Collide, Ignite

"Didn't I see Owen at the graduation?"

The boys had rented out the back room of a restaurant to celebrate Reilly's graduation. There were tables and food and drinks and everyone had been shuffling seats and abandoning seats all evening, and Liam had finally managed to catch Reilly for a few seconds.

She nodded in response to his question. He wasn't the first person to ask where Owen was and likely wouldn't be the last. "We--" she paused, thinking momentarily about how they weren't a 'we' anymore, "he and I discussed it a couple weeks ago. He has a lot of stuff going on and he's leaving early tomorrow morning for a few days to give some lectures. I already knew he wouldn't be able to make it to the party," she said explained.

It was the truth. It was also the truth that Owen didn't want to come to the party, as he didn't understand the need to celebrate "every little thing" but it seemed that didn't matter anymore, anyway and this wasn't the time or place to bring it up. She looked down at the ring still on her finger and twisted it. The weight it had carried previously felt lifted, but the burden she suspected would replace it once she took it off was daunting.

Her heart ached inside her chest knowing she would soon have to return it, and whatever other odds and ends of Owen's she might have around her house, and that she would be receiving whatever she'd left at his place back soon. It was her first ever true break up, and she was unsure how to navigate it, unsure how to tell people that she failed at something she was trying so desperately to make work. But she couldn't ignore it forever. Owen wouldn't be on his business trip forever and she was going to have to work her way through it eventually.

But tonight was not the night. This was a night to be celebrated. She had completed something she had been working toward for over ten years, since she'd lost her mother and had taken on everything alone. She wasn't alone anymore, but her head and her heart were both sad that she wasn't able to share the moment, the entire night, with her mom.

"Mmm," Liam hummed. "Well as long as you're alright with it, I suppose," he said and Reilly nodded at him. "Can I get you a drink, then?" he suggested.

Reilly thought about it for a moment and then let out a sigh. "Um," she began. "I think maybe I've gotten myself into enough trouble drinking lately that I probably shouldn't, you know?" she said.

His shoulders shook as he chuckled. "Reilly, I think this is a big day to celebrate and you should have drink if you fancy a drink. If you're concerned you might have too much, I'll stick by your side and cut you off before you cause a scene," he said. "I'll even switch to water if you'd like," he added.

Her entire face softened and she reached out. He opened his palm and closed his fingers around her hand, giving it the tiniest squeeze. "Are you an actual angel, or...?" she let her thought trail off when she unable to come up with anything else he might be.

Liam's eyes brightened. "No, not an angel," he said, though there was nothing he could say right then to convince her otherwise. "I just know we all have our demons, and sometimes we need someone to help us fight them," he told her.

Their eyes met, green to brown, and she nodded at the words he wasn't saying. "You're my angel, maybe," she said.

Liam pulled gently on her hand and she moved toward him, allowing her hand to fall from his. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "You've been nothing short of a blessing to me, to our family. I'm so proud of you and all you've overcome to accomplish your goals. And I'm even more proud to call you my sister. All the years before we met don't even make sense to me anymore. It feels like you've always been here, and I love you so, so much. I don't think you even know the half of it." His head was bent and he spoke quietly into her ear, and then kissed the side of her head.

She squeezed him tightly as a few tears slipped from her eyes. "I love you," she said. She squeezed him again and held it, wishing she could stay forever in the safety of his embrace. But she couldn't, and so after several long moments, she finally let go and looked up at him. The tears were still sliding down her face. "Everyone's making me cry tonight. I probably should have borrowed Lexie's waterproof mascara," she said, giving a tiny laugh.

"Reilly, you are beautiful no matter what," he said, grabbing a napkin from the table and handing it over to her. She accepted it gratefully and carefully dabbed at her eyes. She pulled out her mirror and checked her face quickly and then snapped it shut and returned it to her purse. "Now what do you say to that drink?" he asked.

"Okay," she agreed and allowed him to lead the way to the makeshift bar that had been set up. He ordered a beer for her and a water for himself. "You don't have to drink water, Liam," she told him.

He shook his head. "I said I would look out for you, and that's what I'm going to do," he said. "Someone's got to," he added, taking a drink from the bottle of water. "Since that bloody fiance of yours doesn't."

