Keep Me Safe, This Feels so Unreal
Chapter Four
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!!" A large weight forces me into consciousness and a groan slips from my lips. I crack open my eyes to see Toby's, Jesse's, Mum’s and Dad's faces hovering over me.
"WAKEY WAKEY!! IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME AND YOU GOTTA GET UP TO CELEBRATE IT WITH US!!" I bury my face into my pillow - his smell is faint now...
Everything goes quiet after a while and I think they have all gone away but I'm wrong.
" Honey... I know you're hurting and I know it's tough, but you need to come down and spend Christmas with your family... Your brothers are worried about you and your Dad and I are too... We miss you." Mum strokes my hair off my forehead and I sigh.
I suddenly feel bad for being so selfish. All I think about is myself and I've been brought up better than that.
"I'm sorry Mum." I murmur, forcing myself out of bed. I see Mum sigh in relief and smile gratefully at me.
"I wont be a minute." I shuffle into my bathroom and splash icy water onto my puffy face. I look at myself in the mirror and sigh; my eyes are red and swollen and I have bruise like rings around them. They were bloodshot and my nose was bright red too.
But I find myself not caring at all. I didn't want to.
Five minutes later, I’m curling up on the couch, tucking my blankets around my body. I watch Toby and Jesse wrestle over the perfectly wrapped present addressed to Dad from all of us.
Eventually, Dad just snatches it out of their grasp, chuckling. He opens it and laughs gratefully at us as he examines his new 'How to cook, for Dummy's' book.
"Thanks boys." He smiles before beginning to play santa and chucking presents at everyone. He throws me a few at a time and I smile faintly at him.
I unwrap the first and find a brand new ipod fall into my hot little hands.
"Oh... wow... thanks Mum. Thanks Dad." I smile at them and they both look at me in a loving way.
"Oi El! Open our gift next! Open it!" Jesse exclaims, shoving Toby in indication of who 'our' was.
"Okay.." I look in my pile for their gift and find it at the bottom. I unwrap it and discover it's a $200 gift voucher for my favourite clothing store, Dangerfield. They must have gotten it yesterday when I left.
"T-thanks guys. $200 is so much, you didn't have to do that." I murmur. They grin and both tackle me into a hug till the point of suffocating me. A grin cracks onto my lips for the first time since the accident and I suddenly feel happy again.
"Mum! Get them off me!" I screech playfully and Mum grins before pulling my brothers off me by their ears.
We continued to unwrap our gifts until there was only one more gift under the tree. Dad picks it up and reads the tag. A frown creases his face.
"Elliot, it's for you. From Zack. Who's Z-" He stops in realisation. I stare at the gift in fear. I look to the rest of my family and realise they were all quiet.
Dad tries to hand the small tightly wrapped gift to me but I can't bring myself to take it.
"Open it El." Dad urges gently and I gulp, the lump in my throat making it hard to breathe. My eyes swell and I look up Dad, then back to the gift.
"I-I Don't want i-it." I shake, feeling the cold creeping back along my bones.
"Elliot... baby-"
"I said no!" I snap, trembling as I push myself off the couch and sprint upstairs and slam my bedroom door behind me. A sob escapes my lips and then another one and another and I suddenly feel like drowning. It's like I was losing him all over again.
I feel deathly sick.
I race out of my room and into the bathroom, just making it to the toilet before emptying the entire contents of my stomach into it.
I gasp for breath, my nose running and tears still streaming down my face.
The door creaks open from behind me and I see Mum in the reflection of the mirror, standing there with Zack's present in her hand.
"Baby-"
"I said don't call me - " I turn and puke again, sobbing harder. I feel soft hands pull my hair out of my face as I continue to throw up.
Once I was finished, Mum pulls me into her lap and I sob loudly into my hands.
"I-I-I’m s-s-sorry. I've r-ruined c-c-christm-as." I cry, hiccupping.
"Sssh... don't be sorry. You haven't ruined anything." Mum murmurs softly, pushing my hair back gently. She always did that when I was upset. It was soothing.
