Collide, Ignite

"Where are we going, Harry?" Reilly asked for probably the tenth time in the last fifteen minutes. It seemed that no matter how long she knew the boys they never seemed to fully grasp just how much she hated surprises.

Most of the last three weeks had been spent with Niall. He, Harry, and Lexie had accompanied her to the awards ceremony, though she had tried hard to get out of it. They'd spent at day at Legoland, seen a comedy show, gone bowling, been to the Canal Museum and had plans to visit the Brands Museum, and also had been out to lunch and dinner several times, in addition to the time they spent at one of their houses or at the studio. Still, every night Reilly found herself alone in her bed.

She was still seeing her psychologist, though instead of having appointments twice a week on Monday and Thursday, she was going only once a week on Wednesday. It was good progress. But even though she'd been keeping herself busy, being unemployed and not going to school had her feeling a bit like she was without a purpose. It was a feeling she had relayed to Harry.

And now she found herself in the front seat of his car with no idea what was going on.

"I've told you, it's a surpr-"

"And you know how much I hate surprises," she interrupted. "Yet you still insist on them."

Harry grinned. "I feel like, if you receive enough good surprises, you will associate them with good things and you will eventually stop hating them," he suggested. Reilly rolled her eyes. "I love how agressively you roll your eyes at me."

Reilly rolled her eyes again. "Right now I think I hate you more than I hate surprises," she offered.

A roar of laughter came from deep inside Harry's belly. "There's no reason to be dramatic, Reilly. We both know you love me immensely," he said. Shortly after that, he pulled the car into a parking spot. "And anyway, we're here," he told her.

"But where are we?" she questioned as her eyes scanned their surroundings. It seemed vaguely familiar, like she'd seen it before but maybe in the nighttime. "And why is Louis here?" she inquired when he came into her line of vision.

Harry took off his seatbelt and pushed the car door open. "Would you stop asking so many questions and just get out of the car. We're going to explain everything to you in just a moment," he huffed.

Grudgingly, Reilly climbed out of the car and walked over to Louis. He greeted her with a one armed hug, but was more focused on glaring at Harry.

"Bloody late," he said. Harry only shrugged. In truth, he has assumed Louis would be late and adjusted the time of their arrival what he thought to be accordingly. Apparently he had misjudged his friend.

"Sorry, Mate," was all he offered as he slid a key into the lock on the door of building they were standing outside and opened the door, holding it to allow his two companions to enter first.

They were barely three steps inside when Reilly finally realized they were in the same studio where her and Zayn's birthday party had been. It had felt like a decent size at the time but seemed even bigger now that it was completely empty. But still, she had to wonder what they were doing there, and why Harry was in possession of a key to it.

"Okay, so," she began, stopping in her tracks and turning on the two boys. Harry nearly walked right into her, but managed to stop himself quickly enough to avoid a major catastrophe.

Both boys were quiet at first. Harry looked at Louis, who gave a slight nod, and then cleared his throat. "Okay, well, I presume you recognize the building," he said. Reilly nodded and waited for him to continue. "Louis and I purchased it a few months ago without really knowing what we were going to do with it. That's to say, we had some ideas that we were bouncing off each other but nothing really seemed quite right and we just sort of left it alone for awhile." He paused long enough to swallow and then continued. "So, recently he and I have been discussing it a bit, you know, should we keep it, should we sell it, and then we somehow came up with an idea. We thought maybe it would make a nice dance studio," he said.

Reilly glanced around the empty room and shrugged. "It's a nice space," she commented.

"For you," Louis finished for Harry.

Suddenly Reilly's mind went completely blank. "Excuse me?" she asked. Certainly she hadn't heard him right. Or he'd meant something other than what she heard. Or...

"We thought you might like to have your own dance studio. You know, where you can teach lessons. For kids," Harry suggested, and then quickly added, "or adults. Whatever you'd like."

"But," Reilly began. Her mind was still wiped completely clean. She didn't know what to say. "I'm really rusty," she managed. "I don't know if I can teach," she said. Her eyes were filling with tears and she wouldn't be able to even begin to explain why if asked. Maybe it was panic, or maybe the gesture was incredibly nice, or maybe she still felt guilty about her mom, or maybe she just didn't know what else to do. Or maybe it was what she really, really wanted and hadn't even known before now.

