The Poison in Your Blood

I wake up in the morning feeling as refreshed as I’ve felt in a week and a half. I admit I have a bit of a headache but I’m feeling like I’ve finally rested some. Probably because I was close to death for a minute. But that’s okay too. I sit up and stretch out and look down over the blankets that are pooled around my waist. There is a little bit of smeared blood on my chest and I cringe a little bit, but I’m over all thankful he covered me up and what not.

He’s sitting in a chair at the small table in the room. I can feel his eyes on me and I’m not sure how I’m feeling about it. I can smell cigarette smoke and it’s a little shocking to me. I’ve not seen him smoke a lot since I’ve known him, though I know he was a smoker when he was a human.

I turn to look at him and I smile lightly, but my smile fades quickly when he doesn’t return the gesture. He takes a drag off the cigarette and holds it for a second before letting it out in a soft stream. If the hotel people find out he’s smoking in here we’ll have to pay a fine.

“Good morning,” I say in a pleasant voice.

He doesn’t answer me. I look down at the blankets again and I feel really hurt by his behavior this morning. I glance at the clock on the night table and see that it’s just past 7:30 in the morning. Anna and Madison are probably still sleeping, but because I was knocked out so early I’m pretty much wide awake.

“Are you going to talk to me?” I ask without looking at him.

“What do you want me to say?” he asks. His voice is bitter.

“I don’t know, maybe something like ‘Good morning, how did you sleep?’” I snap.

“You slept like the dead,” he snaps back. “I would know I was here with you the whole time. Well, with one slight exception,” he says and puts out the cigarette. “You are lucky you aren’t dead.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I snap.

“You don’t seem to understand the amount of danger you are putting yourself in when you pull shit like that,” he says.

For the first time I can see how really truly angry he is, and in a way that pisses me off. I was trying to help him. I didn’t put myself out there like a buffet for my benefit. He has no business being angry at me.

“You’re mad at me?!” I ask in disbelief.

“No, I’m not mad. I’m fucking pissed,” he snaps. “I could have killed you, Lana! I hadn’t fed in a week and a half, I could have killed you so easily. I almost did.”

“But you didn’t,” I say. “I’m alive. I woke up and I’m feeling fine. So what is the big deal!”

“What is the big deal!?” He asks with wide eyes. “How was I going to explain it to your friend when you turned up dead? Or Annalise? That would have been perfect, Lana! I’m sure your sister would have been perfectly…”

“I trust you! I wouldn’t put myself out there if I didn’t trust you, because obviously you are capable of controlling yourself!”

“The only reason you aren’t dead right now is because I could hear your heart fluttering.” His voice has calmed down now and he looks away from me and I feel a little bad.

“But see, you didn’t kill me,” I say. “I tried to tell you to go out and take care of it, but you wouldn’t listen to me. You were going to drive back to California with three humans trapped inside that car. I was scared something was going to happen. You told me once a little while ago that sometimes when it gets back innocent people get hurt or killed. I didn’t want that to be Anna, or Madison.”

“I should have paid attention to you,” he says. “I should have known that you weren’t really looking for sex last night.”

“I had a feeling you wouldn’t notice, because you were foggy. You are yelling at me and being pissed off at me when you were the one putting everybody in danger and not taking care of yourself,” I snap. I’m still really pissed off.

I push the covers off and try to stand up and I’m surprised when I suddenly feel so dizzy I’m not sure I won’t fall over. But he’s there, next to me, holding me up.

“You need to be careful,” he says in a soft voice. I put my hand to my head and try and stop the spinning.

“What the fuck…?” I say to myself and he sits me back on the bed.

“You’re blood levels aren’t back to normal yet,” he says. His eyes are kind of distant and I feel bad again. I’ve known for a long time this curse isn’t one he enjoys and it’s really quite obvious for the first time that his actions last night are not ones he’s proud of. “It’s going to take a while. I almost took you to the hospital for a transfusion.”

