The Poison in Your Blood

It’s Valentine’s Day. It’s been a couple days since the weird people broke into our house and Madison picked up Zoe yesterday. Annalise is going to a party with a friend that lives on this street and we told her we trust that she’ll behave. She insists she’s not much of a party animal and she’s the “weird” girl whenever she makes it to a party but she wants to give us our privacy.

I don’t know what the fuck privacy we could possibly have. I’ve been running errands all morning like a chicken with its head off running around crazy. I wanted to do something special for Austin, even though he’s still a little irritated with me. He refuses to turn me no matter how much I try to explain that I don’t ever want to see myself getting my arm dislocated again.

My right hand is broken in two places and I have to wear a stupid brace all the time. The doctor said the breaks weren’t bad enough to need a full plaster cast but if I don’t wear the brace he’ll be forced to put me in a cast anyways. I wear the brace at all times with the exception of this morning because I was getting Austin’s present taken care of. His present is kind of fun.

I get back from my errands in the afternoon and I’m surprised when I walk in the front door to see a huge bouquet of red, pink, and white roses sitting on the coffee table. It’s in a gorgeous black vase with a white lace ribbon and a huge red ruby. It is the most beautiful arrangement of flowers I’ve ever seen.

I go to the table and drop my purse and put my nose in the flowers and take in a deep breath. They smell like heaven, so fresh and sweet. I love roses more than any other flower. I take in another deep breath and then I’m startled by his hands on my hips.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Lana,” he says and I stand up straight as he wraps his arms around my waist and takes in a breath of my hair.

I smile to myself as I enjoy his embrace for a moment. It seems like it’s been forever since we’ve really been allowed to be alone and have intimacy like this.

“I hope you like them,” he says.

“They are beautiful,” I say. “The most beautiful flowers I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m glad; I went out of my way to find the best ones I could find.”

“The vase is beautiful too,” I say. “It’s so Vampire,” I tease.

He laughs and tightens his grip on me. “It’s been a complicated couple of days, baby,” he says.

“I know,” I say and take a breath. “But I wish you could see my point of view.”

“I wish you could see mine, Lana. I live this. I know what it’s like. Think about Annalise.”

“What about Annalise? She lives with you,” I say. It’s the truth after all and she’s perfectly okay with it. So I don’t see how she will be an issue or even a factor in my becoming a vampire. I know it’s weird to want that so much but I was so afraid the other night and I want nothing more than for him to see my point and how much I want to be able to take care of myself.

“She lives with me because I’ve learned to control myself,” he says. “The first few months were hell, Lana. I almost killed everybody around me, I nearly killed my wife. It’s not like changing your hair or something, Lana. You’ll be dangerous and people are going to get hurt and if Annalise pisses you off in that first couple months, she’ll be dead before either of you know what hit you.”

I’ve never really thought about that. He’s in such perfect control of himself, he sleeps next to me each and every night and we make love with each other and he’s never hurt me. It never occurred to me that I would ever put anybody in any real danger.

“I won’t be dangerous because people will only get hurt if they hurt me,” I say.

“So you are going to starve until somebody with an axe tries to come and hurt you or your family? It’s not a trick you can pull out when you need to. It’s a fucking curse, Lana. You spend your whole life looking for blood, and you have to learn how to sleep at night knowing you killed somebody who has a family and a job and a life.”

I don’t want to fight with him on Valentine’s Day. I want to enjoy it and love him and go to dinner and come home and have sex and just be a couple. But it’s so difficult to let him win. I know there will be some complications and I know there will be some things that but I know what I want.

“I will be with you, I trust that you will guide me in the right directions,” I say.

“Lana, I can’t willingly put this curse on you,” he says and steps away from me. “I can’t just put you through this hell.”

“How can it be hell if we are together?” I ask.

“Lana, you aren’t hearing me,” he says. “You are my heaven; I won’t try and deny that. I would do anything for you if it would make you happy. But this isn’t going to make you happy, Lana. You only see the things you want to see. If I turn you, you’ll never get to see heaven.”

“But I’ll be with you,” I say. Immortality is something that I’m not sure about. But I also know already that I love him and I’m never going to leave him. That being said someday I’ll be old and he’ll forever be a 31 year old man. I don’t think I can live through the day I can’t be with him anymore. “Austin, please.”

“Lana,” he sighs. “I would never be able to forgive myself.”

“Do you love me?”

“I love you more than you know,” he says. “That is why I can’t do this to you.”

“If you don’t, in ten years, or twenty years, we’ll have to separate. In 20 years I’ll be almost 50 years old,” I say.

“In 20 years I’ll be 53,” he says.

“But you won’t really,” I say. “You’ll be 53 in a 31 year old body. I can’t waste my life on somebody I can’t die next to.”

“If I turn you you’ll never die, Lana. You won’t grow old with me. You won’t ever live the life that was intended for you.”

“The life that was intended for me? What makes you think being a vampire isn’t intended for me?”

“That isn’t intended for anybody,” he says.

“It must be,” I argue. “I can’t accept that I’d have found a love like this only to have it torn away from me. I’ll die an old woman knowing you’ve gone on to somebody else, somebody that will love you until they aren’t allowed to anymore,” I feel tears in my eyes.