The words came out slightly mumbled and there was a bitterness to them that Reilly couldn't ignore, but she tried to laugh them off. It came out slightly strangled though, and her heart twinged in her chest. "Yeah," she said softly, taking a sip of her beer.

Liam heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry, Reilly. I shouldn't have said that. I like Owen. I just feel like he's not been giving you the attention you deserve recently," he said.

She offered him a smile. "I know. It's okay. I mean, you're right," she agreed.

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I have to be such a nob about it," he conceded.

Her smile widened into a grin. "If you weren't being a nob about something, I'm not sure I would know who you are," she joked. He laughed heartily and nodded in agreement.

Liam kept his word and stayed close to her as the evening went on. He stepped away when someone wanted to talk to her but was always close enough to keep an eye on her. She kept her drinks spaced out, nursing them instead of chugging, drinking water in between beers.

Things were starting to die down a bit when Niall finally made his way over to her. It wasn't that he hadn't been trying, because all evening he had been trying to get her attention for two minutes. But between her family and the people from her class she'd invited last minute, and the other boys, it had been nearly impossible. But he knew if he waited long enough, he would eventually catch her.

And he did. But not before he let her have a few minutes to herself. She had been around so many people that she would need a little bit of time to recharge. To Niall, that was more important than snatching up her attention the second it was available. And when he did approach her, he did it quietly, sliding into the chair next to her, and waiting until she acknowledged him first, which she did rather quickly.

"Hey," she said quietly, dragging out the middle of the word a little. He smiled at her as she turned her body toward him. "I'm happy you came," she told him. "I didn't know if I should expect you with the way we left things the other day."

"I'm nothin' if not a man of my word. Only way I would have stayed away's if you asked me not to come," he replied.

A smile dragged across her face as blush colored her cheeks. "That means a lot," she said.

"Always knew you could do it, you know?" he said and she nodded. "You had something to prove, whether to yourself or to your father and your sister sister, or to your mother, or maybe it was to all those people. But you did. I knew you would. You got that fire inside you. The same one that puts the color in your cheeks when someone says something nice to you. It works in so many ways. I'm so happy for you, Reilly. I know it wasn't easy for you to push some things out of your life, but I understand why you did. You had to keep your focus. Guess that can be tough round certain people."

Tears had once again filled her eyes as she listened to Niall speak. His words were comforting but she felt a strange twinge in her stomach. "Niall," she said softly, but he didn't let her go on.

"You look really beautiful today. I-I mean-" he stumbled. "You always look beautiful. But today, even with all the things you're goin' through, there's something extra shining out of you. I could see it when you were up on the stage makin' your speech. Don't know if it's that you're proud of yourself or if it's something else but it looks good on you, whatever it is. I hope you know what it is and you can keep it for a long time."

She didn't try to stop the tears when they spilled over and slid down her cheeks. She didn't try to stop herself when she reached out for his hand and gripped it tightly when he accepted her gesture. Her skin began tingling on contact and everything around her went quiet. "Thank you, Niall. I really appreciate you," she said and he nodded.

The silence settled between them and she looked around. There were only a few people left, including her parents and Maisie. Harry, Lexie, and Zachary had been gone for awhile. Liam was around somewhere, and she thought she'd seen Louis and Cara just a few moments ago, but couldn't locate them anymore. Aimee was talking to a couple of Reilly's classmates who hadn't left yet. But somehow the only thing that was on Reilly's mind was the way Niall's calloused thumb was gently stroking the back of her hand.

But then it was like the silence shattered when he finally let go. The sounds returned and there was Maisie, jumping into her lap and grabbing her face. "Reilly, I'm leaving with Nan and Poppy now," the little girl, obviously hopped up on sugar, practically screamed at her.

Reilly couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, Little One," she said, leaning forward to kiss Maisie's nose. "You be on your best behavior tonight, okay? Nan and Poppy will tell me if you aren't."

Maisie huffed. "I'm always good for them," she said, a hint of annoyance in her tone. "We're just going home and going to sleep anyway." She moved her hands up Reilly's face and brushed away the little bit of wetness that was left. "Don't be sad, okay?" she said.

The corners of her mouth twitched upward and she nodded. "Okay, Little One. I won't be sad. I promise," she assured the young girl. Maisie leaned forward and gave Reilly a kiss.

"Love you," she said.

"Love you more," Reilly replied.

