Love like Lightning

Between the two men before me, both asking me to love them, only one I could love eternally. He was the one I wanted to kill. Then, follow to when and where ever. He frustrates me while I would love some peace and easygoing time with. But, I guess I want the opposite of what I asked for. What can I say? I’m a woman. A woman in love with this aggravating man. As well as the perfect one. Perfection I obviously don’t deserve. My mind is telling me he wins, but my heart is over-ruling the verdict. I already know my heart is right. If I go with my mind I’ll lose it completely. I’ll lose my mind for losing my heart to him. So, I sigh. As much as I wish it had never happened, it did. Too late and now. I stare. I plead. I beg. I apologize. All with my eyes. I want to cry. I don’t want to say goodbye. If I could have them both I don’t see it being too bad, but that is greedy. I want one. I need him. He knows this. Cocky fucker. He knows he has won. The way he looks at me as if he knew before me. It wouldn’t be nice to say no to him just to wipe the look off his face. I don’t want to be cruel. But I am the bad girl. Should have listened to mama. She knew he was trouble. I thought it was just her nagging. She was right. He is too much trouble and yet, he wins.

**************************

“You chose him! That delinquent?!” mother yells as he pouts and cups his face on the opposite facing couch.

“Mom, you didn’t have to hit him that hard with the tin tray.” I say more aggravated about his face being harmed. I can tell she is about to pull rank on me by the way she inhales and grits her teeth.

“Do NOT forget who is the mother and who is the child. Never will that standing change little girl.” she says with royal authority. I was just gonna let her cool off and ignore her for the most part until, “...and you! Get out! You are not welcomed here!” she yelled heading towards him. I don’t know what possessed me. Possibly him pretending to cower in fear of my mother. I should have been probably though. I rushed around the futon and to the couch to stand between her and him. She tried to glare me down but I was not about to let whatever craziness she had in her mind about him get in the way of my love for him. Last night and this morning I could relive forever. I would rather do so in person every day than in my mind behind her invisible bars.

“No mother!” I yell. She goes to hit me and I grit my teeth and take the hit. It felt like lightning. I wanted to toss my own mother off my balcony. But she is my mother and not any other woman so she gets to live…. her future retirement home choice just went down in value though.

“Move!” she orders through tight lips. She looks quite hostile. But, this is my my role model. I can bear my fangs too.

“I said no! He is mine! And if you hit him again we are going to have a falling out, mother!” I yell ignoring the urge to rub my face as not to lose the severity of the situation. She keeps turning towards his direction. I step closer, risking another hit, and stealing her gaze to keep it off of him.

“You choose him over me?” she tries switching her tone to get guilt out of me. She puts her hand to her chest and looks exhausted with me. I’m beyond tired. Didn’t get coffee or breakfast cause she showed up mad as hell when she learned who had left and who had stayed.

“There is no choice. I love you mom but you can’t give me what I want from him. He can! He does believe it or not! He does. It is weird as shit but he does. I will not give up this happiness just because you’re upset. What rational reason do you possibly have that can counter my irrational need for this man, huh?! What do you possibly have that compares to him in my eyes?! You are my mother and I love you with all I’ve got that doesn’t go to him. But, I will not ignore him just because you want him gone. And I will NOT go through hoops with keeping you two apart as if you’re toddlers fighting over one toy. I can be shared. But I will not be owned. The same goes for him. And you will NOT ignore me for this.” I hadn’t realized I was crying until my face stung from my tears crossing the mark on my cheek. I winced and they both reached for me. She curled away and he continued with wiping my face and even though she was still there he licked my face. One of the things that drives me crazy about him. His indiscretion for my mother’s presence when he wants me. That goes for others but the only time I question him is when she is present.

“I will show you I love you in front of God himself. So, as long as you’re not embarrassed of me and do not shun me I will love you with no end. That includes your mother. Even if my back is turned to her right now and I am a little afraid.” he said smiling down at my face. Then he leans in and as if we were animals he brushes his face against mine swaying back and forth. No kisses. We just start breathing in tandem with our hearts beginning to beat as one. My mother clears her throat.

“I’m sorry.” then she goes to the guest bedroom that is pretty much her room. I drop my head and rub my face and plop down on the couch.

“No wonder I’m so attracted to you.”

“What in the realm of Hades is that supposed to mean?” I say confused and almost grossed out.

“I love the way you stand off. I love when you put your foot down and you just turn to steel. Your skin, already smooth as satin, it becomes a warm chill. So, no wonder I’m so enthralled by you because your mother taught you the perfect way to trap me. Don’t let me get away with nothing.”

I have never been so shocked. I was so shocked I stared at him. He came closer as he realized how honest he just was with me. He looks panicked.

“You probably don’t want me now that you have me figured out.” He tentatively reaches out for my hand that is in my lap. I pull my hand out of his grasp and grab it myself and pull us together. I crawl on his lap, straddling him, and untie my robe. He looks and sees. The scar. The reason my mother is actually upset. I stabbed myself… It was and wasn’t an accident. I wanted to stab myself and by accident I fell and it just happened. Luckily I was so numb I didn’t bleed out because my blood wasn’t pumping as fast as most others do when they stab themselves. The normal reaction. I told the hospital not to tell my mother… but the thing about my mother is. She is my mother. Walked in. Found my file. Read it. Mad as hell. She blames him. Yeah. It was his fault indirectly… but she acts as if he did it himself. “That’s why she hates me more than before.” He begins to cry. He claws inside of my robe and up my spine to cradle my torso towards him. He kisses the scar once and just keeps brushing his lips against it. He begins to murmur, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I’m terribly sorry. I will never forgive myself for this.”

“You didn’t do it. I-”

“We both know that is hardly true!” again. He shocks me. My entire soul shattered and confused in this trance. “It’s my fault and I’m sorry does not cut it! I’m yours! I belong to you! I need to protect you! I never want to do this to you again! Never!” as he screamed never his voice broke and my mother touched my back startling us both.

“Cover up dear. I still should count as a guest.” she says as she puts my robe back on and ties it. “I guess you’re more sane than my foolish daughter. She doesn’t blame you. But, I guess that apology works for me. And expect that I will hold you to it. I will see you both at dinner tonight. I’ll be back around 6:30 tonight.” she grabs her purse and leaves.

“Loving the both of you at the same time is going to drive me into an asylum.” I mutter. He chuckles and lays me down pulling me under him against the couch.

“If she was just going to leave she could have left you undone for me.” he says against my neck. He grazes my neck with his teeth. His hand drawn to the scar on my chest. He sighs. Then… third strike. He had never said it as such a bold statement before. It was always laced with some cocky sarcasm or some dramatic declaration to someone else. But never did he tell me to my face in so few words. “I love you.”

“Take me.”

THE END