Washed out Rock Song
Chapter Twenty-one.
I looked down at my black combat boots. The fake leather at the top was peeling off in flakes. I dropped my half used cigarette on the ground next to them and stomped it out. I stood there for a minute, looking at the pile of accumulating cigarette butts at my feet. The pile wasn't nearly as large as it would usually be by now. John hated that I smoked, so a lot of my smoke break mornings were skipped.
I took a deep breath and adjusted my back pack on my shoulders before making my way around the school. People were filing in the front doors and I followed. As I made my way to my locker, I realized that this day was not going to go by smoothly at all. People around me were already staring.
I opened my locker and pulled my history book out before shutting it again.
“Hey Leah.”
I turned to my right towards the person who called my name.
“So,” he said. His name was Kevin, I didn’t even know his last name. “I heard about you and John. You need a rebound?” He smirked.
I smiled and took a step towards him. “It’s Kevin, right?” I said slightly flirty.
He smiled back and nodded, for a split second he thought I would actually take him up on that offer.
“Well, Kevin,” I said, “Get the fuck away from me and don’t talk to me ever again.” I said it loud enough for anyone around to hear and I hoped that it would keep people from approaching me. I flashed him one last sarcastic smile.
Everyone around us started whispering and I thought it was because of how rude I was to Kevin, but they were all looking behind me. I turned to see John walking through the hall with a couple of girls next to him. He was laughing at something one of them said. He glanced at me as he passed and that was it. He didn’t smile, he didn’t even give me a dirty look. It was just a glance, like he could see right through me. Like I was completely nonexistent, which is probably what he wanted. And of course as soon as everyone heard we had broken up, every girl in school would be all over him again.
I tried to ignore everyone looking at me, trying to see if I’ll have some sort of reaction when I saw John. But I acted like nothing happened and went to class.
I sat in my normal seat at the back of the room and pulled out a notebook paper. As the final bell rang, people shuffled through the door and took their seats.
“Notebooks out,” Mr. Holloway said as students were still filling the seats. He shut off the light of the classroom and went to the center of the room to turn on the projector, revealing Chapter 15 Lesson 6 notes.
I glanced across the room to the corner where Kennedy sat. He was hunched over his notebook, but it didn’t look like he was taking notes. He looked up and made eye contact with me, but I looked away first. This was someone that I thought I was friends with now, and all of that was ruined. I wasn’t sure if he had talked to Kira at all. I hadn’t even talked to her at all. I knew that not everything was her fault, I was the one that lied to John, but she still didn’t have to do what she did.
When the bell rang for first period, I rushed out. John had his free period now and I knew I could catch him at his locker before he went anywhere.
I turned the corner to his row of lockers and I saw him shoving books into his backpack. I took a deep breath and approached him.
“John,” I said, getting his attention.
He paused for a minute before ignoring me and shoving a notebook into his already full bag.
“John, please hear me out.”
He stood up and shut his locker. He was about to leave when someone stopped him.
“John, right?” he asked.
“Yeah,” John replied.
“And your Leah?” He asked me. John finally turned around and looked at me.
I nodded.
“I don’t mean to bother you, my name is Chris,” he said, “I’ve been looking for you guys all morning. We really need a picture of the Prom King and Queen together for the yearbook. You both left prom before we could get one.” He held his camera up.
“Look, I don’t want a picture taken,” I said. I didn’t want to remember that night at all.
“Of course you don’t,” John said. “God forbid you do something nice for somebody.”
These were the first words he spoke to me since that night. I wasn’t surprised that he was ignoring me, and I wasn’t surprised that when he didn’t ignore me he wasn’t exactly nice. I knew I had hurt him and he had every right to take his anger out on me.
“Fine,” I said to Chris.
“Let’s just get this over with,” John said. He stepped next to me, waiting for a picture to be taken.
“Uh, can you guys get closer together? Maybe put an arm around each other.”
“No,” John said right away.
“Okay,” Chris said, confused, but he wasn’t going to argue. He was younger than us, maybe a freshman, and between both of our tense comments anybody would want to get away as soon as possible. “Smile.” He held the camera up and snapped a picture. I don’t think either of us were smiling though.
“Is that it?” John asked.
Chris nodded and John started walking in the other direction.
“John,” I called, catching up with him. “Please just talk to me,” I begged.
He stopped and turned to me. “Stop Leah,” he put his hand to his head and rubbed his temple before dropping it. “Stop calling me, stop trying to talk to me, just stop. Don’t you get it? I don’t want to talk to you.”
“But John-,”
“No, Leah. I loved you. I told you I fucking loved you.”
“Loved?” I asked quietly. “You don’t anymore?”
He shook his head. “Leave me alone, Leah.”
I watched him walk away as I tried to hold back tears.
The rest of the day went pretty much how I thought it would. People still staring. Thankfully, nobody else came up to me. When last period Spanish came around, I felt nervous. I took my seat behind Pat, but didn’t say anything. We had become pretty close over the past few months and it was weird not talking to him.
At the end of class I finally tried to say something. “Pat.” I said.
He turned halfway in his seat to look at me, “Leah, I’m sorry, but John’s my best friend. When you did is screwed up.”
“I know, I know,” I said, “But please just talk to me for two seconds.”
The final bell rang and everyone stood up except for us.
“I didn’t want to hurt him,” I said. “Pat, I love John.”