“It wouldn’t happen that way, Lana,” he insists. “I wouldn’t leave you to find a woman that matches my age. I love you, and I’d be happy to love you for the rest of your life if it meant saving you from this.”

“But why can’t you love me for the rest of forever?” I ask with tears in my eyes. The start to spill out onto my cheeks and I look down at the floor. “Why can’t you love me for eternity? Why are you insisting on only loving me until I die?”

“Because you deserve a life! This isn’t a life! This is hell, baby. Can’t you understand?!”

“I know you have struggles, I know it’s not always easy,” I say.

“In two years close to 800 people have died, Lana. Because of me,” he says. “Because I can’t get through more than two three days without killing somebody before I get sick. Then if I let it go too long two or three people end up getting killed in one night. Do you want to be that thing? Do you want to be the reason that 400 people a year die?”

“That is a price I’d have to pay, I know that, but Austin I love you. I can’t stand the thought of ever being without you. Don’t make me live a life without you,” I say.

“Lana,” he says and puts his fingers through his hair. “I just can’t…I can’t put you through all the pain and suffering. Where people are nervous around you and dogs hate you and the change is literally painful. You’re heart literally stops beating in your chest while you are walking down the fucking street, Lana. If you turn…you’ll literally die without ever closing your eyes.”

“Do you remember when your heart stopped?”

“Yes,” he says without hesitation. “It was terrifying.”

“How did you know it had stopped? If it never fazed you how did you know?”

“I was in the middle of a show,” he says. “It was beating fast, because I was moving around, and suddenly it stopped. You’ll feel it, it hurts like hell. It’s like having a fucking heart attack. But by the time it stops you’re done; you’re fully changed so you can’t even react to the heart attack. You just have to keep going.”

“Then I keep going,” I say. “You told me once I wasn’t as fragile as you once thought me. I can get through it, and I can control myself.”

“Let’s wait…until Annalise is an adult and we aren’t responsible for her anymore,” he says. “That’s only two years, and it will give you time to think about it and know if it’s really something you want.”

“I’m not going to change my mind,” I say.

“I’m not going to turn you before two years has passed,” he says. “In two years, if we are still together and you still want it and Anna is living away from you, we can think about it.”

I frown but I don’t argue. I consider it progress and maybe he has a point. I should think about it a little more, though I know I’m not going to change my mind. I know what I want. I know where I want to be 20 years from now. I want to be young and happy and with the greatest love I’ve ever known.

“I have dinner reservations,” he says then. “Also, if you go upstairs I have another surprise for you.”

“Oh? What kind of surprise?”

“Go on and see,” he says.

I glare at him skeptically and then I take a deep breath before going up the stairs. I go into our bedroom and laid out on the bed is a black dress. Its strapless and looks like it will be close to skin tight, especially with the corset top. There is a necklace laid out with a black chain and a red ruby pendent. At the foot of the bed is a pair of black heels with silver studs covering them. I examine the shoes for a minute and then it hits me. The red soles and I about choke on my heart. Even the gorgeous shoes Jon bought me in Paris were not red bottoms. I slip my feet into them first and I feel so amazing in designer shoes.

Then I see the little note stuck on the dress. “Reservations are at seven.” Or in other words get my ass ready. I glance at the clock on our night table and I feel the air blow out of my body. It’s already 5:45. I have less than an hour to get showered and dressed and do the hair and makeup thing. Fuck me.

I take off the shoes and rush to the bathroom, stripping out of my clothes as I walk. I get turn on the shower and throw myself in, washing and shaving and conditioning at record speed. I manage not to cut myself in the shower and I consider it a victory. I’m out and I dry my hair and brush my teeth and apply my make up quickly. I don’t know if I’m as excited about getting dressed up for my date or wearing the Louboutin shoes.

I get into the dress he laid out for me and get the necklace on before sliding my feet into the pretty studded shoes and I examine myself in the mirror and damn if I don’t look amazing. I went ahead and curled my hair and let it stay down in a wavy mess. It’s almost to my shoulders and it’s jet black. When I fixed my roots I took out the highlights so it looks really good against my fair skin.

I admire myself a second longer before checking the time. 6:30. Shit! I grab the little red little clutch bag he left on the bed with the dress and throw my makeup, my cell phone, and my ID in the bag and I hurry out of the room. He’s waiting at the bottom on the stairs, dressed in black pants and a button down shirt with a jacket over it. He looks beautiful. So maybe his hair is as long as mine, who cares?

His eyes widen a little when he sees me coming down the stairs and then they darken and my heart picks up a little. I knew I looked damn good. Oh we are going to have a good night. I meet him at the bottom of the stairs and he looks me over.

“Shit,” he says.

I laugh. “You knew all the right sizes.”

“I took a tape measure to you while you were sleeping.” He examines me again. “Where is your brace? For your hand?”

“It didn’t go well with my look,” I say.

He frowns. “Lana, it’s never going to heel if you don’t wear the brace.”

