The Poison in Your Blood

It’s early morning, and I hate being up this early in the fucking morning. But Anna is starting at her new high school today and I thought I should at least be up making her breakfast. The high school is pretty close to the house and we got her signed up to take a bus to avoid any problems she might have with being dropped off in a corvette.

I’m in the kitchen and coffee is brewing and I have some eggs on the stove and some frozen waffles cooking in the toaster. Austin ran the heat all night so the house is disgustingly warm so I’m in the kitchen in my short shorts and a tank top. That’s how I sleep when I actually wear clothes to bed. Since we got in so late last night, I wore clothes to bed. The last thing on my mind was sex, I just wanted sleep.

Zoe is in the back yard devouring a bowl of Kibbles and Bits and Piggy is lying across the kitchen floor ignoring his bowl of Meow Mix. Apparently that isn’t a good enough breakfast for somebody as sophisticated and important as Piggy the sausage cat.

I yawn loudly and pour myself a cup of coffee and move across the kitchen to get the eggs plated. Piggy watches my slippers like they are some kind of fun new toy. I hear footsteps on the stairs and I turn around to see Anna coming down, dressed in her full on punk rock apparel. She dyed her hair last week to cherry red and so her lipstick is a little darker of a red and her eye makeup is mostly black with a touch of red on the bottom. At least in L.A. most people expect teenagers to have flaming red hair. She’s got her hair in some kind of complicated style and I don’t think I’m going to ask.

“Morning, Lana,” she says as she comes in with her back pack over her shoulder. She has a seat at the breakfast bar and I put a plate of eggs down in front of her. She smiles and takes the fork from me and cuts a piece of waffle.

“Morning,” I say. I give her a cup of coffee and she nods her head once since her mouth is full.

“Are you excited for your first day at school?” I ask.

“No,” she says. “It’s the middle of the semester. I’m going to be the weird new girl,” she says.

“I’m sure you’ll make friends quickly enough,” I say. I pull my hair up into a messy pony tail and yawn again. I’m so going back to bed once I’m finished with feeding my new found kid.

“Everybody is going to ask why I came here and shit,” she says. “I’m not sure I want to discuss that with tan blond people.”

“I’m sure you’ll find some scary people like yourself,” I say in a teasing voice.

She laughs lightly. She looks up at me as she raises her cup to her mouth and I hear her choke on her coffee slightly and I wonder what the fuck. She slams the cup down on the counter top and coughs violently for a few seconds.

“You are supposed to drink it, Annalise. Not inhale it.”

“What the fuck is on your neck!?” she says once the coughing fit has stopped.

Fuck my life. I forgot about that. I should have left my hair down, she probably never would have noticed it had I just left my hair alone. I saw it last night when I was brushing my teeth for bed. It’s really not a beautiful addition to my skin. The bruise spread a lot more than the other times he’s bitten me and the wounds are kind of visible. I won’t be able to go outside without a scarf for a week.

“Nothing,” I say.

“Nothing?! I can fucking see it!” she’s shouting and she’s obviously irrational.

I put my hands up to try and calm her. “Shh, you are gonna wake up Austin,” I say in a soft voice. She stares at me with wide horrified eyes and I put my hand over my eyes and try and think for a minute.

“You are worried about him!? He did that to you and you are worried about not waking him up! Really!?”

I’m trying really hard to figure out how to explain this hideous bite mark on my neck. It’s really obvious what it is so I know I can’t try and tell her he didn’t do anything to me. But she’s not going to understand if I tell her the truth. I take a breath and look at her.

“Anna,” I say and bite on my lip. “It’s not a big deal, really. I’m fine.”

“That isn’t fine! He tried to fucking eat you!”

“No! It’s not like that,” I say. “If he was going to kill me I would be dead. It was just that…”

“Is it some kind of gross kinky sex game?” she asks with disgust on her face.

I want to slam my face against the counter top at this point. I am obviously not going to agree to that. That would just cause new drama. This whole thing is a horrible issue. Why didn’t I wear a t-shirt or something with a higher collar? Why didn’t I leave my hair down? Fuck.

