Collide, Ignite

"Can Niall come over today?"

Reilly looked over at Maisie, who was sitting in the middle of the living room building a very complex looking castle with blocks. Harry and Lexie had brought her home early, on her request, and then turned around and left again. It was cold and gray outside, not unusual of a January morning in London, but it left little for the girls to do outside of the house.

"I haven't seen him for awhile," she added, her attention never leaving the blocks in front of her.

"I don't know, Mais," Reilly replied. Maisie huffed but continued her building. "He might be busy. And Zachary is coming today. Don't you want to see him?"

Maisie still remained focused on the task in front of her. "Yeah, but if Niall comes over then he can meet Zachary when he gets here," she said.

Reilly held back a sigh. Inviting Niall over was innocent enough but still felt like it might be a bad idea given the current state of her relationship with Owen. But then, at the same time, it seemed unfair to deprive Maisie of a person she was so fond of.

Finally, she shrugged. "He might be busy today, Little One," she repeated.

"Well, you can call him," the little girl said simply as she added another block to the building she was working on.

Reilly felt a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. The logic behind it was so simple, but then, so was being a child. "You can call him," Reilly said. She picked her phone up off the coffee table and dialed Niall's phone number. Maisie finally tore her attention from her blocks and stood up, careful not to knock down the castle she'd spent so much time building, and walked over to her sister.

She took the phone from Reilly and put it to her ear, waiting patiently for Niall to answer. When he did, his voice was thick and slightly muffled, as though he'd just woken up. "'Lo?" he mumbled.

"Hi Best Friend!" Maisie said excitedly.

Niall cleared his throat. "That you, Little One? What're you up to?" he inquired.

"Um, Reilly said I could call you and ask if you could come over today," she told him.

"Oh, she did?" he asked.

Maisie nodded. "Uh huh, so could you come over? She said maybe you're busy but my brother is going to be here later and I want you see him," she said.

"Your brother, huh? Well, I'll tell you what, Little One, I would love to see your brother. I don't think I'm busy today, but let me talk to Reilly before I say yes or no, okay?" he said.

"Okay," she shrugged and held the phone out to Reilly. "He says he has to talk to you. He always says he has to talk to you. That's why you should call him."

Reilly raised her eyebrows at her sister's matter-of-fact tone. "Go run upstairs and brush your hair," she said as she reached for the phone. "Auntie Lexie did a terrible job," she finished, as she brought the phone to her ear. She waited until she heard footsteps on the stairs before she spoke to Niall. "Hey," she said.

"She's right, you know?" he said. "You should just call me instead of havin' her do it. What're you afraid of?" he asked.

She breathed out a heavy sigh. "It's not- I'm not-" she paused, trying to figure out how to respond. She didn't want to get Niall involved in whatever was going on between her and Owen. "There's just," she sighed again. "Nothing. I'm not afraid of anything," she said finally.

"You don't sound very convincing, Darlin'," he said. "You can tell me if there's something wrong. That's how bein' friends works."

Reilly sighed yet again. "I know. It's like I told you, though, I'm really trying to be more mindful of your feelings because that's also something friends do. And I'm not sure if what's going on right now is something I should involve you in. I'm sorry. This is really confusing and I'm just trying to do right by everyone," she explained.

"Do right by yourself, Darlin'," he began. "I don't know what you're talkin' about, but you gotta do right by yourself and by that little girl you got there. Don't worry about everyone else. Just you and Maisie. Those are the two people who matter the most," he told her.

She nodded, feeling the tears building up behind her eyes. How Niall could always find the right thing to say even if he didn't know what was going on was completely beyond her. But he was right. She had to make Maisie her first priority.

"Thank you," she breathed out. Her voice wavered slightly, and she sniffed before taking in a deep breath to try and steady her suddenly labored breathing.

"You're welcome," he said. "Now, as I said last night, I owe Maisie a movie day, and I would be happy to come over today, but only if you both want me to be there."

