Ocean Avenue

Summer vacation, 2004. I hated summer vacations. Too long car trips in the car with no air-conditioning, my annoying little sister and whiny pop stars playing on the radio. Not to mention the stuffy little beach house we crammed ourselves into, sand being permanently cemented into the carpet and the constant smell of seaweed and wet clothes.

But something changed in this summer. That something was Kennedy Brock.

Whenever I was on vacation, I'd go and sit in the little park just off Ocean Avenue, which was deserted in the summer as families traded the swings and slides for the sea and sand. It was peaceful and allowed me to enjoy my summer vacation how I wanted, alone. Except for one day.

I was sitting on the swing, swinging my legs about as I listened to music, when I heard the chains of the swing next to me rattle. I took an ear bud out and looked over at whoever was disrupting my silence.

"I'm sorry, did I disturb you?" the boy asked, his eyes apologetic. I half-smiled at him, not wanting him to think that I was a total cow.

"No, it's fine. You just took me by surprise was all," I said, putting my ear bud back in. I could see his lips moving, but the sound was muffled by my music. I pulled the ear bud back out and looked at him again.

"Sorry?"

"I just, I mean, I said my name is Kennedy. What's yours?" He seemed a little stuttery and nervous about talking to me.

"Cassandra, but everyone just calls me Cassii."

"Cool. So, are you here with your family?"

We ended up talking like this, asking each other questions, for about an hour until my mom walked by.

"Cassii, I called you half an hour ago telling you to come in for lunch," she scolded me. I blushed, not wanting Kennedy to see me getting reprimanded by my mother.

"I guess I'll see you around some time?" I told Kennedy as I stood up and brushed myself off after my mother had walked back to the beach house.

"Uh, yeah, I guess. Here, that's my cell number, in case you wanna hang out some time." He fumbled with a small slip of paper and I looked down at the digits scrawled on it.

"Thanks Kennedy, I'll see you later." I walked back to the beach house, thankful that I'd made a friend.

I enjoyed spending my summer vacation with Kennedy, alternating our time between the park and the milk bar on the corner of Cherry St where we could escape the masses of children when the beach was closed. The longer we stayed up, retreating to the empty beach at night to stare at the stars or feel the cool sand between our toes, the later I'd find myself sleeping during the day, much to my parents' distaste.

Soon enough, it was my last night before we were to drive back home to start school the next week and like most nights, I spent it with Kennedy, feeling the cool air blowing back my hair, a sure sign that summer was on its way out. Kennedy seemed more nervous than usual.

We sat on the sand and talked about how much we weren't looking forward to going back to school and leaving the beach, and for the first time I was dreading leaving the beach house because it would mean no more Kennedy.

He started to play with his fingers and look off into the distance, a habit I noticed he'd do whenever he had something he wanted to say but was too nervous to say it.

"Kennedy, I know you want to say something. You're doing that thing again."

He looked at me with a furrowed brow. "That thing? What thing?"

"You know, that thing you're doing with your hands right now where you stare into space. I know there's something you want to say."

A slight blush crept up onto Kennedy's cheeks as he stilled his hands and looked down before looking at me.

"To be straight up honest, I like you Cassii. More than just friends. I just didn't want to say it in case you didn't feel the same way, but I might not get to see you again, so I just wanted to tell you."

I didn't respond to his sudden outburst. Instead I just sat on the sand in silence and Kennedy stood up and brushed the sand off his shorts, measuring my silence negatively.

"Alright, well now I've completely fucked this up, I'm going to go home and we can both forget I said anything and you can leave tomorrow just thinking that we're friends because that's all we'll be," Kennedy rambled. I rolled my eyes.

"Kennedy," I said, standing up from the sand as well.

"No no, it's fine I get it, no-one really wants to be with me let alone actually be my friend," he began rambling again, but I cut him off by pressing my lips to his in a short kiss. I looked into his eyes as we pulled back, a slight mile creeping onto both our faces and he pulled me back in to kiss me again, softer, slower and longer this time, my initial kiss reassuring him that I indeed liked him back.

We stood on the beach, my arms around Kennedy's neck and his hands on my waist as we kissed for what seemed like an hour, losing track of time as my hands moved down his chest and his lips began to attack mine more ferociously. We were broken apart by a buzzing coming from my pocket as my mom called me. I pulled my phone out, slightly annoyed at the interruption.

"Hello?"

"Cassii, it's getting late, you need to come back inside now, we have a big day of travelling ahead of us tomorrow."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Yeah, sure. I'll be back soon."

I hung up and turned back to Kennedy, now regretting not acting on these feelings before tonight because I was about to leave him behind for another year, if not longer.

"I have to go home now."

Kennedy offered me a sad smile and took my hand. "Come on, I'll walk you there."

We walked back to the beach house in silence, the only sound being our breathing and the crashing of the waves in the distance. We reached the beach house and slowed our pace, coming to a stop by the driveway. I wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning my head against his chest as he held me there.

