Washed out Rock Song

Chapter Nine.

The past week and a half I spent most of my time replaying the events of Monday night over and over in my head. I couldn’t believe I had kissed him. In that moment, I had only done it to get him to stop asking so many questions. I thought that maybe he would make him shut up and I could get this show on the road, for Kira’s sake. Maybe I would realize how crazy I was for having this stupid crush. But the opposite happened. I couldn’t get John out of my head now. I tried, but I couldn’t. I thought about the way his hair was always messy but in a cute I-just-woke-up sort of way. I thought about how he smelled like off brand laundry detergent. I thought about his eyes, those damn eyes, and how when he spoke his voice had a slight raspiness that stopped being noticeable the more you listened to him speak. I thought about how incredibly stupid I was for thinking about him so much. It seemed as if I went from thinking he was repulsive to thinking he was amazing overnight. He had taken over my life and it terrified me. I felt like a sappy character that came straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel.

I couldn’t even tell Kira that any of this was happening. I could just imagine the look of disappointment on her face if I told her I didn’t completely hate him anymore, that he makes me feel a way I don’t necessarily want to be feeling. She would tell me I was being ridiculous, she would remind me over and over again what he did to her. She would make me feel guilty. I couldn’t deal with any of that., so I went on acting like everything was fine.

I hadn’t seen him since the day we had kissed and I was getting anxious. I looked for him in the hall, at lunch, I never saw him. But I didn’t want to seem desperate. I didn’t go out of my way to see him. I didn’t wait for his truck in the morning, I didn’t search for him in the back of the school after class. I was playing the waiting game, and it was freaking me out. I was nervous. Maybe he had figured out I wasn’t what he wanted after all.

I laid in bed staring up at the ceiling. I was having a hard time sleeping lately, there was so much on my mind. I looked at the time on my phone and dropped it back onto my bed. 2 AM. Another long night.

I felt my phone vibrate next to me and I picked it up. It was John. I felt my stomach knot up and I hated myself for it. I hated that I was excited to hear his voice.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Did I wake you?”

“No,” I whispered. “I was up.”

“I need to see you,” he said.

I smiled to myself. “Right now?”

“Yeah,” he said, eagerly.

I thought back to the conversation with Kira about the night they had slept together. He didn’t call for a week until he finally called her one night asking her to sneak out to see him. I felt my heart drop. The scenario that was playing out in front of me is exactly what had happened to Kira. For some reason I thought that I might be different, that I wasn’t just this random hookup to him. I felt like an idiot.

“I can’t,” I told him.

“Leah,” he said, “Please.” There was so much desperation in his voice. “I’m at my mom’s restaurant and I just,” he paused. “I need to see you,” he begged, “Please."

There was something about his tone. He didn’t seem like himself, it seemed like something was wrong.

“Okay,” I gave in. “I’ll be there in ten minutes."

I hung up the phone and pulled on a pair of denim shorts that were laying on my floor. I grabbed a red zip up hoodie from my closet and shoved my feet into my boots before grabbing my car keys off of my dresser.

Sneaking out was easy. My parents were heavy sleepers and their bedroom was at the back of the house. Still, I made sure I was quiet as I walked down the stairs and slipped out the front door. I made my way to the car and quickly drove off down the street. I wondered if I was stupid for going to see him, but if this was just a ploy to get me to sleep with him, it wasn’t going to work.

I pulled into the Jenny’s parking lot and parked a few spots over from his truck. I watched him climb out of the drivers side. I shut my car off and got out.

“Hey,” I said, walking up to him.

He didn’t say anything. He just pulled me into him and held me. I clung onto the back of his jacket and watched our shadow standing together underneath the street light a few feet away. Any doubt I had about sneaking out to see him was gone. Having him hold me just felt right, it felt comfortable. I couldn’t help but think about that kiss we had. And even worse, I wanted it to happen again.

He loosened his arms and brought them down to my waist, pulling his body away and looking down at me. “Thank you,” he said, “For meeting me here.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked. His tone hadn’t changed since I got off the phone with him.

“I just.” He dropped his arms from my waist and leaned up against the side of his truck. He crossed his arms. He looked down at his shoes and kicked some gravel around. “I didn’t have the greatest day.”

“John.” I took a step towards him and put a hand on his arm. “What happened?”

“I can’t really explain it,” he said. He dropped his arms and put them back on my waist. “I just needed to see you before I did something stupid.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, “Nothing.”

“John.” I put my hands on his face and looked up at him. Even in the dark his green eyes seemed so bright. “Tell me what’s going on,” I begged.

He shook his head. “I can’t,” he said, “Not right now.”

I dropped my hands and backed up a little. I was disappointed. He called me out here at 2 in the morning and he couldn’t even tell me what was going on.

He noticed my distance instantly. “Hey, Leah.” He reached his hands into the pockets on my sweatshirt and pulled me back. “I’m sorry.” He reached up and pushed away a section of my hair that had fallen in front of my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I want to tell you, I just can’t. Not right now.”

“What do you mean, not right now?” I said, I was frustrated.

“I mean, I’m not ready to tell you,” he said. “Just give me time. Please.”

My mind was all over the place. I didn’t know what was going on. Was he sick or something? Was he in trouble somehow? Was the guilt of sleeping with my sister eating at him? I didn’t know what to think at this point.

“Leah, do you trust me?” He looked at me, his eyes digging into mine.

I wanted to trust him, but I didn’t think I could. Every second I was with him he was keeping the fact that he had sex with my sister from me. Who knows what else he was lying about? But I wanted to trust him. The sincerity in his eyes was hypnotizing, and I wanted to think he was this perfect human being.

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “I trust you.”

John rested his hand on my cheek and leaned down, pressing his lips onto mine. I felt myself melting in his arms. This right here, kissing him, is what I couldn’t stop thinking about for the past week, and now I was reminded why. My heart was beating fast, my stomach was in knots. I couldn’t stop this feeling from completely taking over me.

He stopped kissing me but rested his forehead on mine. He smiled his crooked smile at me. “You know,” he said, “I feel so much better now that you’re here."