“No really, because if it is you are fucking fucked up!”

“Annalise!” I say and push my bangs out of my face. “Calm down.”

“What’s all the noise about?” Austin asks from the kitchen entrance.

Anna practically jumps from her seat then and runs around the other side of the counter. “What did you do to Lana!” she yells.

“Ugh! Annalise! It’s not a big deal!”

“It’s not a big deal?! What the fuck!? It’s a huge fucking deal!”

“She saw the mark,” Austin says and comes into the kitchen. He pours himself a cup of coffee, the whole time Annalise is clinging to my arm so hard she might tear it off. Piggy gets up from his place on the floor and rubs his body across Austin’s leg. “Fucking cat,” Austin mumbles and nudges Piggy away.

“Let me go!” I say and try and free myself from Annalise’s grip.

“Are you crazy!?” she cries.

Austin turns to face us with his coffee. His hair is standing up in a couple different directions. He’s got a little bit of facial hair coming in and I’m gonna say it. If not for the crisis, I’d be throwing him on the floor and taking advantage of him. Or maybe across the dining room table.

“We can’t very well explain anything if you keep screaming,” he says. Piggy is continuing to rub himself on his legs.

“What is there to explain!? You fucking drank my sister’s blood!” Anna cries.

“Anna, shut up!” I say. “You are going to wake up the neighbors.”

“See, Lana, this is another reason you can’t pull that shit you did in the hotel. Now your sister is freaking out and she won’t even calm down enough to get the whole story.”

“Wait…what?” Anna asks.

“See, if you’d let me explain you’d know,” I say and finally manage to shrug her off. “It was my decision. I’m okay and everything is okay. He didn’t try to kill me or anything. I was worried about him being in the car with the three of us, you know…because he hadn’t had…well in a long time. So I offered myself up and everything is okay.”

She stares at me with wide eyes. Her jaw is practically touching her chest as she stares in disbelief. She looks at me and then to Austin before looking back at me and closing her mouth. “I…I’m going to miss my bus.” She goes back around the counter and finishes her coffee before picking up her backpack and putting it over her shoulder. She gives us each one more look.

“Annalise, are you okay?” I ask.

“I’m just…confused,” she says. “You’re sure it was just…like you said it was?”

“I know…its weird,” I say. “But I promise, I wasn’t in any real danger.” I can feel Austin cringe behind me. He’s still a little mad at me for what happened in the hotel. “It will heal up fine in a couple days and I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” she says and nods. She gives me a tight hug then. “I’ve just…been through a lot.”

“I know,” I say and kiss her cheek. “It’s alright. Go on and catch your bus. Don’t want to miss your first day of school.”

She says a quick goodbye to Austin, and he raises his hand in a half wave, and she leaves. I turn to face him and lean against the countertop. He takes a sip of his coffee and sets it on the counter before pushing off the counter he was leaning on and coming towards me. He puts his hands on my hips and I put my arms around his neck.

“You should be more careful,” he says.

“I forgot about it. It doesn’t really hurt or anything,” I say and shrug.

“I was waiting for your sister to drive a crucifix through my heart.”

I laugh out loud and he leans down to kiss me on the side of my neck. It hurts a little when the pressure of his lips makes contact with the bruise but it doesn’t bother me. He kisses up my neck and across my jaw then and I feel warm in some southern regions. He pulls me away from the counter and wraps his arms around my waist and his lips meet mine.

“You move on quickly,” I say.

He smiles against my lips. “As if you weren’t thinking about it in the middle of the crisis.”

“I would never!” I say but I’m sure he can hear the lie in my voice. The truth is I was thinking about it and I’m a little glad to see he was too. I bite my lip a little when he gives my ass a squeeze and I pull him against me. So much for wanting to go back to bed. I’m suddenly wide awake and burning up in a good way. “Where should we do it?” I ask with a dirty little grin.

“I’m down with doing it right here,” he says and presses his lips against mine harshly. He leans me back against the counter top and I groan a little against his lips as he takes hold of my breast through my tank top. As things heat up and he pushes me up onto the counter I hear the sound of glass breaking and I have a vague memory of Annalise’s dishes being left on the counter when she left for school.

