The Poison in Your Blood

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing in my purse on the floor next to the bad. I groan as I open my eyes reluctantly. It’s always so fucking cold in this room. I search for my bag with my hand, never really looking. I can’t seem to find the thing anywhere, but it keeps ringing on and on. I should answer. My apartment could be on fire or something. Finally my hand lands on the bag and I pick it up. I dig my phone out just as it stops ringing.

I look at the missed call. It’s from my best friend in the entire world. She’d a short crazy fucking blond, she owns a cosmetics business, and she’s been dubbed my honorary personal makeup artist. She’s my not biological sister Madison, and I love her more than I think I love my own life. Enough about my totally non homosexual love for Madison, I need to call her back. I press redial and wait a long minute for her to pick up the phone.

“Where are you?” she asks into the phone when she finally answers. I look around the room and stretch under the thick blankets on the bed.

“In bed,” I say. She doesn’t say anything for a minute.

“Who’s bed?” she asks.

“Why?”

“I’m at your apartment, because we had a plan to go shopping today and get lunch. Remember?” she says. Fuck! I totally forgot about that. My life has gone from normal going to the mall with Madison every day to having this weird kind of relationship with Austin, a man who scares me to death with eyes that change colors literally over night.

“Oh my god, Madison,” I say frantically. “I’m so sorry! I’ll be there in like 25 minutes.”

“Alright, I’ll be waiting,” she says. We hang up and I drop the phone back into my bag and I mentally curse myself. Before I’ve finished cursing myself for forgetting about my day with my best friend, Austin is standing next to the bed. I gave up asking why…or how…he does that. He never answers a single question I ask. It’s been over a week since he kidnapped me from Starbucks. I’ve pretty much just been in the house since then, only leaving for work. I bet by now my car has been towed.

“Who was it?” he asks. I roll my eyes with annoyance. I may have agreed to basically live in his house for a week while he does what he likes with me, but that doesn’t mean he gets to monitor what I’m doing with my life or who I talk to.

“None of your business,” I say. He’s pressed against me, holding me under the covers instantly and I can feel how warm he feels. “Why do you keep it so cold in this house?” I ask after a few moments.

“I guess I never noticed it was that cold in here,” he says and shrugs. “I can turn on the heat if you want.” I shake my head against his chest and yawn a deep yawn.

“I need to go,” I say. “I told my friend I’d be home in a few minutes. We are supposed to go shopping and stuff,” I explain. He looks at me and then he looks away from me without much emotion clear on his face.

“I can take you to your apartment,” he says. I think about it for a minute and remember that most likely the people at Starbucks had my car towed days ago. Damn it I’m going to have to get that fucking thing out of hawk. That sucks. Now I have to pay them money I haven’t got.

“I can call a cab,” I say.

“I wouldn’t trust a cab driver with you,” he says and I’m uncomfortable.

“What is so special about me anyways?” I ask after a minute. His body is suddenly stiff and his eyes turn black for a second before he looks at me and I can nearly see the thoughts running through his head.

“I’d tell you if I could,” he says. I narrow my eyes before pushing him off me and getting out of his bed. I’m sick to death of him never answering any of my questions or ever leaving me alone. I regret having gone to his fucking concert all the time now. I pick up my clothes and start trying to get dressed when he grabs hold of my arm. When the hell did he get out of bed? What the fuck?

“Let me go!” I say louder than I should. “I don’t want you to fucking touch me!” He lets his hand fall from its place on my bicep and he takes a step back. “I’ve been living in your house for a week, Austin! I know every part of your house, of your body…” I say and look up at him. “But you can’t tell me why you want me with you so bad? Why your eyes turn black, why you move around so fast?”

“Lana… it’s complicated,” he says. He looks at the ground, deep in concentration.

“Complicated!? You don’t think it’s complicated that we are never apart and having all kinds of animal sex but I don’t know why the fuck you act like you do!? I will tell you everything about me! Everything! I’m 28 years old, I have blue eyes, and I have brown hair that I sometimes dye black! My eyes don’t change freaky colors for no apparent reason unless I put contacts in, which I only do for Halloween! I live in a one bedroom apartment by myself because I had a cat but he died! My parents both died when I was 15 in a plane crash because they were going to see my grandma who was sick! I’ve lived my whole life in Los Angeles, I work at Pine and Joe’s recording studio in Hollywood….”

