Don't Go

I looked around me, but all I could see was a sea of bodies, sweaty and drunk. The music was blasting so loud, I couldn’t hear myself think and the almost empty red solo cup in my hand, I was as sober as could be. And to top it all off I couldn’t find Jo or Levi anywhere.

Finally deciding they ditched me to go have sex (again!), I made my way to the less crowded kitchen and put my drink on the counter- it’s not like it was doing me much good anyway. As I was putting my drink down this guy passed me looking me up and down. I looked away, grabbing my stomach in an attempt to hide it. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that burger! They all think I’m fat. I looked around the kitchen at all the people secretly looking at me, laughing at the whale that crashed the party. I felt my lungs collapsing and I was at a loss for air. I couldn’t breathe in here, I had to get outside before I passed out.

I pushed my way passed all these people, who gave me dirty looks. they probably got grossed out by my disgusting fat. With tears in my eyes I finally made it outside to the crisp, refreshing air. As I filled my lungs again, I got my pack of cigarettes out of my purse and put one in my mouth. Then I went back to my purse to look for a lighter, but I couldn’t fine one. Fuck! I forgot to get a backup from my house. I closed my eyes and threw my head back against the side of the house.

“Need a light?” I heard a boy with a thick british accent ask. I looked over and saw a guy with warm hazel eyes holding out his lighter to me. He had a beanie on, covering a lot of his long brown hair. I also noticed he had a LOT of tattoos: almost all his visible skin was covered in the beautiful art- even his neck and his hands. He was definitely the most beautiful person I had ever seen.

“Uh, yeah thanks,” I mumbled, taking the lighter out of his hands and lighting my cigarette. I gave him back his lighter, smiling politely at him. “Nice tattoos.”

“Thanks,” He smiled, which sent a shock of electricity to coursing through my veins. I was just grateful that my cheeks were already red from the cold. I quickly covered my stomach with my jacket, hoping he didn’t notice my fat protruding out of my clothes. “I’m Oli, by the way.”

“Lights,” I said. Oli looked around confused.

“I don’t see anything wrong with the lights…” He told me, which caused me to giggle. Giggle.

“No! No, my name is Lights,” I corrected him.

“Oh,” he said, embarrassed. “It’s pretty. Is that your real name?”

“No, but that’s what my dad used to call me because he hated my real name and so do I so everybody just calls me Lights now…” I told him.

“Why Lights though?” He asked.

“He used to say that I was the light of his life,” I smiled, remembering my dad saying that to me over and over again, never letting me forget how much he loved me.

“That’s really sweet,” he said. I looked down, realizing what I just said. I usually just tell people Lights is my real name, I have no clue why I told him what I just did… I took a drag of my cigarette, looking away. “So are you having fun?” He asked, trying to keep conversation.

I shrugged, “not really.”

“Same, this party’s pretty lame,” he admitted. I nodded my head in agreement.

“At least your friend didn’t ditch you to fuck her boyfriend,” I joked.

“That happened to you?” He asked and I nodded, smirking at his shocked expression. “That’s fucked up.” I laughed at how cute he said that.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” I smiled, taking another drag of my cigarette.

“Well, if you’re not having any fun and I’m not having any fun, wanna get outa here?” He asked.

“I don’t know, my dad always told me not to run away with strangers,” I joked.

He smiled, putting his hands in the air, “I promise I won’t try anything.”

“Where do you plan on taking me?” I asked.

“Anywhere is better than here.”

“Agreed,” I laughed. “But I should probably stay here, my friend will be worried if I just leave…”

“Didn’t she just leave to have sex with her boyfriend?”

I thought for a moment. I knew I probably shouldn’t go, because Jo will flip when she comes back and I’m not here and he could just be trying to get in my pants but… “what the hell, let’s go. My house is free,” I said, putting my out my cigarette and looking at him.

He smiled, “alright, my car’s down the street.”

We got to his car and I directed him to my house. When we got there his jaw dropped in awe. “This is your house?”

“Mmmhmmm,” I hummed, getting out of the car.

“This place is fucking huge!” He followed. We got inside and his jaw dropped again. I giggled. Fuck, why do I keep doing that?

“Come on,” I pulled at him, “let’s go upstairs.” He followed me to my room, but before his jaw could drop again, I put my hand under his chin. He looked down, smiling at me. I realized that there was no cold to hide my blush, so I looked away. “Uh, wanna play some video games?” I offered.

“What kind you got?” He asked.

“I’ll get some. Sit down,” I told him, pointing to the couch in my room. He did as he was told, while I went into my game case and got out some of my favorite games, then went over and handed him some.

“Fuck, Lights you got some good taste in video games,” he laughed, looking at them.

“Thanks,” I blushed.

“This one,” he handed me one of the games.

I laughed, this one was my favorite. “Are you sure you want this one? I’m just warning you I’m gonna kick your ass in it.”

He laughed, “I’d like to see you try!”

I put the game into the system and sat down next to him, handing him a controller.

---------------------------------

We ended up playing for a really long time, both getting really into it. I haven’t laughed so hard with anybody but Jo in a really long time. Finally, I won so I jumped up off the couched yelling in victory.

“I let you win!” Oli laughed.

“You wish!” I danced around him. He laughed again and got up.

“Alright that’s it! You’re in for it now!” He laughed, grabbing my sides, tickling me. I shrieked a little and tried to get away. He wrapped his arms around my waist and carried my over to the bed. He threw me on top of the covers and got on top of me, tickling me once again. I laughed, trying to squirm out of his grasp but it was no use. Finally, he stopped so I can catch my breath and said, “you are really cute when you’re bein’ tickled.” I blushed hardcore.

“Just don’t do it again,” I play begged.

“No promises,” he said, plopping down on the bed next to me. I yawned in exhaustion. “Aw are ya tired? Shit it’s like 3 am, I should let you get some sleep.” He said, sitting up. I wave of panic went through me at the thought of him leaving.

“Uh, it’s late and you must be tired too… why don’t you just stay?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound desperate.

“I don’t wanna get you in trouble,” he told me.

“You won’t… My mom’s in Paris right now so I have the house to myself for the weekend.”

“Where’s your dad?” he asked.

I felt my heart break all over again as I looked away and mumbled, “um he’s dead…”

There was a moment of silence in which I tried my hardest not to let the tears fall from my eyes. Even though it was so long ago, it still hurt thinking about him and saying it. I sometimes still didn’t believe it.

“Oh fuck Lightsy I’m sorry,” he said, putting his arm around my waist, gently pulling me into him. If it was anybody else I would have pushed them away and told them to get out, but I couldn’t help but relax in his arms. We laid there for a couple moments, me getting more tired as he rubbed my back.

Finally, before I passed out from exhaustion I mumbled, “Lightsy?”

He laughed and said, “sorry it just came out…”

“No… don’t be sorry… I… like it” I admitted at I felt him relax.

He laughed and said, “alright, goodnight then Lightsy.” I snuggled my face in his chest, not caring that I only met him a couple hours ago because for the first time in a long time I actually felt happy and… safe.