The thought leaves my head when I feel my shorts being pulled from my body and he pushes my legs apart and I’m surprised by the feeling of his mouth on my pleasure center. I close my eyes and take in a few deep breaths as the sensation rolls through my body. It’s been a couple weeks since we got close and I’m so ready for it that I reach my climax in record time. Kind of disappointing in a way.

He stands up then and pulls me off the counter top and onto him. I gasp a little bit at the suddenness of it and I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck and I bite into his shoulder as he moves against me. It doesn’t take long for him to get there, but its okay because I’m already exhausted by the time he’s finished and I fall onto the counter top and gasp for air for a few seconds.

“I’m going to have to clean to kitchen now,” I say in a breathy voice. He laughs lightly from where he’s practically lying on me.

“That might be a good idea,” he says. He stands up then and helps me off the counter before getting back into his pants and giving me my shorts. “Thanks for breakfast,” he says with a creepy little wink and I swat his shoulder.

“Freak!” I say.

He laughs as he puts his arms around me and kisses me on the mouth.

I’m a little irritated when my cell phone starts to ring on the counter by the stove. Who in hell’s name is calling me at this time in the morning? I push out of Austin’s grip and pick up the phone and I’m instantly unhappy when I see the caller ID. I answer with as pleasant a voice I can manage. “What can I do for you?” I ask.

“You sent me a message some time ago that you wanted to see me next time I was in town,” he says. “I’m in town today.”

I frown. “Oh,” I say. “Well…” I regret having sent that message now. “When can I meet you?”

“I’m free most of today,” he says. “I thought you’d meet me at my hotel, for breakfast.”

I’m not sure how I feel about that idea. “I don’t know, Jon,” I say.

“It’s a free meal, Lana,” he says in a stinging voice.

I have a feeling this isn’t going to go over very well, but I need to get it taken care of. I need to move on and I can’t ever do it without some kind of closure. Besides, I haven’t eaten yet and you can’t go wrong with free breakfast. I glance at Austin, who doesn’t look excited about my conversation. “Fine,” I say. “Which hotel is it?”

After we work over the details I hang up and look at Austin apologetically. “I have to go,” I say. “I have to get this taken care of.”

“Maybe I’ll hang out,” he says. “Just in case.”

“Austin,” I say with a frown. “It’s not like I’m going to sleep with him.”

“It’s not you I don’t trust,” he says. His eyes turn black and I don’t like it one little bit. “I promise, you won’t even know I’m there.”

“No,” I say. “Let me handle it on my own.”

He hesitates. “Fine,” he says.

I go up the stairs and shower quickly before getting dressed in a pair of jeans and a white sweater. I check myself in the mirror before pulling my hair back into a pony tail and applying a little bit of makeup. No reason not o look my best while I tell him to go fuck off.

My drive to the hotel is tense. I just have a feeling my crazy blood thirsty boyfriend might not keep his promise to let me handle things on my own. The last thing I need is for Jonathan Rhys Meyers, star of Dracula, to be eaten by a vampire. That would be a little ironic though, I have to say.

I get to the hotel and I’m not surprised when I see that Jon is waiting for me in the lobby. He looks good, with his hair kind of messy and his facial hair trimmed a little bit. He’s dressed pretty casually in jeans and a shirt under a jacket. He really is gorgeous and I can’t help but flash back to all the times I’d seen him without his clothes.

“Lana,” he says and pulls me into a hug.

I try not to be awkward as I hug him back. I haven’t really wanted to be close to him in a while. “Hello, Jon,” I say. There is a pause as he looks me over.

“You are looking well, Lana,” he says.

“You are too,” I say. “Should we get breakfast?”

“Of course,” he says and motions towards the restaurant inside the hotel.

I walk towards the door with him behind me and I feel very strange. It’s been so long since I’ve done something like this with him. Or anybody really. Austin and I don’t really go out to breakfast much. All the history I have with Jonathan is there, pressing on me and making me uncomfortable.