I end in hiccups and wipe my nose on my sleeve. Glancing at Mum's frowning face, I instantly bury my face into her t-shirt, trying to feel safe.
"Elliot?" I lift my head after a while and see Mum rest the gift in between us.
"I think you should open it." She whispers. My bottom lip trembles as I take it into my hands.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because it might help you to move on?" She suggests and I nod, tears leaking again. The thing is, I don't want to move on just yet. I shakily take the card in my hands and open it.
"Dearest El,
Merry Christmas sweetness. I love you with all my heart and then some. I wish you have the greatest christmas possible (hopefully you can come visit me after lunch.) I hope with all my heart that the upcoming year brings you all the happiness in the world, success and all the things in the world you could ever want. (Hopefully, I'm included in that list *winks*) -I let out a watery laugh at this - But, even if not all things go to plan just know I'll always be there to sweep you off your feet and be your knight in shining armour, there to love you forever and ever, baby.
I love you with all my heart and I would die for you Ellie. You're my everything and I hope I'm yours too.
Hugs and sloppy (passionate) Kisses,
Yours forever,
Zacky xoxo
My tears hit the page and make the ink run. Why did he have to do this to me? Couldn't he have been normal and simply written 'Merry Christmas, hope you like the pressie'? I let the card filled with words that were now empty, slip from my fingers and into my lap. Mum strokes my hair confortingly, kissing my forehead.
"...I can't do this." I whisper, my fingertips hovering over the present.
"Yes you can." i nod eventually and begin to rip the red and gold paper.
Inside was a small velvet box. My fingers shake violently as I open the box to reveal a thick white gold ring. My breath hitches and I forget to breathe.
I pull it out and see there is engraving on the inside;
Forever yours.
"H-he... i-it's a...it's a promise ring." I whisper, frozen, " He promised to be mine forever..."
"Oh honey..." Mum sighs sympathetically, "It's beautiful... why don't you put it on."
"N-no." I shake my head, putting it back in it's box and closing the lid.
"Why not, El?"
"Cause he broke the p-promise b-before he even had a chance to make i-it." I tremble, placing the card and ring beside us on the tiled floor. I get up and walk out of the bathroom.
"WAKEY WAKEY!! IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME AND YOU GOTTA GET UP TO CELEBRATE IT WITH US!!" I bury my face into my pillow - his smell is faint now...
Everything goes quiet after a while and I think they have all gone away but I'm wrong.
" Honey... I know you're hurting and I know it's tough, but you need to come down and spend Christmas with your family... Your brothers are worried about you and your Dad and I are too... We miss you." Mum strokes my hair off my forehead and I sigh.
I suddenly feel bad for being so selfish. All I think about is myself and I've been brought up better than that.
"I'm sorry Mum." I murmur, forcing myself out of bed. I see Mum sigh in relief and smile gratefully at me.
"I wont be a minute." I shuffle into my bathroom and splash icy water onto my puffy face. I look at myself in the mirror and sigh; my eyes are red and swollen and I have bruise like rings around them. They were bloodshot and my nose was bright red too.
But I find myself not caring at all. I didn't want to.
Five minutes later, I’m curling up on the couch, tucking my blankets around my body. I watch Toby and Jesse wrestle over the perfectly wrapped present addressed to Dad from all of us.
Eventually, Dad just snatches it out of their grasp, chuckling. He opens it and laughs gratefully at us as he examines his new 'How to cook, for Dummy's' book.
"Thanks boys." He smiles before beginning to play santa and chucking presents at everyone. He throws me a few at a time and I smile faintly at him.
I unwrap the first and find a brand new ipod fall into my hot little hands.
"Oh... wow... thanks Mum. Thanks Dad." I smile at them and they both look at me in a loving way.
"Oi El! Open our gift next! Open it!" Jesse exclaims, shoving Toby in indication of who 'our' was.
"Okay.." I look in my pile for their gift and find it at the bottom. I unwrap it and discover it's a $200 gift voucher for my favourite clothing store, Dangerfield. They must have gotten it yesterday when I left.