"I'm gonna miss you," he said softly.

"Me too."

He placed a kiss to the top of my head, said goodbye, and that was the last time I saw Kennedy Brock.

* * * * *

Well, at least for two years.

Summer vacation, 2006. We were finally returning to the beach house after two years, missing out on last year because of my parents' divorce, leaving my mother to look after my sister and I and subsequently having to cancel our summer vacation.

I had been texting Kennedy regularly in the first few months after our meeting, however it began to dwindle as time went on and these days we barely spoke. I sent him a message asking if he was in the area and if we could catch up, his immediate reply notifying me that he was eager.

I walked to the little park, glad to see that it was still as unpopulated as it used to be, and sat on one of the swings, wondering if he'd remember where I would be. Thankfully, his memory was as good as mine and I saw him sit down next to me out of the corner of my eye.

"Hey Cassii." I looked over to him and tried not to let the surprise show on my face. Kennedy... well, Kennedy got hot. Really hot. He'd lost all childish fat and his body was now lean and muscular, a light stubble covering his more defined jaw line and his hair was a lot better styled than it was two years ago, along with his fashion sense.

"Hey Kennedy," was all I managed to get out as my nerves and old feelings for him came back. He licked his lips before opening his mouth again.

"How have you been? I missed you last summer."

"I've been okay. My parents got divorced last summer so we had to cancel the trip."

"Oh. I'm sorry." The silence between us was thick and hung in the air as we both tried to turn around from that conversation.

"So, how have you been? I haven't heard from you in a while," I asked him, swinging myself slowly while looking over at him.

"Good, I've been pretty busy, looking at college applications for next year and stuff. Do you know where you wanna go?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"I haven't even thought about college, I don't even know if I'll go to be honest. What about you?"

"I've been thinking about ASU, mostly just to stay closer to home."

We made more small talk until there were several children and their parents in the park.

"Hey, do you wanna go for a walk on the beach? It looks pretty quiet today," Kennedy suggested. I nodded and he held his hand out for me to take and we walked hand in hand down to the beach, letting a smile slip onto my face as I remembered the last time I was down here with Kennedy.

Of course, I was stupid enough to not wear shoes, so the hot sand burnt the bottoms of my feet and I hissed in pain.

"Bit hot is it?" Kennedy smirked as he looked at me hopping from foot to foot. I shot him a glare and he chuckled, stepping in front of me. "Here, hop on."

I planted my hands on his shoulders and boosted myself onto his back, clinging to his neck as he gripped my legs and carried me along the sand. We found a shady spot under a tree just off the beach a bit further down and Kennedy set me gently on the ground and we sat under the tree, entwining our hands.

We sat and talked about what had happened during the time we spent apart, mostly just about school and our friends, until the sun began to set and my mother called me back in for dinner.

After our conversation, I began to look up applications for ASU and what I needed to get in. I'd need to study a hell of a lot more than I was to be able to get in, but it would be worth it when I could see Kennedy every day of the year instead of a month or so once every two years. I missed out on his life the last two years and I didn't want to miss out on it again.

* * * * *

Summer vacation, 2007. I hadn't heard from Kennedy in months and I was eager to see him again, to tell him that I got into ASU and that we'd get to see each other more often. But this year was different.

On the first day of vacation, I sat on the swing in the park, where I had sat all those years ago when we first met, hoping he'd remember where I would be. I sat on that swing all day for the first week, but no sign of Kennedy. I'd walk along the beach at night, hoping he'd be down there listening to the salty waves crash and watching the stars, but still no luck.

After two weeks with no sign of Kennedy, I began to grow worried, wondering if he had forgotten I was coming. In my frantic search for an answer, I logged onto my Facebook account and typed "Kennedy Brock" into my search bar. A million suggestions came up, but the first one that appeared looked familiar. I clicked on it and scrolled down his page, my heart dropping into the pit of my stomach when I saw one of his more recent statuses:

Kennedy Brock is in a relationship.

I kept scrolling to find photos of him with a brunette girl, playing on the beach, sitting in the milk bar, and holding each other close. My lower lip trembled as I realised that he had moved on, and according to one of his earlier statuses, he wasn't going to ASU anymore and was instead interested in playing music, something which I had never known about him.

I couldn't help but start crying as I remembered the last summer together, especially the last night before I inevitably had to return home.

Kennedy held my hand as we walked along the beach like we'd been doing every night of vacation. I shivered slightly from the cool, sea air and he left go of my hand and instead wrapped his arms around, rubbing his hand up and down it as he kissed the top of my head.

"Next year, let's do this all again. I really like you, Cassii, I want this to work," he said, turning to face me and place his hands on my shoulders.

"I want this to work too," I said softly, reaching up to kiss him. He returned the kiss, twisting his hand through my hair as the kiss deepened and we got caught up in the moment.

To be honest, my first time wasn't as great as I thought it would be. It hurt, it didn't feel as great as everyone made it out to be and I had sand everywhere. But I wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world because Kennedy made it all seem worth it and now I knew that he was serious about wanting our relationship to work. I was just yet to hear the words come out of his mouth.

