The Masked Feelings

My mum gave me a warm smile as she pulled me in for a tight hug. "Tash, What are you doing here?" My mum asked surprised and I gave her a warm smile as she invited me into the house.
"You have to promise not to tell anyone." I warned my mum and she nodded in reply, leading me towards the sofa. "So, I remember pretty much everything..." I confessed bluntly and my mum's eyes blew wide open in shock.
"Everything? Like, everything everything?" She asked and I smiled weakly at her, nodding my head up and down softly.
"Yes, like Cristiano, Bella; everything." I told her and she then gave me a cautious nod of her head.
"So, what's going to happen with you and Cristiano? He came back last night looking a mess." My mum asked and I felt like someone was beating up my gut.
"I um; he knows... He knows that I remember." I told my mum, and she grinned at me widely.
"So when are you going to announce your 're-engagement'?" She inquired happily, and I looked down towards my lap where my fingers fiddled with each other.
"Um, we're not um; I told him that I didn't want to get back together with him..." I stuttered nervously, looking up to take in my mother's expression which looked as though she had seen a ghost.

"Why on earth would you chose to do that?" She asked, her face slowly turning back to it's neutral expression.
"He broke my heart twice mum. He cheated on me and I forgave him. Then he cheated on me AGAIN and ran off with the woman. I re-thought everything, and I just can't do it." I admitted, feeling a heavy lump forming in my throat. "I love him mum. I love him with every fibre of my being... But I can't move on from what he's done. He put me through hell and back twice, and I owe it to myself to not go back there surely?"
"People make mistakes honey, I know what he did was awful; but at the end of the day you love him and he loves you. I know that you're scared of him hurting you again, but holding back your love for him is going to hurt you more. Trust me, you don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what if you had given him another chance." My mum advised me softly, placing her hand over mine and rubbing it softly. A single tear trickled down my face, and I wiped it away with a soft sniff.
"Is um, is Bella here?" I asked and my mum nodded her head softly, leading me upstairs.

My mum lead me into Bella's room where she was laying in her deep slumber, in a sweaty mess. "Has she um; has she been getting nightmares?" I asked, and my mum nodded her head softly, avoiding any eye contact with me. "They're about me aren't they?" I asked and my mum simply flickered her eyes to the ground in reply, before walking out of the room to give me some privacy. My heart felt like it had been punctured. I had seen what they were like with Cristiano, and now she'd been having them about me. I walked over to Bella, with a few more tears trickling down my face as I removed her matted hair from her face and gave her forehead a kiss. Her eyes fluttered open at the contact. I watched closely as the fear in her green eyes slowly disappeared and transformed into happiness as she swung her arms open and engulfed me in a bone breaking hug.
"Mummy!!" Bella whispered into my ear and I grinned, hugging her even tighter, if that was even possible.
"I've missed you so much Bells!" I replied and pulled away to look at her and inspect every inch of her face in the dim light. Not much had changed, she just looked tired. "Are you tired?" I asked and she nodded her head sheepishly. "Ok, then how about we go to sleep together then?" I asked and Bella nodded in agreement as we both squeezed into the small bed.

I awoke to the feeling of eyes on me. I slowly opened my eyes to find Bella staring at me, and I let out a grin and gave her a hug before shuffling out of the bed. "What do you want to do today Bells?" I asked and Bella shrugged her shoulders in reply. "Wanna watch a Disney movie marathon?" I suggested and Bella's eyes widened and a huge smile came across her head. "Ok then, how about you get dressed and I'll go down stairs and I'll make you some food?" I suggested and Bella agreed. I left the room and made my way downstairs to find Cristiano at the table. "Hey." I greeted shyly and Cristiano's eyes looked up to me immediately. He was in just a sweatpants without a top, and the view of his washboard abs was very distracting.
"What are you doing here?" He asked as I walked over to the bread bin and took out two slices of bread and put them into the toaster.
"I um-" I began but Cristiano interrupted me.
"Bella?" He asked and I nodded sheepishly in reply. He nodded his head once, looking upset.

"Look, Cris I'm sorry about all of this. I know that it's mean of me to just change my mind like this-" I began but Cristiano cut me off again, looking very heated.
"Mean? It's mean? No, it's worse than mean. I fell for you so hard; and then you get stolen from me, then you get shot, then you're in a coma, then you can't remember me. This past month has been bloody hell. Hell. And then when I finally think that I've finally got you back you then decide that you don't want to be with me any more. You want to know how that feels? It feels god damn awful, I went through all this drama for you, and then you just toss me aside like it's nothing." Cris yells.
"What, and you think that this has been easy for me? You think all of this has been a walk in the park for me? Well no, it hasn't. Cristiano, we have a long history together. I've fallen for you and you have broken me without a single care in the world so don't act as if you're innocent in all of this because we both know that you're not." I replied, raising my voice.
"Mummy? Why are you and daddy yelling at each other?" Bella asked softly as she came into the kitchen in the middle of Cris and I's heated row.

"It's nothing..." I muttered, turning and beginning to butter Bella's toast for her.
"Mummy and I are going to have a Disney movie marathon! Bella told Cristiano and I could hear the smile in her voice.
"Really? Aren't you a lucky girl?!" Cristiano enthused.
"Yep, how about you watch them with us?" Bella asked as I turned around with Bella's food on the plate. I looked up to Cris cautiously who looked back at me, with his expression matching mine.
"Um, how about another time?" Cristiano asked, but Bella huffed and shook her head; of all the times for her to chose to be stubborn of course she'd chose now. "Alright then." Cristiano caved, forcing a tight smile and I internally rolled my eyes.
"Ok, how about you go and pick some movies and what order to watch them in while I have a quick word with daddy?" I asked Bella and she shrugged, taking the plate of toast in her hands and taking it with her into the living room.

"So what do you want to talk about then?" Cristiano asked, rubbing the back of his neck and I sighed, switching my weight from my left foot to my right. I had thought about what my mum had told me about love while I had been sleeping with Bella and knew that our situation needed to be fixed, if not for our sake then for Bella's.
"I know that we have a lot of history, but at the end of the day we have a child together and so we're going to have to be around each other, so we're going to have to be adult about this." I began and Cristiano's eyes finally softened from the hard glare that he had been giving me.
"Well what are your suggestions then?" Cristiano asked, crossing his arms over his still bare chest.
"Friends?" I asked and Cristiano let out a bitter, humourless laugh.
"You think that we can be friends after all of our history? Tasha, I love you from the bottom of my heart and I know that you love me back; are you seriously suggesting that we just ignore our feelings for each other and be friends? Do you seriously think that I can cope with being in the same room as you but not be able to have you?" Cristiano asked, looking at me like I had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"Well then I don't know what else we can do!" I replied and Cristiano rolled his eyes.
"Why can't we just go back to the way we were before all of this happened?" Cristiano asked and I sighed. He made it sound so easy, like it was so simple; but it wasn't.
"Because, I'm not ready to be in a relationship with you yet!" I answered, and Cristiano stepped forward, his eyes lighting up. "Why are you looking at me like-" I began, but then being cut off by Cristiano's lips crashing onto mine. Warmth spread through me, singing through my veins at the feeling of his lips on mine. My lips automatically moved in sync with him. My mind was screaming at me to stop this kiss, but my body ignored it as it continued to kiss Cris. His tongue slipped in my mouth and I moaned as his tongue rubbed against mine. After a few minutes of making out like teenagers Cristiano and I pulled apart and he gave me his arrogant smirk.
"Try telling me that you didn't feel anything in that kiss." Cristiano challenged as my heart boomed loudly in my chest.