Collide, Ignite

After three days of Lexie repeatedly telling Reilly that she needed to talk to Owen, Reilly finally pushed aside her stubbornness and listened to her friend. Truthfully, there was a part of her that was waiting for Owen to come to her, sober, and apologize not only for the way he had acted on Sunday afternoon, but also for ducking out of her party so abruptly. But by Wednesday she finally realized that he wasn't going to. So, she went to him.

She had a key to his place, but with the way they'd been fighting she felt it best to ring the bell. It was late afternoon. His car was in front of the house so she knew he was home. It took almost a full minute for him to come to the door, and when it finally swung open, she was almost surprised by the sight of him.

He was dressed in black slacks and a button down shirt with a maroon tie around his neck. It wasn't entirely unusual for him to be dressed this way, though normally the tie was loosened and the top buttons were undone. It appeared as though he was getting ready to go somewhere instead of just getting home and being in for the night.

"Reilly," he breathed out, his eyebrows raising high, as if she was the last person he'd expected to be on the other side of the door.

She returned his look of curiosity. "Is this a bad time?" she inquired.

Owen shook his head quickly and pulled the door open further so she could come inside. "Always have time for you, Love," he told her.

It took a lot for her to hold back the incredulous snort that wanted so desperately to escape. While she could appreciate the sentiment, it was not one that had been backed by actions recently. She stayed where she was. "I can-" she began, but cut herself off. "It looks like you're on your way out," she observed.

"I have a bit before I need to get to a dinner with my team," he said, referring to the people he worked with. "Please, come inside, Love." He held his arm out as if to make a point, and with an exhaled sigh Reilly obliged. Just as she had when she'd come to him the night of the huge blow out at Liam's house, she didn't make any move to touch him as she entered his home. "You know you can just use the key," he offered.

He'd probably meant it as a reminder, but something about it came off as condescending. Or maybe she was just uptight already. But either way something inside of Reilly snapped, and she flinched visibly at the comment. "I needed to know you were sober first." She tried to remain calm but the words came through gritted teeth.

"I-" He opened his mouth to speak but didn't get past the first word before stopping himself. He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment before he exhaled a long breath. "That's fair," he said finally.

If something had snapped before, now there was a bulldozer plowing through her. "That's fair," she repeated, her face growing hot. "That's great, Owen. I'm really glad you think that's fair," she said. Fire spread through her insides and she was sure steam was coming out of her ears. "You know what isn't fair?" she asked. He raised an eyebrow at her but wisely chose not to say anything. "You storming into my house drunk on a Sunday afternoon. That wasn't fair. You leaving my birthday party after being there for fifteen minutes. Also not fair. Showing up to dinner with my family late. Not really fair. Refusing to acknowledge them as my family just because it isn't the one I was born into. Really, really, not fair." Her voice had grown louder with each frustration she let out until she was practically shouting at him. In the midst of it she had begun to play with her ring, twisting it large piece of jewlery and pulling it off her finger and then pushing it back on.

Owen sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I don't know what you want me to say, Love. I thought you understood that this project I'm working on has me quite busy at the moment." His eyes were glued to her hands, fingers twisting the ring round and round. "I don't mean to neglect-" He watched her twist the ring to her knuckle and then slide it back down. "Something wrong with your ring?" he interrupted himself.

Her eyes snapped to his. "And that's another thing. You've known me for over three years and you couldn't even buy me a ring that suits me," she shouted at him.

He flinched at her words. "You don't like the ring?" he questioned. "You never-"

"I shouldn't have to tell you, Owen," she said, feeling the tears building behind her eyes as she cut him off. This was not what she had planned on doing when she came over. The plan had been to talk things out like rational adults. But from the moment she stepped inside the house, she had been feeling anything but rational. "You should know me better."

"I thought," he began, but stopped himself once again. He wasn't used to seeing Reilly so emotional and wasn't sure how to proceed without making things worse. "I can take it back," he conceded. "Get a different one."