After summer vacation ended, I returned home with my mom and my sister, packed up my room and left for ASU, the thrill of college gone now that I knew Kennedy wouldn't be there. I pushed all thoughts of him aside as I made plenty of new friends, made out with many college boys at parties, and earned my degree, making everyone proud. Although I had all these new friends, none of them filled the hole that Kennedy had left in my life and I often found myself wondering what he was doing.

* * * * *

Summer, 2013.

"Oh man, that sucks. I'm gonna miss being able to say that my best friend is in a world-famous band," I pouted on the phone.

"Please, Cassii, we're not 'world-famous', sure we've played shows overseas but it's not like everyone knew our name," my best friend since college, Eric, retorted.

"Yeah, but still! Does this mean that I'm gonna get to see you more often? We need a shitty Chinese food and wine night ASAP," I said.

"Of course it does! We're playing one last tour over here, having a final show in the Philippines and then after that, I'm all yours. You're gonna come out to a show, right? I don't think you've been to one yet, some friend you are," he said sarcastically.

"Halvo, I don't come out to your shows because they're full of screaming girls, I'd rather keep my hearing, thank you very much," I joked with him.

"Well, just come to one show of this tour, please? It's gonna be the last time you'll ever get to see us perform."

I sighed dramatically. "Fine, I guess I can do that for you."

"Thanks Cassii."

"Any time, Eric."

True to my word, I kept the date of A Rocket To The Moon's final show in Arizona free and Eric organised for me to be given an Access All Areas pass, allowing me to "keep away from the screaming girls" as he put it. They were playing with their friends in Brighten, This Century and The Maine. I had met John from The Maine back in college, however he had dropped out to sing for the band but we still kept in contact, especially since Halvo was our mutual friend.

I showed up to the venue and Halvo was waiting outside with a pass for me and he lead me back into the back room where the rest of the A Rocket To The Moon boys were warming up and generally goofing off. Halvo grabbed me a beer and I joined their group as they talked about all the memories they had shared as a band.

About an hour later, the door cracked open and another group of guys came in, laughing loudly and bringing beers with them.

"Yo, watch your mouth John, you're in the presence of a lady," Eric fake scolded him.

"Cassii's as much of a lady as I am," John bit back, sitting on my lap.

"Oh my god, get off me John, you're not as scrawny as you were back in college." I pushed John off my lap and I was met with another familiar face.

"Cassii? Holy shit, is that you?"

"Wait, Kennedy?"

Kennedy had barely changed since that summer when we were both eighteen, except now his hair was slightly shorter, he had lost a bit of his muscle definition and he had more facial hair.

"Wait, do you guys know each other?" John asked, confused.

"Yeah, we met each other on summer vacation when we were sixteen and we kinda lost touch a couple years after that," Kennedy explained.

"Wait, is this the girl that you ditched us for when we had just started the band? The one you were whinging about missing when you came back?" one of the guys that had come in with Kennedy asked. I raised my eyebrows at Kennedy, this was new information to me.

Kennedy rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Well, yeah. Hey Cassii, can I talk to you in private?"

I stood up from my seat, tossing my empty beer bottle in the trash as I followed Kennedy to a quiet corner in the backstage area of the venue.

"Listen Cassii, I'm really sorry," Kennedy started.

"About what? It's fine, it was so long ago," I accepted his apology, but he wasn't done.

"You may think it's fine but I don't. After I went home, I missed you a lot and I started doubting that we'd ever work out so I tried to move on, but it didn't work out because I'd just keep comparing her to you and then I got rejected from ASU so I couldn't even see you again. Then all the things with the band got caught up and I started going on tour during the summer and I was barely in one spot long enough to try and talk to you."

"Kennedy, it's fine. I've forgiven you because I know how much real life can get in the way."

Kennedy took my hands and looked me in the eyes. "I'm not going to let you get away again Cassii. I tried to fill your space with countless girls but I'd always end up comparing them to you and I couldn't bring myself to replace you. I'm absolutely serious this time, I want to make us work and this time I'll fight for you no matter how far away you are because ever since I met you I can't stop thinking about you and I think that proves how much I want this."

I knew that as soon as I looked in his hazel eyes I was sold so I didn't respond, only pressed my lips to his in a soft, sweet kiss. "I'm not going anywhere again. I want this too, more than you can imagine."

Kennedy pulled me into his embrace and we stood unmoving for a few moments until the boys came out.

"Dude, it's time to get ready," John said as he passed Kennedy, clapping him on the shoulder after we had pulled apart.

I reached up and kissed Kennedy's cheek. "Good luck." He smiled warmly at me, eyes twinkling as he turned and followed the boys back stage while I went around the side to watch them perform.

As I was watching Kennedy play his guitar, face shining bright under the lights as fans screamed for him, I realised just how lucky I was and how much I wanted Kennedy in my life, no matter how much distance came between us.