“Oh god,” I say.

“I didn’t figure it would be all that easy to explain though…you know why my girlfriend had lost that much blood from a little bite mark on her throat.”

“Spare me the details,” I practically beg.

“I told you already I almost killed you, Lana,” he says. “What you did was really really stupid.”

“How are you feeling?” I ask. He looks at me with wide eyes.

“Why are you even remotely concerned about that?”

“I didn’t just give myself up for my health!” I snap. “How are you feeling? Are you going to be able to get us home?”

“I went out and bought a pack of cigarettes once I was sure you weren’t going to die,” he says. His eyes turn black for a second and I cringe.

“I don’t see what that has to do with my question,” I say, trying to pretend like I don’t know where it’s going.

“Sometimes…innocent people get hurt,” he says. “You started something you really shouldn’t have. It had been too long…and what I got from you just…”

“Wasn’t enough,” I say. I look up at him and pull him down to me. “Don’t blame yourself.”

“I can’t ignore it,” he says. “I didn’t know anything about that…person. If he had kids or a wife or anything.”

“Use it as a lesson then, not to wait that long again.” I’m as serious as I can manage. The world isn’t spinning anymore so I feel better. I fall back onto the bed, pulling him down on top of me.

“I’m never going to believe you just want sex again,” he says. I laugh lightly.

“I don’t think I could manage sex right now if I wanted to,” I say. “Do you trust me?” I ask.

“It’s not you I don’t trust, Lana,” he says in a soft voice. I frown. I pull him down and kiss him on his lips.

“It’s okay,” I say. “But please, don’t be mad at me. I was only trying to help.”

“I appreciate your concern. But I need you to be careful. I could never forgive myself if I ever really hurt you.”

“I know you aren’t ever going to,” I say.

About an hour later Madison and Anna are up and we are getting ready to head out. Austin packs up out suitcase and helps me into my clothes. There is knocking on the door and I frown. He helps me stand up and it takes me a few seconds to adjust to the dizzy feeling. This is by far much worse than the first time I let him bite me. He puts his arm around my waist and holds me up.

“Just put your arm around me and try not to look so nauseas,” he says.

“Okay,” I say with a tough of sarcasm. We move towards the door together and he opens it. Madison looks us over from under her aviator sunglasses.

“Some of us are looking cozy,” she says. I laugh a little bit.

“Just feeling like cuddling today,” I say. She smiles at me.

“It’s cute.” She’s teasing me but I don’t really mind. At least it isn’t totally obvious that he’s supporting my body weight. “Anyways, are we ready to go? Anna and I had breakfast in the office already.”

“Oh, yea, we ate a while ago,” Austin says. “We are ready to get going. It’s a long drive.”

I smile. My smile fades a little when it occurs to me I’m going to have to walk out the door under my own power because it’s not wide enough for both of us and it would be a little suspicious if we came out sideways. He sends me through first, probably so he can make sure I don’t fall over. Madison is putting her suitcase in the car and I see Anna is already in her seat, and I’m relieved when I feel his hands on my hips. Maybe this wasn’t my smartest idea.

I manage to stay standing while he pulls the suitcase over his shoulder and closes the room door before he puts his arm around my waist again and walks me to the passenger’s side door. I get into the car on my own and I’m so thankful to be sitting down again because my stomach is doing back flips.

“Are you okay, Lana?” Annalise asks from the back seat and I frown a little.

“I’m just feeling a little tired,” I say in as convincing a tone as I can manage. She narrows her eyes.

“Are you pregnant?” she asks. If I was drinking something I would have chocked on it.

“No!” I say.

“Are you sure? You might be pregnant! You know…morning sickness and all.”

“I’m not pregnant, Annalise,” I say. “I’m protected.” You know, because my boyfriend is a vampire. I mean really, she knows this.

“I hope so…that would be freaky,” she says.

