Roses and Kisses

“I love you, Pete…”

His eyes fluttered open, glazed over as he propped himself up on his elbow. A sigh made its way past his lips as he ran his fingers through his jet-black hair. He touched the cold side of the bed almost absentmindedly. It was a longshot to assume he’d be able to get back to sleep again; he never could. As he’d done every night for the past few days, he sat himself up and slowly moved his legs off the side of the bed. He glanced at the glaring, red numbers on his alarm clock: 2:00 in the morning. Well, it could have been worse. He made his way through the dark apartment, stopping only briefly at the fridge to grab a beer before haphazardly throwing some shoes on and stepping out onto his balcony. As he looked out into the city, he began tossing back the drink in his hand. He welcomed the numb feeling the drinking brought, hoping to drown out the memories of something so precious to him; something lost. He’s been drowning for days. He briefly felt the cool breeze against his face and leaned on the railing, closing his eyes to try and relish in it once more. Cool, like her touch on his warm face. Cold, like she left him the day she left.

His bloodshot eyes flew open, and his face quickly morphed into a scowl. Frustrated, he threw the empty can over the edge and turned to punch the wall. His trembling fist slowly unraveled until he was gripping the wall feebly with his fingers. He slid down to his knees, and cursed softly. The effects of the drink couldn’t come quick enough for him, as he closed his eyes and allowed his thoughts to drift into familiar places, remembering Sunday.

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Yawning as consciousness slowly overtook him, he glanced around the room with tired eyes. He frowned slightly as he noticed the unoccupied spot beside him, but the faint scent of something cooking quickly brought a smirk to his face. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and made his way downstairs, his smile growing as he watched her flitting around the kitchen in preparation for breakfast. He snuck up behind her and gently wrapped his arms around her middle, kissing the top of her head and burying his nose in her disheveled blonde hair.

“Mornin’.” She started slightly at the unexpected presence, but gently laid a hand on his and smiled brightly.

“Good morning, handsome. Breakfast is almost ready. Why don’t you sit down, and it’ll be ready in a jiffy.” She said with a blissful tone. He grunted slightly as he withdrew and plopped down in one of the small chairs, choosing to silently watch her as she moved about gracefully. Within no time, she was sliding a plate in front of him, and then sat across from him with her own. He glanced down at his plate to see what she had made for him, since he’d been too busy taking in her to really pay attention to what she was making. Just a simple meal with a couple of eggs, a couple of pieces of toast, and a yogurt sat in front of him, but he would eat anything she made him. She smiled as he started chowing down.

“Hungry?” She asked jokingly as she began to slowly eat her own portion. He snorted and continued to eat his eggs as if he’d never eaten, and she simply laughed.

“You’re ridiculous, Peter, you know that?” He stopped his chewing and looked up at her beaming face. He bore all of his teeth in a grin at her, overwhelmed with how much she captured his heart. She was his best friend; the one who had stuck through it all. They’d gone through high school together, and their young adulthood. She supported him in his passion for music, and he in turn supported her talent for dancing. He didn’t know if he could live without her in his life; he couldn’t even imagine it. Neither of them knew what the future held, but that was okay. For now, they had each other. He relished in this moment, taking in her glow. It had nothing to do with the food. He didn’t quite know what he needed, but whatever it was he knew would come from her. This moment, right now; this feeling was perfect. He hoped it would never end.

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He all but threw the door open, a large grin on his face as he shrugged his jacket off and waved an envelope around in his hand, rushing over to her. She stared at him with startled eyes after such an entrance.

“Whatcha got there, Peter Panda?” She asked with curiosity written all over her face. Pete usually came home from practice with the boys pumped, but never this elated. His grin only grew wider as he shoved the envelope in his hands and encouraged her to read it. She glanced down at the return address and her eyes immediately widened as she tore it open and read it with her own eyes. Her expression matched his own in excitement. She jumped up and threw her arms around his neck, squealing in delight as he spun her around and laughed elatedly. He slowed and put her down for a moment, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss which she eagerly returned. Breaking apart after what felt like ages, he held her close and beamed at her.

“They heard our demo and they liked it! They liked it, Rose! They want to sign us!” She pulled away from him and looked deep into his eyes, a playful glint in her own.

“I know, I’m so excited for you, Pete! You guys are stepping up your game!” She paused, pulling on his hand with a devilish grin, “I think this calls for some celebration, don’t you?”