“Lana, stop,” he says and puts his hands on my shoulders. I’m suddenly overwhelmed by his scent and his calming voice. “There are things I can’t tell you. If I could I would, because I agree you should know. But, Lana, you don’t want to know,” he says.

“I do! It’s not like you are going to tell me you are a werewolf, Austin!” I shout. He tenses again and releases me.

“Not quite,” he says. A chill runs straight through my body and I hug myself tightly with fear. I don’t know if it’s the tone of his voice or the fact that his eyes are as black as I’ve ever seen them but I’m so terrified I might wet myself. “Get dressed. I’ll be back to take you home in a minute,” and before I can answer him he’s gone. So gone you’d swear he was never standing there at all. I think I might need a restraining order or something. He scares the fuck out of me.

I get dressed in record time, and I’m standing by the front door when he comes back into the house and he looks me over before quickly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. I cross my arms over my chest and wait for him to say something. I don’t want to ask him anymore questions or really deal with him at all.

“Are you ready?” he asks. I nod once and turn on my heel so that I can walk out the front door. I step outside into the cold air and I take a gentle breath to try and relax myself. Madison is waiting for me at my apartment, and she’s probably getting tired of waiting. I told her I’d be home ten minutes ago and yet I’m just now getting into Austin’s car, since he had to disappear for no fucking reason.

“Where did you go?” I ask casually as we start away from the house. There is a brief silence.

“I went to get something to eat,” he says. I cringe slightly.

“I thought you had food in the house,” I say. There is a longer pause this time and I wonder if maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all.

“It’s a long story, Lana,” he says. I don’t argue it. It’s not worth it. From there I just give him directions on how to get back to my apartment. I do have him stop at Starbucks and sure enough my pretty little red Firebird is long gone. I could cry just thinking about it. Oh well, that thing was like 12 years old anyways.

When we get to the apartment Madison is standing on the steps in front and he jaw drops slightly. I can feel my cheeks start to burn red and I look at Austin and try to give him a smile. He meets my eyes but doesn’t return the smile. He seems sad and a little withdrawn. I don’t know what is wrong with him.

“I need to go,” I say.

“I know,” he says. “Can I pick you up tonight?”

“I don’t think so,” I say hesitantly. “You…frighten me.” Honesty is the best policy, right? But why does it have to be so hard to get it out? He looks away from me and I feel my heart hurting. “I didn’t mean for that to come out that way.”

“It’s okay, really. I’m used to it now,” he says and shrugs. “But I don’t know if I can really stay away from you for long, Lana.” I feel myself shiver again. “Please, just tonight? Maybe I can take you to a nice place for dinner or something.” Jeez now he’s going to ask me on a date?

“Fine,” I say. “We can go to dinner.” He seems to light up a little bit at this and I lean over the console and I give him a quick peck on the cheek. He very suddenly, but not as quickly as I’ve gotten used to, pulls me closer and kisses me on the mouth.

“I’ll be here later then,” he says. I nod and get out of his SUV. I try to seem casual as I walk up to where Madison is standing. She’s dressed in a light hooded sweat shirt and jeans. I’ve got my huge coat on. The differences between somebody raised in California and somebody raised in Michigan. She’ll probably invite me to a picnic in the park, who cares if it’s only going to be 56 degrees today.

“Was that who it looked like?” she asks me in a teasing kind of voice. I roll my eyes.

“Don’t ask questions,” I say. She looks at me with narrow eyes.

“This isn’t going to end up like it did with Jonathan is it?” she asks me. I glare at her then.

“And how did it end up with Jonathan?” I ask.

“Lana,” she sighs. “I know you like to live in this little world where it didn’t drive you crazy when he finally stopped calling you for ‘company’, but I was the one that got your late night phone calls.” I frown at her. Okay, I told you before about my affair with Jonathan, and how it all came to an end. Maybe she’s right; maybe I was a little hurt by it. But we still talk sometimes.

“Jonathan and I are still friends,” I say. She raises her eyebrow at me and I frown.

“You are huh?”

