The Masked Feelings

I took deep breaths as I sat in the passenger seat of the car. "Don't worry, it'll be fine. I'll be right beside you the entire time." Cris promised as I nodded my head while inhaling another deep breath. I then decided that it was about time that I got this over and done with as I stepped out of the car, with my ray bans protecting my eyes from the sun's harsh glare. I gripped Cris's hand tightly as we walked up to Pilar's house. I had texted the group, prior to this moment, that I had news to tell them, and Pilar suggested that I came around her house as everyone was already there. I inhaled a final deep breath before I knocked on the door. As I heard footsteps coming closer and closer my nerves kicked in and I gripped Cristiano's hand even tighter, if that was even possible. "Tasha!" Pilar greeted as she opened the door. Her smile was sincere, but faltered slightly at the sight of Cristiano and I's entwined fingers. I suddenly let go of Cris's hand out of instinct and gave Pilar a sheepish smile.
"Hey." I greeted, and Pilar opened the door wider, inviting Cristiano and I inside her large home. Cris and I walked warily into the house, and then through to the living room, where we were met with the familiar sight of our friends gathered together.

They all sent us warm smiles as they noticed us which I returned shyly, as butterfly's erupted in my stomach; but they weren't the good kind that I felt when I was around Cristiano. No; they were the kind that make you stumbled over every word and make you want to have an emotional breakdown. "So what did you want to tell us?" Sara asked, sitting beside Iker who had his arm placed casually around the spine of the sofa that was behind Sara.
"Ur, yeah there was..." I began, unsure of how to phrase the situation. It's not as if I could say 'I lied to you about my memory loss because you'd tell everyone, but basically I remember everything and I am now back together with Cristiano.' No; that would be too blunt for them... "So... you know when I spent the day out, buying Ice-cream?" I asked and the group all nodded their heads, with confused faces. "Well, I lied... I was actually going back to my house, and when I was there everything came back to me... Like everything." I explained, and everyone's faces showed a mixture of shock and happiness; apart from Pilar who I knew would take the news the worst.

"So basically you played us like fools as we did everything we could to tip toe around the subject of your past?" Pilar asked angrily, with her hands in fists at her side while Sergio rubbed her back trying to calm her down, however Pilar just glared at him and he raised his hands up in innocence.
"It wasn't like that Pilar. I wasn't playing you guys to be cruel." I defended, leaning further into Cristiano's body, finding comfort in his presence, as his arm snaked around my waist.
"What and let me guess, you're also back together with Cristiano without telling us?" Pilar fumed, and I could feel her anger radiating off of her from across the room.
"That's what I came here to do..." I reasoned quietly; my eyes flickering to my shorts as I felt so small and weak under her powerful glare.
"And you thought that we'd be ok with the fact that you'd been lying to us for a week?" Pilar raised her voice and I bit my lip, trying to hold back any bitter words that would have tumbled aimlessly out of my mouth otherwise. Pilar shook her head at me in disgust before standing up and storming out of the room. I glanced over at Cristiano warily before following her and finding her in her bedroom, sat at the end of her bed.
"I know that you're mad, but I just thought that you deserved to know the truth." I told her quietly, hesitantly raising my eyes to meet hers and her stone gaze.
"Then why didn't you tell us all the truth from the start?" Pilar asked, her voice still betraying her anger.

"Because, I didn't like how whatever I told you, you would then discuss with everyone else behind my back! All of you guys would have big discussions about everything going on in my life, and I didn't like that. I didn't like how you were trying to control my own life." I replied, my voice starting to raise, but then it dropped as I added, "I guess that I just didn't trust you enough to be honest with you." Pilar's eyes widened and her mouth formed an 'o' as she stared at me blankly.
"You didn't trust me?" She whispered, her anger rolling off of her and being replaced by hurt? I felt a pinch of guilt in my gut and I took it as a cue to sit down next to her.
"I had been through a lot Pilar. I needed to vent to someone about my feelings, but when I realized that you'd then tell everyone else in the group-" Began before being cut off by Pilar.
"But it's not like I did that to hurt you on purpose." Pilar interrupted and I raised my index finger to her.
"Let me finish; but like I was saying, when I realized that you'd then tell everyone in the group I couldn't tell you because you'd be obliged to tell everyone else and I just didn't want that.

"I get that, but it just hurts that you couldn't tell me." Pilar explained in a soft and vulnerable voice.
"I know it does, and I promise you that I didn't mean to hurt you, I just didn't want to be the gossip of the group." I replied, giving Pilar a soft smile which she returned. "So are we ok?" I asked, and Pilar nodded her head, a small smile tugging at her lips as relief flooded me. She opened up her arms and embraced me in a warm, familiar hug.
"So you're back?" Pilar checked, and I nodded happily while grinning.
"I'm back." I murmured, giving her a tight squeeze before letting go so that we could both breathe.
"We should probably go downstairs." Pilar suggested and I nodded, getting up from the bed, and then turning to look at Pilar who had a look on her face that showed that she was deep in thought.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked and Pilar looked up at me, shaking her head and ridding her thoughts as she began walking towards the stairs with me.
"I really am sorry about my reaction to the news." Pilar apologized but I could tell that there was more by the way her eyes looked everywhere while she spoke.
"It's alright, I should have told you sooner." I responded, deciding not to push her further; she'll tell me if she really needs to... Right?

When we made it back to the rest of the group Cristiano had a very concerned expression which everyone else wore. "You guys alright?" I asked carefully, as I went to take back my spot by Cristiano. Cristiano automatically wrapped his arms around me protectively and kissed my head.
"Yeah, we should probably get going." Cristiano responded, and I knew that he was lying through the tone in his voice and the way that he changed the subject. I felt so left in the dark about whatever the issue was, but knew that I would just force Cristiano to spill the news to me when we got back home.
"Yeah, it was nice seeing you again; and it's good to know that you have got your memory back." Sergio said politely with the tension hanging in the air. I gave him a small smile before Cristiano and I made our way to the door, being closely followed by everyone else.
"Well, it was nice seeing you guys again." I said, Cristiano and I giving everyone hugs. I gave them a smile and wave before Cristiano led me towards his car.

The journey back home was filled with small talk, both of us walking on egg shells. Cristiano let out an audible sigh when he finally pulled into the drive way. I stared at him expectantly while he gave me a blank stare. "What?" He asked, his eyebrows rising as he attempted to play dumb.
"Spill." I instructed and Cristiano sighed, rubbing the nape of his neck; just like he always does when he gets nervous. In Cristiano and I's entire relationship he has always had nerves of steel, and so seeing him on edge like he was made me feel slightly anxious about what it was that he was hiding. He wasn't cheating on me again; was he?
“It’s not like that.” Cristiano began reassuringly, clearly spotting the worry in my eyes. “But you’re not going to like it…” Cristiano trailed off, eying me warily. I nodded my head reluctantly. I didn’t know if I really wanted to know what was going on, but I was about to find out. “Now that everyone knows that you’ve got your memory back… The police are going to have to take you in for a trial.” Cristiano explained and my heart dropped. What trial? Had I done something wrong?
“W-What trial?” I pushed in an urgent tone.
“Not like that; it’ll be Harry’s trial.” Cristiano answered as my eyes blew wide open and I leaned my head back against the passenger seat’s head rest. I was going to have to be in the same room as him. The man who had used me, and abducted me while torturing me with words. Him. Harry.