Within moments both boys had arms around her, Harry's at her shoulders and Louis' at her waist. "You don't have to give us an answer this very moment, my love," Louis assured her. "You can take some time, discuss it with Niall, whatever you need to do. But we have no other plans for this place, so just know that it's here if you want it. I don't think we're putting an expiration date on the offer," he said, glancing over at Harry, who shook his head quickly. "And we can work out all the details later, should you decide to accept," he finished.

Reilly swallowed hard as she nodded. "I," she choked out before trying again to swallow the lump in her throat. "I'll think about it," she agreed. And then, after just a moment she added, "Thank you. You know, for thinking of me."

She felt Louis pulling her toward him, and Harry's arm dropped from her shoulders as a result. Louis wrapped his other arm around her and gave her a squeeze. "We're always thinking of you, my love," he told her. She nodded against his chest and he kissed the side of her head. "But really think about this, okay?" She nodded again. "Promise me," he urged.

"I promise I'll really think about it," she said with a sigh.

Louis chuckled. "Not very convincing, are you?" he said.

"Give her a break, Louis," Harry interjected. Reilly pulled from Louis' embrace and turned to give Harry grateful smile. As much as she loved Louis, there were times he could be slightly demanding and overbearing. Having Harry there to neutralize that came as a huge relief.

Louis held both hands up in surrender. "Fine. I was just saying is all," he said and put his hands down. "What are your plans for the rest of the day?" he asked Reilly.

"Probably just a quiet evening at home," she said with a shrug. Since she'd had no idea where Harry was taking her or how long it would be, she'd made no plans other than this.

"Mmm," Louis hummed. "Cara mentioned that she's not seen you in awhile. I think maybe she misses you a bit," he said.

"Yeah, I know. I need to plan a girls night soon," she said. "I mean, I technically live with Lexie and I've barely seen her recently. It's a bit ridiculous, actually, how out of touch I've been with everyone. Tell her I'll call her soon."

"Sure," Louis agreed. "So, I guess if we're finished here," he let the thought trail off.

With that, they all turned toward the exit. As Reilly was getting into Harry's car, Louis called to her once more to really think about the offer. She would. With her tendancy to over think things to death, there was no way she couldn't. With a wave, she told Louis again that she would and pulled closed the car door.

Harry, on the other hand, didn't mention it at all on the drive back to the house. Instead he told her that he thought a girls night was absolutely a good idea, and mentioned that Lexie also seemed to missing her recently. It made Reilly feel a little sad and guilty that she hadn't realized she had been neglecting her friends, and she made a mental note to rectify the situation sooner rather than later, and began thinking of ideas for a girls night that weekend, assuming everyone was available.

When they got to her house, Harry went inside for a while. He helped Reilly with a few things around the house and then they spent some time just lounging on the couch in front of the TV. And then, just about the time Lexie would be finishing up her class, Harry got up and left.

And that was fine with Reilly, until after a few short minutes the silence really settled in and her mind started to consider the possibilities of the studio. Everything she was imagining was so big and it all seemed within reach, yet just out of reach at the same time. Realistically she knew it would likely start out small and it would take time to grow. And she felt she had the patience to nurture a new business, but the thing that nagged at her most was the idea of teaching.

Sure, once she had been a good dancer. But she until recently, she hadn't danced regularly in over six years. Sure, she had once helped teach young kids, but at the time she hadn't been so out of practice. It would take time and hard work to get back to the level she had once been on, if she even could. And she wasn't entirely sure she was up for the challenge.

But she did want it. Oh, she wanted it so bad. She could feel the excitement growing along with the uncertainty. Dancing took her to another place. Dancing brought her a sense of peace and happiness that nothing else did. And maybe, just maybe she would be able to give that to others. And maybe she would start feeling like she had a purpose again.

And then her mind wandered back into something Louis had said. Discuss it with Niall. But why would she need to discuss it with Niall? They were not together. Sighing, she remembered something Harry had said at the awards ceremony when she insisted that Niall wasn't her boyfriend.

Might as well be.

But he wasn't.

With another sigh, Reilly stood and headed out of the house. And she got in her car and drove. Her mind kept running through all the time she'd been spending with Niall lately. The way they were always holding hands when they were together. The way he'd always hold her close when they watched a movie together. The gentle touches when he walked behind her in the kitchen. Reaching over her from behind to get something she couldn't reach in the kitchen. The long hugs before the other went home. Good night and good morning texts. What were they doing?

