I'm sorry. I miss us.

***

Harry felt the vibrating before he heard the ringing. He slowly opened his eyes and instinctively reached for for his phone in his pocket, but it was silent. As he woke up a little more, he realized the ringtone wasn't even his. It sounded like Reilly's phone.

He finally managed to locate the device in the tangled blankets and quickly swiped across the screen to answer the phone call when he saw Niall's name. "'Lo?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Harry?" Niall questioned, confusion evident in the single word he spoke.

"Yeah, Mate. You all right?" he asked.

"Where's Reilly? Why're you answering her phone?" Niall asked, not answering his friend's question.

Harry looked around the room quickly. He already knew she wasn't in bed. The bathroom door was open and the bedroom door was shut. She was nowhere to be seen. "Think she's downstairs," he said. He cleared his throat to try to remove some of the gravel from it. "Need something?" he inquired.

Niall stayed quiet for a moment, like he was trying to figure out how to respond to the question at hand. "'S'alright. Was just callin' to see when she wanted the little one home. Have her call me later?" he said, but it came out as a question.

"Sure," Harry responded. If he hadn't been so groggy, he would have noticed the strain in his friend's tone. But instead he just said his goodbyes and pressed the button to hang up. The call disappeared from the screen, showing the last thing Reilly had had open on her phone.

Harry blinked at what he saw. He rubbed his face, certain his bleary eyes were playing tricks on him. But when he refocused them on the screen, the series of five text messages that he'd seen moments before were there. I miss you. Even when you're next to me. Especially when you're next to me. I'm sorry. I miss us.

"Oh no, Reilly. Reilly, Reilly, Reilly. What have you done?" he sighed as he pressed the button to return to her home screen.

***

From the moment Harry had come downstairs, he seemed like he wanted to say something to Reilly, but he never did. By late morning, everyone had gone. Reilly hadn't heard from Niall and considered calling him to see when he was bringing Maisie home, but ultimately decided that some quiet might do her good. She was curled up on the couch reading her favorite book when she heard the front door open. No one said anything, so she got up to see who it was.

Niall entered the hallway at the same time she did. Maisie's arms were wrapped around his neck, head on his shoulder, and legs around his torso. He put a finger to his lips, signaling for her to be quiet as he carried the sleeping girl toward the stairs. Reilly leaned against the wall just outside of the living room, watching as he climbed, and then listening as he walked down the hall and opened Maisie's bedroom door.

Then moments later he was coming back down the stairs. His face looked determined and walked toward her like he had a purpose. Closer and closer. Then suddenly he was within arms reach of her. His hands were on her face and her skin was tingling under his touch, burning almost. Her breath caught and her heart raced in her chest, just like it always did when Niall was around. He leaned down, his face getting closer to hers. She had no idea what was going on. Her brain was still fuzzy from the hangover and all her other senses had suddenly gone into overdrive. He looked nice despite wearing sweatpants and a plain white tshirt. And he smelled good. Really good. And then his face was right there, level with her own.

She put both hands on his chest and gave him a slight push. Not enough to force him backward, but enough to get him to stop. "What are you doing?" she barely breathed out as he straightened his body to his full height.

A look of confusion fell across his face momentarily. "I thought," he paused. "You-" He put his hand on his head and mussed his own hair as he sighed and then ran his hand over his face. His expression had morphed into something Reilly couldn't quite place "Ah, jaysus. I'm such an idiot," he said exasperatedly.

Reilly shook her head quickly and reached out to grab his arm, but he jerked it away before she touched him. "No, you're not an idiot," she said, bewilderment clouding her expression. "I just don't understand? I mean, I know... or I used to... that you... we..." she stumbled for the right words, shaking her head. "I don't understand."

He ran his hand over his face again, the confusion returning, mixed with something that looked like frustration. "Don't understand?" he asked and Reilly shook her head slowly, cautiously. "Those texts you sent me-"

Reilly stared at him, more confused than ever. "Texts?" she interrupted. "What texts? When?" she asked.

Niall pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened up the conversation and held the phone out to her. The color drained from her face as she read the words she didn't remember sending to him. Tears filled her eyes. "Niall," she began. She didn't want to look up at him but knew she had to.

He shook his head and snatched his phone away from her. "Save it. I should know better by now," he said bitterly as he turned away from her to head toward the door. Reilly winced at the harshness of his tone.

Tears slipped from her eyes. "Niall," she began again. "I was really drunk last night," she told him.

He stopped and spun his body back toward her, eyes showing a flash of fury. "So, what, you're tellin' me you don't mean those things?" he asked, his tone filled with the same anger as his eyes.

"No, I," she started, but her throat closed up. She didn't know how finish.

"What? You didn't mean it, or that's not what you're sayin'?" he reiterated.

Her eyes squeezed shut tightly. "Can you just give me a minute to think?" she asked.

"No, Reilly," he practically roared. "'S not that hard! Did ya mean what you said or not?" he questioned.

