Collide, Ignite

By the time early afternoon had rolled around on Sunday, Reilly was wringing her hands. More nerves filled her than she knew what to do with. She hadn't spoken to Niall since he'd left her house Friday night, and she found herself wishing she'd been able to sit down with her psychologist before she saw him again. Unfortunately, her next appointment wasn't until Monday and she would have to figure this one out on her own..

Everything went smoothly, however. Niall had come over and greeted her the way he always did, with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Reilly had set up the Skype call and waited for Maisie so she could say hi, and then tried to leave the two to their conversation, but as soon as she made to step out of the room, both Niall and Maisie questioned where she was going and insisted she stay.

Niall stuck around for a little while after he and Maisie finished their call, but never once mentioned Friday night, for which Reilly was actually thankful. It seemed he was giving her time to sort through things. Before he left, they made plans to have lunch on Wednesday. As it turned out, Reilly was unable to make it and hard as they tried, neither could make their schedules accommodate another time before Sunday when Niall had agreed to another Skype call with Maisie.

Saturday, all the girls had planned to get together at Reilly's house. As much as she treasured her time with boys, she also quite enjoyed getting together with the girls. And so they were all gathered in the living room. Food containers covered her coffee table. Someone had put on music for background noise as they talked, each holding a drink in their hands, and then, at some point, someone suggested a game of Never Have I Ever.

"Are we too old for that?" Lexie asked. She might have been the one to suggest it, but Reilly had only been half paying attention. Her mind had been wandering all day. Once the game was explained, however, everyone agreed that they were not, and they started.

"Never have I ever kissed someone else's boyfriend," Cara declared after several rounds. Aimee looked around and then she and Lexie both took a drink. After a moment Reilly shrugged and also took a drink. She wasn't sure, but it seemed a safe bet with the number of people she had drunkenly made out with in her younger years that at least one of them had been dating someone. After all, she hadn't exactly been picky.

"Never have I ever kissed a member of a boy band," Reilly said with a tiny smirk. She knew full well that she was the only one the room who could say that. All the other girls looked at each other for a moment and then turned the eyes to her, each sending her a hint of a glare before taking a drink.

"But what I want to know is why?" Jasmin piped up. Reilly looked at her while their gazes all remained on Reilly. "Why have you not kissed Niall?" she asked.

No one other than Lexie had ever asked her why, and she wasn't sure how to answer so she just shrugged. The girls continued to stare at her for a long time until she shrugged again. There were several reasons, or there had been anyway, but it would just sound silly if she were to say them out loud now.

After that the game turned almost personal, but all in good fun. Every couple turns someone would direct their Never Have I Ever at Reilly, and soon enough she had become a little more buzzed than she intended. But she felt okay about it. Her phone was far away from her, upstairs in room so she wouldn't drive herself crazy waiting to see if a certain Irishman was going to text her. She knew he was busy, but that didn't stop her from wanting to talk to him all the time lately about anything or nothing at all.

With her inhibitions lowered on her next turn she blurted out without even thinking, "Never have I ever had sex in my own bed." The girls all stared at her again. She raised her eyebrows back at them. They each took a drink but the room had fallen almost awkwardly quiet. "What?" she asked.

They exchanged glances with each other, but no one said anything for nearly a full minute. Finally, Cara set down her drink. "Really?" she asked. "Never?" Reilly shook her head. Or she thought she did, but she was feeling a bit lightheaded and her mind was swimming, so maybe she was just sitting there and not moving. "Not even with Owen?" she asked. Reilly shook her head again. Or she thought she did. "You guys were together for a long time. You never had sex in your bed?" Cara asked again.

"Nope," Reilly said, popping the 'p' and giving a shrug. "He didn't stay over here very often, for whatever reason." She could feel her pulse speed up but didn't think anything of it. She had just drank quite a bit of beer, after all. "Always had sex at his house," she finished.

Aimee fixed her with a sideways look. "What about Niall?" she asked.

Once again, Reilly shook her head. The butterflies in her stomach had come to life and were fluttering around at the mere mention of his name, or so she assumed. "First time was in Ireland, and the other two times were at his house," she told them, and then took another drink of her beer, hoping it might, in some way, calm the chaos inside her.

The door bell rang and it was like all the butterflies inside of Reilly came to a crashing halt. Her pulse, however, was racing faster than before. The girls all looked around at each other to see if anyone had an idea who it could be. The boys all knew they were having a girls night. All of them except one, that is.