Reilly drew in another deep breath and let it out slowly. She didn't even have to think about her answer. "Maisie and I would love for you to come over and watch movies with us," she told him.

"Alright," he said. The smile that spread across his face at her response was evident in his tone. "I'll be over in an hour," he told her.

"Perfect," she said. "Oh, and you should bring Brave."

***

When Niall rang the door bell an hour later, he not only had brought over Brave, but was also bearing snacks. He stepped inside when Reilly opened the door and placed a soft kiss on her cheek as he greeted her with a hug. Then he scooped Maisie up and kissed her cheek as she wrapped her arms around his neck. The trio started through the house, Niall and Maisie heading into the living room while Reilly veered off into the kitchen to drinks and napkins for everyone.

When she rejoined them, Niall already had the menu screen for Brave on the TV. Maisie was on his lap telling him again that she had never seen the movie. Reilly handed each of them a water bottle and set the napkins next to the food Niall had brought over before taking a seat at the opposite end of the couch.

"How come you're way over there?" Maisie asked her sister. "How come you didn't sit next to Niall?"

Niall chuckled quietly and looked over at Reilly. "Yeah, Reilly, how come you didn't sit next to me?" he asked.

Reilly rolled her eyes at him as a smile cracked her lips. Without answering, she scooted over so she was on the middle cushion of the couch, but still left a good six or eight inches of space between herself and Niall. At the same time, she and Niall both leaned forward to grab the remote. Their hands crashed against each others, sending a jolt of electricity through Reilly's fingers and all the way up her arm. Her already racing heart began beating faster, harder, like it might break her ribcage and jump right out of her chest.

She pulled her hand back to fold it with her other one and tucked them into her lap while Niall started the movie. Maisie settled against Niall's chest and both Niall and Reilly settled back into the couch. Silence fell over the room just as the movie was starting, and remained that way as the movie played with the exception of Maisie's occasional gasps, each of them lost in the story that played out on the screen in front of them.

It was about halfway through the movie when Reilly realized her hand had slipped from lap and onto the cushion between her and Niall. Even then, it was only brought to her attention when she felt the tingling in her fingers. She looked down to see the tips of Niall's fingers tangled with her own. She tried to convince herself to move her hand back to her lap, but it was hard to deny how much she liked the feel of his skin against hers. Even in such an innocent manner it felt intimate, like they were connected on a level deeper than she was to anyone else.

And maybe it was wrong, but she left her hand there until the credits started rolling, and only then did she carefully slip her hand away from his as she stood up, excusing herself to the restroom. The tingling stopped immediately once the physical contact was broken, and her mind began racing once again as she made her way to the bathroom. It wasn't until she closed the door and splashed her face with cool water that she realized how quiet her thoughts had gotten for awhile. How her heart had stopped racing, and how content she had felt. There was not another person she had ever met who had even half the effect on her that Niall did.

They already had the second movie up when she returned, and she told them to go ahead and start it while she went to make lunch for all of them. Niall tried to protest, and say that they would wait, but when she refused to back down in her insistence, he finally gave in. She needed the time in the kitchen, away from him and Maisie, without feeling rushed, so she could think.

It felt like that was all she had been doing for weeks. Thinking. About this, and about that, and about everything, but coming to no definite conclusions. Now, for the first time, she had come to one. Two, actually. She didn't know what she was doing, and she didn't know what she wanted.

She had only been in the kitchen for a few minutes when she heard the front door open. Assuming it was just Lexie, she continued pulling things from the cabinets and working on getting lunch ready. But then she heard him, and he didn't sound happy, once again.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Owen's voice echoed through the hallway.

Reilly quickly dropped everything in her hands and rushed to the living room. Maisie was curled tight against Niall's chest, arms wrapped around him like she was holding on for dear life. Her eyes were squeezed shut, like she was trying to pretend she was somewhere else. And for Reilly it was almost like looking in through the window of her childhood.

"Owen," she said calmly, gently placing a hand on his arm.

"What the hell is he doing here?" he demanded.