Passion shone in his eyes and they both stumbled up the stairs. He grinned like an idiot as she led him upstairs. Once they reached her bedroom door, she turned around and reached up to run her fingers through his hair. Passion burned in their eyes. She slowly pulled his head down, so that their lips were almost touching. He felt her warm breath on his open lips. He was mesmerized, when suddenly it was gone and in its place was the door and the uncontrollable giggles through it. He scoffed, and shook himself out of his daze.

“Hey! Let me in, crazy!” He tried to feign being mad, but couldn’t control the smirk on his face as they battled. Life couldn’t get more perfect.

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“Ungh… Hello? Pete?” A groggy voice answered from the other end. His own tired expression lit up the second he heard her voice.

“Heya Rosie, what are you doing sleeping at one in the morning?” He jokingly asked, trying to make light of the situation.

“Well, you know, you aren’t here to keep me up until insane hours of the night. How’s L.A.? I thought you were going to call me much earlier. Having too much fun without me?” He frowned, despite the joking tone in her voice near the end.

“Sorry about that… We just got super caught up hanging out with the head of the label. He said he sees lots of potential in us as a group,” he replied, wincing. It wasn’t a complete lie; they were hanging out at the head of the label’s own party, it just happened to be wild. “You know I’m missing you every second I’m here, Rose. Can’t wait to fly you out here someday and show you the sights.”

“Just don’t have too much fun without me. I’m super proud of you, Peter,” she replied, pausing for a moment, almost in hesitation before speaking again. “I can’t wait to see L.A. with you either. Maybe someday. But don’t miss me too much. Just focus on you and the boys. Your future’s looking super bright. Don’t let me hold you back.” There was almost a forced joking tone near the end of what she said, but he decided to think nothing of it. It was late after all.

“Don’t be silly, you’re not holding me back. I just can’t wait until I’m holding you in my arms again. I love you, Rose. I’ll be home in a few days.”

“See you soon, Peter. Goodnight!”

Click.

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“I don’t mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl? I just can’t wait to get home and see her again, Trick! I’m telling you, man, I dream about her every night and to be apart from her is driving me crazy. I just can’t get her out of my head! I mean, we’ve been best friends for longer than I can remember.” Patrick gave him an amused look as they strolled through the larger than life mall they were in. A worried expression flashed across his face for his friend, and he put all joking aside.

“That’s great, Pete. But what are you going to do when we have to come back to record, or if we end up going on tour all the time?” He asked gently. Pete stopped and looked at Patrick seriously, before reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a small black box. His friend’s eyes widened a fraction, staring at it.

“Simple, I’m going to ask her to marry me and take her with me wherever I go.” Patrick immediately met Pete’s eyes again, hesitation flashing across them before they hardened.

“Pete, I thought you two had talked about this before. She’s never said that she loves you back. You both just tread around the issue, you told me yourself. Besides, your own future is uncertain without throwing another person’s own uncertain future into the mix. Are you positive this is the right next step?” To anybody else, his words may have seemed harsh, but there wasn’t any beating around the bush with Pete. This was something serious that he had to understand the consequences of. He’d be asking her to give up her own uncertain future to replace it with a new one. She’s a dancer; she can’t have her own career while following Pete around wherever he steps. He figures this is one point that Pete can’t possibly have overlooked, so he decides to not add fuel to the fire.

“She says she doesn’t believe in love, but I’m determined to call her bluff. She’s even said that this was the closest she could ever come to it. She’s just been hurt a lot in her past, Trick, and I’ve been there through each of the wounds. There’s no way she can deny these butterflies; these feelings that we both have for each other. They’re overwhelming! I just can’t see my future without her in it.” Pete pockets the ring again and resumes walking in a slight huff. Patrick sighs deeply and follows after his friend. They’re still young, after all, and each have their own share of mistakes to grab a hold of. He lays a hand on his shoulder and grips it firmly.

“Hey man, you know that I’m here for you not matter what decision you or her makes. We’re best buds, remember?” Pete glanced over his shoulder and smiled genuinely at his friend, despite the nagging feeling of unease slightly bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

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Pete was bouncing on the balls of his feet impatiently, when he finally spotted his black suitcase covered in faded punk band stickers. He snatched it up quickly and made his way as fast as he could out the gate. He glanced around the hordes of people quickly, until he saw the familiar bright face shining among them. Their eyes met instantly and were both filled to the brim with emotion. He dodged the people in the way and ran towards her. He put his bass down and dropped his suitcase when she met him halfway and quickly picked her up, spinning her around with the biggest grin on his face. When he finally put her down on her toes, they just held each other for what seemed like forever.