Finally she stopped the car outside of Niall's house. It had only just gotten dark outside, and she realized she had forgotten to eat dinner. But as she rang the doorbell, that didn't seem like the most important thing. It seemed like forever before Niall finally pulled the door open, and he looked surprised to see her.

"Wasn't expectin' you, Darlin'," he said.

And for some reason she felt embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I should have called. I can go if it's a bad time," she said, looking quickly over her shoulder back at her car.

But Niall just laughed. "Don't be ridiculous. You're always welcome to crash my doorstep any time," he said. "Come in." He pulled the door open enough for her to step inside and his fingers brushed against her hip as she passed him. "All right?" he asked when she barely looked at him.

She nodded. "Yeah, I just, have some things on my mind, I guess," she said.

"Such as?" he inquired.

Reilly looked around, almost like she'd never been in his house before, and then let her eyes settle on his face. "Louis and Harry offered me a dance studio today?" she said, but it came out more as a question than a statement.

Niall raised his eyes, and then posed a question of his own. "How come you didn't tell me that Maisie wants me to come for her birthday?" he asked.

It took a minute for the question to register and when it did, Reilly's mouth formed into an O shape, but no sound came out. She pressed her lips together and breathed out hard through her nose. "You talked to Zayn," she guessed.

"Yeah, I talked to Zayn. Why wouldn't you tell me that?" he asked again.

Reilly let out a soft sigh. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I should have told you. I just," she sighed again. "You already had plans to go visit your family then and I didn't want you to feel obligated to change those plans to go for her birthday," she told him.

"When have I ever given the slightest indication that I see anything involving that little girl as an obligation, Reilly?" he asked. His tone was saturated with disbelief, but he remained calm.

"You haven't," she said. "But I didn't want you to change your plans. I mean, of course I would love if you came for Maisie's birthday. But the timing, you already had plans set," she tried to explain, but only felt like she was digging a hole deeper and deeper for herself.

He sighed. "We--the band-- we're at a place where I can see my family almost any time right now. Maisie is only gonna turn five once," he said. "That's one of those things that should've been my choice to make, not yours to make for me. Some things, okay, I can understand you making a judgement call, but not this."

Reilly nodded. Tears of frustration stung her eyes but she tried hard to hold them back, to hide them from Niall's sight. She drew in a breath. "I know. You're right. I messed up," she breathed out. "I'm sorry, Niall. I'm so sorry. I really hate that I upset you," she told him.

If she had been able to see the situation from an outside perspective, she probably would have laughed. They were arguing like a couple. But she couldn't see it that way. Instead, her hands were beginning to shake and she clasped them together in an attempt to hide it. She could feel herself growing anxious, heart racing, chest tightening, and the nagging voice in the back of her head was whispering this is where you lose him.

"I appreciate that," he said after a long moment of silence. "Can you trust me to make my own decisions on things like this in the future, please?" he asked. Reilly let out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding in. In the future. She nodded. "Her birthday is at the end of my trip, anyway. Would be easy to move things around," he added.

Reilly nodded again. "I'm sorry," she repeated. She didn't know what else to say.

This time Niall just shrugged. "'S alright, Darlin'," he said. "So, what's this about a dance stuido?" he inquired, changing the subject back.

It took just a second for Reilly to register what he was asking. But when she did, she briefly recounted what had happened that afternoon. And when she finished, Niall only hummed and gave a one shouldered shrug.

"You what the weirdest part was?" she asked before she could really think about the words that were about to come out. Niall waited for her to go on, and she bit the inside of her lip. "Louis told me talk it over with you." Niall raised an eyebrow at her. "Curious, isn't it? I mean, honestly, at the time I was so overwhelmed that I didn't think anything of it. But then when I got home and I had settled down and started thinking about it, I realized, that's something people in a relationship do. And then I thought about how we're not together. And if we're not together then why would I need to discuss it with you?" she said. Niall just stared at her. He could tell she was not finished.

"And then I started to wonder why we're not together. I mean, what are we doing? It's like, we're friends, but we're more than friends, but we're just friends. And it doesn't make any sense. And sometimes I think I'm ready. Sometimes I wonder what you're waiting for," she admitted. "Honestly. And then other times I feel like maybe I'm not ready. And then all the time I'm scared, just, completely and utterly terrified," she told him.