I roll my eyes and try and relax a little. A ten hour drive is less than fun. I adjust the collar on my shirt a little, because I don’t want her to see the hideous mark I’m sure is on my neck. She knows and she’d freak right the fuck out. I don’t need that kind of drama today. I’m just trying to keep myself from puking.

For the first hour on the road nobody says much. I think Madison and Anna can tell there is a little bit of tension in the front seat and honestly I’m glad they aren’t talking. I’m starting to feel better but I’m not sure I’m really all the way there yet. It’s a little hard to be there you know, when you aren’t there. That probably makes no sense to anybody but myself.

“I hate riding in the car,” Anna says after some time. “It’s so boring.”

“It does suck,” I say. “But unfortunately it’s kind of necessary this time.” My stomach lets off a growl and I frown. I hate it when I get hungry because then I’m always force fed. This time he’ll be extra alert to it since he’s concerned I might die.

He gives me a sideways glance and I glare at him. I see his grip tighten on the steering wheel a little and then he relaxes. I’m not counting on very much time without having to stop at McDonalds or something gross. I probably should eat though. They give out cookies and juice when you donate blood. I think I can consider this like donating blood, right? Maybe that’s a little extreme, but you get the point.

It is literally two hours later when he pulls off the freeway after taking a vote from the backseat on who wants to stop for lunch. I was outvoted. I don’t want to have to be carried into the restaurant and have everybody looking at me and examining me. I should have worn a turtleneck.

“It will be so good to get out and stretch!” Anna says as we pull into a parking lot. She’s already got her seatbelt off and she’s practically jumping up and down and shit. It’s not okay really. I’m actually a little on the unhappy side. No seriously. But no sooner does the car stop is she out and stretching her limps out and deep breathing the air. She really isn’t a fan of being locked up in the car and honestly most times I wouldn’t blame her. But stopping to have lunch really only delays time and I’m ready to get home and not have to worry about this anymore.

I get out of the car and keep my hand on it for balance. I for a second wish we didn’t have two other passengers because I could have used Austin’s fast movement to keep me from falling over. But the car will have to do. I don’t like that I’m still feeling so lightheaded.

I walk slowly around the car until I catch up with him and he puts his arm around my waist casually. To look at us you’d never know he was helping support me. He just seems so natural.

“God you guys are sickening,” Annalise says. Madison laughs a little bit and I try and muster a smile.

“Someday you’ll understand,” I say to her and stick my tongue out. She rolls her eyes but she laughs and I feel better. I lean against Austin and we walk in together and go through the whole seating eating drinking thing and I actually feel good enough by the end of it all to walk out only holding his hand. Guess I just needed some sugar and calories to get me back on track. At least most of the way.

We stop twice for gas and the last time for dinner and the last two hours of the drive both back seat passengers are asleep. This is good I think because it gives me a chance to think about things. Austin seems tired. I reach across the console and take his hand and hold onto it.

“How are you feeling?” I ask him.

“Like I’m ready to be home. This has been a shitty could weeks,” he says.

“I agree,” I say. “I really love you.”

He’s quiet for a second but he gives my hand a gentle squeeze and I feel good inside. “I love you, too, Lana. I think…in a lot of ways that is a little scary.” He laughs then and I can’t help but smile.

“Why on earth would you be scared to fall in love with me? You are the fairy tale bad guy.”

“Because…I hate to put you in so many awful positions.”

“I’m sure I’ve put you in some unhappy ones myself,” I say.

“Lana,” he says and sighs. “This is complicated.”

“I know it is.”

“Why didn’t you run away when you had the chance?” he asks and I look across the car with wide horrified eyes.

“Because, Austin,” I say. “I was always meant to be with you. Something put us together, and I’ll always forever be by your side. Because I love you, and I need you.”

“Don’t forget what I am, Lana.”

“I won’t…but it doesn’t matter. It never has. It never ever will.”