“He called me last year,” I say. She rolls her eyes.

“I’m not saying anything bad about you doing what you do with whoever you do it with. But if you want to keep seeing him make sure he isn’t going to do put you through that. That whole mix up was a disaster from the start.”

“It wasn’t so bad!” I say. “He and I had a lot of good times.”

“And they all were secrets and you were naked for all of them,” she says. I frown at her. It isn’t true. Jonathan took me to Paris once. Maybe I’d half expected him to ask me to marry him, and all that happened was we spent some time shopping and some time in a hotel without a lot of clothes on. But I did get a killer pair of shoes out of the deal, and I still have them to this day.

“I’m going to dinner with Austin tonight,” I say. “It’s not going to be like it was with Jonathan,” I insist. She doesn’t protest any further.

“Where is your car?”

“It was impounded,” I say. I spare her the details on why. She doesn’t press further. We are best friends and know most everything about each other, but we have an agreement that there are some times and places where we don’t press for details that don’t really concern us. I walk into my apartment and go to my bedroom so I can fix my hair and makeup.

“You need to redecorate,” she says as she looks over my room. I shrug and swipe on a layer of mascara. The room is pretty plain. I painted the walls a while ago to a kind of dark red color and hung up pictures and I have white and black accessories to brighten it up a bit.

“I think I’ll color my hair,” I say as I look in the mirror. “What do you think?”

“I think we could manage that,” she says. She looks at my pathetic attempt at makeup and rolls her eyes. “Sit down, Lana,” she says and presses me down into my vanity chair before taking my eye shadow brush from my hands and fixing my face. She’s amazing with makeup; she has a cosmetics business she’s recently launched. It hasn’t “made” it yet but it will in no time. “There, now you look gorgeous.” She winks and I laugh at her.

“Thank you,” I say. I stand up and adjust my hair and we leave my apartment in her car, since mine is having a visit with the impound yard and all. She’s blasting some classic Guns ‘n’ Roses out of her speakers and we cruise to the mall nearest to my house. She is halfway head banging and singing and I can’t help but laugh. This is why I love her.

We get out together and strut into the mall. She’s about four inches shorter than me, but you’d never know judging by her heels. She’s an expert with five inch heels, a talent I have never possessed. We walk around the mall a while before stopping in the food court for a snack. We sit with our drinks and a food and she looks me over.

“You know you have a huge hicky on the side of your neck,” she says. I feel my eyes pop out of my head with horror at her words. I don’t remember him giving me a hicky. How the hell did it happen?

“Oh my god,” I say and dig my mirror out of my purse. I open the compact and examine my neck. Sure enough there is a hicky. It’s huge and disgusting, and looks like he tried to tear my throat out. I honestly don’t remember it happening during the entire week I was with him. I gasp in horror. “Holy shit it’s disgusting!” I cry and run my fingers over it.

“He like it rough?” she asks in a mocking tone. I give her a dirty look. “Well!” she’s laughing at me hysterically.

“Shut up!” I cry. I try and dig my foundation out of my purse but I can’t find it anywhere. “I don’t remember this happening. I know we did a lot of…really fun things, but you’d think I’d remember a mark this violent being made.” I finally come up with the bottle of foundation and she looks at me.

“You think that’s going to help you?” she asks.

“I’ve got to do something,” I say. “I look like I’ve been bitten by a vampire.” I get this sudden jolt of electricity through my body and I have to shake it off. That’s ridiculous, vampires aren’t even real. I spent too much time watching Dracula on NBC.

“You okay, Lana?” she asks. I snap out of my thoughts.

“Oh yea, I’m fine,” I say and start applying the makeup to the mark on my neck. She narrows her eyes.

“What kind of freaky shit are you doing with him?” she asks.

I frown. I didn’t want to talk about this. But I guess I had to tell her since he dropped me off this morning and he’s taking me to dinner tonight. “Okay, so, I went to his show the other night, a couple weeks ago. That one he had in the bar. You know, I loved Hinder and whatever. I was excited to see him and all. Then I decided to stay around for a little bit. He came back into the bar and we went back to his place. I don’t really know what’s been going on since then. He’s kind of…stalker mode.”

“Maybe you should call the cops,” she says.

