There's so much pain, you know?

The alarm clock woke me up, I opened my eyes really slowl. It was always hard for me the wake up, leaving my bed meant that I needed to face my mother, go to school and spend a horrible day with all the annoying people. I went to the bathroom and took a shower. I took a look of myself on the mirror and I see nothing that I like, I look older for my age I could see sadness and fatigue on my eyes.
I got dressed and walked out of my bedroom, I was looking at my cellphone when I hit someone. I look up to see a strange man.

"And you are?"
"I am a friend of Hannah" He said.
"Okay" I said as I continued walking.
"And you are?" He said following me.
"It doesn't matter"
"Come on, tell me your name"
"I don't have to tell you my name, and could you please get dress? You might hear something call respect.... You're not in your house""
"Actually I'm not naked, just shirtless" He laughed.
"Here you have" I said picking up a shirt of the couch that I guess it was from him.
"If you don't tell me your name I'll be on the need to find it out"
"Good luck with that" I said preparing my backpack.
"You're going to school? Or work?"

"Good morning handsome! I just made a delicious breakfast for you" My mom said with two plates full of food.
"And what about us?" I asked.
"In a moment" she said with a fake smile.
"This look delicious!" The tall guy said.
"I need to talk with you Callie, come to the kitchen... I'll be back soon babe" she said kissing the guy.

I walked with my mom to the kitchen, a big fight was going to start I could feel it.

"Why you always want to ruin my life?"
"Why you say that?!!!?"
"Don't shout... You're making me look like an irresponsible mother! You have the perfect time to make your own breakfast"
"No mom, I don't have time!"
"Oh my god! If you don't take breakfast one day it won't affect you!"
"Forget it mom, you're right... As always" I said sarcastically.
"So now you're the victim?" She laughed.
"Sorry... I should go now. Take care of your new kid"
"What are you trying to say?"
"What I see"
"I can be with any guy I want"
"You're older than him!"
"So what? Just a few years... And I don't have to give you any explanations!" She said pushing me away.

I took an apple and cookies and walked out of the kitchen, my mom was taking breakfast with the tattoos guy.

My sister was waiting on the front door.

"Your breakfast" I smiled as I showed her the apple and cookies.

"My favorite" She smiled.

As every day I needed to walk her to school and after that I needed to go to my classes.

I needed to do that for a few more weeks, after finishing school I could be able to leave, get a proper work, studying a career and in some years be able to take care of my sister.

Thinking on that always brought me happiness but at the same time some desperation, being surrounded by people I hate was really hard.
My grades were perfect, but everyone categorized me as antisocial, depressed and nerd.

I stood infront of my classroom and before I entered I looked up to the sky, it was grey, about to rain... For me that kind of weather meant that the day was going to bring a few bad things. Maybe I should don't enter to classes, as my mother said If I don't do anything for a day It won't affect me.

I finally decided to go to my classes and make a big effort to concentrate.

"You'll be making a big project this time, I want you to get a partner now, please" the teacher said.

I look around, everyone started to reunite with his friends.
I stood up and got involved on that awkward dance of couples.

"I guess we are the only ones left" Roger smiled.
"Yes, we'll be the best team" I smiled back.
"I'll find all the information and we can make a presentation.."
"I don't want to make something simple, we can make interviews and bring testimony to make something really special"
"You have great ideas..."

On every project I always give my best, I continue my studies because I have a scholarship and this projects were a big part of my grades.
Apparently this time we needed to talk about adoption.

As soon as the classes finished I went to my favorite place, an old big house with a beautiful garden. That place is always open, not a lot of people know that spot, so it's a good place to relax. It's like a beautiful secret.

I took a seat down the big tree on a corner and started to draw, apart of the video diaries I express myself drawing. Those are the escapes I know to forget about all my probles.

I looked around and saw a girl entering to the garden, she took a seat a few meters away from me, i could notice that she was crying, she wiped her tears with anger and quickly started to look inside his backpack, she took out a small box, I couldn't see what was inside but when I saw what she was doing I could quickly imagine that was a razor.

