The Poison in Your Blood

A tense minute passes as he waits for her response. She stares at him with her eyes wide in disbelief and then she looks to me before turning her attention back to him. Well, at least she seems to be handling it better than I did. She looks at the floor for a few seconds and then she starts to laugh. Okay, now I’m concerned.

“You guys…” she says through her laughter. “What kind of set up is this? Is a midget going to run out with a video camera now? Was the creep in the bar in on it?”

“Babe,” I say and think for a few seconds. “It isn’t a joke.”

“Oh come on,” she says. She looks at me and then at him. “You don’t expect me to believe that do you?”

“We weren’t going to even tell you,” I say.

“It isn’t something you need to know,” Austin adds.

“Okay, it’s not funny anymore,” she says now with her arms crossed over her chest. A breeze blows through and I’m feeling so cold in my short dress in the parking lot.

“It was never funny!” he says, and I can tell by his tone he isn’t irritated with her but by what he calls “the curse.”

“Oh my god, you are being totally serious,” she says. Surprisingly her tone is laced with concern more than the fear and discomfort I expressed. “You legitimately think you’re a vampire.”

He puts his hand over his eyes and takes a deep breath to calm himself.

“And you too, Lana?! Did you hit your head or something? Really? I thought you were more rational than that,” she says.

“Madison, I know it’s…”

“You both are out of your freaking minds!” she says. “I can’t even believe you’d say that to me! One of you needs to get it together and tell me what the hell is really going on!”

“Madison! He’s a vampire, we aren’t fucking around with you!” I say.

She throws her hands up then. “Is it the stress that you’ve been going through, Lana? You know I’m here if you need to talk…maybe your fiancé here needs some therapy…”

Oh shit I feel like that was the wrong thing to say.

“Maybe you don’t want to piss off the guy that could kill you before you knew what hit you,” he snaps and his eyes are black again.

She looks up at him and then she looks at me. “What the fuck?” she asks. “Lana, you do realize he’s crazy, don’t you?” she asks me, this time her voice is urgent.

I wish he wouldn’t have threatened her, but at the same time I don’t know what to say. I understand why she’s in such total disbelief. I didn’t believe it right at first, I didn’t want to. But then he brought his fangs out and I didn’t care if he was really a vampire, I just knew at any second I could be dead.

“What kind of crack are you on to want to marry somebody who threatens to kill people for no reason!?” she asks.

I try not to be offended by her comment. I get it, it’s been an incredibly stressful night and she’s had a couple drinks. It’s easy to say things that come off sounding wrong.

Austin on the other hand seems to have had enough of this conversation, and he growls at her, his teeth showing and his eyes burning like embers in a fire ring. I’ve only seen his eyes that color one other time, and I have a feeling he has to be really good and pissed off before that happens. I reach out to try and calm him but he pushes me away.

“Shit…” she says and her body tenses. “You…oh my god…you were being…what the fuck?! Lana…” she takes a step back and her heel catches on a little rock or something. She lets out a little scream and she stumbles backward. I manage to grab hold of her before she falls and I can feel how tense she really is. I’m surprised she isn’t shaking…he looks like the monster under your fucking bed right now.

“Austin! She gets it! Stop it!” I say.

He doesn’t even seem to hear me.

I take a step towards him, and as much as I’m scared to my core, I put my hands on his face and force him to look at me. He meets my eyes and all of the sudden his eyes change back to blue green and he closes his mouth. His whole body relaxes and I put my arms around him.

He takes a breath and pulls out of my embrace. He puts his fingers through his hair and then he looks at Madison. “I’m sorry, babe,” he says to her.

She doesn’t answer him.

“I’m sorry everything got out of hand,” he says, this time to me.

“It’s alright,” I say. “I have a feeling you weren’t yourself.”

“The problem is that is exactly who I am.”

I look at Madison and she still seems kind of put off. I don’t blame her. If somebody just basically transformed into a monster in front of my eyes I’d be a little put off too. I shudder when it occurs to me that someday that will be me, with eyes that burn like embers. I move away from Austin and go to her.

“Are you alright, babe?” I ask.

“I don’t know…” she says. “I…please tell me I just had too much to drink,” she says.

I reluctantly shake my head no. I’d like to tell her that, but then tomorrow when she’s thinking about it will be clear that it wasn’t just too much alcohol. Besides, we each only had about five drinks. She pulls out of my grip on her shoulder than and goes to Austin.