Reilly shook her head. A tear slipped from her eye and she reached up quickly to brush it away. "I like what it represents," she told him. "I don't want you to just take it back and get a different one. It's just frustrating that this is what you thought I wanted."

Owen drew in a long breath. "So, you don't like the ring, but you don't want me to get you a different one," he repeated back to her. "I feel like there's no way I can win here, Love."

Two more tears escaped as she shook her head again. "This isn't about winning, Owen. Don't you understand?" she said, her voice wavering.

He held his arms out in a manner of defeat. "Frankly, Reilly, no. I don't understand. I don't understand if this is about something I've done, or something I haven't done, or if it's about me at all. I don't know if this is about you, or us, or something else entirely. But what I do know is that you have been different ever since you started spending time with that Niall lad again," he said.

"Don't bring him into this," she objected quickly. "This has nothing to do with Niall." Even as the words tumbled from her mouth she wasn't sure they were completely truthful. She had maybe been walking a fine line since Louis' birthday party, but she wasn't looking to get out of the commitment she made to Owen. She was just trying to find a way to balance having both men in her life.

"Doesn't it, though?" he challenged.

"No," she argued.

"You've been distant-"

Reilly shook her head vehemently. "You've been gone!" she protested. "You're always at work, or if you're not at work you're exhausted, which I can understand, but how can you say I've been distant when every time I want to see you and spend time with you, you're too busy? Louis, Harry, Liam, Zayn, and yes, even Niall, have found ways to make time for me. Why can't you?" she asked. Her question came out sounding more desperate than she wanted it to. But truth be told she was feeling more than a little desperate. It didn't feel right to have to beg for her fiance's attention.

Owen sighed heavily. "What do you want me to do, Reilly?" he asked. "Do you want me quit my job so I can spend every waking moment with you?"

"No," she said, feeling the tears return behind her eyes.

"Do you want me to drop everything any time you come round?" he questioned.

A tear slid down her cheek. "No," she said again.

"Do you want me to forget about all my other obligations just so you can feel needed?" he asked.

Reilly recoiled from the sting that came with his words. "No," she said. Tears were raining down her face but she made no move to brush them away. It wouldn't matter if she did. There was no stopping them.

"Do you want to break up?"

"No," she shouted, and then drew in a deep breath, continuing before he could throw any more hurtful words or suggestions her way. "I just don't want to be thought of as just another one of your obligations. I don't want to have to beg for you attention. I want you to want to spend time with me, Owen." Her voice was wavering again and her legs were starting to feel like jelly as all the energy drained from her body.

He sighed again, glancing quickly at his watch. "I have to go, Reilly," he said.

Reilly rolled her eyes and shook her head. She folded one arm over her chest and held onto her arm, refusing to look at him. "Why doesn't that surprise me," she said quietly. Owen let out another sigh, but she didn't let him say anything. "Are you still coming to my graduation on Saturday, or is work more important?" she asked.

"Reilly," he said exasperatedly, but didn't continue. Instead he turned away and walked to the hall closet to get his coat.

"Also, I told you last week, but in case you forgot, my step brother is flying in tomorrow. He wants to take us to dinner, if you think you can fit that into your busy schedule," she called after him. She heard him sigh again and she shook her head, eyes rolling upward. "You know what, Owen, how about you let me know when you have two free minutes for me, alright?" she said.

She didn't wait for a response and walked the two steps to the front door, pulling it open. They had never made it beyond the entryway, and in some twisted way, she was grateful. It made leaving a lot easier. She stepped outside and let the door slam behind her.

She drove straight home, and had been inside for about two minutes before the silence started to make her crazy. Lexie had taken Maisie to Harry's for the night so Reilly could talk to Owen. She usually enjoyed the quiet and on any other occasion would make herself a simple dinner and curl up on the couch with a book. But with everything feeling so unsettled, she couldn't take it. She needed to talk to someone.