I quickly turn back to my sketches.

Somehow my eyes went to my left wrist, I touched it really gently and thought of the pain going away, maybe if I do it to... I came back to reality when my cellphone began to ring, time passed really fast and it was time to pick up my sister.

She already was waiting for me.

"Sorry, I needed to talk with Roger about a project we need to do"
"He loves you!"
"That's not true... We're just good friends"
"He don't think that. Apart of that my mother thinks he is perfect for you"
"Don't say stupid things! Let's go home" I said pushing her gently.

Her school wasn't far away, soon we arrived home.

"Hi mom!" Crystal said as she walked inside.
"Hello baby girl! Please go to your room and change your clothes, food is ready" my mom said to her.

My mom was on the couch watching TV, I took a seat next to my her.

"Mom, I might go out today. I need to work on a project"
"Do you need money"
"No"
"Great, because I don't have money for you. You know you can do whatever you want out of the house, just don't bother me"

I sighted and stood up, decided to get lock into my bedroom when de door bell sounded.

"It must be Austin!" She said turning the TV off.
"What are you waiting for!? Open the door!" She yelled to me and left the room.

I walked to the entrance and open the door without looking at him, he entered and closed the door. I continued not looking at him.

"My mom might be looking for his purse" I finally said.
"Thanks Callie"
"Sure, take a sit if you want to"
"By the way, I am Austin Carlile"
"Okay"
"I'm musician"
"Magnificent"
"I just thought you would want to know, I don't like to be an strange on your house"
"Well actually I don't care" I said walking out of the room.
"Wait!" He said holding my arm.

I turned back and looked at his hand, he noticed that and remove his hand.

"Don't touch me never again" I said with a decided tone of voice.
"Sorry, I bring you some tickets for my concert, I thought you'll like to bring your friends. It would be fun"
"Thanks" I said taking the tickets.
"Austin!" My mom said to him as she gave her kisses all over his face.
"Hello you!" He smiled.

She took his hand and pulled him to the door.

"I'll see you there!" He said looking at me.

For some reason my mother looked at me with anger, her look really made me feel chills.

I went to bedroom and texted Roger to cancel our date for the project, I wasn't going to leave my sister by herself on the house.

Soon the rest of the day passed. Finally the night arrived and that meant that I survived another Monday, it was time for my video diary. I took my cellphone and started to record.

'So... As always my mom showed to me that I'm not important... Now I think that I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference...'

"Again on the cellphone! Always wasting your time" My mom said as she entered to my bedroom.
"What do you want?" I said really tired of all the fight during the day.
"I just want you to know that you can't be around Austin"
"What?"
"You won't talk to him or even see him!"
"But he was the one that talked with me!" I laughed.
She pulled my hair to the back "I don't believe in you... I know how easy you are"

Crystal entered to the bedroom and kept looking at us.

"Why you say that!'" I started to cry, not only for her accusations also because she was hurting me.
"I won't lose him because of you! That happened with your sister's father and with Austin won't happen" She said giving me one last pull before releasin my hair.
"That's not true! And please don't say that in front of her! Those are lies!"
"Crystal... MY DAUGHTER has 12 years old she is older enough to know the true!"
"Crystal please go to your bedroom" I manage to say.
"You want to know why your father left us? It was because of Calista!"
"Why you don't trust me?! He was the one that tried to rape me!" I yelled using my last reserve of energy.
"No! It was you! You fucking slut!" She said pushing me over the wall.

I couldn't move anymore, my body felt really weak. All I wanted to do was stay on the floor and keep crying, the pain was stronger than me.

"Sorry for saying the truth like this... Now that I realize, your sister is always destroying our life... She is always jealous of our happiness" My mom said to Crystal befor leaving the bedroom.
"You're bleeding" my sister said as she sat on the floor next to me.

I couldn't answer, I couldn't stop crying.

"Ignore her, I know she is lying. I trust in you" she whispered before cleaning the blood on my face.

I smiled to her. 'Always fake a smile' I remembered to myself.