Reilly shoulders rose. Fighting with Niall, knowing she'd hurt him again was draining her of all her energy. "It's not that simple! I don't remember sending you those texts. I-" She had absentmindedly she started playing with her engagement ring, twisting in an attempt to lighten heavy burden it had once again become. He turned to leave. Tears fell faster from her eyes. "Don't go," Her voice come out barely above a whisper. "Please. Let's just talk about this." She was practically begging, desperate for him to stay.

"What's to talk about?" he spat, turning back once again. "You don't mean what you said. I get it."

"I didn't say that!" she argued. Neither was being very mindful that Maisie was trying to sleep just up the stairs, or that their yelling might wake her up.

"You didn't have to," he shot back. "You still got that ring on." His tone was quickly changing from anger and frustration to defeat. "That's answer enough," he told her. And without waiting for a response, he turned and finally walked out the door.

***

Niall had been gone barely ten minutes when Reilly reached for her phone. She tried to keep it together as she unlocked her phone. She tried to keep it together as she dialed Liam's number. She tried to keep it together as she listened to the line ring, and ring, and ring again. She tried to keep it together when it went to voicemail. She couldn't wait. She needed him. She tried to keep it together as she called him a second time. She tried to keep it together when again he didn't answer. She called again, slowly feeling like what little composure she was holding onto was slipping away. He still didn't answer, and she called again.

Finally he picked up the call, and she completely lost it. She couldn't say anything, she could only sob into the phone as she slowly slid down the wall she'd been leaning on. He tried talking to her to calm her down, but it wasn't helping. She pulled her knees up to her chest and put her head down to rest on them. He listened to her for a few minutes, continuously reminding her that he was there.

"Are you home?" he asked finally, and she managed a squeak in response. "I'll be right there," he assured her. She nodded even though he couldn't see her and hung up the call.

In the fifteen minutes it took for Liam to get from wherever he was to her house, Reilly had managed to gather herself enough to move from the hallway into the living room. When he walked in, she was sitting on the couch with a guitar in her lap, absentmindedly strumming at the strings. Her face was red and tears were still slowly sliding down her cheeks. Liam sat next to her and gently took the guitar from her, setting it next to him against the sofa. He slid his arms around Reilly and pulled her to him, her back against his chest, and hugged her as though he would never let go if she didn't want him to. Immediately, both of her hands went up and held onto his arm just to make sure he was really there.

"I really messed up," she mumbled unsteadily after awhile. She didn't know how long they'd been sitting like that, but it was long enough for her to find her voice again.

"I'm sure that's not true," Liam said softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Her grip on his arms tightened slightly like she was afraid he might light go and she wasn't ready for that. "I'm sure whatever's happened can be fixed," he told her.

She shook her head. "Get my phone," she said. With the arm she wasn't holding, Liam reached for the device on the arm of the couch next to her. "Open my texts," she instructed, and he did as he was told. "Niall," she said, before he could ask which conversation.

He blew out a slow breath as the messages appeared on the screen. "Reilly," he started.

"I'm stupid. I'm so stupid. And now he hates me. I don't blame him. But I don't want him to," she said. Fresh tears fell from her eyes as she told him what had happened the night before to the best of her memory. Her words kept breaking from an inability to fully catch her breath.

"Someone should've called me so I could be here with you," he said.

Reilly gave a small shrug against his arms. "They probably just didn't want to bother you. You know, you're still a newlywed and-"

"But we're family," he cut her off.

"Not really, I mean-"

"Not really?" he said incredulously. "Not really. What do you mean not really?" he asked, hugging her even more tightly to his chest. "Reilly, you're my sister. I'll always be here for you. I don't care if we're not related by blood. The bond we've built is stronger than that," he told her. His tone was soft but there was a certain firmness to his words.

Her throat had become so tight that she wasn't able to voice her appreciation. She pressed back further against Liam's body, trying to curl into him, into a safe hiding place. He didn't know what else to do, so he just held onto her and let her cry.

***

It took nearly an hour for Reilly to calm down enough that she was able to leave Liam's embrace. When she did, she immediately picked up the guitar again. It was same guitar Niall had left in her tiny apartment five years ago, that she tried to return to him more than once, but he never took it with him when he'd leave. She didn't play it often, just enough that the time she spent learning it wasn't a waste. Something about it was calming her even further. Maybe it was the feeling of the metal strings underneath her fingers that brought her back closer to where she needed to be.

She was humming along to the tune she was playing when Liam got up to leave. He leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head, and she smiled up at him. Her eyes still looked sad, but less sad than when he'd gotten there.

Reilly was so wrapped up in what she was doing that she didn't hear the mumbled voices at the front door before it shut. But moments later her pulse started to race and she knew. She kept her eyes cast downward as she continued to strum. Looking up might bring her to tears again and she was tired of crying.

She wasn't sure why he'd come back or if she wanted to hear anything else he might have to say to her, so she just kept playing. Kept her eyes down. Kept her fingers moving. Tried to keep her thoughts from racing. To try to quiet her mind, she switched the tune she was playing and started to hum along.