Niall drew in a slow breath and reached for her hand, but she moved it and crossed both arms over her chest before he could catch it. He sighed and gently grabbed both her elbows, pulling her a few steps closer. "You think I'm not? You think I don't consider that I could lose you at any moment?" he asked, trying hard to hold her gaze that was fighting to bounce anywhere but his. Tears were filling Reilly's eyes again. "That's the thing, though. If you're not scared, you're not invested. Being terrified means this matters."

She squeezed her eyes shut and tightened her arms at her chest. Niall reached for them again and gently pulled them from her body, sliding his hands down until they met hers and curled around them. "I've only been waitin' for you to tell me you're ready, Darlin'. That's all," he told her, his voice just above a whisper.

Her eyes opened and she looked up at him, her eyes glossy from the tears she was holding back. "But what if I never do?" she asked, her voice cracking.

The right side of Niall's mouth pulled up into a half smile and he took a tiny step closer to her and brushed her bangs to the side so he could press a soft kiss to her forehead, then to her temple, her cheek, and the tip of her nose. She closed her eyes again and tears slipped through her eyelids. With a gentle swipe of his thumbs, Niall brushed away the moisture and gently kissed each of her eyes. His hands found their way to her cheeks and he rested his forehead against hers.

"You just did," he whispered.

Reilly didn't have to open her eyes to know what was going to happen next. His forehead parted from hers and she felt his breath that had been so even, so steady before, shaky now, ghosting over her lips. His hands held her face, thumbs gently stroking her cheeks. Her heart pounded inside her chest, causing her own breath to become uneven. And then, she felt them. His lips pressed to hers, softly at first, like he was waiting to see if she would pull away. But she didn't. She responded with slight pressure, enough to say yes, I want this. And at the same time they both parted their lips.

And then it happened as the kiss deepened. Reilly's mind went silent. The only thing she was doing was kissing Niall. Her lips were on fire and her heart was racing and her face tingled underneath his touch and her hands had somehow found his sides and it was the two of them and no one else in the world. Just her and Niall.

She wasn't ready for it to end, because when Niall pulled back everything came crashing back to her. She breathed in deeply, trying to get back the air she'd lost.

"Wow," she breathed out, still holding onto Niall's sides. He rested his forehead against hers again, thumbs stroking her cheeks again. "This is really going to hurt when you change your mind." The words just slipped out. And the second they did she wished she could take them back.

Niall breathed out hard, also trying to catch his breath again. "Don't do that," he said softly. "Don't assume I'm going to leave. If we're going to do this, you have to let me love every part of you. Even the ones that scare you. The parts you think no one can love," he told her.

"But what if you can't?" she asked.

He kissed her nose. "Don't you see?" he asked. She opened her eyes to meet his. "I already do."

Reilly sucked in her bottom lip and nodded. She leaned up to kiss him briefly, but lingered there. All she wanted was to be close to him. "Ask me to stay," she said quietly against his lips.

She could feel him smile when he kissed her again. "Will you stay?" he asked. Reilly nodded. His hands dropped from her face and he pulled one of hers from his waist and, even though it was still early, led her upstairs.

In his room, she changed into one of his shirts and he slipped on a pair of pajama pants. She waited until he sat on the bed and then climbed in on the other side. "Movie?" he asked her, as she slipped underneath the blanket. She nodded and he grabbed for the remote on the night stand next to his bed.

It was rarely difficult for them to agree on a movie, and this time wasn't any different. Once it was chosen, Niall settled back into the bed and Reilly scooted toward him, resting her head against his bare shoulder, her arm snaking across his stomach. His own arm wrapped around her and he kissed the top of her head, breathing in her scent.

"I've missed this," he told her honestly.

"Me too," she agreed, slipping one of her legs over his, pressing herself closer to his side. She just wanted to be touching him as much as possible.

And he seemed to feel the same way. Throughout the movie his hands found reasons to innocently be on her. Resting on her hip, her thigh, playing with her hair, tickling the small of her back. Any excuse for physical contact, the same way her hands kept running across the skin on his chest and stomach, her fingers drawing doodles on the palm of his hand or filling the space between his fingers until she drifted off to sleep.