The Masked Feelings

A wave of emotion crashed through me as unanswered questions overwhelmed me. Why did he cheat on me? How could he abandon his own family? Did I do something wrong? I flickered me eyes from side to side, deep in thought. "Look, I know what I did to you was unforgivable, but please can you just hear me out?" Cristiano asked, I snorted in his face. It was a year too late for these excuses, maybe if he had have come back a year ago then I would have heard him out, maybe even allowed him back in my life.
"I don't want to waste my time listening to your lies Ronaldo." I spat back harshly, meaning every tinge of bitterness that danced off of my tongue.
"I'm not going to lie to you, I promise you, I won't lie." He replied calmly, with a face of innocence. I hat to bite back a harsh laugh.
"Yeah, because I haven't heard that line before have I?" I retorted sarcastically. Why he was still standing before me I had no clue, seeing as I wasn't going to give into him, not this time.
"I'm sorry Tasha. I'm sorry for everything that I did to you, it was all one big mistake." Cristiano replied softly, I looked into his eyes, in an attempt to figure out why he was here, to see some kind emotion. There wasn't any, it was as if he was numb. But then on cue I saw the childish glimmer in his eyes that I used to adore, reminding me of what he did to me.
"No you're not sorry, not anymore. I know who you are now, and I don't want to be with that person. That was the last straw Cris, and you blew it. Did you ever think to realize that you walked out of Bella's life the exact same way as my father did, huh? The way that you promised that you never would, and that you'd never hurt me like he did? Once is a mistake, years of lying and cheating; well that's just cheating." I replied in a tone that carried no expression. It was as if seeing him again had just suddenly tired me out, like I didn't have the will in me to hate someone who had betrayed me. I guess that I could never hate someone that I truly loved.
"Tasha please, you will never know how sorry I am for what I did to you, but please just hear me out, if not for your sake then for Bella's." Cristiano justified as I scoffed quietly. I closed the door, as I realized that subconsciously at some point during the fight I had let Cristiano in the house, old habits I guess.
"For Bella's sake?" I repeated in a strained voice. How could he pretend that suddenly now he cared about his daughter? "For Bella's sake you shouldn't be here. I can't let you back in her life only for you to walk back out of it again!" I yelled as suddenly my emptiness was replaced with a fury burning red in the pit of my stomach.
"I won't leave her again, I promise." Cristiano defended, still remaining calm.
"Well I just can't take that risk, because I can't watch her go through what she went through last time again, ok? I've had to listen to my own daughter cry in bed at night, screaming for you to come back to her. I've watched her hide herself away from everyone, because she was too afraid that they'd leave her like you did. I have watched her push away everyone that's ever got close to her in fear of being hurt the way that I did. It's not fair that she tries to put on a brave face every day so that I don't think that she's hurting. You said yourself that it's not fair for a child to grow up with a broken heart, but look at her, she's had to watch her own mother crumble because of what you did to me." I said, from what started as shouting ended up as sobbing. I sat down on the chair in front of me and hid my face as tears began drowning my face. "Look at what you did to me. This what you've left me with, nothing but empty promises." I continued looking up to see Cristiano's face that was looking at me, showing genuine concern. "I think that you should go." I stated, getting up from my chair and walking him to the door.
"Tasha, I'm so-" Cris began, however was cut off from me slamming the door in his face. I heard him sigh loudly before walking over to his car. At that point my legs had turned into jelly and I had slid my back down the door, burying me head in between my knees; crying hysterically. Seeing him had bought back too many memories that I wasn't ready to handle.

After a good half an hour of crying I had eventually stopped the tear flow and had begun walking around the house. Caroline had texted me claiming that she could drop Bella home, and so I had decided on getting dress into something more comfortable. I wore a black t-shirt with a long oversize jumper over it. Underneath I wore some leggings, with some grey slippers. I started making myself some salad for dinner as my phone began ringing. I left the tomatoes and picked up my phone. "Hello?" I answered.
"Hi, Tasha, It's Sara." Sara replied through the line. "I wanted to know how you're doing, after what we told you today."
"Um, I have a lot to tell you. I'm just making myself a salad, do you want to come over and I can tell you about it." I suggested as Sara agreed, before leaving to get to my house.