Her phone was at the bottom of her purse when she finally found it, pulling it out and dialing a number from memory. It rang once, and then a second time. Reilly waited as patiently as she could, drumming her fingers against her knee.

"Ello, my love," Louis answered cheerfully just before the fourth ring.

"Is Niall the reason Owen and I are fighting?" she asked, forgoing a standard greeting.

"Beg pardon?" he replied. Reilly sighed heavily and explained to Louis everything that had been happening.

It almost didn't seem real as she told him, like it was just a story of some other person's problems, because for three years things had run so smoothly. And now suddenly she couldn't seem to catch her breath after one argument before another started.

Louis let out a long breath. "Hard to say, my love," he said, answering her initial question. "I wish I could be more help but I think this is one you're going to have to figure out on your own," he said. She started to object but he quickly cut her off. "Because it could be, Reilly, honestly. There's a possibility that you and Owen are having more disagreements because of Niall. But it also could be something else. It could be a lot of other things. The only people who can really figure out the answer are you and Owen."

Reilly stayed quiet for a long time. So long that Louis had to say her name to get any sound from her. "Yeah, Louis, I'm still here. Sorry. I'm just," she paused. "Confused," she breathed.

"Listen, my love," he said. "I may not be the most intelligent man in the world, but here's what I do know. If you and Owen really love each other, and the two of you really want to make it work, you will find a way. It doesn't really matter what the reasons are in the long run. It's how much you want what you have. Both of you," he told her. She drew in a breath but didn't say anything, so he continued. "But if one of you doesn't want it, even just a tiny bit, it's never going to work. Alright?"

She nodded just as the doorbell rang. "Yeah. Thanks," she said, pushing herself off the couch and walking toward the front door. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice the racing in her chest. "I'll talk to you later, okay? I love you," she said, reaching for the door knob.

"Love you back," he replied. "Take care of yourself. And if you can't, just give me a ring and I'll be right over." A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth for the first time in hours as she ended the call. Louis could always make her feel better even on her worst of days and she was grateful for him, even if he did tend to make her crazy at times.

She pulled open the front door and almost dropped her phone when she saw Niall standing in front of her. "I-" she started but then snapped her mouth shut quickly. He raised an eyebrow curiously at her. "Hi," she said finally. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you," she told him.

"I should have called," he said quickly. "Just, Maisie told me the other day she's never seen the movie Brave, which I couldn't believe with how much you like Frozen and Tangled and all them other Disney movies."

"Brave is Pixar," she interrupted.

Niall rolled his eyes as a grin pulled slowly across his face. "It's both, actually," he informed her, holding up the blu-ray box in his hand as proof. "Anyway," he said exaggeratedly. "I was sittin' home alone and remembered Maisie wanted to me to have a movie night with the two of you, and so I thought I'd drop in and see what you were up to tonight," he finished.

Reilly smiled at him and she finally realized the way her heart was racing in her chest. "Maisie is at Harry's for the night," she said, her face falling a little as she spoke.

"Oh," he said quietly. "Right. I'm sorry. I really should have called first."

She shrugged. "Don't be sorry. You're welcome to drop by any time. There's just no guarantee Maisie will be here," she said. "I'm actually glad you came by, though." Niall's eyes met hers with a look of surprise. "I mean, I could have called you about this but since you're here I can just talk to you in person about it, which I generally prefer as it is. Anyway, Zachary, my step brother- I don't know if you remember me mentioning him ever." Niall nodded. He remembered very vividly the night he had gone to her apartment because she'd told him she'd had a hard day, and she completely broke down while telling him all about Zachary. "He's coming in tomorrow so he can come to my graduation on Saturday and then take Maisie home on Tuesday," she went on. "Maisie said she really wants you to meet him. Obviously that's up to you and if you don't want to, that's completely fine. I can just tell her you have other stuff going on. She'll understand."

Niall chuckled at the way she spoke so quickly, like she was afraid he was going to cut her off before she could get everything out. "I can make time for that. It's no problem at all," he said. "Just let me know when and where, and I will be there."

