The Masked Feelings

The car ride to the restaurant was filled with awkward conversation. Clearly no-one wanted to say anything that could trigger memories as I was supposed to find out on my own; which I already had, so they just ended up discussing the weather. The six of us had all squeezed into a car, Iker was driving, with Sara beside him their fingers entwined together. Pilar and Sergio were behind them and then Cristiano and I were sat behind them in the boot of the 7-seater- car. I fiddled with my thumbs for the first few minutes, staring out of the window while pretending not to notice Cristiano's eyes on me. I sighed, getting bored, and so went on my phone. Pilar had forbidden me from going on the internet and any social media, claiming that it would be too much for me. But Pilar didn't know didn't hurt her. Plus, I already knew about Cris and I so there was surely nothing to hurt me with? I clicked on the twitter app and noticed hundreds of notifications.

'@cr7_fanpage_7: Apparently @Tasha_Grove got shot in the shoulder! #prayfortash'
'@TashGrove_fanpage: All of your fans are thinking of you @Tasha_Grove #prayfortash'
'@EmmalovesCR7: Hopefully Tasha is out of the picture; my chance is here! :D'
'@ForevershippingTaris: Please don't let this be the end of the best couple ever! We all love you @Tasha_Grove! Hopefully you can pull through with Cris at your side! #prayfortash'
'@Ronaldosfuturewife: @Tasha_Grove has been shot?! Yes! Thank you whoever had the brains to put a bullet through her-' I stopped reading the tweet half the way through and turned off my phone, taking a deep breath as I turned to look out of the window. I bit my lip as a tear fell down my cheek and wiped it away as quickly as I could, but Cristiano must have noticed as he gently grabbed my arm, causing electricity to go pumping through my veins at his touch.

"Why are you crying?" Cristiano whispered and I shrugged my shoulders, hoping that Cristiano would leave it there as I turned my back to him. "Give me your phone." Cristiano ordered in a sharp voice that made me flinch.
"No." I whispered shakily. I didn't know why he wanted to look at my phone, but I'm sure that he had a good reason to do so.
"I didn't ask Tasha, give it." Cristiano replied, snatching my phone from my hands. I bit my lip as I watched him look at my phone intently, and I cursed for not having a password on it. I was far to shocked by what some of the people had said, to bother fighting for my phone. Cristiano's face turned hard and his jaw clenched, as I watched him warily. At that moment Iker pulled up at the restaurant and I sighed in relief, glad that I wouldn't have to be stuck in a car with him while we argued about whatever we were about to argue about. I got out of the car last and Cristiano took my hand in his, locked in a tight grip. "Iker, I just need to talk to Tash 'bout something, we'll be back in a few." Cristiano told Iker. Iker looked to be torn on what to answer Cristiano with, but after a few more seconds he reluctantly nodded.

Cristiano dragged me to the back of the restaurant where it was deserted. Cristiano held a hard look, that told me that he was pissed; it was the look that he'd give me before we had a big row and I had to mentally try and prepare myself. "What's this Tash?" Cristiano asked, showing me my phone. He had been on my history. He had been on my history and seen that I'd been on twitter. I stared at the ground, not knowing what to tell Cris. "How long have you known about us and our history?" He asked and my heart thudded louder and louder in my chest.
"I found out today, while I was on my walk." I told him, refusing to look up and meet his gaze, until he placed his index finger underneath my chin and softly raised my head so that I made eye contact with him. His eyes looked softer than before, which must be a good sign.
"Why didn't you tell me? Do you have any idea how crazy I've been going without you? I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't even breathe! You have no idea how miserable I've been without you, no damn idea!" Cristiano ranted. His voice had started out calm, but towards the end he was close to screaming them at me.

"Then why did you leave me?" I asked in a small voice, hurt playing on my words so clearly. Cristiano looked taken aback by my comment and took a step away from me.
"Tasha, I-I made a mistake when I left you, I thought that you knew that?" Cristiano asked and I nodded my head sadly.
"I just, I had time to re-think everything and I can't- I can't move on from everything that you did." I told Cris softly, flickering my eyes towards the ground again.
"So what, you were just going to pretend that you didn't remember me or Bella?" Cristiano asked, and I felt a pounding in my gut at the hurt that betrayed in Cristiano's voice.
"I was always going to remember Bella Cris. But, I just thought that it'd be easier to pretend that I didn't remember you." I replied honestly. Sure, I felt awful for saying this to Cris, but I wasn't going to lie to him to protect his feelings.
"Maybe for you." Cristiano answered sadly, before walking away and into the restaurant; leaving me standing alone outside. I sighed and walked into the restaurant, looking around and finding everyone sitting around the table in deep conversation.

I don't think that I'd ever experienced a more awkward dinner in my life. Every time I looked up at Cris he had this look on his face, that looked like he'd had his heart torn out from him. I could see the heart break all over him, and I had never felt so guilty. I was used to being hurt by other people, and so being the cause of that pain was a new feeling to me and I despised it more. To look at someone and know that you've caused someone so much pain, that you've hurt someone so much is much worse than being hurt. Once we were finished, Pilar and Sergio insisted that the meal was on them, and so they paid and we all left shortly after.

On the way back Cristiano had asked to swap seats with Pilar and sit next to Sergio and so Pilar joined me in the back. "What's up with him?" She whispered and I shrugged, not knowing if I should tell her the truth or not. Pilar's been one of my best friends over 5 years, but if I told her about how I was remembering stuff then she was sure to tell everyone. I wanted to tell her the truth and have her advice, but I knew that whatever I'd tell her she would then discuss with Sara, Iker and Sergio; and I just didn't like how they discussed my life like that. "What were you two talking about before the meal then, because ever since then he just looked really, really upset." Pilar asked me and I had to think quickly about something to tell her.
"Um, he was just asking me about my recovery and how I was doing." I told her, it was kind of true in a way. The topic of my recovery was how it started, but it wasn't quite as politely as I had put it.
"And that is...?" Pilar pushed, and I bit my lip, feeling guilty about how I was going to have to lie straight to her face.
"Nothing new." I told her and her face looked like she had realized why he was upset. She probably believed that Cristiano was upset because I hadn't remembered him.

When we got back to the house I went straight to bed, deciding to get some sleep to clear my mind. When I woke up my heart was aching from my dream about Cristiano, and the look on his face from when we were talking last night. I got changed into a pink collared shirt, black high-wasted shorts with pink vans and a brown leather bag. I added some eye make-up and pink lipstick then put on an owl necklace, a few bracelets and my sunglasses before leaving the house. I checked my bag for my car keys and smiled when I found them in their usual place in the hidden pocket. I quickly strolled to my house to pick up my car and began driving. Cristiano's face clouded my mind as I drove into the drive way and parked my car, glad that I'd remembered the address as I walked up to the door, and knocked on it twice before it opened.