Washed out Rock Song

The next few months went by slowly. The attention from people at school eventually came to a stop and John and I together was the new normal. Things were good.

John’s friends had become my friends and I found myself not wanting to lose it all. For the first time I allowed myself to create relationships with people outside of my family. I had real friends and a real boyfriend. At least that’s what it felt like.

Since the Halloween party, Kira was hanging out with Kennedy a lot. It distracted her from my relationship and I was glad for that. It was almost as if she forget about the plan we had originated… until she didn’t.

“So,” Kira said, leaning against my door frame. “Has he told you he loves you yet?”

I looked up from my phone and rolled my eyes. “No, he hasn’t.”

She sighed. “You really need to get this going. It’s been months now.”

I shrugged. “Maybe we should just drop it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean, we don’t have to go through with this,” I said. “I mean, you have Kennedy now, right? What’s the point?”

“Leah, this was your idea, remember?” She said, “Once it’s over you can go back to your normal life again. I thought that’s what you wanted.”

I didn’t want to go back to my ‘normal’ life, I couldn’t tell Kira that though. I didn’t say anything as she walked out of the room. If I wanted to keep my life the way it was now, I would need to figure something else out, without pissing Kira off.

Like Kira though, I did wonder if he loved me. I didn’t quite understand why he had kept me around if he just “liked” me, like he had said so many times.

I picked up my phone and dialed his number.

“Hey,” he answered.

“Hey, do you want to do something?”

“Yeah,” he said through the phone speaker, “Just come over.”

I hung up and shoved my phone in my pocket. I slipped my boots on and left my room, heading downstairs and outside to my car. I got in and made my way to John’s house. By now this was a familiar drive.

I pulled in the driveway and I saw John open the front door, waiting for me. I walked up to the door. I could feel myself start to smile as I approached him.

“Hi,” John smiled and leaned down to kiss me.

I followed him into his house and flopped down on his bed.

John sat in a chair next to his guitar. “So what’s going on?” He asked me.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I can tell that something is on your mind,” he laughed. “Now what’s going on?”

John stood up and sat next to me, looking down at my head on his pillow.

I sighed. “I don’t know.” I couldn’t just come out and tell him what was bothering me. That I was supposed to hurt him because of what he did to Kira, but that a huge part of me didn’t want to. That I needed to know if his feelings for me were more than what he was saying. “What’s going on here?” I asked, “With you and me, I mean.”

He shrugged. “I thought this was going good?”

“No, it is,” I shook my head, aware that he was getting the wrong idea out of the conversation. “This is great.” I took his hand that was laying on the bed next to mine. “I just want to make sure this is still great for you too? Maybe even more than great?”

He laughed. “Of course Leah, things are perfect. I like you more than you know.” He leaned over and kissed me.

I was fishing for something more than that. He had told me he liked me so many times, was it possible that it could be more than just that? Could he love me?

I was scared. I was scared that he might have loved me. I was also scared that maybe he couldn’t ever love me at all. And I was even more scared that maybe I loved him.