Lexie moved to get up but Reilly was quick to get to her feet, saying she would get it as she did so, and then disappeared out of the room. Her hands started to shake slightly as she got closer to the door and she drew in a long slow breath to try to calm her nerves. She hadn't been intoxicated around him since the night she'd insisted on leaving the bar near her old apartment with him and only him, unless her graduation party could be counted. She'd had some to drink that night, but not enough to be considered drunk by any means.

Finally she reached the door and drew in another breath before pulling it open. And just as she'd known before she even stood up, there was Niall standing in front of her, dressed in black jeans and a gray zip up hooded sweatshirt. His dark hair was flopped down on his forehead. Reilly could feel a stupid smile pulling across her face as she met his bright blue eyes.

"Hi," she said after a moment. She felt winded but in a good way, if there was such a thing.

Niall reached up and scratched the back of his neck. "I tried callin'," he began.

"Phone's upstairs," Reilly interrupted.

A smile broke across his face as he breathed out a half chuckle. "You've been drinkin'?" he asked.

Reilly clutched the door a little tighter and nodded. "Girls night," she said. "You can come in if you want, though," she added quickly.

"Nah, 's alright," he said. "Just was thinkin' while I was at the studio how we kept missin' each other all week and I know I'll see you tomorrow." His cheeks had taken on a rosiness as he tried to explain his reasons for showing up at her front door. "Guess I just wanted to see you tonight," he said. "But you're busy, I'll just go," he finished.

Her smile grew at how nervous he seemed. It was similar to the time he'd invited her to attend the Chelsea and Liverpool match. "You don't have to go," she told him. He gave her a look and she rolled her eyes upward. "It's getting to the point in the night where they're all going to start texting the boys anyway. Harry will probably be over in the next fifteen minutes, followed not long after by Jasmin leaving and Louis and Liam showing up," she told him. The look on his face was skeptical. "It happens every time. I promise."

"You're sure?" he asked.

Reilly nodded. She was somehow feeling both less and more drunk at the same time as she talked to Niall. "If it's awkward or if I'm wrong then you can leave if you want. Or if you really want to leave now then you can. I, just, you don't. She stumbled over her words and then paused to breathe out a sigh. "I want you to stay, I guess is what I'm trying but apparently failing to say," she said.

For a moment, Niall hesitated. He had been keeping his distance from Reilly when she was intoxicated since she had sent him the first round of drunken text messages. But things were maybe a little different now. They were in a different place than they were then, though it was still fragile and needed to be treated with care.

However, the look on Reilly's face made it hard for him to say no. He finally gave in with a nod and took a step forward, wrapping one arm around Reilly and placing a soft kiss on her cheek. She hadn't realized until he was that close to her that she was cold, and, as usual, he was warm. She wrapped both arms around him and pressed her face against his sweatshirt. "Warm," she mumbled. He chuckled, his chest vibrating against Reilly's cheek, and let his other arm slide around her.

"Should be warmer, seeing's how you been drinkin'," he commented, but did not move to unwrap himself from the embrace just yet. He ran his hands up and down her back to get the blood flowing, and then kissed the side of her head. "Better?" he asked, taking a tiny step back.

Reilly nodded and turned to lead him toward the living room. "Look who came to crash the party," she announced as they entered. All the girls looked over at them and greeted Niall warmly.

"Thank god it isn't Harry for once," Lexie said. "He's on his way, though. Hope you don't mind," she added.

Reilly turned to Niall. "What did I tell you?" she said. He merely raised his eyebrows at her, a half-smile curving his lips. "Want anything to drink?" she asked. He started to shake his head but then quickly changed his mind and asked for a beer. Reilly nodded and turned to head toward the kitchen.

"So, what brings you round, Niall?" she heard Cara, feigning innocence, ask. But by the time he answered, if he answered, Reilly was in the kitchen and couldn't hear whatever his response might have been.

She grabbed a beer from the refrigerator for Niall as well as a bottle of water for herself. She popped the top off the beer and hurried out of the kitchen, telling herself that she needed to get back quickly. It was a silly thought that Niall might feel uncomfortable, considering he'd been acquainted with everyone in her living room for years, with Cara being the one he'd known the longest. Plus, Niall could get along with anyone, and maybe moreso a room full of women, considering the great amount of charm he possessed.

Still, Reilly didn't waste any time returning and slid next to him. He had moved a little further into the room and was talking animatedly to the girls. His eyes were fixed on Cara's gaze, obviously responding to something she'd said. Reilly was hardly paying attention, as her mind had become more of a scrambled mess than before, but suddenly all the girls dissolved into giggles.