There is a little bit of pause while we are seated and examine the menus. I’m not really sure where to start or what to tell him. I’m both uncomfortable and sad to be sitting here with him. My chest hurts because I remember how much I loved him for so long so that he could hurt me over and over and over and now I’m sitting here again and I don’t know what to say to him.

“So,” he says in a distant voice. “You mentioned before you were in a relationship?”

“Yes,” I say. “I’m living with somebody now. We moved in together recently.”

“Oh,” he says and looks up at me with a strange little smile. My heart flutters. “So its something serious then?”

“Yes,” I say. I bite on my lower lip.

“What is wrong, Lana?” he asks.

“Nothing, why do you ask?”

“You only chew at your lips like that when there is a problem,” he says.

My heart flutters again. He never noticed anything about me in the years that he played his games with me so how is it possible he knows that. “What about you?” I ask. “Have you found a lady?”

“No,” he says. “I’ve been rather busy with work and everything,” he adds. “Besides, I haven’t been able to get my mind off a woman.”

“I see,” I say. “Maybe you should be with her then.”

“I think that would be difficult,” he says and puts his menu down. “Are you happy, Lana?”

“Very,” I say and clear my throat. This conversation just got weird. I try to avoid looking at him because I don’t want it to be any more weird than it already is. Weird is bad. Besides, I’m sure Austin is hiding in the shadows somewhere watching like a creep.

“I’m glad to hear, it,” he says. “You deserve happiness.”

“Thank you,” I say. There is a pause. “Are you unhappy, Jon?”

“I fear I will be unhappy for some time,” he says and gives me a half smile. I’m so uncomfortable at this point that I’m not even sure what to say.

“Why do you think that?” I ask and take a sip of water from the glass in front of me.

“Tell me, Lana,” he says. “Why do you change your hair color? You have beautiful hair when its growing naturally.”

“I just need a change sometimes,” I say. “I needed to do something for me.”

“I feel like you aren’t just talking about your hair,” he says and laughs lightly.

“Why have you come back into my life, Jon? You were gone for so long, and now you are here again and I don’t understand why,” I say.

“It doesn’t matter now, Lana,” he says. “You are happy with this new man.”

I look at him with wide eyes. He’s jealous! After everything he is jealous that I’ve found somebody to be happy with. I don’t know if I should be flattered or irritated, but I do know that in a way I’m kind of pissed off.

“You are right, I am happy. That doesn’t explain why all of the sudden you’ve been calling me and showing up in my apartment and shit! I told you on the phone I didn’t have time for your games!”

“I’m not playing any games with you, Lana,” he says. “I only wanted to see you again.”

“No, you wanted to come crawl into my bed and make my heart hurt again. Like you always do! It’s been going on like that for so many years! And now you are angry because I’ve found somebody and you are jealous of my happiness! That isn’t fair! Do you know how selfish that is!?” I cry.

“I am not jealous of your happiness,” he insists.

“You are! And you can’t even admit it! Christ, Jon! Why can’t you just let me go? Why do you want to fuck me over so much? Please, tell me. What is the pleasure you get out of hurting me so much?”

“It isn’t my intention to hurt you, Lana,” he says. “Please, lower your voice.”

“Lower my voice? Really? That’s what you have to say? Why don’t you want me to be happy? What have I ever done to you to make you want me to be unhappy?”

“I never said I wanted you to be unhappy. I do think you deserve happiness.”

“But you don’t want me to have it with somebody else! I wasn’t happy with you, Jonathan! I was miserable, waiting my life for you to love me back. I was wasting my time with you, and I was only getting hurt in the end. Why can’t you let me be happy now?” I cry. I feel tears in my eyes and I feel like I never should have come here.

“Lana, please, let me explain…”

“Let you explain!? How can you explain it to me, Jon? How are you going to explain why my happiness is something you can’t deal with?” I wipe my nose with my hand and he looks down at the table for a minute.

“Does he treat you well?” he asks.

“Of course he does! I wouldn’t be as happy if he didn’t.”

“I’m happy for you,” he says. “Really I am.”

