Five in the Morning

Two Weeks Later: December 23rd

I slowly caressed the dark blue ceramic coffee mug that was sitting on the table in front of me and stared out the large glass window at the falling snow. I could hear “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing softly in the kitchen where my mom was making her famous Christmas Eve chocolate chip cookies and I smiled to myself. I glanced down at my coffee and I could see the steam rolling out from inside the mug. I brought it up to my lips and took a small sip.

I glanced down at my phone and sighed heavily into my hands. It had been two weeks since I had heard from Travis, and each day seemed like an eternity without him. I stood up from my chair and poked my head into the kitchen where my mom was forming the cookie dough into small spheres.

My mom was one of the only people I honestly felt comfortable around. I don't know if that's because she's my mom or if it because there is this silent look of understanding that she has whenever I talk to her. I watched as she attempted to push back the wisp of gray hair that had fallen into her eyes with the back of her doughy hand.

After a few beats, she glanced over at me in the doorway and a large smile erupted onto her lips. “You're awake!”

I continued to watch her roll the dough into balls and I hopped up onto the counter across from her easily. “I don't know what to do, Mom.”

She grabbed the towel that was hanging on the stove and wiped the cookie dough off of her hands before turning to me. She leaned back against the flour covered counter and gave me that knowing look.

“Travis hasn't talked to you yet?”

I smiled at her and rolled my eyes. “Is there anything that you don't know?”

“I'm your mother, of course I know everything.” She winked at me and grabbed a hold of my hand. “Sometimes people put up walls not because they are trying to keep you out, but because they want to see if you care enough to knock them down.”

My mom smiled at me and kissed my forehead roughly. “So stop moping and break down that wall, girlfriend.”

My parents have known Travis for about as long as I have. When Travis was a senior, my dad would go to all of the basketball games to watch him play. I remember always asking if I could tag along and my dad would never say no. My parents knew the high school Travis and frankly, they weren't too fond of him.

After I had gotten home from Travis's house, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She didn't yell at me or say 'I told you so', all she did was assure me that if it was meant to be, it would happen.

I watched as she moved back to her tray of raw cookies and I slid off of the counter onto the cold tile floor. “I'm going to go for a walk, I'll be back later.”

My mom nodded her head at me and I grabbed my coat off of the leather couch. I slipped on my boots and stepped out into the bitter December afternoon. The sun was starting to set behind the trees and the light sparkled off of the freshly fallen blanket of snow. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and absent mindlessly began to walk down the street.

There hadn't been a day that he wasn't on my mind. Even when I had so much to worry about the last week of school, Travis always seemed to sneak his way back into my mind. I had told myself that I would eventually text him back and talk to him about what had happened, but I found myself never getting the courage to do it. I guess I was just too afraid to relive that night.

After walking for what felt like miles, I stopped in front of the small, familiar house and I could feel my hands start to tremble. Memories of the night I came to see him flooded my mind, and I could feel a lump start to form in my throat. I took a deep breath and stepped up onto his front porch. I rang the door bell and wrapped my arms around my middle.

After a few seconds, the door swung open halfway and a short female figure stepped into view. She stared at me for a few beats and then said, “Can I help you?”

I could feel my heart beat wildly in my chest and I watched as the girl looked me up and down. “Is Travis home?”

She didn't say anything, the only thing she did was lean her shoulder against the door frame. Her light brown hair was pulled up into a high pony tail and she wasn't wearing any make up except for the smudged black eyeliner that was under her eyes. The camouflage long sleeved shirt she was wearing looked to be one size too small and her pants clung to her thighs desperately. Whoever this girl was, she was not pleased that I was here to see Travis.

“Who's here, Lindsey?” Travis's voice came from inside the house.

Lindsey. My heart sank and it was then that I realized why Travis hadn't contacted me; he had taken her back.

The door swung open the rest of the way and Travis appeared behind Lindsey. Once his eyes landed on me, the color drained from his face. “Brittany.”

Lindsey stepped away from the door and glanced back at Travis who stood motionless behind her. “I'm going to go finish packing.”

Once she disappeared into the house, Travis stepped out into the cold and closed the door behind him.

“So that was Lindsey?” I tried to make my voice sound as normal as possible and Travis took a step closer to me.

“Yeah, but it's not what-”

“Stop, you don't have to explain anything to me.” I forced a smile and shoved my hands back into my pockets. “You should probably go help her.”

I quickly turned on my heels and made my way through the snow back onto the salted sidewalk. I didn't look back at him and it didn't come as a surprise that he didn't chase after me. The all too familiar ache appeared in my chest and I balled my hands into tight fists. With my head down against the bitter wind, I started to run.

If it's meant to be, it will be. Well I wasn't too sure of that now.