She inspects him closely. She’s hugging herself, but I have a feeling the cold she’s feeling isn’t from the air around us. He doesn’t move, he just lets her examine him skeptically. Then she narrows her eyes and shoves him.

“You scared the hell out of me!” she says.

He laughs lightly. “Well, clearly you aren’t too afraid,” he says.

“Next time you make your eyes turn red like that I’ll drive a stake through your heart!” she warns.

“I’d say that sounds like a good plan, but that doesn’t work,” he says. “I can walk in the sunlight too.”

There is a pause and then she looks at me. “You’ve known for how long?”

“Most of our relationship,” I say.

“It doesn’t bother you!?”

“It’s not like it’s a disease,” I say.

She turns back to him. “Are you alive then?” she asks with narrow eyes.

“I’m talking to you, aren’t I?” he asks with a little bit of annoyance.

“You’re a vampire,” she says.

“I’m still alive. My heart doesn’t beat…but I’m alive,” he says.

“Why me? Why does my friend have to fall in love with a mythical creature?” she’s talking to herself and I can’t help but laugh a little bit. Then she looks at me and her eyes narrow further. “What about you!? Are you still human?”

“Lana is still human,” Austin says. “I have a feeling if it were up to her she wouldn’t be, but she is in fact still human, and her heart still beats.”

I glare at him. I would appreciate that he not tell my friend I’d like to be a vampire. It only causes further drama. I’m still waiting for her to run screaming from us anyways. I know if I was in her place I’d have taken off in the other direction a long freaking time ago.

“Look, it’s not as big of a deal as it seems like. I live every day like any other person. Since I’ve been involved with Lana I’ve even made a habit of eating regular food again. I just have a…an explosive temper sometimes and I occasionally kill…”

“You can stop there, I get the picture,” she says and she gives her whole body a little shake. “I need to talk to Lana…”

“Can we do this at my place? I’d like to get out of this parking lot before somebody over hears our conversation…”

“Things get complicated when people overhear,” I finish for him.

He gives me a look and I try and give him a little bit of a smile.

“It will be better if we can talk at our place,” I add. “It’s cold here.”

“Fine…” she says hesitantly. She climbs into the back seat of his truck and I get in the front seat with him.

The drive to our house is deathly silent and incredibly awkward. I reach to turn on the radio but Austin takes hold of my hand and he gives it a little squeeze. I feel so bad. I never should have gotten involved with him; I’ve fucked up his life so much. This is the second person that’s found out about him because of me.

We get to the house, and I don’t really even see him he gets in and up the stairs so fast. I guess he’s giving us a minute to talk about it. He shouldn’t have to give us privacy when it’s his life that’s just been put out there, and I feel another stab of guilt as I walk in with Madison. I hear music up in Anna’s room and it occurs to me that I saw Josh’s car parked on the street. He spends the night every so often and I wonder why his mother isn’t bothered by this. But I’ve never asked.

“You want some coffee?” I ask Madison.

She gives me a nod and pulls herself up onto the breakfast bar stool. I turn on the coffee pot and wait for it to start brewing. I’m so lost on where to start this conversation. She pushes her hair to one side and thinks for a second.

“This is…” she starts.

“Complicated,” I finish. Fuck, now I’ve started saying complicated.

“I don’t know if I’d call it complicated,” she says. “It’s…fucking crazy.”

“I know,” I say. “Trust me, I know.”

“So, how did…why are you here?”

“Because I love him,” I say.

“Are you sure it’s not just…I know it’s going to sound wrong when I say this. But are you sure it’s not just some kind of delusion?”

“I’m sure,” I say.

“It doesn’t bother you that he kills people?”

“It does,” I say and pour two cups of coffee. “It bothers him too. He claims he only kills bad people. Rapists and murders and stuff,” I explain.

“How are you sure he isn’t just…you know…killing people and this whole vampire thing is you know, some weird cover up?”

“He killed my step-dad,” I say. I probably shouldn’t have told her that, but I don’t know how else to get past the idea that he’s just a wacked out delusional serial killer. “When we went up to visit my mom, you know…I told you about Fred molesting me when I was younger. Turns out he’d been molesting Anna for a while, and one night I was lying in bed with Austin and we heard Fred go into Anna’s bedroom. I tried to keep Austin out of it, I tried to stop it myself, but I couldn’t, and I saw him tear Fred’s throat out,” I say.

