The Masked Feelings

"Tasha, is that you?" The woman before me asked as I felt every colour be individually drained from my face. Flashes of unwanted memories replayed in my head from the face before me. I had been running away from the memories that came with this broken face for as long as I can remember. But now she's here, and I still don't feel ready to face them.
I inhaled a deep breath, "Mum?" The woman nodded as my heart thudded so hard that I felt as if it might jump out of my chest. Pictures of her vulnerable face and my dad's wicked smile over took my vision. Before I had any more time to wrap my head around the situation, my mum engulfed me in a hug, with her warm arms surrounding me. After a few seconds I began to hug her back, before pulling away after a few more seconds.
"Tasha, I have looking for you day and night! I'm so glad that I found you. I-I can't believe it's really you!" She replied, bringing her hand to cup my face as she brushed her finger tips softly against my cheek. I smiled shyly, as my mother's gaze switched to behind me. I followed her gaze to find Cristiano staring at us from the door way about 7 feet behind us. Cristiano had a confused expression etched on his face and I took a deep breath.
"Cris, this is my mother. Mum, this is my, my Cris." I introduced carefully, watching Cristiano's expression closely as his eyes scanned my mother. His expression didn't falter once, as he turned n his heel and walked back into the living room. "Don't worry about him, I'm sure he'll come around." I assured my mother as she sent me a wary smile. "So, do you have anywhere to stay?" I asked her nervously to try and break the awkward silence that had been growing between us.
"Uh, yeah. I'm staying at a hotel about 2 miles or so from h-here." She explained, smiling nervously and I returned it with a more confident one.
the awkward silence returned with opening arms as I continued to try and fight it. "It's getting late and I should probably return to Cris, but you're welcome t come by tomorrow." I told her and she sent me a grateful smile and backed away from the door.
"Wait!" She called just as I was closing the door. I opened it wider to give her my full attention as she continued, "Are you ok with me being here. I know that you've been trying to run away from your past and I didn't mean to bring you back down memory lane; but I just really missed you. I'll explain everything tomorrow so long as you want me to." I smiled at her and nodded my head before closing the door and letting out a deep breath. Not for one second did I expect to have this kind of encounter when I opened the door.

After some sacred moments of peace to come to terms with the reality I returned to the living room where Cristiano was sitting on sofa, staring at the frozen image on the TV with a blank expression. I quietly made my way over to Cristiano, and sat besides him. "What is she doing here?" Cristiano asked flatly without moving an inch. His eyes seemed so fixed on the TV that I felt as if he had been enticed by its picture.
"I don't know" I replied equally as flatly. Cristiano remained silent for what was probably a couple of seconds, but felt like years as each second passed agonizingly slowly. Finally Cristiano turned his head to face me, but his eyes weren't the warm pair that reminded me of melted chocolate, but of cold and icy ones that were only couple shades off of black.
"Your hiding something from me Tasha. I knew when I met you that you had some secrets and I never wanted to pry on the subject but I'd be crazy to let it go this time. I know that you've left out chunks of your past and I need to know what happened Tash." Cristiano warned in a tone that held many emotions, anger and curiosity playing the main parts. I wasn't particularly fond of my past, and Cris knew that and so the sudden press to tell him everything struck me by surprise. I hadn't told anyone what really happened that night, the reason why I had built my walls so high. I had told Cris that on my father left on the night of the storm and that's why I hated them, but I was leaving out key factors. Telling Cristiano the truth was like stepping into darkness. You don't know what will happen, you will either fall through or hit a safe landing. The truth was a lottery and I felt like the numbers weren't in my favour.
I looked at Cristiano warily in the eyes, "I don't know if I can Cris. I don't like to think about that night..." I trailed off and Cris put a reassuring hand on my knee encouraging me to continue. "Cris, I really don't like talking about this. Please, can we just talk about something else?" I pleaded, but Cristiano shook his head with an iron expression.
"Tasha I need you to tell me the truth. I'm tired of you keeping me in the dark about the past. If your mum is going to come back in your life then I think that I deserve to know what went down between the two of you."

After a few minutes of thinking I finally decided that I should tell Cris the truth. He is right, he does deserve to know, I was just hoping that he would never want to. "Ok then. If you really want to know the truth about that night then I guess that you should." I told Cris and he gave me a tight smile in reply. I crossed my legs on the sofa, turning to face him. "Well, I don't know where to start. I know that you should start from the beginning but I don't know where it begins. When I was 8 years old my father began drinking. About once or twice a week he would come home drunk out of his mind. He would say hurtful things to my mother, and I would watch from the banister on the landing upstairs. He would call her out on her mistakes and rub them in her face." I paused for a few seconds allowing myself to study Cristiano's face which remained calm. "Then one night when I was 11 there was a massive storm. Heavy rain, unforgiving winds with lightening followed with thunder, its partner in crime. My dad was out drinking at a bar, and I was laying in bed wide awake waiting to hear hid heavy footsteps to announce that he was home. To be honest, part of me didn't want him to come home. I didn't want to watch my father abuse my mother with his cruel words, but at the same time I didn't want him to leave us alone. I waited and waited until I finally heard those footsteps. The loud boom of the door opening and closing. I crept out of bed and into my usual position by the banister. My dad was drenched, with raindrops dripping off of him and onto the wooden floor. My mum came rushing out to see him, and when his eyes lifted to see her they were so bloodshot that I'm surprised he could see clearly. He, didn't waste time before he slapped her hard in the face. My mother flinched at the contact, a shocked expression with her hand covering where she had just been struck. The thunder echoed through the house and I let out a gasp of shock before my father lifted his eyes to meet mine. His eyes, they were so dark and dangerous, and a cruel smile covered his face as he made his way up the stairs. My mum soon caught up with his plans and race up the stairs behind him. My dad walked towards me eerily slowly with his evil smirk still on his face. I screamed out for my mother as he made another pace towards me."I stopped suddenly, realizing that I was bawling in tears. Cristiano wrapped me in his arms stroking my hair and kissing it softly. "I backed up as far as I could until I hit the wall. My dad then took advantage and cupped my chin, kissing me roughly. I tried to push him away as my mother shrieked at him. He pulled away after a couple of seconds and my mother slapped him hard in the face. My father slapped her hard in return, yelling 'bitch' before spitting at her and storming out of the house. And that was the last time that we ever saw him again. Sometimes I would lay in bed at night waiting to her those footsteps again, but I never did." I finished, taking a deep breath as I hugged Cris tighter.
"Thank you" Cris whispered into my hair.
"What for?" I asked/chocked.
"Being honest with me." Cristiano replied and I nodded my head, still hugging him tight; afraid that if I was to let go then he'd slip away. I needed him to stay, whether I liked it or not I was head over heels for Cris. I was in so deep that I'd told him the truth and there's no way out now.