Don't Go

Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

I sat in class staring down the clock until the bell run and I was free for an entire weekend. The seconds felt like minutes as I watched the red hand creep ever so slowly toward my freedom.

Finally, the bell run so I grabbed my books, shot up from my seat and bolted out the door. I pushed passed people in the crowded hallway to my locker where my best friend, Jo, was waiting for me. As I got closer she looked up from her phone and saw me.

“Hey babe!” Jo greeted, her brilliant smile lighting up the hallway.

“Hi,” I smiled back before fidgeting with my lock.

“So there’s this party tonight-” she began but I stopped her.

“Don’t even think about it! I’m not going to another party full of people I don’t know just so you can ditch me to go fuck Levi! Not happening!” I told her. I shut my locker and started walking away, Jo following close behind.

“When do I ever do that?” Jo asked.

“All the time!” I told her, rolling my eyes. This wasn’t the first time I brought this up to her.

“Well, I promise I won’t do that this time!” She gave me the puppy dog face. “Please babe! Come with us!”

“Why the fuck do you want me to go so bad?” I asked.

“Cause I won’t have fun knowing my babe is home alone!” She wrapped an arm around me until we got outside into the freezing November air. We didn’t say anything until we walked off school grounds and both reached into our purses for smokes.

I had my cigarette in my mouth, searching for my lighter but couldn’t find it. With an annoyed groan I asked Jo, “You got a light?”

We put our cigarettes together and sucked in until mine was lit as well. Once mine was lit we started walking to my car and drove to my house, blasting music, singing along. When we got to my house we went straight to my room.

“Is your mom home?” Jo asked, lying on the bed.

“No, she went to Paris for the weekend for a show,” I told her and she nodded.

“So what are you going to wear tonight?” She asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Ugh, the party!” She told me, getting up and crossing to my closet. “You’re going so you might as well help!” She called from inside my closet. When I joined her she was smirking, knowing all along that I would cave eventually.

------------------------

An hour before the party started, I was standing in front of my mirror examining myself. Teased hair, eyeliner, black skinny jeans, combat boots and a dark tank under a leather jacket. I sighed, knowing this was as good as I was going to get.

“So I was thinking about getting a bite to eat before we go, how does that sound?” Jo appeared next to me, half her makeup done. A shot of panic went through me and I stammered thinking of an excuse.

“Uh-uh I’m not really hungry,” I lied, ignoring the everlasting ache in my stomach I knew I couldn’t fulfill.

Jo looked at my fearfully, “when’s the last time you ate?”

I shrugged nonchalantly. “Lunch…” I lied again.

“Fucking liar I was with you at lunch!” Jo said.

“Must of been during my free then,” I said, trying to walk away. I got all the way to the bathroom off the side of my room when Jo walked out of the closet.

“You didn’t have a free today!” She walked over to me, grabbing my wrists and forcing me to look at her. “Tell me the truth, Lights, when’s the last time you ate?” I sighed, knowing I couldn’t lie another time. I just looked at the ground though because I really didn’t want to answer her. “Lights!” She urged, making me look at her again.

“Four days ago,” I mumbled, looking everywhere but at her.

“Four days ago? You mean that night you had like two bites of a salad at my house was the last time you ate?” I didn’t answer her, I just looked down. I disappointed her. I always fucking disappoint everyone. “Lights you have to fucking eat! You realize if you keep this up you’re going to die!”

“Good,” I mumbled.

“Good?” She half asked, half yelled, dropping my wrists to the ground. “If you die what will I do without you? I would be nothing! I would be NOTHING if you died!” There was a moment of silence after that. Jo just looked at me as I continued to try my hardest not to make eye contact. “When Levi gets here we are going out and you are having a big, juicy cheeseburger and you are going to thank me.”

I shook my head, “no. No I can’t do that I’ll get even more fat than I already am!” I yelled.

“Fat? Lights, you’re a fucking twig! You lose any more weight and you’ll fly away the first burst of wind that comes along! How many times do I have to tell you this?”

Again, I didn’t answer her I just went over to my dresser and looked at a picture I had of my mom. I could almost hear her say Beauty is everything, babygirl and if you don’t have your looks, you are nothing. I have to be skinny and pretty like her or else I’m nothing.

I felt Jo’s arms wrap around me, “if it makes a difference I think you’re much more beautiful than her anyway.” It’s like she could read my mind. I relaxed in her grasp for second until I heard a car horn from outside. “Come on, let’s go get that burger and then get fucked up,” she said, turning and starting to walk towards the door. I couldn’t help but hysterically laugh at her. “What?” She asked.

“You forgot to put on your makeup on the other eye,” I laughed. She ran to the mirror and started laughing too.

“Fuck!”