Reilly studied his face for a moment. He was so easygoing about everything and it baffled her sometimes. "Are you sure?" she inquired. "Because you really don't have to. It's just Maisie has been talking nonstop for the past two days about wanting her big brother to meet her best friend and she made me promise I would ask you. And since I can't imagine ever breaking a promise to that little girl-"

"Reilly," Niall interrupted gently, his face covered in amusement at the way she was going on and on. "I have no problem meeting your brother, regardless of whose askin'." She started to open her mouth to respond but he cut her off before she could say anything. "And you're a real good sister to that little girl. I'm gonna miss her when she's gone," he said.

Reilly nodded. "Me too," she said quietly.

Niall also nodded but didn't leave any time for silence to settle between them. "Listen, I should go," he said and Reilly nodded once again. Part of her wanted to ask him to come inside and sit with her, talk with her, not let her be alone and sad and confused. But she knew she couldn't do that. Because he would in a heartbeat. And he would do it without expecting a thing in return, which was exactly what he would get and it wasn't fair to him. He smiled and started to turn away but he caught a look in her eye and stopped. "You alright?" he asked.

A sad smile crossed her face. She wasn't, but that was something else she couldn't tell him. "Yeah," she replied. "I'm fine." He looked at her curiously and she gave a slight shrug. "I'll let you know about Zachary and Maisie," she said finally.

"Sure thing, Darlin'," he said, turning away once again. "Have a good night," he called over his shoulder, catching her gaze once more, but only briefly. She watched as he walked back to his car. It was dark but the sidewalk was illuminated by the streetlights. There was something in the way he walked that seemed like he didn't want to leave. But he climbed into the car and rolled down the window to wave as he drove away, even though it was a cold January evening.

She waved back and then closed the door, returning to the living room. She hadn't eaten and she knew she should but she couldn't convince herself to go into the kitchen. Instead she lifted her phone again and dialed Liam's number.

"Will you bring me food?" she asked as soon as he answered.

He chuckled into the phone. "Sure. What would you like?" he asked.

She shrugged even though he couldn't see her. "I don't know. Surprise me," she said.

He laughed again. "Alright then. Aimee and I will be over in a bit," he told her. "Unless you just wanted me to come over," he added quickly.

"No," she said. "Both of you is fine. Great, actually. The more, the merrier," she told him. He drew in a breath but before he could ask the question she knew was inevitably coming but didn't want to answer again, she went on. "I'll see you guys soon. Just come in when you get here. I mean, not that you don't always, anyway," she rambled.

"Are you alright, Reilly?" Liam asked quickly. "You don't get really rambly like that often," he added.

She tried to keep her voice light but no matter how she tried to play it, the real, truthful answer was no, she didn't really feel alright. But that had never been easy for her to say. "I have a lot on my mind, I guess," she told him after a moment. "I've already talked to Louis but we can talk about it when you get here."

Liam accepted that answer and finally let her hang up. She curled into the corner of couch as far as she could go, bringing her knees up tight against her chest and stared at the wall. When she was younger and her father would have one of his drunken fits and then either leave or retreat to his room, she would often end up in the same position. It was the closest she ever felt to safe then, and it brought about a similar feeling now. She hadn't even realized she needed it but now all she wanted was fold herself in tighter and reign in every little piece that felt like it was escaping and tuck them back inside herself.

She stayed in the position until she heard the front door open. Slowly, she stretched one leg out, then the other. They felt cramped from being in the same position for a half hour, but she extended them as far as they would go and wiggled her feet to get the blood flowing properly again. She had just sat up when Liam and Aimee walked in the room, and she rose to greet them. Aimee hugged her first, briefly, and then Liam wrapped her in a tight hug and held onto her for a long time.