She shook her head at him. "Don't talk to me like that," she said firmly, but quietly, through gritted teeth. "Maisie invited him over to watch movies. This is not whatever you're going to try to make it into," she told him.

He shook her hand from his arm as he turned to her fully. "Are you really going to stand there and tell me that this was all Maisie's idea? That you didn't also want him here?" he questioned.

"Don't yell at her!" Maisie shouted. Reilly's attention immediately snapped to the little girl. She was still clinging to Niall, who had wrapped his arms around her and was whispering quietly in her ear, doing whatever he could to try to soothe her. The sight brought tears to her eyes, but she fought hard to hold them back. She needed to be strong. For Maisie.

"It's okay, Little One. He's not yelling at me," she assured her little sister.

"He's gettin' awfully close, though," Niall chimed in.

This only further irritated Owen, maybe because of the observation itself, but likely because of who it came from. "I don't recall asking for your opinion," Owen commented.

Niall shrugged. "I'm just sayin', is all. Maybe you shouldn't pick a fight in front of the little one," he said. His level of calm surprised even himself, but he was doing it for Maisie. She was already upset enough as it was, and he didn't want to add to it.

"And I'm just saying, it's not your business," Owen snapped.

"It is my business when I've got a terrified child clinging to me. In fact, you're makin' it everyone's business, Owen," Niall countered, shifting his grasp on Maisie and standing. He turned his attention to Reilly. "I'm going to take her out for a bit so the two of you can talk in private," he said, beginning to make his way toward them.

Reilly nodded. "My keys are by the door," she told him as he walked past her. He mumbled a thank you and barely let his arm graze against hers, sending another tingling sensation through her. She silently prayed that Owen would wait until they were out the door before he said anything. Thankfully, he did.

The moment the door clicked shut, he looked at her, dumbfounded. "You're letting him take your car?" he questioned.

She rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh. "Yes, Owen, I am. Because my car has Maisie's car seat in it, and his doesn't, alright?" she said.

"No," he said. "It's not 'alright'. None of this is 'alright', Reilly. I came over here to talk to you but you're all cozied up with your ex watching movies."

Reilly's eyebrows pulled together. "What are you talking about? I wasn't even in the same room as him. How could I possibly have been 'cozied up' with him?" she said.

He let out a dry laugh. "You think I'm an idiot, don't you. You think I don't know what's going on here, Reilly? Really?" he demanded. His voiced had raised in volume once again and his face was turning red.

"If you even dare to accuse me of cheating on you, Owen, we're through. I have put up with an awful lot from you lately, but this is where I'm drawing the line. If you can't trust me, then just leave, because that is not the kind of relationship I want to be in," she said firmly. Tears were welling up behind her eyes but she blinked a few times to keep them at bay. Once she was sure they wouldn't fall, she locked her gaze on him and stared hard at him to show just how serious she was.

Strong was not something she'd ever felt like she was before, but she was going to have to fake it. Because maybe she didn't know what she wanted, but she knew what she didn't want. And she didn't want the person she was going to marry to even imply that she might be untrustworthy. Of course, she knew she'd been walking a fine line recently, and maybe she'd come close to crossing it earlier when she didn't move her hand away from Niall's, but she didn't. Or at least she didn't think so.

"Niall is my friend, and Maisie adores him, and you're going to have to find a way to get used to that, even if you don't like it, because he's not going anywhere. He's a part of my life which makes him a part of your life by extension," she told him.

He kept his eyes trained on hers. "So that's it? There's no discussion to be had?" he questioned, and Reilly shook her head.

"You don't get to pick my friends," she said simply.

"He's not just a friend, Reilly," Owen argued. "You've slept with him," he said. His tone was growing angry again.

"I've slept with a lot of people, Owen," she shouted. "What's the big damn deal?"