"T-thanks guys. $200 is so much, you didn't have to do that." I murmur. They grin and both tackle me into a hug till the point of suffocating me. A grin cracks onto my lips for the first time since the accident and I suddenly feel happy again.
"Mum! Get them off me!" I screech playfully and Mum grins before pulling my brothers off me by their ears.
We continued to unwrap our gifts until there was only one more gift under the tree. Dad picks it up and reads the tag. A frown creases his face.
"Elliot, it's for you. From Zack. Who's Z-" He stops in realisation. I stare at the gift in fear. I look to the rest of my family and realise they were all quiet.
Dad tries to hand the small tightly wrapped gift to me but I can't bring myself to take it.
"Open it El." Dad urges gently and I gulp, the lump in my throat making it hard to breathe. My eyes swell and I look up Dad, then back to the gift.
"I-I Don't want i-it." I shake, feeling the cold creeping back along my bones.
"Elliot... baby-"
"I said no!" I snap, trembling as I push myself off the couch and sprint upstairs and slam my bedroom door behind me. A sob escapes my lips and then another one and another and I suddenly feel like drowning. It's like I was losing him all over again.
I feel deathly sick.
I race out of my room and into the bathroom, just making it to the toilet before emptying the entire contents of my stomach into it.
I gasp for breath, my nose running and tears still streaming down my face.
The door creaks open from behind me and I see Mum in the reflection of the mirror, standing there with Zack's present in her hand.
"Baby-"
"I said don't call me - " I turn and puke again, sobbing harder. I feel soft hands pull my hair out of my face as I continue to throw up.
Once I was finished, Mum pulls me into her lap and I sob loudly into my hands.
"I-I-I’m s-s-sorry. I've r-ruined c-c-christm-as." I cry, hiccupping.
"Sssh... don't be sorry. You haven't ruined anything." Mum murmurs softly, pushing my hair back gently. She always did that when I was upset. It was soothing.
I end in hiccups and wipe my nose on my sleeve. Glancing at Mum's frowning face, I instantly bury my face into her t-shirt, trying to feel safe.
"Elliot?" I lift my head after a while and see Mum rest the gift in between us.
"I think you should open it." She whispers. My bottom lip trembles as I take it into my hands.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because it might help you to move on?" She suggests and I nod, tears leaking again. The thing is, I don't want to move on just yet. I shakily take the card in my hands and open it.
"Dearest El,
Merry Christmas sweetness. I love you with all my heart and then some. I wish you have the greatest christmas possible (hopefully you can come visit me after lunch.) I hope with all my heart that the upcoming year brings you all the happiness in the world, success and all the things in the world you could ever want. (Hopefully, I'm included in that list *winks*) -I let out a watery laugh at this - But, even if not all things go to plan just know I'll always be there to sweep you off your feet and be your knight in shining armour, there to love you forever and ever, baby.
I love you with all my heart and I would die for you Ellie. You're my everything and I hope I'm yours too.
Hugs and sloppy (passionate) Kisses,
Yours forever,
Zacky xoxo
My tears hit the page and make the ink run. Why did he have to do this to me? Couldn't he have been normal and simply written 'Merry Christmas, hope you like the pressie'? I let the card filled with words that were now empty, slip from my fingers and into my lap. Mum strokes my hair confortingly, kissing my forehead.
"...I can't do this." I whisper, my fingertips hovering over the present.
"Yes you can." i nod eventually and begin to rip the red and gold paper.
Inside was a small velvet box. My fingers shake violently as I open the box to reveal a thick white gold ring. My breath hitches and I forget to breathe.
I pull it out and see there is engraving on the inside;
Forever yours.
"H-he... i-it's a...it's a promise ring." I whisper, frozen, " He promised to be mine forever..."
"Oh honey..." Mum sighs sympathetically, "It's beautiful... why don't you put it on."
"N-no." I shake my head, putting it back in it's box and closing the lid.
"Why not, El?"
"Cause he broke the p-promise b-before he even had a chance to make i-it." I tremble, placing the card and ring beside us on the tiled floor. I get up and walk out of the bathroom.
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