“I can’t…I can’t be in contact with you,” I say. “I can’t let you play with my heart anymore. I have to move on and be happy with Austin.”

“That’s his name?” he asks. I can see the jealousy in his eyes again and I have to fight the urge to yell at him. He’s completely ignoring everything I say.

“Jonathan,” I say in a strained voice. “Are you even paying attention?”

“I’ve always paid attention, Lana,” he says then. “Everything you said, everything you did. I remember when we were in Paris, and all you wanted was to see the Eiffel Tower and eat in a café. I remember those shoes I bought you, and how you tried them on in the store and walked around in them talking about how you’d never seen shoes so perfect. I remember how upset you got when I didn’t want to go with you to meet your mother. I wish I could have told you then it was because I didn’t want your family to know I needed help.” He pauses and thinks for a second. “I remember you crying at night when you thought I couldn’t hear. I even remember late night ice cream and how you hated the taste of champagne, but you always drank it because you felt obligated to. You always preferred red wine.”

“How did you even know…?” I ask dumbstruck.

“I know I put you through too much, Lana,” he says. “But you have to understand. I was in a bad place, a dark place. But I was always paying attention. I could tell each time we separated for however long how badly you wanted to say you loved me, but never did because you were sure I wouldn’t say it back. At the time, I probably wouldn’t have,” he says.

“Jon, please,” I say and I feel tears in my eyes again. I had planned on coming here and yelling at him, maybe calling him a jerk, and storming out feeling better. Now I think I’m only going to feel worse.

“And you’re right,” he says. “I’m insanely jealous. I’m so fucking jealous it hurts. But not of your happiness, but that somebody else was smart enough to give you what you needed and now has your heart.”

“All I needed from you was for you to love me, Jonathan. And you never did. You never loved me, you only dragged me along for your roller coaster ride and played with my emotions.”

“That is where you are wrong,” he says. “I always loved you. I think I always will. I want you to be happy. There really truly is no woman more deserving of happiness than you, my darling. I just never thought you’d find somebody new. It took me too long to realize that I couldn’t hold onto you forever. But I always loved you, I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

I wipe my eyes with a napkin and take a deep breath. Why did he have to do that? Why couldn’t he just have been an asshole and made me angry? That worked so much better for me. “All you ever had to do was say the words,” I say.

“I’m saying them now,” he says.

I sniff back a river of tears and I clear my throat. “I’m sorry…” I say. “Now, it’s too late.” I look down at the table and I have to wait a few minutes to get myself together. I didn’t want to cry. I’m so tired of crying.

“I had a feeling that was the case,” he says. “I won’t bother you again, Lana. If you really want, I won’t ever contact you again. I understand, you are happy now and I don’t want to interfere with that.”

“I…”

“I understand,” he says and stands. I stand up then, instinctively, and he takes a breath before looking me over. “You are beautiful, Lana. You always have been, and this new man is lucky to have you.” He puts his hand on my cheek and I snivel back my tears. “You are the best woman any man should have the pleasure of spending his life with.”

“Please, don’t,” I say.

He takes his hand away from my face and I’m suddenly craving the warmth. “I wish you the best, Lana,” he says. “I’m sorry I couldn’t see you for what you were before it was too late. Goodbye.” He turns away from me and I reflexively reach out and take hold of his jacket. He stops and looks at me.

“You can’t just walk away,” I say. “You can’t just tell me everything and then walk away!”

“I don’t want to be a burden to you anymore, Lana. I want you to move and be happy, like you so badly want for yourself,” he says.

“At least…at least give me a hug,” I say.

He pauses and looks down at the ground for a moment before meeting my eyes again and he takes a breath. He doesn’t say anything, he just pulls me against him and before I can really say anything or protest, he kisses me hard on my lips. I force myself not to cry and he pulls away from me.

“Goodbye, Lana,” he says. He straightens his jacket.

“Goodbye,” I whisper as he walks away from where he’s left me standing.

Oh man this turned out to be such a disaster. I never should have come to breakfast. I never should have let him have another chance to break my heart.