Washed out Rock Song

“Kira,” I said, as I drove down the road. Kira’s friend usually picked her up in the morning, but today she needed to tag along with me. “Do you think I’m… Pretty?” It felt so stupid asking her this. She was the pretty one.

“Uh, hell yeah. Literally every single one of my friends wants to do you. I mean, the guys at least. But don’t count any of the girls out quite yet either.” She laughed. “I really don’t understand why you don’t flaunt what you’ve got. I mean, those T-shirts you wear are disgusting.”

I didn’t say anything else. I spent so much time not paying attention to anyone else, so it shouldn’t matter if other people were paying attention to me or not. But somehow it still bothered me. John said to wait a few days and it would stop, but what if it didn’t? What if I was stuck with this the rest of this year, or at least the rest of the time I spent with him. The thought of this stressed me out and I was not looking forward to school today. I had been dreading this all weekend and now that it was here I felt like puking. I thought about just dropping Kira off and leaving, but that just meant I would have to deal with it tomorrow.

I pulled into the school parking lot and Kira got out right away, leaving me behind as she strolled up to a group of junior girls standing in front of the entrance. I took a deep breath, grabbed my backpack from the back seat, and got out.

“I’ve been waiting for you to get here,” John said, walking up to me. His backpack was slung over one shoulder.

“Hey John,” a kid called from about twenty feet over. “When you’re done can I hit it next?” Him and his friend started laughing.

“Just ignore it,” John said. “Those guys are jerks.”

I groaned. Within the first minute of getting out of my car, I already had a rude comment thrown my way.

John put his hand on my arm to comfort me but I shrugged it off.

“Look, I just,” I fumbled over my words, not sure what to say. I didn’t want to tell him to give me space but I didn’t want to be around him either. At least not with all of these people watching us. “I don’t know how to deal with all of this.” I rubbed my face with my hand and leaned up against my car.

“Tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it,” John said. “If you want to walk in there holding hands, I’ll hold your hand. If you want me to get in my truck and drive away, I’ll do that too. But if I’m being honest, nothing is going to change. People are still going to talk no matter what.”

“Can I ask you something?” I said. He nodded. “What is this? You and me, what exactly is going on here?”

He smiled. “I don’t know.”

“It’s just,” I sighed. “I know you’re not the girlfriend type.”

He nodded. “And I know you’re not the boyfriend type.” He grabbed my hand and let our linked arms dangle in front of us. “But I’m willing to try something new if you are.”

I didn’t say anything. I dropped his hand and used both of my free hands to readjust my backpack on my shoulders. I was surprised to say the least. Just like that he admitted to wanting to be in a monogamous relationship with me. It scared me. It meant this was really happening. He really did like me, at least slightly more than any other girl he’s tried to get with. In all of the time that I’ve known John, he has never had a girlfriend. Now he wanted me to be that for him? If this didn’t prove that I was different than Kira or any other girl he had set his eyes on, nothing did.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer now,” he said, “Let’s just take all of this one step at a time. Starting with going inside.”

He held out his hand and I reluctantly accepted. We walked across the parking lot towards the main entrance, already getting glances from passerby’s. Once we entered the school, I felt the hallways getting tighter and tighter around me as heads darted in my direction, watching us weave in and out of people.

John walked me to my first class and squeezed my hand tightly before leaving me to fend for my own. I was stuck with another long day ahead of me.

If I thought things couldn’t get any worse last week, well I was way off. Not only was today accompanied by the same chatter and staring, but now people were actually coming up to me. I had girls asking me what was going on between John and I. I had guys asking me on movie dates. This was my worst nightmare. I spent so long making sure that these people didn’t talk to me and now I was surrounded by people that wouldn’t leave me alone.

When last period rolled around I wasn’t surprised when Pat turned around in his desk towards me again. “Hey,” he said. “I think it’s cool you and John have been spending so much time together.”

“You do?” I replied, annoyed that another person wouldn’t leave me alone.

“Yeah, I mean, he’s been in a really great mood lately and it’s no secret why. He can’t stop talking about you.” He flipped a long strand of hair out of his face. “I know that I don’t know you very well, but you seem to be good for him.”

“Um, thanks, I guess” I said.

He smiled. “Just don’t tell him I said that.”

I caught myself smiling back at him and realized this was the first time today anybody was trying to have a genuine conversation with me, even if it was still about John.

“And hey, I’m sorry about the bets,” he laughed. “When he first told us he was taking you out, it just surprised us.”

“Why?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I mean, you’re kind of his dream girl. He’s had a crush on you forever.”

I felt myself blush, “Really?”

Pat nodded. “Yeah, don’t tell him I told you that either.”

The final bell rang and I collected my things and stood up.

“I’m going to meet up with him now, if you want to walk with me?”

I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, actually.”

I was surprised at myself for being so open to other human interaction. I actually tried not to have friends. People annoyed me. But Pat was so likable. The tone in his voice made it feel like you’ve known him your whole life. It felt comfortable.

I wondered if this whole time I was just an idiot for not making friends, for purposely pushing people out of my life. I liked to be alone, but maybe having friends like Pat wouldn’t be so bad every now and then.

We walked through the hallway next to each other, talking about Spanish and what we were doing for Halloween on Friday. We exited the school and I realized that while we were talking I didn’t even notice anybody else watching me. We walked around to the back where John’s friends met up regularly.

John was surprised to see me walking next to Pat and grabbed my hand as soon as I was close enough.

“Uh, do you want us to fuck off again?” Garrett asked.

I put my face in my hand, embarrassed, and looked back up again. “No,” I laughed. “I’m sorry about that.” The rest of them laughed and said they didn’t care.

“What’s going on?” John asked me, wondering why I met up with him and probably curious about how I started talking to Pat too.

I shrugged. “Nothing. I just wanted to see my… Boyfriend.”

John grinned. “Yeah?”

I nodded and felt myself smile back. “Yeah."

John pulled me into a hug bouncing back and forth on his feet. I laughed into his plain white T-shirt until he stopped.

“What made you decide that?” He questioned.

“Someone may have told me that I was your dream girl and well, I guess I felt bad for you,” I said sarcastically.

“Hey, thanks for selling me out, Leah,” Pat joked.

Everyone laughed and launched into conversation about work shifts and Halloween parties. In that moment I thought that this might be okay. I could do this. Kira would forgive me. This could be my life. With John’s arm around me, standing in a circle of people who could possibly become my friends, this could be the start of something I wanted.