“I missed you.” She mumbled into his jacket, making him hold her tighter.

“I know you did. Now let’s get home so I can show you how much I missed you,” he replied, with a devilish grin.

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Rose hit the brakes hard when they pulled into her driveway, a scowl deeply etched into her face. She gripped the steering wheel hard enough to make her knuckles turn white.

“Peter, we’ve talked about this before!”

“It’s a valid question, Rosella. You know I’m mad about you! I love you, Rosella? And I know you’re crazy about me too. Why can’t you just say it?!” His frustration was growing as the conversation heated more and more. Patrick was right: he couldn’t just pop the question until he heard her say it. He never imagined it would be this difficult, though. He watched her put the car in park roughly while gritting her teeth. She refused to look him in the eye.

“Why do you need to hear me say it, Peter? You know I haven’t left your side. You know I’m your best friend. You know I’m dedicated to you. My loyalty is to you. You know all of this, so why do you even bother? Nothing lasts forever, Peter. Let’s just live this peace for as long as it lasts. You know I don’t believe in love.” She practically spat the word love at him, as she threw open the car door and slammed it shut. He followed suit immediately and met her furious eyes with his own burning gaze.

“Not everybody is going to hurt you! Not everything has to end! I’ve stuck by you longer than anybody, even your own parents. I would give the world for you, Rose! If you asked me to, I would throw this band deal away! Isn’t that proof enough that I’m not going anywhere? Damn it, Rose. I’m in love with you, and I know you’re in love with me too. Trust me, Rose! What do you call this feeling, burning within whenever you’re around? The overpowering ache when I’m away from you? The passion we feel in each other’s arms? I know you feel it too, Rosella, and I won’t give up until you admit it and we can spend the rest of eternity together!” She opened her mouth to shout another reply at him when one of the neighboring houses threw their bedroom window open and leaned out, looking extremely disheveled.

“Hey! Have your stupid little fight somewhere else, or can it! It’s the middle of the night and you’re waking the whole neighborhood up. Shut up!” Neither of them had the chance to reply before she slammed the window shut and turned the light back off. Instead, Pete glared at the window, about to shout his mind at them when a soft, tired voice stops him.

“Peter, I’m done arguing with you about this. Just go home, you’ve had a long flight. I’ll see you later. Goodnight.” She passed him coldly, and before he could move a muscle she was in the house, the door locked behind her. His anger began to boil and he kicked the wall in frustration.

“I’m not giving up, Rose! Because you’re worth the battle to me! I’m in love with you, and you can’t cast me aside so easily! I will never stop fighting for you!” He waits a couple more moments, before hitting the door in frustration and turning back around. He grabbed his suitcase and his bass, storming to God knows where down the street. After a couple of blocks, he sighed and pulled his cell phone out. He dialed the first number he could think of, plopping down in the grass with a grunt.

“Hello? Pete?” He relaxed a little bit more hearing his friend on the other line, but when he began to speak he found himself fired up again. “Pete, are you there? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Sorry for calling you so late. I’m just so confused, man. She’s so aggravating.” He began to grit his teeth and roughly ran his fingers through his hair with his free hand. He heard a simple sigh at the other end.

“It’ll be alright man. Where are you right now? I’ll pick you up.”

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“You couldn’t have waited even a night to talk to her about it?” Patrick asked, tossing a glance at his agitated friend. Pete didn’t react for a couple of moments, keeping his posture slouched and his head turned back, choosing to stare at the ceiling instead.

“I couldn’t help it, man. I was thinking about what you said, and I want to hear her say it before I even try to ask her to marry me. It’s the last thing I need.” He straightened up a little and crossed his arms, closing his eyes. “I don’t understand it, Trick. She drives me insane, in more than one definition of the word. Why doesn’t she see it? I look at her, and I see somebody I’ve already spent half my life with, and who I want to spend the rest of mine with. I’m not going to let this stop me. Someday, I’m going to make her see that she’s worthy of being loved. And then I won’t have to dream anymore. She’ll finally be my wife. I won’t ever stop chasing after her.”

Patrick chewed on the inside of his cheek for a bit, mulling over the right words to say as he pulled up in Pete’s own driveway.

“Look man, I don’t have all the answers. We’re all just young, and confused, and we’re all screwed up in some way. Figure yourself out. Figure her out. And then come back and figure out how they go together. You know I’m here for you, man. Just get some rest, and maybe take a couple of days to mull it over.” Pete opened the door and grabbed his stuff out of the trunk before walking around to Patrick’s window.