Owen was so taken aback by her admission that all he could do was stare at her. They had never much discussed past sexual partners because they were in agreement that it didn't matter. Or they had been, anyway. But now that was changing, and she hadn't intended to say anything about it even still, but she couldn't stop herself when he was throwing it in her face as a reason for him not being comfortable with her spending time with Niall.

"I told you before that sex was never what my friendship with Niall was about. It was just a thing that happened five years ago. It's not an issue. It never was an issue," she stated, but Owen shook his head at her. He didn't say anything as he turned and started to head out of the living room. Reilly called after him once but he didn't stop or turn to look at her for even a brief moment.

"You're a piece of work," he commented.

"God damn," she breathed out once he reached the door. "You're getting really good at walking away from me," she commented. He didn't say anything else but instead let the door slam shut behind him. She flinched at the sound as tears filled her eyes once again. She didn't even try to stop them this time. It hardly seemed worth the effort.

Moments later the door opened again. She quickly wiped at her eyes to rid her face of tears, but her eyes were still bloodshot and her cheeks were still pink, and it was obvious she was upset. Zachary emerged from the hallway and took one look at her before his face twisted in concern.

"I don't really like that Owen just looked really pissed as he was leaving and then I come in here and you're crying. What happened? I thought you said things were good with you two. Engaged and all," he said.

Reilly shrugged and shook her head. "We're just having some disagreements over things," she told him, as she took in his tall form. He looked like he'd lost a little bit of weight since the last time she saw him. He'd cut his brown curls short, but there was no taming the unruliness of them. His brown eyes searched her green ones for what she wasn't saying. "It's fine, things are fine. I'm so happy you're here," she told him.

"You don't really look fine, Rei," he said to her, pushing down the handle on his rolling suitcase and dropping his backpack on the floor.

"Where are Lex and Harry?" she inquired, desperately trying to change the subject. She knew she could trust her step brother. They had fixed their relationship after Fallon drunkenly spilled the beans on why he'd left when they were teenagers. But this wasn't the way she wanted to greet him. She was going to have food ready and Maisie was supposed to be here, but instead he had walked in to find her a blubbering mess because her fiance couldn't, or possibly wouldn't, pull his head out of his rear.

Zachary fell into the arm chair he was standing next to. "They had me tuck and roll," he said. "Said they had things to do. I like the new ride, by the way. I didn't take you for a Range Rover kind of girl, but I guess I can see it now. Can I drive it while I'm here?" he asked.

"That's not mine," she told him.

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Then whose is it?" he asked.

"It's Niall's. He took Maisie out for a bit, so he has my car." Zachary's eyebrow quirked again. "Don't look at me like that," she sighed. "It's just because it's easier than moving the carseat."

"I didn't mean to look at you like anything. It's just," he paused, unsure if he should continue. "I understand now why you and Owen are fighting," he finished.

***

By the evening Reilly's head was so jumbled she was almost relieved when Maisie all but pushed her out the door so the little girl could spend some time with her big brother. She drove around for awhile before she pulled up to a quiet pub near her old stomping grounds. It had been years since she'd been to that particular pub, and she still couldn't remember most of what happened that night.

She sat herself on a stool at the bar and ordered a beer. Her intention was to have only one to try to calm her frazzled nerves. Owen hadn't made any effort to contact her since he'd stormed out of her house and she could only assume he probably wouldn't for the rest of the evening. She sipped slowly at her beer and twisted the engagement ring on her finger. It didn't feel heavy this time, it just felt uncomfortable, out of place, as if it didn't belong there.

She stared down at the large diamond and her eyes trailed to smaller diamonds set into the thin gold band. Nothing about the ring, not the style, the color, nor cut or size of the stone fit her personality. It was impersonal, and it had cost Owen a pretty penny. She knew that without the subject ever being brought up. She fought the urge to take it off and throw it into her purse for the night, not because she wanted to do something stupid, but because she was sick of the way felt against her skin.

Before she knew it, her glass was empty and being replaced by another. She didn't remember ordering it, but she didn't object either as she lifted the glass to her lips and let the bitter liquid hit her tastebuds and slide down her throat, and the easily repeated the action. Just as she was finishing her second beer, she pulled her phone from her purse.