They sat around the living room and ate with TV as background noise. Reilly told them the things that were currently plaguing her mind, along with what Louis had said. Both were quick to agree with what he'd said, which didn't come as a surprise at all. The boys stood fairly united on certain things, and this happened to be one of them.

Something else had been nagging at Reilly for a few days. Once she'd finished eating, she set her plate on the coffee table and leaned back against the couch, recalling the conversation she'd had with Lexie after Owen left on Sunday.

"What else is going on in there, Reilly?" Liam asked, taking in the perplexed look on her face.

There was a small part of her that wanted to make a joke just to lighten the mood of the room, but she refrained. "I was just thinking," she started. "The other day Lexie suggested that I should maybe talk to someone?" she said, but it came out more as a question.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his eyes flickering over to his wife briefly before landing on Reilly.

She pulled her feet up onto the the couch and hugged her knees to her chest, shrugging. "I don't know. A psychologist, I think," she told him.

Liam hummed. Aimee's fingers barely brushed against his leg as if she was reassuring him of something, but Reilly was staring at the floor in front of her and therefore did not catch any of it. "What do you think?" he inquired carefully.

"I don't know," she shrugged again. "What about you?" she asked.

He fixed his gaze on her for a long moment and then drew in a steady breath. "I don't think it's the worst idea in the world. You've been through a lot in your lifetime, Reilly, and you've never properly spoken to anyone about it. Sure, you've spent the last five years studying the human brain and behavior, but I don't think you've found the answers you're looking for," he offered.

She nodded in understanding, in agreement. "I think the problem is that I'm not sure what answers I'm looking for," she admitted. "Maybe talking to someone would help with that? It's just scary, you know. Putting yourself out there and opening up to a complete stranger. I mean, for God's sake, I'm engaged to a man with a Psychology degree, and I'm about to get a Psychology degree and between the two of us we can't even figure out how to have a civil conversation right now." She sniffled and finally looked up at her brother and sister in law.

But before either of them could say anything, the doorbell rang. Reilly sighed and unfolded herself so she could go get the door. When she pulled it open, Owen was on the other side looking rather tired, but also determined.

"I do want to spend time with you, Love," he said before she could even open her mouth. "I know I'm doing a shit job of showing you that right now and I'm gutted that you're feeling neglected. And it's worse that I didn't even realize I was pushing you aside. I've had tunnel vision lately and I keep thinking that I can just get the project finished and things will be as they were before the holidays," he told her.

Reilly bit the inside of her lip and shook her head. "But when I suggested we take some time after that just for the two of us, you shot it down without even considering it," she said.

"I've been so tired lately-"

She shook her head. "Don't use that as an excuse. Please," she said. She bit the inside of her lip again as she felt her eyes filling up with tears.

He looked almost taken aback at her request. "I don't know what you want me to say, then, Love," he said.

Reilly shrugged, tears rimming her eyes and teetering on the edge. Her hands were shaking and so did her voice when she spoke next. "Don't say anything, then. Because I don't want you to just say whatever it is you think I want to hear. I want," she paused. "I need you to mean the words you say. Otherwise, what are we doing?" she asked.

Confusion spread across his face. "What do you mean, what are we doing?" he inquired.

"I mean, you're standing in front of me apologizing for a part of what you've done, but you won't even address that just a few days ago you were drunk in the middle of the day. And you weren't just any drunk. You were angry drunk. And you accused me of a really awful thing," she explained. "Do you have any idea the things I've been feeling the last few days, the questions I've been asking myself?"

"I'm s-"

She held up a hand to stop him, shaking her head. "Please just go home, Owen," she said. The tears finally spilled over and slid slowly down her cheeks.

"We can't talk about this?" he questioned.

Reilly sucked bottom lip between her teeth and shook her head once again. "No. Not tonight. I think we both need to take the rest of the night and think about what we really want," she said. "Find some time for me tomorrow and we can talk about it then." She took a step back and started to close door.

"Reilly, please," he practically begged.

"Good night, Owen," she said, and let the door shut the rest of the way with a gentle click.