Maisie beamed. "Love you most," she insisted.

Reilly grinned and kissed the little girl's nose again. "Say goodbye to Niall, okay?" she said.

And without a moment's hesitation, Maisie twisted herself around and launched herself at the boy in the chair next to them. He caught her easily and hugged her tightly. "I heard what you just said to your sister, but you be real good tonight, okay? Promise me," he mumbled softly to her.

Maisie nodded against his chest. "I promise," she said.

His kissed the top of her head. "Alright. Go on then," he told her. She jumped down and dashed across the room to the Paynes, grabbing each of their hands with her tiny ones and pulled them toward the exit. "You're not going to say goodnight to your parents?" Niall inquired.

Reilly turned her gaze on him, trying to hide the shock she was feeling at how easily he referred to them as her family. He looked back at her, patiently awaiting her response. Finally, she shook her head. "I'll see them tomorrow when I meet them for breakfast," she told him. He nodded, and didn't push the subject any further. Maybe she should have gone over and said goodnight, but she didn't much feel like walking away from Niall. Instead, she returned her gaze to the three of them making their way out. "Do you ever wonder," she began, but stopped. Niall's eyes locked on her face and waited for her to continue. She lifted her shoulders and held them there for awhile before letting them drop again. "What if things had been different?" she asked him after a long time.

"How do you mean?" he asked.

She hesitated before answering. "I guess, do you ever think about if, I don't know, I guess if we had stayed together, or made it official, or whatever. Do you think we would have made it? Would we have our own child right now?" she wondered out loud.

Niall shifted in his chair. The air between them got a little thicker. "I don't think this is a conversation we should be havin'," he said. "I told you, if you're with Owen, you have to be with Owen, not wishing for how things were or thinkin' about how they might have been. Because it doesn't matter. You and I are the way we are."

She drew in a deep breath and nodded. "Will you take me home?" she asked him. He quirked an eyebrow, shooting her a look that said she was missing the point of what he'd just said. "I just mean because I came with Louis and Cara but I think they snuck out already. I could ask Liam, or call a cab, I guess, if you don't want to," she said quickly.

It took a moment but finally he drew in a deep breath. "No, it's fine. I can take you. Long's you promise me Owen won't be there waitin' to yell at me when we get there. Gettin' real tired of the way he thinks he's so much better than me," he said. As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt terrible. "I'm sorry," he said immediately. "I shouldn't have said that."

All Reilly could do was shrug and shake her head at him. "You don't have to apologize for the way you feel," she assured him. "And you're right, anyway. And I'm tired of it, too." She stood up and offered her hand to Niall. He grabbed onto it and she tugged on his arm, pulling him up and out of the chair. Something was nagging at her to tell him that Owen had removed himself from the picture, but the words eluded her. Or the ability to speak them did, anyway. She wasn't prepared to admit her failure yet. "Owen is at his house, probably sleeping. He has an early flight tomorrow morning," she told him, dropping his hand and letting her ams fall to her sides.

They were quiet on the way to her house. Music was playing but Niall kept the volume low, like he was expecting one of them to say something at some point. Reilly stared out the window, taking in the way the light from the street lamps and headlights reflected off the damp streets, making the night look so pretty.

"Do you remember that night I fought with Fallon and we literally ran into each other? When we were fighting because I'd said or done something stupid, or somehow messed everything up, in that way I'm really at?" she asked, still staring out the window.

Niall exhaled a long, slow breath. "You were fightin'. I wasn't mad. I was hurt a bit. But I think I let you hurt me a lot back then," he told her.

"Why?" she inquired. He didn't say anything. "Why did you let me be so awful to you?" She turned to look at him, studying his profile, trying to make out his expression, but the shadows cast from the street lamps obscured his face.

He gave a slight shrug. "I knew you were scared. You had all of us but you didn't quite understand that and you felt alone. I knew you were trying to figure things out, and that you weren't doin' it on purpose," he said.

She shook her head at him. "But you still shouldn't have let me do that. You deserved so much better than that. You deserved more than what I was giving you," she argued.

"You gave me a lot more of you than you realize, Darlin'," he said simply. Reilly stared at the side of his face but didn't say anything. Her heart was racing and the butterflies were very much alive inside her stomach. She didn't understand what he meant, but she couldn't find the words. "If there's one thing I regret, it's not that I walked away when you asked me to, or that I didn't walk away sooner, or that I didn't try to come back sooner. It's that I never kissed you when I had the chance," he admitted.