“How the hell are you so casual talking about that?!”

“I was horrified beyond belief the night it happened,” I say. “Besides, I sleep with him every night. His heart really doesn’t beat,” I say. “And the night I broke my hand…well, that’s a long disgusting story.”

“Aren’t you worried?” she asks.

“About what?”

“I don’t know…that he’s going to kill you maybe?”

I bite my lip a little. “No,” I say after I think about it. “He’s bitten me a couple times.”

Her mouth opens involuntarily.

“Don’t look at me like that!” I say after a minute.

“I’m sorry…I’m just trying to understand why in any possible situation you could find it okay to let a vampire bite into your neck!”

“The first time was really early in our relationship…the first time I let him. He bit me one time without me knowing about it…but the first time I let him bite me, I was lonely. I was having some issues with Jon and I wanted him to stay with me. I needed the company…and you know his kind of company. But he hadn’t fed in a couple days and he didn’t want to get too close to me. I let him bite me so he’d stay with me. I know that’s a stupid reason. The second time was when we were moving Anna down here and he hadn’t fed in a week and a half and he was starting to get sick and shit and I was concerned about him being stuck in a car for ten plus hours with three humans.”

“And never once were you worried you wouldn’t wake up when he was done?!”

“I trust him,” I say. “I know it’s kind of a crazy trust exercise. But I’ve gotten to accept it.”

“Does Anna know?”

“Yes,” I say. “She was in the room when he killed Fred. She’s incredibly thankful for him. I think that’s a little self explanatory.”

“I can understand why she’s thankful for him,” she says and nods. “But what I can’t understand is why you are perfectly okay with all of this? It doesn’t bother you at all?”

“He loves me, Madison. Believe me I know it’s weird and it’s creepy and complicated. But fuck, I played stupid games with Jon for years and all that did was fuck me up. Austin loves me, he doesn’t fuck with me. I know now that Jon loved me too, but he never showed me that until it was too late.”

“Well…I guess…I guess if you are happy I can live with it,” she says. “All I’ve ever wanted was to see you happy and feeling good about yourself. You let Jon take you to a bad place.”

“And Austin has brought me out of that bad place. We have a rule that so long as he doesn’t kill people in front of me I can over look it. I’m not going to lie and say that rule has never been broken, but both times it has it was to protect me. He’s been through a lot for me,” I say.

“Jesus, Lana,” she says. “I told you to be careful with the next one.”

“This just…kind of…happened. But I love him, and we fit really well together. I know he’s a vampire and I’m not. We’ll never be able to have kids or anything. But I’m okay with that. I’ve accepted all the things I’ll have to do without to be with him. The only thing I miss is the sound of a man’s heart beat,” I say. I finish my cup of coffee and I step out of my shoes.

I look at the microwave clock and see that it’s after one in the morning. I frown. “Are you okay, babe?” I ask her after a few minutes. “I know what happened at the club was kind of dramatic.”

“I’m fine. For a second at the club I was afraid I might wet my pants. But I managed,” she says and gives a little laugh. “Does he have another guest room? Or am I on the couch?”

“We have another guest room,” I say. She nods and gets up off the stool. We share a hug and I appreciate that even in some of the most unusual and probably a concerning situations she can accept the things that make me happy and love me fully. She’s the most important thing in my life I think.

Piggy brings himself into the kitchen then and dramatically throws himself on the floor at our feet, his own legs stretched out above him, pawing at me, and meowing loudly so that I know it’s time for dinner.

“Alright, alright,” I say and let go of Madison. I fill his bowl with Meow Mix and fill his water dish and watch as he goes to town on his late night dinner. I’m sure Annalise fed him while we were out so I know I’m contributing to his size but I don’t really care.

I show Madison the guest room and get her situated with new sheets and stuff and then I head to my room. Austin is lying on the bed under the covers. He’s not wearing a shirt, and I’m sure he’s not wearing any pants either. He looks up at me when I come in and then he goes back to whatever he’s doing on his phone. The gesture kind of hurts me.

I go into the bathroom and change into my shorts and tank and wash off my makeup. I brush my teeth and the whole time I’m thinking about how I can make it better. How can I fix this? Why is he so upset with me anyways? I’m not the one that freaked out in the club.

I go out into the room and crawl into bed. I attempt to put my head on his chest but he moves away from me. Now I’m really hurt. “What the fuck?” I ask.

“I’m not in the mood,” he says.