Drinking alone isn't fun. Come join me! she typed into her group text with Lexie, Cara, Aimee, and Jasmin.

The responses were almost immediate, and she texted the address to them. While she waited, she ordered another beer. The bartender placed it in front of her and she slid off the stool and made her way over to a booth that would be big enough for all five of the girls, though she wasn't positive they were all coming.

She was halfway through her fourth beer when Cara and Aimee walked in together. They waved at her before heading to the bar to order drinks. Jasmin showed up next, waving at Aimee on her way in, and then slid into the booth across the table from Reilly. The girls finally made it over to the table. Their hands were full of drinks, and Reilly could only assume they had all texted drink orders and agreed that whoever got there first would get the first round.

By the time Lexie finally made it, Reilly was on her fifth beer, and well on her way to being much further gone than she had planned on being ever again. But there was something about being in the place she had been when everything was crumbling down around her just over five years ago that made her not even think about how much she was drinking. She didn't want to think, just like the last time she'd been here. She was tired of thinking. Tired of feeling sad. Tired of being hurt by people who were supposed to care about her. She just wanted to forget, like she'd done that night.

So she kept drinking until everything was a blur. Her friends, her thoughts, herself. And then she drank a little more. And the next thing she knew, she was feeling the fresh air on her face. Her cheeks felt particularly cold and she reached up to touch them. They were wet. She must have started crying but didn't know it and couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel much of anything. She was sick of crying and didn't want to do it anymore. She was sick of being herself. Sick of letting people hurt her.

Then she was just sick.

It was when she stood up straight, or as straight as she could, anyway, that she saw Liam. She didn't recall him being there before, but she was happy to see him. Just as she started to go to him, a flash of dark hair caught her eye. She turned to see Owen coming toward her. Her heart sunk and her mind raced. She didn't want him there, didn't want him to touch her or even be near her. She continued toward Liam, but then heard a familiar Irish accent. Her ears perked at the sound but it seemed so far away. She stopped in her tracks and turned slowly, fearful that any sudden movement would throw her off balance.

And then she saw him. His blue eyes were bright like the stars, but they held a great deal of concern. She could feel all three boys closing in on her, but there was only one she wanted to go to. She started slowly in the opposite direction she had been previously. But due to her unsteadiness, she lost her balance. A hand reached out and closed firmly around her arm, another snaking across her back to provide her more support. She looked over to see Owen and a fire sparked to life inside of her. She tried to shake him off, but it was useless with the amount of alcohol she had in her system.

"Let go," she said. "Leave me alone. I want to go with Niall," she insisted. Her speech was heavily slurred, and her limbs felt like jello. Her knees gave out and there was another arm wrapping around her waist for even more support. She looked over and saw a blurry Liam. She attempted a smile at him, but even the muscles in her face wouldn't cooperate.

But in spite of all of that, she continued her attempt to put up a fight against Owen. Suddenly the boys had been replaced by Aimee and Lexie, and Reilly was watching through blurred vision as Liam placed one hand on Owen's chest, forcing him away from Reilly. She blinked to clear her vision, to no avail, but could see that Liam also had a hand on Niall's chest in an attempt to keep the two men, who appeared to be yelling at each other, apart.

Everything went black after that.

***

Throbbing woke Reilly in the morning. She barely cracked open her eyes, dreading the pain she would inevitably feel once the light was let in. The room around her was unfamiliar, but the couch was so comfortable she wanted to sink as far into it as possible. Somehow, she knew exactly where she was. Maybe it was the style in which it was decorated, or maybe it smelled like him. Regardless, she snapped her eyes shut tight and willed everything around her to go black again, for just a few more moments of peace.

She might have fallen asleep, or she might not have, but the sound of someone rustling around made her open her eyes again. Regret instantly filled her when her eyeballs began to feel like they were on fire. The throbbing returned with a vengeance and she had no choice but to close them again. Slowly, she sat up, letting the blankets fall from her shoulder and the chill of his living room seeped through the long sleeves of her shirt.

