The War at Home

He slipped his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans, brushing past several bills until he found the worn paper. Holding it carefully with the tip of his fingers, he peeled the edges open. Surprisingly, the crinkled and discolored paper was still holding up under constant viewing. It didn’t matter that the ink on the page was smudged in places and often unreadable he’d already memorized each and every word. Still just holding the paper peering at where the ink had been brought him the same comfort it had done while he was in Afghanistan.
Sitting on the edge of his couch, surrounded by luggage he took a moment to remember the story. Even though the memory belonged to someone else the words on the page were relatable and made him feel as if he had experienced the heartbreak and compassion. This story of loss, had become his strength over the past few months, pushing him to move along when he felt he no longer could. Selfishly, he read it as a love letter to himself, sent by someone who understood him better than he would ever understand himself.
Just before he had left for war in September Harry had stumbled upon her article. A mere accident that an American paper had wound up at his door early that morning. Rarely, did he ever find himself reading the newspaper or reading at all. He had a publicist to filter the news he needed to known, and Harry could not remember how long it had been since one had arrived on his doorstep. Curiosity is what made him flip through the pages until he found it, though he wasn’t looking for anything in particular at the time. It was her picture that had stopped him from turning further. She was standing next to a young man in a grey-colored uniform, a half-smile formed on her lips. Even in the black and white photo, Harry could see the tears welled up in her eyes and her face held the puffiness that often came with crying. She was beautiful, but so sad. It was that picture that intrigued him enough to read the article underneath.
Amelia Saracen had written the small, poetic article of loss and moving on for her personal blog. What started as a small article, intended for herself, somehow became an internet sensation. Eventually the article spread to the local New Jersey newspapers and not long after, the national newspapers. She wrote about a side of the war that had been taboo to speak of. Instead of writing the soldier as a hero, she showed him as a boy who’d seen too much, too soon.
Her story began, not with her twin brother leaving for war but his return home. While she and her parents felt lucky to have him home, he could not feel lucky. He’d lost too many friends, partners and he wondered why he got to live when they didn’t. She spoke of the depression and anxiety her brother lived with day after day once he returned. There were things he couldn’t un-see and un-do no matter how many therapists they brought him too. Amelia had not realized it then, but there were many man much like her brother who came home lost. Those were not the stories that made the headlines, or sold magazines. However, it was the type of story that motivated Harry during his tour. With the small article folded in his pocket he knew he could over come whatever he faced. Harry sympathized and identified with the author’s brother, James, but he couldn’t allow himself to have the same fate.
Harry could not summarize the article well enough to do it justice, nor could he share it with anyone else. It felt like a secret that was only meant for himself. That’s why when he returned home, he waited until he was alone to read it. After re-folding the paper and slipping it into the pocket of his backpack, he was ready to head out for his US tour. He had thought about looking for her once he landed in New Jersey, but he feared that meeting her would break the illusion he had built. Harry wasn’t sure he was ready to let that go just yet.