“In the mood for what? I just want to lay with you,” I say.

“Lana,” he says. “Things are getting out of hand.” There is a pause. “People aren’t supposed to know about this. And yet, there are now three humans that know everything.”

“Why are you taking it out on me? Don’t make this my fault, Austin,” I say.

“Until you came along I was doing fine keeping it a secret from everybody but the people I killed,” he says. “With few exceptions.”

“So this is my fault? It’s my fault you got pissed off in the club tonight and growled at that guy? Or scared the living shit out of Madison? How is that my fault?! I can’t control you! I tried, I tried to keep you calmed down and you just let your demons out.”

“I had to do something! If that guy would have done something to your friend you’d never have forgiven me…and I wouldn’t have forgiven myself,” he says.

“You could have punched him in the face, if you are so concerned about people finding out about you. You didn’t have to react the way you did,” I say.

“I can’t control it, Lana! It’s like a fucking monster! Tearing away at me, all the time, all it needs is a push and it comes out! You think I wanted to go there?! Especially when it was Madison? Do you think I went and did that intentionally?!”

“I don’t fucking know! I’m not the one with the problem!” I shout. I hate being yelled at when it’s not my fault. It brings out my own demons.

“It should be obvious to you that I don’t want to do that to people! My goal is to stay under the radar, and get through life without being noticed as anything other than a man. But you put me in these…”

“I put you?! I haven’t done a single fucking thing to you! I wanted to go out and have fun tonight! And you killed Fred because you wanted to! I tried and tried to stop you that night, so don’t you dare make it my fault you can’t fucking control yourself!”

“It was one thing when it was Anna finding out. She found out because it benefitted her in some way. But what happened tonight was totally unnecessary and could have been completely avoided if you wouldn’t have insisted we go to that club.”

“I didn’t insist on anything! I asked you if you wanted to come because I was going!”

“Had I not been there who the hell knows what would have happened to you two! Fuck the only reason I didn’t go out and find that psycho tonight is because of the amount of shit I could smell in his blood. If I went there I’d be back in rehab before I could think about it…”

“What would have happened to us? You think I never went out and had fun before I met you? I could have handled it if I’d needed to,” I say.

“Oh please, Lana, you couldn’t fight off a cat,” he says.

Without thinking about it I slap him. He’s got me right to my breaking point, and I know slapping him is a stupid thing to do, but I can’t keep it in anymore. “Fuck you! I broke my fucking hand knocking somebody’s teeth out, remember?! What happened to I wasn’t as fragile as you once thought!? I don’t fucking need you to take care of me!”

I can smell that scent of his and I know I have to fight it off fast. “Stop it!” I say. “You aren’t going to just hypnotize me and shut me up! You started this shit, and deal with it! I’m not going to be your little puppet, Austin! You need to respect me too!”

The smell fades away and he looks at me. “I do respect you,” he says. “That’s the only reason you just slapped me in the face and nothing happened to you.”

I feel like the way he says that should have scared the hell out of me. But I’m so pissed off I couldn’t give a shit less if he thinks he’s going to intimidate me. “You don’t’ respect me all the time. You have a habit of using your little gifts against me, and I’m fucking tired of it. If you love me and you respect me don’t drug me up with that smell and make me hand over the win. What happened tonight wasn’t my fault and you fucking know it,” I say.

“Lana…” he says and gets out of bed. “I don’t know…I don’t know about this relationship.”

I feel like somebody just put a spear through my chest. Where the hell is he going with that? This morning we were fine! How did we go from in perfect love and happiness to “I don’t know about this relationship?” I feel my heart beating harder against my chest, which at least means it’s still beating.

“What?” I ask with tears in my eyes. “What does that mean?”

“It means things have gotten complicated, Lana. I love you…really I do. But I can’t condemn you to this life. Where it’s so easy for something to go wrong,” he says. “Today in that parking lot…it occurred to me for the first time how much danger I’m really putting you in by having you here and…”

“I brought you back to me,” I say.

“What if next time you can’t?” he asks.

“I trust you,” I say.

“You should never trust a monster,” he says in a far away voice.

I get up and go to him before putting my hands on his face.

“Austin,” I say. “I don’t trust the monster, I trust the man I know is still in there.”

“Christ, Lana. If anything out there could make my heart beat again it would be you,” he says.

“Don’t give up on us, just because you’re worried about me. I can get through anything. I’ll be at your side, no matter how bad the storm.”