“I’m not wearing this dress, and these shoes, with that fucking brace on my hand. So forget it!” I say firmly and put my hands on his chest. I feel a twinge of pain in the broken hand, and there is some yellow bruising on it from where I hit the bad guy in with face. But still, bruising look better than a big bulky brace.

Austin doesn’t look amused with my decision. He’s been all kinds of protective since the other night, with the brace and making sure I take my pain meds if I’m in pain. The doctor gave me some good shit even though I explained to him that my boyfriend was a recovering addict and I’d rather not have a bunch of narcotics in the house. He insisted it would be better for me to have heavy pain meds since my bones are broken and only prescribed me a little bit. I keep them in a safe place and I avoid taking them, but you know I have a crazy boyfriend who freaks out every time I groan in pain.

“I’d feel better if you wore the brace,” he says.

“Then you are going to have to feel bad,” I say and narrow my eyes.

“Woman, you are infuriating.”

“That’s what you love about me.”

He laughs and I wrap my arms around him and he leans down to kiss me. His mouth tastes like cigarettes.

“You’ve been smoking,” I say.

“I should quit, it will probably kill me,” he says with a grin and I smack his chest with my good hand. He laughs and puts his hands on my ass. “Let’s forget about dinner and go upstairs.”

“I’m hungry,” I say and stick my tongue out.

“Fine, fine,” he says. We leave in the corvette and he’s blasting some kind of incredibly loud 80’s rock mix tape on the radio and I can’t say I don’t enjoy it, but tonight I would have liked a little more of a quiet time together. I mean, it’s Valentine’s after all. But oh well.

Dinner is uneventful. We get to the restaurant and we are seated. It’s a gorgeous restaurant and I’m left wondering where he gets all this money from because really, even when he was with Hinder they weren’t that big of a thing and as a solo artist he’s just getting it started so I don’t really understand where it comes from. I then decide it’s better not to find out.

“So is there going to be any rings in my wine glass?” I ask with a grin. We’ve just finished eating and I’m thinking I might like a desert. I’m stuffed and everything, but who doesn’t want a piece of red velvet cake on Valentines?

“No,” he says. “Not in your wine glass.”

Well that’s too bad. I wouldn’t mind having an engagement ring. I know it’s early and we’ve only known each other three months. But I love him and there is nobody else I’d ever like to spend my life with. Besides, we could get engaged now and not have to get married for a few years. I’ve heard of people being engaged for two years before.

“Damn,” I say.

He laughs lightly. “Louboutin shoes aren’t enough? You need a ring too?” His voice is teasing so I’m not offended.

“I’m never taking these shoes off again,” I say.

He laughs. “That sounds fun.”

The waiter comes and I order my slice of cake and Austin orders a cup of coffee. The waiter hurries off to get our stuff. Austin takes my hand from across the table. “Are you having a good night?” he asks.

“Of course,” I say. “I think this is the first time somebody has actually taken me out on Valentine’s” I laugh.

“Well I’m glad I could be your first,” he says and gives me a wink.

I laugh out loud and push some of my hair out of my face before looking down at our hands held together. I never really felt so perfect holding somebody’s hand and I know that sounds totally corny and totally cheesy but it’s the truth. I love being with him.

The waiter returns with our items and asks if we need anything else. He’s been amazing and has made our evening so special and I’m so grateful for him. I know it sucks to work on Valentine’s Day rather than spend it with the person you love. We both tell him nothing else and thank you and he moves away from the table and I pick up my fork with anticipation.

I examine the plate for a second when I notice some words written on the bottom in chocolate syrup. “Veux-tu m'épouser?” I look at them for a long time and my eyebrows furrow together. The words are in French or something and I have no idea what it says.

“My desert came with a message,” I say.

“I know,” Austin says. “It says ‘will you marry me’ in French.”

It’s then that I see the silver ring sitting on top of a little nest of whipped cream. Its only got one diamond in the center but it’s beautiful just the same and I can feel little tear drops in the corner of my eyes. As much as I’d hoped he’d propose I never expected he actually would.

I look up at him and he gives me a smile and even in a room full of people he’s not hiding his teeth. I laugh and I pick up the ring from the whipped cream and look it over. It’s so simple and so beautiful and I don’t know how to react.

“You haven’t answered me yet,” he says.

“Of course I will,” I say. “There was never a question. I’m already determined to spend eternity with you.”

He takes the ring from me and cleans it off before sliding it onto my left ring finger. I stand up and lean across the table to kiss him. I appreciate that there wasn’t a big deal about it and nobody is watching us. It’s just us, just our moment and I’m so happy.

When we get home I get upstairs first and get out of my clothes. When he makes it up I’m lying on the bed in nothing but my engagement ring and my Louboutin red bottoms and he gives me a dirty grin.

“This is my present?” he asks.

Shit, I forgot all about his present. “Oh! No! I have something for you!” I say and get up off the bed. He grabs me around the waist.

“It can wait,” he says in a dark voice. My knees start shaking with anticipation. Maybe it can wait…

“Oh hell, it’s only professional pictures of me in lingerie,” I say and turn around and kiss him hard on his lips. Before I know it I’m back on the bed, legs balanced on his shoulders, my feet still covered in my beautiful shoes.