She passed the beer to Niall when he finally looked over to her, and then raised her water to take a drink. Before she could, however, Niall tipped his bottle so the neck of it hit against her bottle. She glanced at him and smiled, then quickly shifted her eyes to see if anyone was watching them. However, they were all too wrapped up in their giggle fit to notice, for which Reilly was grateful. There was something private about what she and Niall were working through, and while she had shared parts of it with each person in the room, she wanted to keep some of it between just her and Niall.

It wasn't long at all before Harry sauntered into the living room, curly hair sticking out every which way from underneath a beanie. He didn't bother to knock, and hadn't since Reilly moved into the house. He dropped a kiss on Lexie's lips and then moved across the room to greet Reilly, settling next to her on the couch, where she had sat after Niall had said something that made her (and everyone else) laugh so hard she almost fell over. He draped and arm over her shoulders and kissed Reilly's cheek. But instead of getting right back up and going to sit with Lexie, he stayed there, keeping his arm slung around her.

Then, just as Reilly had told Niall would happen, Jasmin stood and announced her departure, which was met with resounding disappointment and everyone telling her to stay, and to tell Zayn to come inside for awhile as well. But it was to no avail. After several minutes of arguing, she finally slipped out and Niall fell into the seat she'd been in, just on the other side of Harry.

By the time Liam showed up, followed shortly after by Louis, Harry had gotten up to use the bathroom and had sat with Lexie upon his return, uprooting Cara from where she had been next to the blonde. When all was said and done, someone put on a movie and everyone had coupled off around the living room, except Niall and Reilly who were at opposite ends of the couch.

About halfway through the movie Harry and Lexie retired to Lexie's room. Louis and Cara had fallen asleep on the floor, and Liam and Aimee were half asleep in the reclining chair. Reilly glanced over at Niall for a moment and then stood to retrieve blankets and pillows from the hall closet. When she returned, she set the pillows near Louis and Cara's heads and covered them with a heavy blanket.

Then she turned and covered Liam and Aimee with an equally warm blanket. Liam caught her arm and pulled gently until she leaned down enough for him to kiss her cheek and mutter tiredly that he loved and appreciated her. She smiled and instructed him to lift his head so she could put a pillow underneath it, and left the other next to the chair in case Aimee woke up and needed it.

From the corner of her eye she saw Niall stand and begin picking up the bottles and glasses that had been used. Reilly wished he wouldn't, but was trying to be quiet so as not to disturb anyone's sleep, and instead moved to help him. He headed for the kitchen before she did, but when she met him in there, there was a hint of what looked like disappointment in his expression. She looked at him carefully as she walked to the sink and carefully set down what she was carrying.

"Not exactly how I imagined the night when I was comin' over," he admitted, his voice quiet.

The butterflies in Reilly's stomach awoke and she turned so her body was facing his. "What were you expecting?" she inquired.

Niall shrugged. "Just you and me, I guess. Doin' a lot of the same as what we did," he said and then shrugged again. "Don't mind it this way. Just hadn't got to see you in awhile." He shrugged yet again and looked down at his hands like he didn't know what else to say.

Reilly watched him for awhile, remaining quiet. He looked nervous again, the way he had when he arrived earlier. Like there was something else he wanted to say or do, but wasn't. For whatever the reason.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" she asked him finally.

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Now?" he asked, not looking up at her.

Reilly shrugged and gave a nod. "Yeah, why not?" she said.

Slowly, Niall lifted his eyes and looked at her. She smiled softly at him, waiting patiently for an answer. And then, finally, he shrugged. "I, yeah, sure. Walk sounds good," he said, sounding slightly uncertain at first, but more sure at the end.

The smile grew and Reilly had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep it from taking over her entire face. Niall started out of the kitchen and she quickly grabbed two water bottles from the refrigerator before following him. He had stopped at the front door to wait for her while she grabbed a coat from the hall closet, and then opened the door for her once she had put it on.

It was chilly out and Reilly stashed one of the cold water bottles in the pocket of her coat and held the other one to Niall. He accepted it wordlessly and twisted the top off to take a drink. Reilly pulled her hands inside the sleeves of her coat and wrapped her arms around middle to keep herself as warm as possible. They walked in silence down the street and then turned the corner when they reached the end.

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Reilly asked, breaking through the silence. The question had been burning in her brain for over a week and it seemed like as good a time as any to put it out there.

Niall seemed quite taken aback by it, however. "Do I," he began, but interrupted himself before he could repeat the entire question back to her. "No, why would you ask me that?" he inquired.

Reilly let out a sigh and shrugged. "Because I over think every little thing, I guess," she admitted. Next to her, Niall chuckled softly. "We could have seen each other on Monday or Thursday after my appointment with my psychologist. But you just rule those nights out completely when we're trying to make plans. I guess it feels kind of like you would rather not deal with it," she said. Her voice had gotten progressively softer as she went on until it was just barely a whisper at the end.

