Washed out Rock Song

“Good morning,” John said as I opened my eyes and faced him.

“Morning,” I smiled and rubbed my eyes. “How long have you been awake?”

He shrugged. “Not long.” He sat up and pulled his T-shirt on. “But I do have to get to work.”

I sat up in bed and watched him gather the rest of his stuff.

“I have a question before I go though.” He sat on the side of the bed, next to me. “Will you go to prom with me?”

I laughed. “You’re joking right? Prom?”

He laughed back, and I was automatically glad he didn’t take offense to that. He knew me well enough by now though, and Prom wasn’t on my list of things to do. “Yeah, I know it’s not really your thing, but all of the guys are going and Kennedy asked Kira-”

“He did?” I asked. I didn’t even know that.

“Yeah, it might be fun.” John looked at me hopeful. He was always up for a party and prom is like one big party, the thought of him wanting to go next weekend hadn’t even crossed my mind but it should have.

I sighed. A year ago if someone said I was going to be at my senior prom, I would have laughed at them. “Okay, let’s go to prom.”

He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. “I’ll see you later.”

I listened as John’s keys jingled down the stairs until he opened the door and I couldn’t hear them anymore.

“Did he stay the night?” Kira asked, walking into my room.

I didn’t say anything. Instead I decided to change the subject. “Did Kennedy ask you to prom?"

A huge smile spread across Kira’s face. “He asked me last night.”

I smiled. “Are you guys together? Or are you still just ‘hanging out’?” I laughed.

“Um, he’s my boyfriend, I think.”

Kira was happy. She would want me to be happy too, right? And I was happy.

“I’m going to prom too,” I said.

“What?” She asked surprised, “You hate that stuff.”

I nodded, “I know, but John wants to go and you’ll be with us now. It might be fun.”

“So wait, you’re going because John wants to go?”

I shrugged.

“Okay,” Kira said, “I know that I’ve kind of been in my own little world lately, but what is going on? Since when do you do things just because somebody else wants to? Especially somebody like John?”

“Kira,” I started, “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Do what?” She asked. “Date him? That’s great, so just finish it all then and get it over with. Then you don’t have to go to prom at all.”

“That’s not what I mean Kira.”

It was silent for a minute as she looked at me confused. I didn’t know exactly how to tell her I was in love with him. I didn’t want to upset her.

“Oh my God,” Kira said, “You like him.”

I didn’t say anything. I just kept my eyes on her face, trying to figure out what was coming next.

“Leah, this is exactly what you promised wouldn’t happen,” she said. “He’s an asshole.”

“You don’t get it, Kira. You don’t know what he’s really like,” I said, defending him.

“I know that he’s a jerk who has slept with basically the entire school. What else is there to know?”

I wanted to tell her that she was wrong. That he did that stuff because he was depressed. That she didn’t know anything about him. That he was sweet and hurt and just wanted someone to love him. I wanted to tell her that I loved him. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell her this stuff.

“Kira, you have Kennedy now, can’t we just move on.”

Kira shook her head. “Leah, don’t you get it? John’s not who you think he is.” She sighed. “He’s still lying to you, isn’t he? Has he told you that he’s slept with your sister?”

I shook my head and shrugged. “He told me he loves me.”

“Leah, he doesn’t love you. He might think he does, but he doesn’t. If he loved you, if he really actually loved you, he would tell you the truth,” she shook her head. “I knew this would happen. This is exactly what I warned you would happen."

I didn’t want to admit that Kira was right. I kept going through excuses for John in my head. He didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want to upset me. He didn’t tell me because he forgot. I don’t know. Anything to try to make him seem innocent. But the fact is he wasn’t, and neither was I. We were both lying to each other, was that really the sign of a good relationship?

“Look,” Kira said, “This isn’t about me anymore. He hurt me and I’m over it. But I’m not going to let him hurt you now.”

“Okay,” I sighed, giving her a half smile. Maybe she was right, maybe he would hurt me. He was still lying to me, how could I pretend like that didn’t matter?

“So, this is still on?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said, “This is still on.”

“He told you he loves you now, so just end it before you get in too deep,” Kira said.

Too late.