Once upright, she put her face in her hands and rested her elbows on her knees. The couch dipped next to her and she drew in a deep breath as she slowly opened her eyes. She cracked her fingers to let in some light. After a few moments she moved her hands completely and lifted her head, turning it slowly to face him.

"Hi," she said. Her voice was raspy, mostly from sleep, but also because of how much she'd drank combined with the cold night air. She could only remember flashes of the night before, but that one thing she recalled.

"Mornin'," he said, holding out a glass of water and two pain relievers.

She gratefully took both from him and tossed the tablets into her mouth, swallowing them down with a sip of water. "I think I need an entire bucket of water," she said, trying to keep her tone light, but something about Niall's expression told her that he wasn't in the mood to joke around.

"Made you some tea and toast if you think you can keep it down," he told her. She nodded and without a word he stood to go retrieve it from the kitchen. When he returned seconds later, her water glass was empty and she traded him that for the tea.

"Thank you," she said softly.

He only hummed in reply as he disappeared back to the kitchen, returning once again with a full glass of water. He sat next to her while she nibbled at the toast. The scene felt very familiar, and she almost expected Louis' head to pop out from around the corner at any moment, followed by Harry's curly mop. But neither ever did.

They sat in silence for a long time. She only got through about half a piece of toast before she gave up. Her stomach was in knots, not from her hangover but from the tension that was hanging in the air. From whatever it was that was radiating off of Niall. She alternated between sipping at her tea and drinking from the water glass. The throbbing began to subside, but the longer neither said anything, the thicker the air got and the more she wanted to make a run for it.

He got up again when she finished the water and went into the kitchen for another refill. She watched him carefully as he came back into the room and gratefully accepted the full glass. He didn't sit back down this time, and the look on his face made her want to burst into tears.

"Niall," she breathed out, but he shook his head to stop her from going on.

"You put me in a terrible position last night," he told her.

She stared up at him. "I didn't-"

"You did," he cut her off. "You made it so no matter what I did I was the bad guy."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry I did that." She didn't know exactly what she'd done, but she was certain he knew that without her saying so.

He stared hard at her for a long moment until finally his frustration got the better of him. "Jesus, Reilly," he sighed. "Do you-" he paused for a moment, but then went on. "Do you love me?" he asked.

His question caught her off guard and rendered her completely speechless for a moment. "I-" she began, but stopped herself quickly and drew in a long slow breath. She had no clue where the question was coming from and therefore needed be particularly careful in her response. But when it came down to it, she said what she felt the most. "It's not that simple," she told him. "You know it's never been that simple."

He shook his head as she scratched the back of his neck. "Do you love him?" he questioned.

Again, she wasn't sure how to respond. Because the answer to that also wasn't as simple as she'd once thought it was. "I think," she started, "that there are different ways to love people," she said.

"Do you love him?" he repeated.

Reilly nodded and a tear slipped from her eye. She reached up to wipe it away quickly. "Yes," she said. Niall's entire face fell and his shoulders slumped forward. "But I don't know if I love him the way you're supposed to love the person you're going to marry," she admitted.

He stared at her for a long time before he could form a thought. "You can't keep doin' this. You have to either be with him or not, but you can't keep doin' this," he said.

"Niall, I'm sorry." She could feel the tears continue to build up behind her eyes but was determined not to let any more of them fall. She stood up, looking around quickly before her eyes fell on her purse. "I should go," she said as she brushed past him and swiftly grabbed her purse. He called out after her as she made her way to door. It took everything in her not to look back at him because she knew if she did, she would lose it completely. She knew if she did, it would make it that much harder for her to walk away.

And walking away was breaking her already worn heart. But he was right. She wasn't being fair. But for the first time, she was hearing what he really meant. As unfair as she was being to both Owen and Niall, the person she was being most unfair to was herself.