He picked up the song she was playing almost immediately and started to sing along mid-verse. "...till eternity passes away, just to spend them with you." He sang softly. She could only barely hear him across the small living room. "If I could make days last forever," he continued. "If words could make wishes come true, I'd save every day like a treasure and then, again, I would spend them with you. But there never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them. I've looked around enough to know that you're the one I wanna go through time with." His voice broke at the end of the chorus and he didn't even attempt to go on to the next verse.

Reilly didn't go on to a new song when the one she was playing ended. She kept her fingers pressed to the strings. Her eyes didn't wander but instead stayed fixed on a spot on the floor. But the silence was deafening. She couldn't get her brain to communicate to her fingers that the room needed something other than the sound of their breathing, so she spoke instead.

"My mom used to sing that song to me when I was a little girl," she said, still not looking up at him. "She would curl up next to me in my bed at night and tell me that she loved me, that I was her perfect little girl." Her eyes filled with tears again. Her heart was breaking a hundred times over. "And she would sing until I fell asleep." She blinked and swallowed hard, trying to rid her throat of the lump that had grown in it, and then finally looked up.

He was sitting on the arm of the love seat, his long legs stretched down far enough that his feet were planted firmly on the floor, whereas her own feet would have been left dangling if she perched the same way. He looked tired which was a stark contrast to the determination he had embodied earlier.

"It's a beautiful song," he said and then paused to clear his throat. "Tried to leave but then I remembered you have my keys. Went for a walk instead to try and get my head straight," he told her. "I'm sorry I yelled." His hands were playing with his phone, and his eyes barely met hers as he held it up. "Can we talk about this?" he asked.

Reilly nodded and set the guitar down. "You've been distant," she said. Niall raised his eyebrows at her. "Or maybe I've been distant. I don't know. But we're strained. It's like," she paused and drew in a long breath. "It's like we're barely even friends and I hate that. I hate that this is all my fault. And I just." She sniffed and did her best to keep her voice steady. "I just miss the way we were before all of this, and before everything that happened before," she told him. The words should have felt brave because she was wasn't good at putting her thoughts into words but all she could feel was every weakness, every insecurity bubbling to the surface, and fear. Fear that he would leave her life again, this time of his own volition, and never again walk back into it.

"You can't have it all, Reilly," he said softly. His voice was wavering almost as much as hers, and it might have been a slight comfort that he was maybe just as scared as she was if his words didn't sting quite so much. "You can't have him and me," he said barely above a whisper.

Without warning, tears slipped from her eyes. "Are you saying I have to choose between the two of you?" she asked quickly wiping away moisture streaking down her cheeks. "Are you giving me an ultimatum?"

Niall shook his head. "Not at all," he assured her. "What I'm sayin' is you have to make a decision. You're engaged to him and if you're going to marry him then we both have to accept that things are different now. We won't ever be able to get back to the way we were before, regardless. Too much has changed. And if he truly has your heart, you shouldn't want what we had before, because we were always headed in a certain direction. The way we were back when we first met was just a precursor to everything that happened afterward."

***

Niall didn't stay long. Long enough, though, to have Reilly feeling like a broken, crumpled mess, less sure of what she thought she knew wanted than ever before. Owen was the path she'd chosen, the path that logically made the most sense. They'd made a commitment to each other when he gave her the gaudy piece of jewelry she couldn't stop twisting on her finger when a certain dark haired Irishman was around.

She was so far inside her own head that she didn't even hear Maisie come down the stairs. It wasn't until the child climbed into her lap that she realized she was no longer alone. The little girl looked up at her with worry behind her innocent eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked, reaching up to touch Reilly's face. Reilly nodded and kissed the tip of her sister's nose. Maisie scrunched it playfully at her in return. "How come you and Niall were yelling? Is he mad?" she inquired.

Reilly's heart dropped. She should have known that Maisie would have heard them fighting earlier. "No, he's not mad. He's sad," she said. "I made him sad."

The corners of Maisie's mouth pulled down into frown. "Why did you make him sad?" she asked, but it almost sounded accusatory.

"I didn't mean to," she told the little girl as she blinked back fresh tears.

"Oh," Maisie said and turned in Reilly's lap so she was no longer facing her sister. "How come you're sad?" she asked.

Reilly sniffed. "Because Niall's sad," she said.

Maisie didn't say anything for a long time, like she was contemplating her sister's words. Her little brain worked so much harder than it should ever have to, but if one thing was true about Maisie it was that she craved knowledge.

"You love Owen, right?" she asked finally and Reilly hummed in response. "Do you get sad when he's sad, too?" she questioned.

Reilly should have seen where Maisie's thoughts were going, but she was so distracted by everything that happened on top of the lingering hangover she was still fighting against. "Sometimes," she replied.

The little girl fell quiet again, but for a much shorter period of time. "So," she began, "do you love Niall, too?" She settled into Reilly's lap and leaned back into her. Reilly's pressed a kiss to her sister's head, carefully considering her question for a long moment.

She criss-crossed her arms over her sister's chest and rested her forehead against the crown of the little girl's head. "Yeah," she breathed out. "Yeah, Baby, I think I do."