I never thought to do that. “No,” I say. “He’s not like that kind of stalker. He just, like, I don’t know how to explain it. He kept me in his house the first time for two and a half days. We had lots of animal sex and he bought me food and it was whatever. Then I didn’t see him or hear from him for a week. Then he showed up in Starbucks a week ago and I’ve been staying with him since then.”

“Moving a little fast, there, Lana,” she says. I frown at her.

“We aren’t getting married,” I say. “We just have really good sex and he gets all weird about how he’s lonely and whatever and talks me into staying a little longer with him. It’s weird.”

“Are you protected? You don’t like kids, you probably…”

“He assures me I won’t get pregnant,” I say. I think it’s kind of a touchy subject with him so I don’t know any more details to give her. The one time we talked about it at all it pissed him off. She gives me a skeptic look.

“What about AIDS?”

“He’s clean,” I say. “I was tested for STD’s and stuff but he says he’s clean. I trust him…oddly enough.” I put a French fry into my mouth and take a drink of my soda. She doesn’t ask me another question about that, she just keeps giving me that skeptical look. “What about you? Are you getting laid?”

“I’ve got more important stuff on my plate right now, with my business taking off and everything,” she says. I nod. She’s got a valid point. Sex is well and good but it shouldn’t be a priority. Unfortunately for me I gave up on my dream a long time ago and I’m living this content life of boredom and so I need to have sex to spice things up a bit. I really need a cat. I should get a cat and a laser pen. That’s always fun.

She and I make it to the hair salon inside the mall and have our hair colored. She bleaches out her already blond hair, she likes it platinum. That’s not for me; I’m a dark and creepy kind of girl. I go with black and add blond highlights. That’s how I like my hair. I don’t know how I feel about the $180 I had to give up to get it like this.

When we finish shopping and lunch Madison drives me back to my apartment. I get my bags out the back of her car and she gets out to give me a hug goodbye. She hugs me tightly and kisses me on the cheek.

“I want you to be happy, Lana,” she says after a few seconds. “So please, don’t let him do to you what Jonathan did.” I frown but nod. She has a good point in a way. I’ve spent my life loving a man that will never love me. I should call him sometime. Maybe he’d like to meet up and remember the old times.

“I’ll be careful,” I promise and give her a kiss on her cheek. She’s like my sister, my one true soul mate. I don’t know where I’d be without Madison. I watch as she drives away before I go back into my apartment and look myself over in the mirror. I’m exhausted and I’d like to take a quick nap. But I’m not sure how well my make up would hold up and I don’t really want to try and reapply it later. That isn’t ever fun. Especially after Madison has done is so beautifully.

I make myself a cup of hot tea, since its freezing as usual and I sit myself on the sofa. I begin to wonder what time my date will be here when I find myself picking up the phone and dialing a number I hardly remember I had.

“Hello,” he says on the other end of the line. His accent is beautiful just the way I remember and I melt into the sound. “Lana, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard from you.”

“It has,” I manage to say. I don’t understand why I seem to be choking on my words. Maybe it’s because I haven’t heard his voice in just over one year. Maybe it’s because I miss the fun times we had. Maybe it’s because my heart is beating faster. “I wasn’t sure this number would even still work,” I add. He laughs lightly and I close my eyes to remember it. As far as I can remember he never left me marks on my neck that look like he tried to kill me, and he bit me pretty hard a couple times.

“Yes, it still works,” he says. “I’m sorry though, I can’t talk now. I’m busy, but can I call you back?” I feel my heart sink a bit into the pit of my stomach. If Madison knew I was on the phone with him she’d probably be a little on the irritated side. “I can call you tonight if you’d like. I don’t know when I will be in town again.”

“I’ll be out tonight,” I say. I listen to the silence for a moment and then he sighs.

“Of course, when will you be free? I’d like to catch up,” he says.

“I will call you when I know,” I say. “I don’t want to keep you any longer.” I hang up the phone before he really says goodbye and I try to hold in my tears. I don’t want to ruin my makeup. After a little while I get up and change my clothes. The doorbell rings and I practically run to it.

I’ve been so lonely for so long. So what if Austin scares the hell out of me. At least he’s warm and somebody to spend the night with.