Reilly's breath hitched in her throat. It took a moment for her to realize she wasn't breathing properly and when she did, she practiced breathing in deeply, slowly, and then exhaling long and slow until her head felt light and her pulse slowed to a pace that closer to normal. She wanted to tell him to stop the car. To pull over to the side of the road and let her crawl into his arms for just a moment. Because he could pinpoint one regret he had from five years ago, and she couldn't even comprehend regret.

Did she feel awful for everything she put Niall through? Of course. Would she go back and do something differently if she could? She didn't know. Because changing one little thing would change everything. And if everything was different then maybe she wouldn't be friends with any of the boys. Maybe she wouldn't have a family she felt she belonged in, one where she was wanted. Maybe if she went way back and stopped dancing before she was thirteen her mother would still be alive. But if her mother was alive then she would never have even met the boys, and she wouldn't have Maisie. And how can you choose one person you love over another?

She had spent so much time playing over different scenarios in her head. It was stupid of her to ask him if he'd done the same because, just like he'd said, it didn't matter. You can't change what's already been done. You can only change what's going to happen, and in order to do that, she would have to start putting together all the broken pieces of herself. She thought she'd started to do it at some point over the last five years, but now she was feeling just as broken and confused as she ever had.

"Who called you?" she asked. He glanced over at her and she was able to glimpse his expression of confusion. It was fair; she hadn't been clear at all in her question. "The other night, when I was at the bar with the girls. Who called you?" she clarified.

He shifted his eyes to her again, the confused look still etched into his features. "You did," he told her.

"I did?" she repeated back to him.

"Yeah. You called me and I could tell you were fall down drunk. You said you needed me to come get you, that no one else could," he said. "Imagine my surprise when I get there and Liam's there, and Owen was there. And Lou's blowin' up my phone but I wasn't picking up because you said you needed to be picked up and that was the only thing on my mind. Making sure you were safe."

She let out a heavy sigh and shifted in her seat, angling her body toward him. "I'm sorry I put you in that position," she apologized.

Niall pulled into Reilly's driveway and killed the engine but left the headlights shining on the side of the house. He turned so he was facing her. "I accept your apology," he told her.

"Thank you," she breathed, feeling another weight lifting. She let her eyes fall closed for a moment as she drew in a deep breath, and opened them again as she slowly exhaled. "I really meant it earlier when I said I appreciate you."

"I know," he replied, reaching over and brushing a few stray strands of hair that had fallen in Reilly's eyes. A trail of tingles followed his fingers as they brushed across her face and she wondered what he felt when his skin was touching hers. But that was a question she didn't know how to ask, and was inappropriate either way.

He tucked her hair behind her ear, revealing the blush that was tinting her cheeks. Maybe it was from drinking or maybe it was from Niall, but it was there regardless and it made the corners of his mouth perk up. His hand fell away and they sat there staring at each other for a time. Finally, Reilly reached for the handle and pushed the door open. She stepped down out of the large SUV and turned to rest her arms on the passenger seat. "Do you want to come in and watch a movie?" she asked him.

It was an innocent enough suggestion. They had watched movies together several times. Just the two of them, and also with others. His eyes lit up at her request for just a moment before they dimmed again. As much as he wanted to sit on the couch and watch a movie, any movie, with her, it seemed to be something that caused more problems than anything else. "Should get home, actually," he said.

Reilly's expression dropped. "Oh, yeah, of course," she agreed. "It's getting late, I guess," she said.

Niall could only nod. "I'll see you soon, I'm sure. Would like to see Maisie at least once more before she leaves, if that's alright?" he said. She responded positively and for just a moment a smile pulled across both of their faces again. "Alright then," he said. "G'night, Darlin'," he said.

"Goodnight, Niall," she said. She started to close the door but then stopped before it shut all the way. "Text me when you get home, so I know you made it, okay?" she asked. He gave a nod and she pushed the door closed. Niall watched as she walked up the driveway and to the front door, fumbling through her purse for her keys, waiting while she unlocked the door and was safe inside with the door closed behind her before he turned the keys in the ignition and started the engine.