Hurt Beneath My Skin

I stared at the cream colored claw foot bathtub with little emotion.

I was going to do it today, and there was no one where to stop me. My mom was actually out of the house for once; grocery shopping or something. Maybe picking up more booze. My step-father was at work, and Richard - my brother - was at school like the good, perfect little boy he was.

Easily, I flick the tap on and push the plug into the drain. I didn't care if the water was freezing or hot; it wouldn't matter once I died, would it?

I left the bathroom door open and stripped. I had scars running from my elbow to my wrist, scattered along the skin there. Most of my scars were on my wrist though, for obvious reasons. The other ones were there to remind me that I was in fact, still alive. As the water continued to fill, I turned the heat on a little and let it warm the cool water up.

I hesitated a little. I hadn't written a note, like I had before. Would they know that I was still tortured, that I still hated my mother and my father for bringing me into this world, for letting me survive for this long? Would they know that nothing was right, that I deserved nothing but death? My mother beat me for a reason, a reason I didn't know of, but a reason that she believed in.

As I dropped my pants and peeled my shirt off, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt the self hate I had pushed to the side come roaring back.

With unrelenting fury I balled my hand into a fist and punched the mirror.

Then, I turned my attention to the filling bathtub.



"Rae?"

I opened my eyes and looked up at Brian. He was blocking out the sun and I gave him a small smile as he reached his hand down. "Hi," I said softly, as I extended my hand for him to take. With surprising ease he lifted me back to my feet.

"Why'd you stop?" Brian didn't sound breathless or anything. I shrugged, and let his hand go. "Where are we?" "In the field behind the hospital. If we keep going that way," He pointed to his right, "we can eventually reach a highway."

Wait. What? "Brian, the fuck are you talking about? We can't leave," But he cut me off, pulling me against his chest and slipping a hand over my mouth. "Shhh," He hissed, and pulled me down onto the ground. I yelped into his hand and pushed at his chest. Immediately - and I don't know why - I thought he was trying to hurt me. "Rae shut the fuck up," He whispered fiercely. That was when I heard it; the voices of the attendants.

"I thought I saw Brian Haner out here..."

"Well, the gate was open... we'll have to lock the facility down."

"We haven't had a lockdown in a while! This ought to be interesting. Do we alert their next of kin in case they go home?"

They. They were talking about us. I squeezed his wrist and he shook his head at me, still not letting me talk, let alone breathe.

"No, Rae Walters doesnt exactly have the best homestead in the world - her mother used to beat her! - and Brian doesnt exactly have a family to go back to. Besides, why would they go back home? They're better off here, anyways."

I dug my nails into Brian's wrist and he hissed again, letting me go. Those fucking bitches had NO RIGHT to talk about my family like that, even if I did hate them! "Rae," Brian grappled my shirt, pulling me down again as the attendants returned to the hospital, closing the gate behind them. Once they were out of shot I jumped to my feet, and pushed Brian away from me. "What the fuck!" I asked, loudly, and Brian made the 'shh'ing motion. "No, no! Fuck you, did you not fucking hear them? They ... they were fucking talking about us like we were fucking hobo's!"

"I know, Rae, I hear them too." "Then why didn't you let me go!? Why didn't you-"

"Do you want to be medicated and held up in the fucking ward because you - we - tried to fucking escape?"

I scowled and turned away from him, beginning to run back to the hospital. "Rae!" Brian was running after me. I ignored him, but gasped as he tackled me from behind, crashing both of us to the floor. I squirmed, groaned and kicked but without success. Brian was a full hundred pounds heavier than I was. I knew better. "I'm not getting up until you listen to me." He said stubbornly. "Fuck you!" "Don't tempt me," He growled, and I stilled beneath him.

"Rae... we can go! We can leave and start over and forget all about these stupid ... problems! You and I ... we can find an apartment somewhere - anywhere! We can start all over with new names, new alias, new everything, and no one would know any different."

I managed to squirm enough to roll over underneath him, looking up at him I sighed, and shook my head. "The hospital has your tattoo's documented in their records, Brian. If they put it out to the cops or to our families, we'll be carted back and then what?" He sighed, then shook his head. "I don't know. You know what? I'm sorry for even bringing it up." He got up off of me and started to head back to the hospital. I frowned.

I was the one who stormed off when I was in a bad mood, not Brian. He was totally stealing my thing.

"Rae, c'mon." His voice shook me from my thoughts, and with a sigh, I followed him back into the prison we both now called home.