They walked on in silence for a block before Niall breathed out a heavy sigh. He reached over and gently pulled her arm away from her body and let his hand slide down to hers. His fingers tangled with hers as sparks of electricity shot through her, through both of them.

"I don't think you're crazy. Just so we're clear," he began. "And it's not that I don't want to deal with you after your appointments, or whatever you're thinkin'. I know how hard it is for you and how much talkin' about some things can take out of you. I know you recharge by dancin' or readin' or sleepin' or just being by yourself. I know you need that space. I appreciate that you want to see me, and believe me, this whole week after we had that massive talk last week without seein' you was like some kind of unjust torture." Reilly breathed out hard through her nose and a tiny smile pulled up the corners of her lips.

"Had to talk meself out of coming to see you on Thursday, if I'm honest. Several times. Even got into the car and drove a bit before I turned around and went back home. Point is, I wanted to see you, but I figured you needed that time more than I needed to see you," he said. "And I messed up a lot last time by being selfish and I pushed you too hard and ultimately pushed you away. Don't want that to happen again."

"It won't," Reilly said almost immediately. Niall looked over at her and she moved a little closer to him as they walked but she didn't elaborate. And so they continued in silence until eventually they rounded a corner and ended up on Reilly's street once again and she broke the silence. "Every conversation doesn't have to be so heavy, or be avoiding something heavy. I mean, right? We can still hold a normal conversation while I'm figuring myself out?" she asked, her original statement turning into the most unsure question she had maybe ever asked.

"Of course, Darlin'," he said as they neared her house. He kept a firm hold on her hand. "Want you to know, though, that I'm real proud of you for what you're doin'. Can't have been easy to make the choice to talk to someone the way you are, but you did and you seem," he paused, "almost relieved, I guess. Bit more relaxed." He scratched the back of his neck with his free hand. The water bottle he'd been holding previously was now sticking out of his sweatshirt pocket. "Can definitely see a difference in you and it's good. Know I said it before, but it's true. See it more each time we talk."

By now they were walking up to Reilly's front door and stopped on the porch. Niall drew in a breath like he was going say to he should go, but Reilly cut him off before he could even start. "Listen," she began. "I know you've been, almost ceremoniously, turning down my requests for you to come inside at late hours, and I understand. I do," she said when his eyebrow twitched upward. "However, it's really late, and I know you don't live as close as you once claimed to. And I also know there's already a bunch of people sleeping all over my living room. But there's a guest room." She paused, letting her eyes flick away from his face. She breathed in slowly and turned her eyes back to his. "I would just feel better knowing you weren't driving right now," she said quietly, and then added. "And you have to come back anyway for your Skype call with Maisie. Plus, with this many people here, I'll be making a huge breakfast in the morning."

Niall chuckled, but then his face turned serious and seemed to consider her words carefully for a full minute. Eventually, he gave in. "Alright," he said. Reilly echoed it back to him in the form of a question and he nodded. "Yes, Alright. You make it hard to say no," he told her. She pushed the door open and showed him to the guest room, grabbed a pair of Harry's sweatshorts from the laundry she'd recently done, then said goodnight and headed up to her room.

She was upstairs long enough to change into her pajamas and brush her teeth before her mind started wandering again. She stared at her empty bed when she came out of the bathroom, trying to convince herself to get in it. But with Niall just downstairs, it felt like one of them was in the wrong place. For the next fifteen minutes she stood next to her bed glancing around the room and then back at the bed. It was so quiet and so empty, and that had never really bothered her much before, but now, for some reason, it did.

Quietly, she made her way down the stairs and tapped gently on the door to the guest room. When no sound came in response, Reilly pushed open the door a crack. Niall was already asleep, laying on the side of the bed furthest from the door. In a way, it seemed like an invitation. She slipped inside the room, closing the door quietly behind her, and then silently made her way over to the bed in the dark.

She crawled underneath the covers and laid on her side but left several inches of space between herself and the sleeping form on the other side of the bed. He felt the bed move and his eyes cracked open. A sleepy smile pulled up his lips. "Darlin', this wasn't part of the deal," he mumbled.

Reilly bit the inside of her lip. "I know," she whispered to him. "I'll leave. But this is where I want to be, if it makes any difference."

He opened his eyes a tiny bit more and reached for her, his hand groping in the dark before it finally found her arm and he pulled her toward him. She moved toward him easily and rested her head against his chest. His arm curled around her and his fingers played with her long hair. "This is where I want you to be," he agreed.