Washed out Rock Song
Chapter Twenty-four.
There was a knock on my bedroom door.
“Go away,” I yelled, not really caring whether it was my parents or Kira. I sat against my headboard with my headphones in.
My door swung open anyways.
“Leah,” Kira said, “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?” She took a few steps forward.
I sighed and looked at her, pulling the ear buds out. “A few more times would be great.”
Kira was surprised. This is probably the first full sentence I’ve said to her in a while. She gave me a half smile. “I genuinely thought I was helping you.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “It doesn’t matter. What you did doesn’t matter. This isn’t your fault.” I paused the music coming from my phone and readjusted my seated position. “I talked to him a couple of days ago. It’s more complicated than you think.”
“What’s going on?” Kira asked, sitting on the edge of my bed. “Do you think you’ll get back together?”
I shook my head. “No. That’s definitely not happening.” I pulled my knees into my chest and rested my head on top of them. “He said he can’t look at me without feeling hurt.”
“Does he hate you?” she asked.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t think so. But he doesn’t love me either.”
“Do you love him?” she asked.
I think that was the first time she asked me that question. It made me wonder. If she had asked me if I loved him earlier, would any of this have happened? I already knew the answer though. It would have still happened. Maybe not in the same way, definitely a lot less dramatic, but I would have told him everything eventually. I wouldn’t have been able to lie to him like that forever.
I looked at Kira, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to. The look on my face said everything.
“I’m so sorry, Leah.” Kira wanted to hug me but she knew I hated it so she didn’t.
I looked up at the ceiling, forcing any wetness in my eyes to disappear, and looked back at Kira. “Have you talked to Kennedy?”
She looked at her hands and shook her head. “Not really. He thinks I’m a horrible person and doesn’t want to see me anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Kira.” This kind of felt like my fault. Everything was my idea in the first place, and now she was taking the fall for it with Kennedy.
She shrugged. “It’s my own fault. I mean, I sounded like a total bitch at prom. I’m really not surprised at all.” Kira stood up. “Anyways, I have something for you.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Hang on.” Kira stood up and retreated back to her bedroom before coming back with a large envelope held close to her chest. She took her spot on the end of her bed. “Before I give this to you, you have to promise you won’t be mad.”
I gave her a confused look. “What is it?” I asked again. I dropped my knees into a pretzel style position.
She handed me the envelope. It was addressed to me. The return address said Harrington College of Design Admissions. I had never heard of this school, let alone applied. I tore open the side and pulled out a navy blue folder. I opened it up and a piece of paper slid out. I held it up.
Dear Ms. Dunn,
I am pleased to inform you of your admission to Harrington College of Design.
I looked up at Kira. “What is this?” I asked, confused. “I never applied here.” I didn’t apply anywhere aside from the local community college.
“I know,” she smiled. “I did for you. I just filled out all of the information and stole a college essay you wrote off of your computer. She grabbed the folder from me and flipped through some of the information packets. “You were thinking about graphic design, so I looked up a few art schools. I don’t think this one is anything special. Your grades aren’t really good enough for the more prestigious schools, no offense. And it’s in Chicago.”
“Chicago?”
“Yeah,” She shrugged. “I know you want to get out of Arizona. I thought this might be a good place to start.”
I did want to get out of Arizona, now more than ever. Before I had John, I was perfectly content living day to day friendless and by myself. But then all of a sudden I had a boyfriend and I had new friends, and all of a sudden they were gone again. And now not having anyone, it was just weird. John and his friends avoided me now, and I kind of avoided them too. But I had nothing here anymore. I had never thought that an out of state college was even an option, but now that it was I realized that it might be my best option. And it excited me.
“Thanks Kira."
“Go away,” I yelled, not really caring whether it was my parents or Kira. I sat against my headboard with my headphones in.
My door swung open anyways.
“Leah,” Kira said, “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?” She took a few steps forward.
I sighed and looked at her, pulling the ear buds out. “A few more times would be great.”
Kira was surprised. This is probably the first full sentence I’ve said to her in a while. She gave me a half smile. “I genuinely thought I was helping you.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “It doesn’t matter. What you did doesn’t matter. This isn’t your fault.” I paused the music coming from my phone and readjusted my seated position. “I talked to him a couple of days ago. It’s more complicated than you think.”
“What’s going on?” Kira asked, sitting on the edge of my bed. “Do you think you’ll get back together?”
I shook my head. “No. That’s definitely not happening.” I pulled my knees into my chest and rested my head on top of them. “He said he can’t look at me without feeling hurt.”
“Does he hate you?” she asked.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t think so. But he doesn’t love me either.”
“Do you love him?” she asked.
I think that was the first time she asked me that question. It made me wonder. If she had asked me if I loved him earlier, would any of this have happened? I already knew the answer though. It would have still happened. Maybe not in the same way, definitely a lot less dramatic, but I would have told him everything eventually. I wouldn’t have been able to lie to him like that forever.
I looked at Kira, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to. The look on my face said everything.
“I’m so sorry, Leah.” Kira wanted to hug me but she knew I hated it so she didn’t.
I looked up at the ceiling, forcing any wetness in my eyes to disappear, and looked back at Kira. “Have you talked to Kennedy?”
She looked at her hands and shook her head. “Not really. He thinks I’m a horrible person and doesn’t want to see me anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Kira.” This kind of felt like my fault. Everything was my idea in the first place, and now she was taking the fall for it with Kennedy.
She shrugged. “It’s my own fault. I mean, I sounded like a total bitch at prom. I’m really not surprised at all.” Kira stood up. “Anyways, I have something for you.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Hang on.” Kira stood up and retreated back to her bedroom before coming back with a large envelope held close to her chest. She took her spot on the end of her bed. “Before I give this to you, you have to promise you won’t be mad.”
I gave her a confused look. “What is it?” I asked again. I dropped my knees into a pretzel style position.
She handed me the envelope. It was addressed to me. The return address said Harrington College of Design Admissions. I had never heard of this school, let alone applied. I tore open the side and pulled out a navy blue folder. I opened it up and a piece of paper slid out. I held it up.
Dear Ms. Dunn,
I am pleased to inform you of your admission to Harrington College of Design.
I looked up at Kira. “What is this?” I asked, confused. “I never applied here.” I didn’t apply anywhere aside from the local community college.
“I know,” she smiled. “I did for you. I just filled out all of the information and stole a college essay you wrote off of your computer. She grabbed the folder from me and flipped through some of the information packets. “You were thinking about graphic design, so I looked up a few art schools. I don’t think this one is anything special. Your grades aren’t really good enough for the more prestigious schools, no offense. And it’s in Chicago.”
“Chicago?”
“Yeah,” She shrugged. “I know you want to get out of Arizona. I thought this might be a good place to start.”
I did want to get out of Arizona, now more than ever. Before I had John, I was perfectly content living day to day friendless and by myself. But then all of a sudden I had a boyfriend and I had new friends, and all of a sudden they were gone again. And now not having anyone, it was just weird. John and his friends avoided me now, and I kind of avoided them too. But I had nothing here anymore. I had never thought that an out of state college was even an option, but now that it was I realized that it might be my best option. And it excited me.
“Thanks Kira."