He shrugged. “If that’s true, I don’t think it matters.”
“Can you please talk to him?” I begged. “Get him to talk to me?”
Pat stood up. “I’ll talk to him, but I don’t think he’s going to want to see you.”
I took a deep breath and adjusted my back pack on my shoulders before making my way around the school. People were filing in the front doors and I followed. As I made my way to my locker, I realized that this day was not going to go by smoothly at all. People around me were already staring.
I opened my locker and pulled my history book out before shutting it again.
“Hey Leah.”
I turned to my right towards the person who called my name.
“So,” he said. His name was Kevin, I didn’t even know his last name. “I heard about you and John. You need a rebound?” He smirked.
I smiled and took a step towards him. “It’s Kevin, right?” I said slightly flirty.
He smiled back and nodded, for a split second he thought I would actually take him up on that offer.
“Well, Kevin,” I said, “Get the fuck away from me and don’t talk to me ever again.” I said it loud enough for anyone around to hear and I hoped that it would keep people from approaching me. I flashed him one last sarcastic smile.
Everyone around us started whispering and I thought it was because of how rude I was to Kevin, but they were all looking behind me. I turned to see John walking through the hall with a couple of girls next to him. He was laughing at something one of them said. He glanced at me as he passed and that was it. He didn’t smile, he didn’t even give me a dirty look. It was just a glance, like he could see right through me. Like I was completely nonexistent, which is probably what he wanted. And of course as soon as everyone heard we had broken up, every girl in school would be all over him again.
I tried to ignore everyone looking at me, trying to see if I’ll have some sort of reaction when I saw John. But I acted like nothing happened and went to class.
I sat in my normal seat at the back of the room and pulled out a notebook paper. As the final bell rang, people shuffled through the door and took their seats.
“Notebooks out,” Mr. Holloway said as students were still filling the seats. He shut off the light of the classroom and went to the center of the room to turn on the projector, revealing Chapter 15 Lesson 6 notes.
I glanced across the room to the corner where Kennedy sat. He was hunched over his notebook, but it didn’t look like he was taking notes. He looked up and made eye contact with me, but I looked away first. This was someone that I thought I was friends with now, and all of that was ruined. I wasn’t sure if he had talked to Kira at all. I hadn’t even talked to her at all. I knew that not everything was her fault, I was the one that lied to John, but she still didn’t have to do what she did.
When the bell rang for first period, I rushed out. John had his free period now and I knew I could catch him at his locker before he went anywhere.
I turned the corner to his row of lockers and I saw him shoving books into his backpack. I took a deep breath and approached him.
“John,” I said, getting his attention.
He paused for a minute before ignoring me and shoving a notebook into his already full bag.
“John, please hear me out.”
He stood up and shut his locker. He was about to leave when someone stopped him.
“John, right?” he asked.
“Yeah,” John replied.
“And your Leah?” He asked me. John finally turned around and looked at me.
I nodded.
“I don’t mean to bother you, my name is Chris,” he said, “I’ve been looking for you guys all morning. We really need a picture of the Prom King and Queen together for the yearbook. You both left prom before we could get one.” He held his camera up.
“Look, I don’t want a picture taken,” I said. I didn’t want to remember that night at all.
“Of course you don’t,” John said. “God forbid you do something nice for somebody.”
These were the first words he spoke to me since that night. I wasn’t surprised that he was ignoring me, and I wasn’t surprised that when he didn’t ignore me he wasn’t exactly nice. I knew I had hurt him and he had every right to take his anger out on me.
“Fine,” I said to Chris.
“Let’s just get this over with,” John said. He stepped next to me, waiting for a picture to be taken.
“Uh, can you guys get closer together? Maybe put an arm around each other.”
“No,” John said right away.
“Okay,” Chris said, confused, but he wasn’t going to argue. He was younger than us, maybe a freshman, and between both of our tense comments anybody would want to get away as soon as possible. “Smile.” He held the camera up and snapped a picture. I don’t think either of us were smiling though.
“Is that it?” John asked.
Chris nodded and John started walking in the other direction.
“John,” I called, catching up with him. “Please just talk to me,” I begged.
He stopped and turned to me. “Stop Leah,” he put his hand to his head and rubbed his temple before dropping it. “Stop calling me, stop trying to talk to me, just stop. Don’t you get it? I don’t want to talk to you.”
“But John-,”
“No, Leah. I loved you. I told you I fucking loved you.”
“Loved?” I asked quietly. “You don’t anymore?”
He shook his head. “Leave me alone, Leah.”
I watched him walk away as I tried to hold back tears.
The rest of the day went pretty much how I thought it would. People still staring. Thankfully, nobody else came up to me. When last period Spanish came around, I felt nervous. I took my seat behind Pat, but didn’t say anything. We had become pretty close over the past few months and it was weird not talking to him.
At the end of class I finally tried to say something. “Pat.” I said.
He turned halfway in his seat to look at me, “Leah, I’m sorry, but John’s my best friend. When you did is screwed up.”
“I know, I know,” I said, “But please just talk to me for two seconds.”
The final bell rang and everyone stood up except for us.
“I didn’t want to hurt him,” I said. “Pat, I love John.”
He shrugged. “If that’s true, I don’t think it matters.”
“Can you please talk to him?” I begged. “Get him to talk to me?”
Pat stood up. “I’ll talk to him, but I don’t think he’s going to want to see you.”