“Thanks man, I’ll see you later.”

“Anytime. Goodnight, Pete.”

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“Sorry, sir. She’s gone.” He went cold at the words that came out of the man’s mouth refusing to believe it. He pulled the rain jacket tighter around him, hoping he heard wrong over the pouring rain.

“I’m sorry, what? It’s only been a few days, she can’t be gone.” The man just shook his head and gave him a pitying look.

“Here, hold on a sec. She left something for you.” The man retreated back inside and emerged with a letter. “Sorry, kid, but she’s gone. There’s nothing more I can do for you. Good day.”

Pete stared at the letter in his hand, and made his way back to the car. Once he was safely inside, he found his hands shaking as he began to try and open it. He forced a gulp down and tried to contain the sick feeling inside of his stomach. As soon as he opened it and pulled the letter out, her scent gently hit him ever so slightly. He closed his eyes and breathed it in, calming himself once more before beginning to read it.

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“Wake up, Pete. Come on, you can’t keep drinking yourself to sleep.” Pete found himself roughly awakened by somebody shaking his shoulder. His entire body protested as he sat up, realizing that he had passed out on the balcony. Grunting, he opened his eyes and took in the now daytime sights in front of him. Cloudy, just like that day. He couldn’t escape it.

“Come on, Pete. Let’s get you inside.” He accepted the guiding hand that Patrick offered and together they made their way inside. When they both successfully made it to the couch, he sunk in it stubbornly.

“Stupid clouds. They’re mocking me, because I can’t find her. She doesn’t have family to contact, Trick. It was just the two of us. How am I supposed to find her?” Patrick sighed and leaned back into the couch as well, electing to stare up at the ceiling.

“We’ve been through this, Pete. She doesn’t want to be found. She wanted you to focus on your own path, just like she has to focus on hers.” He stole a glance at his friend, and the faint agony he detected in his expression was heartbreaking to the singer. “I’m sure if you focus on what’s ahead for now, she’ll turn back up. You’re all she has in the world, Pete. Everybody knows that just as much as she’s your everything, you’re hers. She has your number. Just give it time.”

“I’m not sure I’m okay with that, Trick. It’s not fine. It won’t be fine until she’s back in my arms. My vow remains: one day she’ll be mine,” he said finally, leaving no room for argument. Patrick turned his gaze back towards the ceiling, and frowned.

‘Prove me right, Rose. Come back for him.’

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Rose stepped onto the plane with a heavy heart.

‘I’m just something so terrible…’ She hadn’t gotten the chance to say goodbye, or to even celebrate in her own good news with him. After all, her own future was taking off with this plane, and so was his. It was better this way, wasn’t it?

She quietly made her way to her set and sat down. No, this was best, even if it showed off her cowardice. Truth be told, even if it was the best thing for Pete, she was terrified to speak to him about it. Certainly, Pete wouldn’t think it out of character for her to duck out of having to explain herself to him. It’s to be expected, after all. But he needs to focus on his future, and this great opportunity for Fall Out Boy to launch. He can’t spend his life chasing after her; he can’t throw everything away for a hopeless endeavor.
She’s damaged. She’s not worth it. So this was for the best, right? She rubbed her temple, feeling a headache coming on as the plane began to make its way down the runway. Her heart and her head were pulling her in different directions, mixing her up. Her shining green eyes glanced out the tiny airplane window, watching the raindrops race down it. She closed them, letting the gentle pitter-patter wash her mind of the doubts. No, this was for the best. He needed to focus on his own life. She needed…

Well, she wouldn’t let herself get that far. She let the rain wash the worry and care out of her head, and as the plane took off, she watched the world grow smaller with dead eyes.

‘I’m over you now.’ Whether the thought was literal, or mental, she didn’t know, but didn’t dwell on it. Whether or not Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz the third was in her future, she wouldn’t know, but for now he remained somebody of the past. The only friend who stuck with her to the end. The only one who hadn’t left her like her parents had. The only one who taught her what love felt like, to give it and to receive it.

No, for now, she’s at home in the clouds. She took one last look at the fading world before all that she could see were the dark, taunting clouds. Her thoughts melted as she closed her eyes once more, determined not to open them until it was time to get off the plane.

‘I’m towering over your head now, Peter Pan. I wish you could have taken me to Neverland.’

‘I guess I’ll go home now.’ The silent tears cascaded down her cheeks.
‘I guess I’ll go home…’

‘I love you, Peter.’